A letter that is full of guilt and forgiveness. Should my cousin forgive me?

@cream97 (29167)
United States
March 16, 2011 5:42pm CST
This is a letter that I wrote to my cousin today. When we was in Elementary School, she came back and told me that our schoolmates called me "weird." I asked her if she believed them, she told me yes. This hurt me so much!!! After this confession of hers, I called her a b****. And after this, she stopped speaking or talking to me in elementary, middle and high school. I would pass her as I was going to class and she would never smile nor speak to me. Other family members of ours, told me that she acted the same way with them too. We were about 10 or 11 years old when I called her this name. Now I am 32 years old, and I know that she has not forgiven me for what I said to her. I am not a mean person at all. When she told me what the others kids said about me, I felt betrayed by her. She is my first cousin. Her father and my father are fraternal twin brothers. I hope that she can find it in her heart to forgive me. "A Personal and Confidential Message For You". I am writing to you because I would like for you to know something that I have always wanted to say to you. I had sent you a message in your Myspace account a few years back. In this message is what I am about to explain to you now. I wanted to honestly say that I am sorry for calling you a "female dog". I said this to you because I was very hurt at that time. You were like my only true friend that I had during this time. Yes, you were my first cousin, but you was also like a best friend to me. I enjoyed being around you, and we had so much of fun together. I never knew that the comment that I made to you would destroy just about our entire relationship as cousins. Yes, I admit that I was wrong for calling you this name. I have lived with this guilt for almost thirteen years. I have forgotten about what happened as time goes by, but when I think about you, the guilt that I have carried resumes again. Even if you never want to have anything to do with me again, I admit I will feel hurt, but I will eventually move on. I am saying that I am sorry and I know that I can never undo what I have done to you. I have grown up since Elementary school and anything bad that has happened, I consider, to be in the past. If there is anything that you may know about me is that I love you very much and I miss you. Maybe you will never believe me when I tell you this, but it is the truth. Even if you never want to have anything to do with me again, you will always be my cousin. I am sorry to bore you, but as a woman I no longer carry immaturity feelings towards anyone. I am speaking to you, 100% real. I am sorry and I wished that someday you can find it within your heart to forgive me. I may have hurt you, but I never meant to hurt you. If I ever hear from you after this message, I have your answer. But if I never hear from you after this message, I will have no answer. I am sorry that I caused you pain, but you must know that I have suffered greatly also. There is more that you should know, but this message speaks for itself. I wish you many blessings and love as you continue to live your life. I love you ****. Love Always, *******
1 person likes this
14 responses
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
17 Mar 11
Hi Cream, What a beautiful and heartfelt letter. I don't know how she can not possibly forgive you. Maybe she has wanted to speak to you also and it was just too awkward after all this time. Truthfully, what you said wasn't so very horrible that it should have been carried out as long or as far as it has been. I hope she reads this and the two of you re-connect again after all these years. You'll have to let us know how this all turns out!
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29167)
• United States
17 Mar 11
Hi. sid556. I have not heard anything from her yet. I am waiting but not so anxious. Hopefully she will contact me soon. If not, then I really do feel sorry for her because she has a chance to renew our relationship. Hopefully she will think about doing so. I will keep you all posted on the outcome. Thanks for responding!
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
18 Mar 11
Well, I hope she does. If not, well, it is her loss as well. Telling you that everyone thought you were weird was no less mean then you calling her a B-word in reaction. And you were both kids after all. I was very close to my cousin growing up and still am. We had our moments over the years and either one of us could have chosen to hold a grudge but we didn't because we valued the friendship so much. We laugh about those things now but at the time they were not funny at all. When she caught me and my brother smoking behind the barn when we were 11, we forced her to smoke too so that she wouldn't rat. Well, she ratted anyway and we got in huge trouble. That was a great battle for a week or so. Then another time, I caught her stealing make up from me...another battle. I think we were in our teens then.
1 person likes this
@margeryann (1853)
• United States
17 Mar 11
Hopefully she forgives you. I have had a cousin apologize to me in a letter.I forgave her.I felt that it wasn't easy for her to write me and apologize.She wrote me lots of years later too.You did a good job writing this letter. It is very good.Good luck. If she doesn't forgive you try not to let it bother you. If she doesn't forgive you she will be a cold person that will let anything bother her and be the kind of person that holds grudges.Good luck. I hope she forgives you and you two become friends again.
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29167)
• United States
17 Mar 11
Hi. margeryann. Thank you for your kind compliment. I wrote this letter from the heart. I seem to never have a problem with writing as long as it is coming directly from my inner feelings. I hope that she will realize that I do love her and I want us to be back as cousins. I have always loved her even when she has treated me so cruelly.
@jimmysun (401)
• China
17 Mar 11
i think your cousini will forgive you cuz what you've said is so sincerely and heart to heart...if i were your cousin, i will forgive you...
1 person likes this
@cream97 (29167)
• United States
17 Mar 11
Hi. jimmysun. Thank you so much for your very pleasant comment! God Bless You!
• United States
17 Mar 11
Such a heartfelt letter! I hope she does come around for you. Honestly, I feel like she is being way too stubborn. It was thirteen years ago! My goodness! You would assume she'd realize that you grew up since then and didn't mean it.
