Mom's who can't cook: Does it make them less of a mom?

@sweet_pea (3326)
Philippines
March 10, 2011 12:04am CST
I know moms should be nurturing their kids. But how can you nurture them if you can't cook? I know I am being literal about this. Okay, it is not that I don't know how to cook. It is just that I don't have time to cook for my kid. I am a working mom and I usually am out of my home even before my son is awake and usually comes home when he is done with his dinner. And even if I have time, I can't be caught in the kitchen cooking. I'd rather wash the dishes. Fortunately my husband cooks well. Personally, I feel I am a failure in this area. I know it would have been a great feeling if your child eats something that you actually cook and loved it! Does this makes me less of mom?
7 people like this
37 responses
• United States
17 Mar 11
No it doesn't. If at least she knows how to make sandwiches then is all good.
2 people like this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
Hi Richard! I think it would be a good way to start with the sandwiches!
• United States
15 Mar 11
Absolutely NOT..never think you are less of a mom because you don't cook. I use to have the same hang up until I just got over it and said screw what everyone else thinks, as long as my kids are healthy. When I married my current husband, he had three kids ( ages 8,10 and 12 ) and I had my two ( ages 6 months and 1 year ) and guess what... I had no idea how to cook, except only a couple of things, and truthfully I had no desire to learn. Never the less, I was forced to learn. They had to eat and my husband could not cook all the time lol So a little at a time, I learned and I am not going to say they enjoyed it, nor will I say that it was as healthy as it needed to be, but it was food. I have come a long way in nearly 13 years, but I still hate to cook and I do not try to hide it from anyone. Everyone that knows me, knows I don't like to cook. Don't get me wrong, I do cook at least 5 nights a week, as well as cakes, cookies, and some new recipes. So let that "failure" feeling go, I am sure you are a great mom. Just the fact that you posted this discussion shows that you are a good mom, by being concerned about it. Just make sure that your child gets their recommended vitamins, and it will be fine.
2 people like this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
Thanks Sunshine! I really don't like to cook, but what choice do we have if there is no one to cook for our children but us? We can't afford to starve them! Yeah,I may not cook for him often, but I make sure he eats healthy.
1 person likes this
14 Mar 11
Of course not! I do all the cooking for my parents and my little sister in my house, and I wouldn't want my mum to feel less of a mum. Okay, so she can't cook very well, but she does absolutely everything else in our house. I'm happy to give her a hand, and if that involves me cooking then so be it.
2 people like this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
Hi Katey! Welcome to Mylot! It is really nice of you to help out your mom. Makes the chores more bearable for her. I'm sure she is proud of you!
1 person likes this
11 Mar 11
I am not a bad cook, but i do struggle with things each and everyday. I work full time and i am a single parent, there is just me and my son at home. This means that after finishing a full time job i then have to pick my son up go home and cook, i have all the shopping and cleaning amongst many other things to do on my own. Sometimes we force ourselves to do things, cooking isn't difficult, some people can't cook, this doesn't make them a bad mother, we all have different talents. If atleast one person in the household can cook then that is great. I guess i am just lucky that i can or otherwise it would mean living of takeaways and i would never want that, especially for my son.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
14 Mar 11
I admire super moms like you Craigy! Being a mother and a father to your kid. Raising him on your own. I admire how you manage your time well. I salute you dear!
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
14 Mar 11
I admire super moms like you Craigy! Being a mother and a father to your kid. Raising him on your own. I admire how you manage your time well. I salute you dear!
14 Mar 11
Thankyou so much for your lovely comments, i am like a mum and dad to my son, my son's mother doesn't spend that much time with him so it leaves me to do cbasically everything, but she does help out when she can, i do want her to spend time with him as he is her son also. I loved to cook my own food when i was a kid, i learned from my mum and as time moved on i felt confident, when i had my son it was good that i could cook as when he is off the baby food then he would need to eat what i make, luckily i have had no complaints from him. There aren't many single dads around like me, i just wish that dads would pay more attention to the children that they have, especially if the relationship with the mother has broken down, children are the priority, also if the dad, or mum were seperated and each had the children on different days then it is good to learn to cook, we can't feed our kids on takeaways or other junkfood, nor can we let them starve so we should learn to cook for our children and it is a great thing for us to learn. Thanks once again for your lovely comments.
