Leave me please...how to avoid suitors/admirers...what did you do?

@jaiho2009 (39001)
Philippines
March 16, 2011 4:05am CST
Here's another one again dear mylotters; GIRLS : How did you avoid admirers/suitors? What did you to avoid persistent guys? There are times that,it's pride to see that few guys are courting you,not to mention the gifts and flowers and other girls envy (lined up suitors/ admirers) But sometimes,it's so irritating then when they keep following like a shadow isn't? BOYS : How do you deal with girls following you,sending letters and gifts,worst is a stalker. Of course,it's your pride to know that girls swooning everywhere you go,but aren't they irritating you sometimes? What have you done so far to avoid those girls? One scenario i couldn't forget in my life,is when i jump of our school fence just to avoid an admirer who is toooooo confident of himself that he will be my husband someday. what more?... i was like a soldier in a battle field that needs to clear my way to school becoz,he sometimes waited early in the morning at my dormitory's gate. How did i managed to shoo him off?... I almost kneel down to my uncle asking that he should deploy the guy to another town Share your and have a great day everyone Jaiho-who is always inlove
5 people like this
27 responses
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
i say, you can't help it when men flock over you. hehe always in love huh? :) i had my share back then too. -lol- and here's one: that time... it wasn't that fun to have a guy following me all the time. boy oh boy... hehe i know how you felt and why you had to do what you did just to avoid a guy. hehe in my sophomore year in the university i lived within the campus grounds and so did E who was a graduating law student in the same university. i was overwhelmed when he showed interest because he was 8 years older (against my 17... almost 18) and law students were hot back then. so at first, all the attentions felt nice because i get to hang-out with someone older. but the catch was... i had a boyfriend that time for about 2 years (a highschool sweetheart and my first bf C but he was living about 3-4 hours away from my campus so i didn't see him that often). so i felt like i was kinda cheating even if i hadn't done anything i wouldn't do while hanging out with a male friend or a group of friends. the fact was i really did enjoy the companionship and someone to talk with and spend time with. all that changed after he stole a kiss... and something more. clearly i was that naive all along. ugh! so i started avoiding him not because i wasn't attracted to him also, but because i was in a long distance relationship and it was unfair to the bf. he knew all along i had a bf that time but he was really persistent even when i asked for some time to think things over. he didn't let up. he even arranged for an out of town weekend trip for my 18th birthday just for the two of us. and that's the time i really really wanted him to back off. i wanted some space to breathe. i felt he was so possessive already and acting like he was my bf. he knew my class schedules and he was always there talking with my classmates and chatting up a professor sometimes. i asked him to leave me alone but did he listen? no. once, he even waited for me outside a ladies' locker rooms. i was tempted to leave thru the window. but i couldn't. so i stayed put for over an hour hiding in one of the shower stalls just until i'm assured he left already. i missed one of my classes that day which really pissed me off. so i changed my habits, leaving for my class half an hour earlier, taking my meals elsewhere, joining a study group to keep me late every night. anything to avoid E. my roommate took notice and she asked me to talk to E once and for all so that E would stop... especially when he forcefully came to our 3rd floor room slightly drunk one night when i wouldn't want to come down to the receiving area to see him. it only stopped when i didn't come home to the dorm on the night of my 18th birthday. (i spent about an hour with the bf then spent the rest of the day with my sister's family.) E thought i spent the night with my bf and did all sorts of things. -lol- well i did avoid him for the rest of the school year. and he finally understood about the word NO. until after 1 1/2 years later... when we bumped into each other again on an overpass/foot bridge. he followed me until i agreed to see him for lunch the next day where i learned that he got a job in an auditing firm and he's reviewing for the bar exam and that he went into counselling after i dropped out of his life. and in not so many words, i received the second marriage proposal i had that year... which was also the second one i refused. as to why... it's an even longer story. hahaha
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
hey gurl, WEDDING BELLS ARE RINGING.... AND WE ARE WAITING
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
hi myles, i miss your novel comment you got a long hair there lady like jaiho hahaha! ........so i think you miss the part of Mr. Law in our conversation last time i think next time we better to have one galoon of ice cream each so you will not forget anything love to hear your stories *giggles* miss yah!
