Do we really need to rely on our husbands decision?

Philippines
March 14, 2011 8:14pm CST
Sorry, this is too personal. I just don't have my friends for now to call with as they are out for work. i actually feels that i don't have a voice in my own HOME. My own HOME even this house is built with my husbands money but still i consider this as my HOME! Everytime i make a decision and trying to tll him He's always telling me "no Good." So what's good for me? I am 6 years younger than him. we got married when i was 26 but before our marriage we are living together when i was 19 (though my parents does'nt know about this i went to school far away from my family). And even before he's always telling me i am too young for that and this. I am always trying to tell him i am 29 now and no longer young to make decisions. I am not young, aight? For me i am not. I know he loves me i can feel it, but i feel he does'nt trust me in making decisions.
3 people like this
15 responses
@jacklintan (1302)
• Malaysia
15 Mar 11
Hi. First, you need to sit down and THINK if you ever have passed experiences in making wrong decisions in your life. Secondly, since you're younger, I supposed older man will pamper you and give in to your desires and agree with you. Thirdly, you should have known your man's characters and personalities over the years of living in the same house. Do you? I sincerely feel, you're not happy with him (eventhough you love him) and you dont have the sense of security with yourself. The thing you said about "MY HOME" more attributes to you, wanting to be free to make decisions, to be appreciated, and to achieved something in life. To you right now, it's more like you're 'stuck' with a man who does not give in to your ways. My only suggestion is, find something that you would like to do, and just do it without asking his opinion. See the outcome of it. Talk less and do more. Good luck to you.
@tiffnkeat (1679)
• Singapore
16 Mar 11
To add to jacklintan's suggestion, remember that you are married. How can you sense he loves you when he doesn't respect your decision? Take jacklin's advice, decide on something in the house, maybe something small that even if he is not happy, it won't upset him too much. Slowly build up the confidence to make decisions. Doesn't he feel tired if he has to make every decision in the house?
• Malaysia
16 Mar 11
For me, I would rather be him making the decisions. But on and off, I wish to make decision for myself too. So, there isnt a strict rule about who OR who make the decision. Isnt this should be the way? :
@lilaclady (28270)
• Australia
15 Mar 11
If you are old enough to be married then you are old enough to make joint decisions within that marriage, all major decisions should be made by both...and while you are married it is not his house or his money it is joint...don't forget the work you do in the house is basically a job so you are earning...I do hope things work out for you....
• Philippines
15 Mar 11
I am actually confuse if i actually worth of making decsision or not, because of him.
1 person likes this
@lilaclady (28270)
• Australia
15 Mar 11
This is your life as well, if he makes all the decisions without any input from you then you are living his life.. if you have a reasonable amount of commonsense then you are fit to have joint decisions..you have to be happy as well so your opinion must be heard.
• United States
15 Mar 11
Oh do I remember those days clearly. I married at a very young age and to a man ten years my elder. It did not matter how much older I got he still for some odd reason treated me like if I was a child. I can almost be that even today that we are divorced if I was to see him he would still do the same. I think it has to do with the fact that they still see us really young as we were when we first got together. It also has to do with a bit of controlling! That because they are older they feel they can control our every thought. I always expected the no and it is no good long before I had asked. Perhaps it will get a bit easier, but in all honesty unless he recognizes he is doing this it will not change. I wish you well.
• Philippines
15 Mar 11
I am really not well, everyday it's getting harder and harder. Sorry for saying this.
• United States
15 Mar 11
Do not be sorry and myLot is a great place to vent really.
• India
15 Mar 11
Yes..it might happen becoz may be don't want rely on ur decisions since that might result in a damage. This does not mean theres' no value to ur opinion. I think it depends on the situation and the extent of this decision and where it is taken. Take care and be happy
• Philippines
15 Mar 11
Yeah maybe, but i don't know, totally i i don't know the idea of feeling i am rejected by my decisions most of the time.
@chuyins123 (2118)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
The bible says "women should submit to their husbands" if you think your decision is good enough, try other strategies to convince him. He may still have that notion of you being "not yet so mature" to decide on things, but as you grew older and getting more experience in life, you somehow deserve to decide on some things, just bear in mind that you have to talk to him with utmost respect and show to him that you are thankful for his love, that you also understand that his often disagreement is a way of protecting you from committing mistakes. When you tell him something that you've decided, present the case in every perspective, and maybe politely ask him what makes the decision a "no-good" for him. By then you should at least have a clue why he think so. I believe you are mature enough though. But remember but maturity is not acquired by the mere passage of time or mere aging, it is acquired through learning details in every experience of life. So if you want to convince your husband on something act on it maturely, mature enough that he'd notice that you are in deed a mature person or woman now. God bless you thetigers! have a great life! :)
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
15 Mar 11
It is not bad if you point out your views, he listens but of course men do not want their pride to be empowered. Before you give your decision just think twice and study it first so as not to get him disappointed. If you often disappoint him, he'll always think for sure that you can not be trusted anymore and that you are always wrong because of the previous moves you have done.Get approval of friends first before facing your husband for any decisions you come up with. Put into letter if he does not want to hear you anymore rather than arguing.