• China
23 Mar 11
No it doesn't make the mom less. cooking all kinds of foods but if you don't know which foods have more nurture and which have nothing then it's useless to know how to cook. So i do believe mom should know this things at least that there kids need to feed which foods doesn't matte who is cooking the food for them. So when one mom don't know this things may be that time they are less. So try to know all the foods nurture. Have a good time!
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
24 Mar 11
Well I usually buy nutritious foods for my family. Although sometimes, I buy some junk as treats but I often do not show it to my kiddo. I really don't like him to depend much on junks. I also am aware of what he is eating even though I don't personally cook for him.
• China
24 Mar 11
yes don't feed junk food much to your child. As it's bad for health.
@ifa225 (11099)
• Indonesia
14 Mar 11
haha, don't worry, i can't cook too. i had many recipe books here but maybe i just not born in this field. so i just leave it to other people, i used to buy for some food.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
14 Mar 11
Hi ifa! Nice to know I'm not alone in this! I also have those easy recipes I printed from the internet. But I still need to find time to start them.
@ifa225 (11099)
• Indonesia
14 Mar 11
they say that how we cook and the method are influence too in cooking, not only the ingredients. right method will make the food taste good i never learn how to cook and i just cook and cook without knowing the method. i give up
@SIMPLYD (78113)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
In my opinion, yes it would in a way. You should at least would be able to cook for them when it's your free time. Anyway, you could cook delicious meal eventhough it's simple and in a jiffy. It's a matter of seasoning it well. Your husband could also be proud of you, not only the kids if you do that. They could brag your cooking with their friends, just as my daughter always do to her boyfriend and friends. I am happy that she brags that i cook delicious meals. I don't cook intricate recipes but only simple ones, but i see to it that it's delicious.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
It really feels good if your cooking is very much appreciated by your loved ones. I think it is the best accomplishment that is to be "Best Mom!".
@SIMPLYD (78113)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
True. And one of the first thing that makes you the "Best Mom" to your children and husband is through their stomachs.
1 person likes this
@staria (2782)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
Hi sweet_pea! No, of course not. Even if we arent really good in cooking I believe that we can still choose what's best for our kids. Say you ask someone to cook for them but the instructions are still from you. Or if you are out w/ the kids, instead of feeding them fast food, choose a restaurant that cooks real and healthy food. The matter is how you choose the proper kind of food for them. There's still a lot of factors that fills out the mom criteria I am not really a good cook too, but try and try and you'll learn it in no time. There are lots of self help books and you can learn from them. Cooking isnt really hard. You can do it!
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
Thanks Staria! Actually I noticed how he hates carrots with his macaroni soup, so I suggested to my cousin who is looking after him to grate the carrots so he wouldn't notice them. Actually I have printed before some no-bake goodies for kids. I still need to find time to start one.
@staria (2782)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
Yes, actually our main problem would be time. Sometimes we are really busy and cannot find the time or the strength to do other things. But things will work out w/ proper time management. Good luck!
• United States
10 Mar 11
It should not make you feel less of a mom, no way! If your kids are healthy, loved and cared for there is nothing to worry about. How about experimenting a bit and you can even include the kids in the next meal planning. Some women and or men are not cut out to cook, but absolutely nothing wrong with trying.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
10 Mar 11
Hi HG! My son is 4. If I ask him what he likes to eat, I'm sure he'll say hotdogs, french fries and more hotdogs and french fries! He is in a soft diet, since he doesn't have much teeth.
• United States
10 Mar 11
sweet_pea even more the reason now to experiment a bit so that you can practice a bit more for later.