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
NO....I DON'T LIKE CHITCHAT... I WANT WEDDING BELLS.... I WANT WEDDING BELLS.... HERE COMES THE BRIDE... GOSH..I BEEN READING NOVELS FROM MYLES EVERYTIME SHE MADE RESPONSES... NOW I WANT A CHANGE... CHANGE................. I WANT HER TO WRITE HER WEDDING INVITATION SOONNNNNN
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
hello jaiho, Well i don't accept anything from him if he is waiting for me i make sure that i am with someone so there will be no chance for him to take advantage of the situation,there was two dmirers before acted like my boyfriend even they are not i was pissed off and i told them that if they can wait another 4 years then one of them can be my husband in the future or if they can to my father about their feelings for me it seems they are not really that serious so after a months they just vanish . I simply don't entertain so they will not assume that the feelings is mutual. Glad to know you are always inlove
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
hello bhaby, I wonder where are those 2 guys now? Have you ever wished one of them ever waited for 4 years? I am always inlove...not with some gorilla...but someone somewhere out there love yah
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
the other guy is a gay now the other one is have a daughter separated from his partner well i don't have any regrets about it because from the start i don't see my future with them. love you more
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
oh my...good thing he never waited for 4 years...or else...i can't imagine you having a husband who is much sexier and pretty than you are ...hahahaha(wanna kill the guy eh )
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
hi jaiho! I just don't show interest on them or on whatever they give but I also don't become rude to the. I still try to be good on them but not too friendly, I just treat them like a person, hehe I think because I am kinda scared before on what a hurting man can do, I just talk nicely to them telling that I am not yet ready for those things. haha It reminds me of one guy before, he's really annoying, he keeps on going to our house, he's someone who's "feeling" feeling close to my parents, to my brother...grrr and yikes he's just so "OA"! haha I just really hate it when I know that he's in our house again but we still treat him good when he's visiting, of course he went there as a person so we treat him as a person. But time comes that I really want him to stop going to our house, what I do is to conspire with my parents. haha one time when he went to our house my parents said that I am not yet home, he said that he will wait and will just go to a friend's house for a while(which is just beside our house) and when I arrived, I go strauht to my room and sleep, and when he comes back my parents told him that I am not home yet and that I will not go home for that day...hehe the next time he visited, I told him that I am not ready yet for what he wanted and that my parents don't want it too...haha and so he stopped visiting me, the next month, he saw me with another guy...haha my husband now.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
hello amiga, That's really irritating right? And i wonder why some guys are too insensitive to feel and understand that we don't have same feelings towards them. The guy also feels like close to my guardians (grandparents) as if he even feel at home (ugh!!!) Well,then again..those were the day my friend...so nice to have a lot to cherish and laugh like this enjoy weekend
@ckyera (17261)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
yeah and what's more irritating is that you feel that they are not really that sincere with what they are showing you, that they are just trying too hard and just trying to impress!
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
oh yeah...and then,after turning them down...the next day he is with another girl already (what a h*ck hehehe)
@mobhomeir (7565)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
Here you are again my dear bonita, bonita, bonita, my dear bonita mia. My beautiful and ever gorgeous bonita that no wonder lot of guys are deadly fallin' in loved with you. When I was at my blooming years of my life. I would never court a lady, no matter how I felt in love with her, how beautiful she maybe as long I don't have a feeling that she likes me also. Am a "slowly but surely"(tender juicy hotdog)type of a man in terms of courtship. I would find lot of ways to know her feeling about me, even just a little positive points that would ignite my urge to court her... On the reverse side, I had once an experience in my life, and I would never forget it when a girl actually courted me,,sounds hair-raising but yes..but that girl was known for her being playgirl but thanks I was never tempted to say YES. That was the time when I was still traveling as related to my former job. Couple of years ago, I heard that girl got pregnant but unwed and became single parent with her son. You like more story bonita? ha ha ha ha Nice day my dear bonita..
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
hello Martin, Thanks for coming once again...now i can see you :) Whew! that,cute i guess...a girl proposing to a guy. As in personally she declare her feelings? (nay...declare hehehe) Saying ...can't take my eyes over you(weiiii) all those sleepless night...and you give me the reason for my being (ahihihihi) Yet,you never said "YES" ?...hmnnn... maybe she doesn't know the perfect line (hahaha..kidding) Why not start to disclose your story now dear Martin...start your topic please Thanks for all the compliments... i do accept all, coz it comes from you (hahaha)
@mobhomeir (7565)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
Okay..since you want more..I will share to you my ultimate one..but promise this is just between us...here's the link...http://mylifelovestory.blogspot.com/ copy paste in your browser to make it sure you can view it.. Pssst!! Promise me it is just between us... Mobhomeir here...enjoy!!
