Cellphones breaks realationship

@hexebella (1140)
Philippines
March 11, 2011 12:03pm CST
Invention of cellular phone was really a great innovation in technology. It connects people wherever they are, can communicate fast with families and friends....but for me, having a cell phone is becoming a nuisance. My boyfriend and I are in two separate countries, so we relay with the technologies available to communicate. But I don't hold my cell phone 24/7. So when I am busy and I don't hear the ringing, I don't get his call, I will just return his call if I saw his missed call. What I hate is, i have to explain why I did not get his call. Just now we had a quarrel because he claimed that he has been calling me for the past 1 hour and a half which I was not able to get as I had my dinner, did ironing of clothes and other chores. I was irritated as he has been insisting that he called me many times, what to do if I didn't hear his call and the music of my brother was loud? Because of the cellphone we did fight and this is not the first time :( Does this happen to you? How do you feel about it?
6 people like this
14 responses
@chiyosan (29393)
• Philippines
13 Mar 11
i try not to make a lot of fuzz about messages and phone calls received by my bf. anyway, that is his phone and i don't want him all over my phone as well. so i guess in our case, we can't let cellphones break us.. and we are using phones rather to connect us both. i love cps, and i do not think of it as some destroyer, but a tool to be used for our convenience...
1 person likes this
@hexebella (1140)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
Hi choyosan! You're right that these are tools to be used to help us and make life easier, but these communication mediums are becoming the object of insecurity and jealousy. It's just not right, how I wish people could have a broader perspective and just appreciate and enjoy the benefits of these tools. Thanks for responding and happy mylotting!
@coffeebreak (17824)
• United States
18 Mar 11
Yeah a cell phone can cause major problems. My problem...my husband is addicted to his. He talks/texts constantly. We are at dinner...and he is texting while I eat "alone". IN the car he talks on the phone and even texts. While we watch tv..he is texting and first thing he does when he wakes in the morning is check his phone. Not to be disgusting, but as soon as we are done "doing it" he gets up and goes and checks his texts messages! I am so disgusted and angry at him. I get about 50 words a day from him, but boy he burns up the lines texting and talking to others. We fight about it all the time, but of course..he wins. I have no right to tell him what to do on "his time". Mind you he is 64, unemployed and quite rude to many but they keep texting back! I spend alot of time alone, ignored and in silence. Yes, cell phones are breaking up my marriage.
@coffeebreak (17824)
• United States
18 Mar 11
Oh, and he never texts or calls me. I will text him and he never returns it and says he was busy...but it is cause he was buzy texting/talking to someone else and seeing it was me that is "calling" he didn't stop what he was doing and just ignored my text/call.
@hexebella (1140)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
Hi coffeebreak! That's terrible! I feel sorry for you suffering this kind of situation. Don't you think there is a third party involved? I have seen this kind of addiction to cellphones from the teens who are in constant communication with their peers and maybe bf/gf. But as you mentioned he is already 64 and addicted to sms and phone conversations, it is something not normal. Would you have the chance to snoop on his phone? LOL! Cheers!
1 person likes this
@coffeebreak (17824)
• United States
18 Mar 11
I know most of the people he talks with. Sometimes he will say "you know what he just told me?" things like that. But I also know he talks to these same people and doesn't want me to hear. I have even asked "who you talking to?" and he tells me, but I also know often who he tells me is not who he is talking to!
@sk66rc (4264)
• United States
18 Mar 11
Seems to me, problem isn't cell phones. If you guys didn't have cell phones, he may send you 100's of emails & wonder why you only responded twice. In that case, computer broke your relationship? I don't believe that. Those are just things we use. How do you think people dealt with long distance relationship before cell phones were invented? Problems in relationship existed long before phones of any kind & computers & so forth. It's a personal issue, not technology issue. Technology just gave some people an excuse to blame their problems on something else.
@hexebella (1140)
• Philippines
1 Apr 11
That was well said and illustrated, yeah it's true and it's happening....in some cases, the culture also plays an important role...in my country it is normal to ask somebody "where are you going?" ....or "where are you now?"....and its very normal to receive a call on the cell phone with these questions...if you want to keep your whereabouts or who's the person with you...you have to lie...right now, i am switching off my phone whenever I'm at work, i don't want to receive unnecessary calls, my job is administrative and I don't deal with other people...i have peace when my cell is switched off. I hate it most when somebody would call me when i am already asleep, unless it is very very important.