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
15 Mar 11
Hmmm for me, I do need my husband's decisions. I am 9 years younger than him. I am the kind of person who can't make any decision... I mean I could if I had to but I would rather having him to make decisions for us and I believe when he choose is the best for us so I rely on him all the time. And I don't know a lot of people, I am not very experienced of dealing with different kinds of people or things so I am sure he knows better than I do.
• Philippines
15 Mar 11
I guess your husband got so used in making the decisions for both of you, since you said you were together when you were only 19, plus he's 6 years older, so maybe he thinks he would know better. I think you should talk to him about making decisions in your household. You should tell him how you feel because if you keep it in, when it blows (and it will blow) it might be too late to fix your problem. Talk and make sure he understands, and maybe he also has his own reasons why he always makes the decisions.
• Philippines
15 Mar 11
I am also 6 years younger than my husband, but decision-making is not a problem between us. We consult each other and there are times it will be his decision then also there are times when I decide. It is basically thinking which suggestion best solves the matter. I think your husband sees you as someone who is so young to make decisions. why not try to talk to him in a way that he would realize that you are already capable of making decisions. If he ignores you or changes the topic, tell him that you really need to talk and that you are serious about it. try not to cry when you start to talk. talk in a calm and convincing voice. :)
@krajibg (11942)
• Guwahati, India
15 Mar 11
Hi thetigers, It is difficult to pass comment as we do not know when you take any decision how is it. Does it make things go alright? Or they are erroneous? If they are so, your husband could ask you not to take any decision in haste. Even my wife is six years junior to me and whenever she decides anything she asks me and tell her to go on. If it is necessary just do it or could skip it. Even I tell her before taking any decision like doing this or that, I mean things having some importance. This is all about understanding.
@toniganzon (39808)
• Philippines
15 Mar 11
I think that's not fair at all. Decision making should be done by both and not solely by your husband. If your husband thinks you are still immature, i think now is the right time to confront him with this because it's really bothering you. If i were in your situation, i wouldn't let this go by without confronting my husband and asking him why he's treating me like that. He should at least try even just once to follow what your suggestion is. If i were your husband i will allow you to make a decision and see if its' working well. If it fails then i would tell you, "now you know why i never allowed you to." But then if it succeed i would say, "I knew i could trust you, that's why i gave you the chance to make that decision." Tell your husband to give you time to prove yourself to him and that you have a voice too. Tell him to allow you even just once and if it fails, then you won't bother him with anything at all and he can do whatever he likes.
@sy0712 (156)
• China
15 Mar 11
I think you need not completely dependent on his decision.Because you are husband and wife,his opinions you should reference,you should communicate,but you still have your own thoughts and ideas,you should trust him,but not depend on him!
@shia88 (4582)
• Malaysia
15 Mar 11
Hi, Actually at the aged of 26,you are not too young in your marriage. For a lady, it is the best age to get married.Then you can start plan to have own family,maybe for the next two years,plan to have little one and it sure will bring more merrier to your small family. In the first place,what is the case that your husband will not accept your decision? Even if just a small issue, you also need to get his permission to do it? I believe as husband and wife,you guys have to trust and respect each other. You have the right to make the decision at home,but of course, as a courtesy of respect, you can always discuss with your husband first before proceed to do it. But for small cases, i believe you can make your own decision without asking for his permission. Be it the house is under your husband 's name,but you are also one of the house owner and you have the right to raise up your view.
• Philippines
15 Mar 11
Yeah. That's not good that other people dictates on you, decides what is good for you. actually, i really believe that they actually don't know Whats best for you. You, urself has knows what is right for you. Specially now you are at the right age. Living in a house that was built by your husband does not mean that he will decide everything. dictates to you what to do. you are not his maid(sorry), you are his wife and you must stand for what you think is right. Try to talk to him sincerely. It is so hard to live everyday not having the chance to do what you want. I guess you are living in a house but not in a home.
@annapplez (209)
• Australia
15 Mar 11
29 is not young, you should be able to make decisions especially about your own life, your own home, that's your right! I'm a young bride, I got married at 22 although I had kids at 20. Before I met my husband I made my own decisions, I ran my own life. When we met I slowly started to put him before myself and then the kids. Slowly over time I began to become less and less capable of making decisions without his opinions. Although he doesn't force ideas on me and I do have the ultimate say, I feel hopeless sometimes when I can't make up my mind without his input. I think you should just put your foot down, six years is not much of a difference in age. And think about it, six years ago he was your age and he was making decisions then.