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee I am in love...yes...i am in love hahahaha i love your story....and tragic story made me stopped believing that fairy tales do come true .... but it's fine....i will never stop loving .... and will keep loving and go on loving someone ... someone.... out there (hahahaa) thanks for sharing your story my dear Martin
1 person likes this
@mythociate (15963)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
17 Mar 11
That's one of the dangers of being so lovable as 'always being in love' makes you. The best way I can think of to get rid of any problem (persistent suitors included, maybe? ) is to ignore them. I know, because I used to be a 'persistent suitor' (well, not really a "suitor"--as I do not have sufficient means to 'suit'--but a persistent "guy who followed a girl as much as totally-legal"). And--once I 'got it through my skull' that the girls DIDN'T LIKE me showing up on their doorsteps--I found something better to do. And I wouldn't have persisted for so long if they had never opened the door and let me in
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
hello mythociate, I like your response "don't have sufficient means to suit" (hehe) But not all people ever knew it " suit-or" right huh.. suit ?- or ? have a nice day
1 person likes this
@mythociate (15963)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
18 Mar 11
But you did get my advice, yes? Just ignore him ... if not by 'just looking away,' than by 'looking at something else instead.' (RE: the above, I meant 'don't have sufficient means to make suit'---"suit" defined at Dictionary.com as "the wooing or courting of a woman," which Wikipedia describes as "encouraging her interest in him and her receptiveness to a proposal of marriage.") That brings us to another tactic you could use: if it comes to that, tell him what you are interested in doing with your life and why he would be more a distraction from that mission. Thank him for trying, and show him something better to do---pass him a slip of paper with your myLot-address on it!
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
okay then..better idea,bring him to mylot to make him busy rather than stalking
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
17 Mar 11
i never experienced being stalked by a girl, and i wonder why, my mom even told me that i am the most handsome boy he ever had. at least my mom told me that.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
neil you rock me with this one I remember one story it goes like this. A lady is so mad and can't get over with it talk to the man beside her (inside the bus) The man asked the woman why she is so angry. The woman replied " i hate the bus driver,he said my son is so ugly,i really want to slap him" The man replied "rely?...he told you your son is ugly,what a bad manner...so you want to slap him?" the woman said "yes,i really want to slap him ,i am so hurt and pissed of" the man replied again "okay,go and slap him,i will support you...it's so harsh of him to say that your son is so ugly..give me that monkey you are holding so that you can slap the driver"
@neildc (17253)
• Lapu-Lapu City, Philippines
18 Mar 11
bwahahaha.... you made my night sis, how can i get to sleep now?
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
now you know why mother always admire their kids huh?
@Jotomy (6351)
• India
16 Mar 11
Hi jai, i did not faced such problem so far. I don't know, i am not experienced all these. Have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
hello Jo, Better not to experience such thing dear. Worst is having a stalker. I have worst experienced having a stalker 2 years ago. It almost bring us to court,i really filed a case against the guy who stalks me. Thanks he gave up the moment he received the sub-poena. It was a bit scary. I missed you for so long...what keeps you busy dear?
@Jotomy (6351)
• India
16 Mar 11
Yes jai, 1. my computer is not working. 2. busy with my son's examination preparation. 3. Heavy work. 4. not much concentration. 5. mentally disturbed a bit with the things. How is your family? Hope all are doing good. Are you working jai?
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
Oh sorry to hear about your computer. I could guess it is working fine right now. I wish your son's "goodluck" on his exams. Work...that's unending. Having some problem?...that's natural dear So,far i am busy with work and was able to stressed myself more (hahaha) stress from work and few problem as well (can't get over with problems) Just smile dear....this is what we called "life"
@thesids (22351)
• Bhubaneswar, India
16 Mar 11
Hi didi No one followed me or gifted me anything like you mention... been a dry and dull life so far...
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
dear bhai, Oh...i fully understand (not your life i guess,but the culture...again again sorry Indian friends) But,haven't you had crushes before?...and haven't you got any chance of writing a loveletter?
@thesids (22351)
• Bhubaneswar, India
16 Mar 11
Oh no, it was not about the Indian culture... at college it was not about the culture even in those days... I was rarely found at the college campus. I wrote a love book (I cannot call that 8-page thing a letter) for my love before marriage - my proposal - I was 32 then, mature and knowing about our difference in castes, my illness and so I could not put it all on a page. Used 8 pages of those longer exercise books... But I really missed out proposing her the way I wanted to...