@rameshchow (5284)
• India
6 Jul 11
No, cellphones can make new strong relations. We can make new contacts. We can make new communications. We can built new paths to communicate a good way. We can share our feelings, thoughts. But it depends on our behavior, we have to give importance to them, to with whom we are in contact in cellphone.
@hexebella (1140)
• Philippines
9 Jul 11
Hi Ramesh! Happy to hear that you have a very positive experience with the new technology. Indeed that it helps me a lot to make communication faster but sometimes there are also disadvantage with this technology and I experienced the negative effect as well. Thanks for commenting. Cheers!
@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
19 Mar 11
Maybe when a couple is not that well a cellphone, or even the computer might bring more problems. Like facebook for example, there are obsessive jealous people that keeps tracks on their loves many times a week.
@hexebella (1140)
• Philippines
22 Mar 11
Hi katie! yeah, cellphones, computers are the objects of jealousy and insecurities to some that lead to broken relationship. Thanks for commenting and happy mylotting!
@lkbooi (16104)
• Malaysia
19 Mar 11
Hi hexebella, to avoid such undesired situation to happen again, I suggest you to place your phone nearby where you are doing your chore or any other things. Make it a habit doing so for your cellphone is the solely convenient device to relay message for the two of you living in separate countries. In this way at least you could hear the calling and can keep in touch all the time My cellphone is always with me whenever I'm away from home. I did blame my husband for not switching on his communication device a couple of times. This was because I called him for something urgent but in vain. Fortunately that the first time my brother came and helped me to replace the punctured tyre after receiving my call. Another time I called him from home but couldn't get his answer though I had made many calls. I then asked the visitor to come again later. Oh gosh I was told his cellphone was switched off accidentally after he finished chatting with someone Since then he is very alert and always makes sure that whether his phone is switched on. Happy posting
@hexebella (1140)
• Philippines
22 Mar 11
Hi lkbooi! Thanks for your advice....I have the feeling that if I bring my cellphone always with me around the house, I feel like I am a prisoner of the cell phone:( And if I am doing something I don't want to be bothered, do I sound selfish? If there is something urgent like what you had experienced, cellphones should always be switched on and should always be within reach. i believe this gadget has its own advantage and disadvantages. Cheers and happy mylotting!
@rosekiss (28671)
• Eugene, Oregon
16 Mar 11
Since I am divorced and live alone, I don't have that to worry about. Even when I was married, I didn't have that problem as we both had cell phones, but I would always use mine more than he used his, as our daughter would call me to talk and never him. I do think though, that cell phones can cause problems in a relationship like is has yours because he calls you and you don't pick it up to talk to him. whenever I get missed calls, I call back immediately. Maybe, you just need to explain to him why you missed his calls, and then maybe he will feel differently, hopefully. Of course, he might not believe you either, but if you try to tell him, the why you missed calls, then at least he will understand what really happened that you missed his calls. I am gald though that i don't have had to worry about. Take care, and have a very good day.
@hexebella (1140)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
Hi rosekiss! Lucky you that you don't encounter this kind of problem as this is really stressing. I always return his call if I miss his call but that particular day I was so busy doing a presentation needed by my boss the next day so i didn't bother about the phone. When I told him my situation he keeps on telling me that he has called me many times and still wondering I missed his calls so I flared up. The next day he apologized and I hope he learned his lesson well. Thank you and happy mylotting!
@tiffnkeat (1679)
• Singapore
12 Mar 11
Yes, it happens to us. I think one of the problem is people are getting more and more impatient because the technology allows instant connection, people expects instant response. I know it is nice to hear the voice, but an occassioanl SMS may also remind the other person you were thinking of him/her. If you were at home, why not get connected through free services like skype? You could keep it on all day.
@hexebella (1140)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
Hi tiffnkeat! We communicate on a regular basis by phoneand I don't want to be tied up with IM's. You're right people are very impatient nowadays and this impatience create problems if not managed hence resulting to quarrels. Actually, I'm also lazy to send SMS :) Anyhow, he already apologized the next day and I hope he learned his lesson now LOL! Cheers and happy mylotting!
@sunny5u (2072)
• India
12 Mar 11
Hi hexebella, the story is quite common for me, i face this problem everyday, i feel irritated and shout at my friends sometimes but later on i'll adjust, but 24*7 phone at the ears is not good for health but what to do its the only way i can keep her happy.