1 person likes this
• United States
18 Mar 11
It is a lovely letter that shows how sorry you are and how much you care about her. I hope she accepts your apology. She probably felt the same way about you and this is why it hurt her so much. But she has to understand that children do and say things they do not mean. Hopefully, she can understand that and you can start over and have a better relationship! If not, then at least you know that you tried to explain and it will give you some closure.
@bounce58 (17526)
• Canada
25 Mar 11
I think your cousin should also take the next step. You already did your part to repair the friendship. Although you have not been speaking for a long time, I'm sure that at your age now, she could also appreciate that what you did was something childish. And was done back when you were still at elementary. No, it wasn't right. But it is also isn't right to let this go on. I hope you've mended the friendship.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
18 Mar 11
It is a shame that you have to write her that message. Children do and say things sometimes that they never would when they were grown. I can understand why you felt betrayed by her. I would have wanted her to stick up for me too in the same way I would have for her. It wasn't right to call her name but the truth is, she should be writing you a letter like that too. Good luck with your cousin.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (164639)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Mar 11
I have no idea what will happen but cream you did your best so now you have to wait. If your cousin accepts your apolgy well and good but ask her why she thought you were werid and that that term is hurtful to a child. If not perhaps you can still be casual friends how knows.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (118609)
• Boise, Idaho
17 Mar 11
It must have hurt you very much to want to strike out and hurt her so badly. I hope she does forgive you and that you can both put it behind you. To carry this with you from Elementary school is something. So sad that this statement you made so long ago destroyed so much. I remember how close I was with my cousins and how important they were to me.
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
17 Mar 11
Wow, you have gone your way to apologize to her. I hope she will forgive you considering that you are a first cousin and that both of you are now adults. Sometimes a scar from childhood healed longer but I guess 13 years was enough time to forget and forgive.
1 person likes this
@shibham (17025)
• India
17 Mar 11
Hi cream... I appreciate your plan to recreate the relationship that you broke years ago... but i am not the same like you to ask forgiveness first. Anyway, if she is too much rigid or adamant...then i don't think that it will work.. but i hope the best result for you. Have a nice day.
1 person likes this
@sallyj (1228)
• United States
16 Mar 11
Some people even with good reasons on your part, will not forgive. I have a father like that. Long story, but my husband is not bad.
1 person likes this
@adnileb (5035)
• Philippines
17 Mar 11
What you said to her is more hurting than "weird" I guess. =( Just imagine her calling you a b****. Then you'll understand why she felt that way. Some bad things may heal a little longer than expected. Just increase your patience if you really like to forgive each other. Goodluck!
@cream97 (29167)
• United States
17 Mar 11
Hi. adnileb. Oh trust me, I know how it feels to be called a b****. My aunt called me this name and so has my long term boyfriend of over a year. This happened in the past. So, I know how it feels to be called this name. It is not a very nice feeling. And it can do a whole lot of damage, I realize that. What I did to her is not half the things that we all do to each other daily as far as bringing down one another and then destroying each other. I apologized and that took so much from me. Do you know how many women or men will admit that they was wrong for something that they have done? I am not proud of what I have said to her. But at least I can say that I was strong and mature enough to admit that I was wrong. That in my book goes further and beyond a little bit of patience!
@adnileb (5035)
• Philippines
18 Mar 11
That's it! Keep goin' until she forgives you.. =)
1 person likes this
@Angelgirl16 (2177)
• United States
17 Mar 11
When we are children we tend to do to and say to one another things that we would never do or say as adults. For your cousins to hold you accountable for something you said to her a lifetime ago is ridiculous, in my opinion. You should not be beating yourself up over this. You have done all you can, with this letter, to "break the ice." You must be able to see, that if she doesn't forgive you for your childhood mistake, you have to accept her decision and move on to something or someone who is more forgiving. By the way, did your cousins ever think that her agreement with the other students,who called you weird,hurt your feelings? Did she ever apologize to you for that? This situations between you two is too old, too petty, too immature and should not last another 30 years. Good Luck
@cream97 (29167)
• United States
17 Mar 11
Hi. Angelgirl16. As a child I was very sweet, but my statement to her was very mean and childish. I am no longer this way at all. Yes, she knew that this had hurt my feelings when she told me what the other kids said and thought about me. I thought that she loved me enough to take up for me and to tell them to stop talking about her first cousin! But she did not. Instead she went right ahead and agreed with them. This broke me down. Just think about it. She was like my best friend at this time. I hardly had any friends at school. If I did have any friends, it was only a few of them. She knew that I really cared about her in a special way. She has never apologized to me for telling me what they said about me either. I am the only one that seems to be doing all of the apologizing. Yes, this situation is too old, too petty and too immature. I have grown up. It is obvious that she has not, that is why she is still holding this grudge over me. I admit that it should not last another 30 years, I know that it won't for me though. I am not so sure if I can say the same thing about her. I have asked her and God for forgiveness many of years ago. I know that God has forgiven me, I am sure of that!
• United States
13 Apr 11
Sweetheart, you have done all that you can do; you have apologized to her and asked her for forgiveness. You must not let this keep tugging at your soul, she is not, listen to me, she is not worth this agony. Love yourself.
1 person likes this
@nangisha (3504)
• Indonesia
17 Mar 11
I think thats really sweet if you sending thats to her and make sure she receive it. I just wonder why its took thats long to fix it. I means there is so many times you both meet each others or someone should try to fix your relation like your parent. I hope the letter work and you got your cousins back. Its always feel not comfort when someone not wiling to speak with you.