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
OHHH...again (okay peace) Share the letter to me then ...excited to read
• Slovenia
18 Mar 11
actually it's very hard in situations like this to be nice and polite at the same time to not hurt other persons feelings. I really don't wanna come out as mean, so sometimes I'd just choose to ignore guys like that and somehow act the way they'd notice they're not really interesting me any much than maybe being a friend. I'm sorry to hear you've had such awkward experience. when it comes to stalking like that it's really overboard already and then it's hard already to still be nice and thnk about this persons feelings since somehow they not thinking about yours if they think stalking you is okay by any means.
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
hello ap0calyptic, You are right,as we always consider their feeling by showing them good behavior and treating them nice,they thought we liked them (ugh!) Some people are too insensitive sensing if they're being liked or if someone is just playing nice. It really gives me hard time,because i can not move normally,as i need to hide as if i am a criminal. Having someone as stalker gives me headache and it's tormenting...not funny really. thanks for your response and happy weekend
• Slovenia
20 Mar 11
exactly. some people can misunderstand us being nice as we just don't wanna be mean and hurt them, but stalking really isn't an excuse and it's almost impossible to stay calm and still worry not to hurt this stalkerish person as we may be terrified ourselves given the situation. I know it must be very hard not being able to be safe and move freely when you got a stalker on your back, but I do hope it doesn't happen anymore as it can get nasty too and affect you mentally if not more. have a great weekend you too. :]
1 person likes this
@ralphido (843)
• India
18 Mar 11
well.. girls, nothing really you can do about it... if you are pretty , guys will never let you off the hook... as for guys, this is a hypothetical question... :)
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
19 Mar 11
hello raplh, Well,for pretty girls that's normal for guys to follow then everywhere they go and for guys to admire pretty girls as well. But i am not that pretty face eh. happy weekend
@ralphido (843)
• India
26 Mar 11
well... men don't always go by the face... :)
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
17 Mar 11
Well I think in both cases, girls and boys, the worst problem is simple a lack of communication. I've never really had a problem with stalkers. I attribute this to simply being very direct. If a girl propositions me, I say "Sorry, I'm not interested in you." If she sends me gifts, I send them back. If she calls, I ignore. You have to have a unified direct response to the other person. Too often I see girls that want to try the "I think I'm busy on Friday" approach. Perhaps that will work on some guys, but others just assume that you are busy on Friday, and will ask you out again and again and again. Hey figure it out girls. If the guy keeps calling, it means he didn't get your indirect subtle hints. You need to say it directly, to his face, in a public place. Now don't be a jerk and humiliate, just say it directly face to face. You are not interested in him. Another thing I've seen my sister do, which is very bad, is accept gifts. Do not accept gifts. If he sends you a bunch of stuff, you return it. If you take the stuff he gives you, he'll assume you are interested. Further, the more he gives you, when he finds out you still don't like him, he'll get really mad because he'll think you were taking advantage of him. My sister had to move to a different house because she did this to a guy, accepted all his gifts, and then turned him down. He would show up screaming and banging on the door. Was he stupid? Yes. But my sister was stupid too. What did she think he would do taking all his stuff and then rejecting him? My suggestion again is, direct communication, face to face, straight answers. Never take gifts, give phone numbers, or addresses.
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@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
hello andy, Talking to the guy nicely doesn't work. Many times i begged him to stop coz i am too young (i was 15 by that time) and not interested to be in a relationship. But this guy is toooo confident and also beg that i should give him a chance. I never accept any gifts...(he always brings gifts and foods) i don't accept coz i don't like him ugh...just seeing his face i wish i could disappear. In your sister's case,she can't blame the guy to assume and hope. Thanks for your response and have a great day
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
17 Mar 11
Have you tried pepper spray? Maybe a small tazer?
1 person likes this
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
be thankful that you are admirable but also be careful because there are those who do not want to accept no for an answer and gets frustrated if they feel they will not win the game of having you. Just entertain them and don't give harsh words,know them at least but don't go with them.Knowing them, you will be able to know how then you can avoid them.
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
16 Mar 11
hello macadayann, I understand about it,i've tried to talk with that guy in civil manner but he never listens to me. So,what i did is to find ways to avoid him. I even feel pity for him following like a dog to a master. But he never stops. I don't want to give him extra attention that might give him hopes either way. Yes,it's true..some guys won't accept NO as an answer and some even do harm to themselves or to the one they loved. I am thankful that i was able to avoid him with the help of my uncle. thanks for your response and have a good day always... keep mylotting
17 Mar 11
just tell them straight to their face the truth.. its the best way..