@hexebella (1140)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
Hi sunny! Yeah I have read some articles on the negative effect of cellphones but it is the most convenient way of communicating.....but there are instances that it is not helpful somehow. thanks for responding and happy mylotting!
@Lore2009 (7389)
• United States
11 Mar 11
Interesting... I was about to say that maybe it has more to do with your bf's insecurities, but if cell phones didn't exist, he wouldn't have a choice to test his self esteem with it. I agree that cell phones and other 'convenient' gadgets can really become inconvenient sometimes.
@hexebella (1140)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
Hi Lore! Yes you are right, he is very insecure, I had given him all reassurance and still his insecurities always arise....it's true that cell phones has also disadvantages.....thanks for commenting! Cheers!
@dainy1313 (2354)
• Leon, Mexico
11 Mar 11
Dear hexebella, don´t feel sad, I´m going to show you the coin´s other side: I mean: ME. I tend to be the kind of your boyfriend. Sometimes I have not enough time to spent on a cell call. Or I am very anxious and excited to hear my huby in the cell, and when I can´t reach him I just feel frustrated and irritated. I´m working with this con of my behavior. My parents had a very bad relationship, indeed they got divorce 8 days before my wedding. Well, however, I fight for the love I feel for my huby, and I feel just as a child calling him eagerly... but this kind of emotion gets frustrated if he isn´t at his cell. I know I shouldn´t it´s not mature of my part. But it is a must to develope, I know, I just try to be more self confident. Though it is not easy. Be patience with him, just a bit, and try to make him feel comfortable... I think that he just want to hold you and he can´t do it because you are in different country. Love him as he is, and help your relationship, find a way to love you both, better. Blessings!... Dainy
@hexebella (1140)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
Hi Dainy! Thanks for commenting.....I am irritated whenever I get questioned if I fail to answer calls from my cell...that's what i am doing....exerting all my patience...I always tell him things i like and dislike so he can avoid doing those I do not like...anyhow he apologized the next day, everything's fine now....God bless!
@thetigers (108)
• Philippines
11 Mar 11
Hi, i understand how annoyed you are. and for sure you are not alone, loads of people are experiencing that (but lucky me, i don't). It's just a matter of a good communication for a better understanding. Better, set times when you both are free to talk. The simplest way for both of you to avoid fighting. Let things clear to him that he must TRUST you. Too much asking of annoying questions does only mean you have less trust to your partner. Everything must be under control if both of you have a strong trust to each other, no matter how far you are to each other.
@hexebella (1140)
• Philippines
13 Mar 11
Hi thetigers! I was really annoyed that time that it's only because of a small thing we were fighting, and most of all I don't want to be questioned for anything that solely my business. You are really lucky that you haven't encountered this situation. You're right, trust it the key to a harmonious relationship. Thanks for responding and happy mylotting!
• India
11 Mar 11
u are telling the right thing of cell phones and u are telling the personal matter of u and ur boy friend and cell phone is the personal use or anything we can make with cell phone one thing i would ask to u if there is a missed call in ur cell why u became anger take it easy love is between the two hearts but not inbetween the two cell phones.You are telling about the cell phones ok thats your a problem but cell phones are gathering the distance and then shrink that distance into small distance thats why the cell phones becomes very popular its shrinks the far distances into the nearer distances i am also fighting with my girl friend but this time also i am quarelling with my gf in the cell phone only its common thing cell phones destroys everything and gains everything its a real thing in our lives fighting is the common matter for lovers one thing cell phone is the gaining of some achievements in our life.
@hexebella (1140)
• Philippines
13 Mar 11
Hi jhonnysherlin! I like that line.....love is between two hearts and not between two cell phones LOL! LOL! LOL! Yeah, I agree with you that this technology has a lot of advantages but sometimes it is not helping me anymore :(.....anyway my bf apologized the next day so everything is ok now. Cheers and happy mylotting!
• Philippines
12 Mar 11
I think that cellular phones is a great invention, and it is up to the person using it how to use it. My boyfriend and I use the cellphone to communicate a lot but we never fight because of a missed call or a text that was not returned. I guess you both should really talk about it that your phone won't be with you 24/7 and that having missed a call or when you don't return a text that it already means something...