• United States
27 Mar 11
The only qualification for being a good mom is a generous heart and ability to love the child. Many mothers buy take out food or have someone come in to cook for the family. That does not make them any less of a mother. It's only recently that women have assumed a more active role in the kitchen and household. Traditionally, in Victorian times, it was not uncommon for a woman to have a cook, maid and handyman to do work around the house. You do not need to feel guilty for not cooking.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
28 Mar 11
Thanks beautyqueen. There is someone who cooks for us on weekdays but usually my husband cooks for us on weekends. I think there are more ways of showing your love to your child not just by cooking.
@marguicha (90314)
• Chile
23 Mar 11
I´m absolutly sure that a hug and kiss is more nurturing for a child that the best of gourmet cooking. And if you hurry up washing dishes, you could have some nurturing time playing a game with him or even have a story telling time while you wash dishes. Children love to hear family tales so you don´t even have to learn about fairies.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
24 Mar 11
Wow that is comforting to hear Marguicha! I think our children would grow up to be confident when they feel they are loved by their parents. Indeed, there is more to nurturing than having a full stomach.
• United States
21 Mar 11
No I don't think it makes a mom less than one. Because it's like saying a mr. mom which is a stay at home dad, that he's less of one because he can't cook either. Sometimes I think your lucky if you have two parents that cook.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
23 Mar 11
Hi Krislee! Welcome to Mylot! Well I'm really fortunate that I have a hubby who cooks well more than me. My dad used to be a stay-at-home dad when my mom has to work overseas. He pretty much took care of us when we were young and I often remember he used to cook us a good hot porridge when it rains. I miss my dad!
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
Of course not, there are lots of simple recipes that you may follow that even takes only 10 minutes to cook. You only don't have time to focus on it because you are a very responsible and industrious wife and a mother. Cheer up, with your earnings or pay, you can just have take out for them or have them with you every payday to eat out - this is much better as part of family bonding and your kids will surely love that more than having to eat at home.
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
Thanks macayadann! Sometimes, we usually go to the mall so our son can play at the arcade and eat afterwards. But often than not, we just stay at home and have my husband treat us to one of his sumptuous recipes. Yesterday,my husband wants us to go out to the mall. But I was thinking we are going on a trip this weekend, we sure want to save some money. So, I had him prepare some spaghetti instead while we watch dvds over the weekend.
• Canada
17 Mar 11
To say that a mother is more of a mother based on her ability to cook, is to buy into sexist old stereotypes of parenthood, marriage, and gender roles. As long as the child is eating healthy, it really doesn't matter who prepares the food. I'm sure the mothers who can not cook excel in many other areas.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
Thanks danishcanadian! I agree it is a very stereotype notion of how a mother should be. Mothers now have evolved from just being homemakers to empowered women who excel in their chosen fields. So we really don't expect them to just be in the kitchen.
@chrislotz (8203)
• Canada
14 Mar 11
Nobody ever said that it is the mom's job to do the cooking. Not anymore anyways. Now adays a lot of the men do the cooking. A lot of the men stay home and raise the kids. But obviously your husband gets home from work before you do so why shouldn't he do the cooking. It doesn't affect your mom abilities because you don't cook. I am sure you do other things for your kids. I used to cook a lot and I used to love it but now that my kids are grown and it's just me and my 27 year old daughter I don't cook much anymore. Besides she likes cooking so she does most of it and I do the clean up. When I was with my husband and the kids were off on their own my husband did most of the cooking because he enjoyed it. On the weekends he wouldn't let me in the kitchen unless it was to cook with him and that was even rare. Have a good day, your friend Chris
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
14 Mar 11
Hi Chris! I know, things are different now. Men and women are changing roles. Some women work while their husband tends the children. Yeah, you are right. It is not just cooking that makes a good mom. There is more to being a mom than just being a cook.