1 person likes this
@SViswan (12071)
• India
23 Apr 11
I am now married. But when I was younger, I would directly tell them (in a nice way) if I wasn't interested in them and then I would ignore everything they did. It was easy enough for me and most people got the message after a few more attempts of trying to woo me. But one time I wasn't so lucky and I had to get my dad involved. I don't know what he said/did to the suitor...but he handled it.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
23 Apr 11
hello SV, Some guy can be avoided with diplomatic approach,but some are hard to handle. There are few who even resort with hurting/abducting that person they love and admire (too scary,but it happens) thanks for your response and have a great weekend
@SHAMRACK (8532)
• India
28 Mar 11
Dear friend, May be I would accept their gifts as they are loving me and I do not want to hurt their feelings, but if they are mad at me and hurts me I feel it is to be taken care. Moreover if someone love me that much I feel that person is doing for my love back, in that case I may give it provided with limitations.
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
28 Mar 11
hello Sham, Well,nothing wrong with accepting gifts as long you knew the giver won't expect anything else in return. Yes,you must know the limitations,because we never knew if that person is expecting something in return...to avoid troubles and problem as well. happy weekdays
• India
21 Mar 11
Jai beta I have told earlier i did not have love affairs prior to marriage, i was married in 1966, when i was just 23, it was arranged marriage but my wife loves me so much, we are one soul, two bodies only Thanks for sharing Cheers. BE HAPPY ALWAYS. Professor ‘Bhuwan’. .
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
hello dada, You are too young when you get married ... maybe not too young then,but usually Indian men marry when they're 25 and above am i right dada?
@34momma (13895)
• United States
17 Mar 11
the best thing to do is be honest. let the person know that although you are flattered, but you are not interested. that always worked for me
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
hello momma, I did,i've talked with him in a very civil and nice way. I never ever been rude to him ,not to say a single word that might hurt him. I don't know if he is obsessed or what. It's hard to say "no" to some guys...i thought if a guy's been rejected that just shrug off and look for another girl to court again. Thanks for your response and have a great day always
@ifa225 (11098)
• Indonesia
17 Mar 11
well, i am gonna take one of my best friend boy to talk with me and act like my boyfriend. i hope with that he is jealous and stay away from me
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
hello ifa, I think of that idea before,but,since i told him that i was too young (i am just 15 then by that time) to be in a relationship,so getting someone to connive surely won't work. Sometimes it's hard to make guys understand the word "no" Thanks for your response and have a great day
@isadora (22)
• China
17 Mar 11
long time a girl,there was one man admired me, everyday,he make a phone call to me,many many times one day,and always bought gifts to me,no matter whether i want or not,he asked me be him girlfriend,but at that time,i already have a boyfriend,he enforced me,and even suicied to threaten me,it made me very upset,and i can't put with it. in my opinion,if you do not want answer your admirer,do not give your phone number to them,and never accept gifts,even do not talk to much to them.
1 person likes this
@azlina (3)
• Malaysia
17 Mar 11
My only response is you reap what you sow. If you enjoy collecting suitors, you WILL get the occasional stalker Comes with the territory. If you want to avoid the situation, get a decent guy and settle down. That usually solves the problem!
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
hello azlina, Collecting suitors...that's a good hobby eh? (kidding) Of course not...maybe some girls enjoys collecting suitors (i never thought of this hmnn) Well,if someone is in the right age to get marry then YES...getting married might be a temporary answer. Temporary ...why?...because some girls even if they are already married still some guys court them thinking that the girl is still single. thanks for your response and have a great day "welcome to mylot"
@sweet_pea (3325)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
I really didn't have any problems with suitors because I am not that person suitors would fall in line. I think I intimidate them. Anyway, there was one instance when I did have a suitor whom I didn't like. I just said to him, it wouldn't work and if we can only be friends. Gladly he accepted his fate, and I never heard from him again. And there was one when I was in high school, I said I don't want to have any relationships at this time. And the guy started to sour grape and said to me, You're not pretty anyway. The nerve! As if I would give him a chance!
1 person likes this
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
hello sweet, Hahaha...you made me laughed with the last phrase "you're not pretty anyway" guys guys guys (hahahaha....they're really sick huh) Yes,i also heard one guy says same word when he feels intimidated. I am not a party goer,i am a homebody person,but i don't know why guys are attracted,i am not pretty as well Some guys can easily accept "no" but there is this guy who is too confident and he even tells me that "my fate is Him" (now the nerve huh!!!) Thanks for your response and have a great day