@cream97 (29169)
• United States
13 Mar 11
Hi. sweet_pea. I think that it makes a mom less than a mom if she does not feed her child or care to feed her child at all. You are not into this category. You want to cook and you can cook. Maybe you can try cooking for your son before you go to work. That way, he can still enjoy eating your cooking and he won't miss out on your many delicious dishes.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29169)
• United States
13 Mar 11
Hi. sweet_pea. I think it makes a mom less than a mom if she does not take the time to cook for her child. And, if you can't cook for them, then that is not your fault at all. Maybe you can try cooking before you go to work. This could help you out some. Your son will still be able to eat even if you are at work.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
14 Mar 11
Thanks cream! Somebody is helping out to cook our meals and supervise my son when I'm off to work. Although, it would be really nice to prepare the food your child eats. I'm trying to make simple no-cook treats for him on weekends when I don't have work.
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
12 Mar 11
I think every mother should know how to cook. I have a sister who doesn't know how to cook. The children have been surviving on breads, pizzas and takeaways. Only when the husband return home from work in the evening that they taste homecooked food. It can't be helped if the queen of the house can't cook but it doesn't make her less of a mom. She is still a loving mother and wife even though her only handicap is not being able to cook for the husband and kids.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
14 Mar 11
I haven't reach the point that I have to rely on takeaways to feed my kid. My mom taught me how to cook so in the event no one's available to prepare my food, I can well survive. So if husband is not around, I do the cooking. It is just that when he is around, I don't cook. His cooking is better than mine.
• United States
11 Mar 11
Definitely not. I grew up with a mom that was home all the time and simply too lazy to cook. That wasn't the problem with us; what was the problem is that my mom wanted to be a friend rather than a mother so she stored the food pantries full of fruit snacks, Pop Tarts, and Rice Krispies. I ate a home cooked meal in the house maybe once or twice...and by the time I was thirteen, I didn't know how to prepare or store an apple in the home because we never had any healthy foods in the house. I had to rely on my grandma for that. Amazingly, I grew up to desire healthy foods and to learn to cook because the lifestyle of veganism caught my eye. So now I am married and eat healthier than anyone I know. The issue is that I taught myself, and my mom not only never cooked or taught me how to cook, nor did she emphasize healthy eating. Don't feel like a failure: wives and husbands don't have to follow society's standards of what a husband and wife should do and be. My husband is now the main cook, and he also does dishes and laundry. I do finances, business, and the general organizing, cleaning, and fix-it-yourself chores of the house. We have completely switched roles because masculine roles are more familiar and comfortable to me, as feminine roles are more natural to my husband. Nothing is wrong with that. As for the cooking, I think that your husband and you, as a couple, should emphasize to your children the importance of a good diet. Keep the food pantries stocked with healthy snacks. If your husband cooks meals, that is an amazing thing, and I would encourage your kids to help with the cooking. But not all moms cook, and most of the time, that's okay. If my dad would have cooked when I was younger, I wouldn't have had to rely on TV dinners and going out to restaurants when I was younger in order to eat something besides processed foods. Instead, neither of them did. You and your husband sound like you're doing well; you're just going at it a little differently than some people do.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
14 Mar 11
Nicely said LovingLife! My husband and I share chores. Like you, I manage our finances. He maybe the cook, but I plan what we eat. I try not to expose my son too much on processed foods. We try to eat as healthy as we can. Even my son has a say on what he wants to eat as a snack as school when I get's to choose them when we do our weekly groceries. But no junk foods. Just this weekend, I prepared him a mix of fresh fruits that he can eat. I know it is not much, but seeing him eat something I gave with gusto is quite heart-warming. I think I can make him easy healthy treats on weekends. It is a start.
• Philippines
11 Mar 11
Don't blame yourself; we have to work because nowadays we can't rely and we have a hard time budgeting the salary of our husband if we're not working also. The world is in crises. I know some women who don't know how to cook but excel also in another thing. I salute your husband for being understanding. Couples should share the household chores.
1 person likes this
@sweet_pea (3326)
• Philippines
14 Mar 11
I am really fortunate that my husband isn't a stereo-type when it comes to chores. He doesn't think that chores are only for women to do. I'm also thankful to my mother-in-law who raised his sons to be independent. I think it is nice to help each other not only working for a living but also helping out each other in the chores. Makes the home more stress fee.