I feel so helpless and empty. Life has been so unfair to me.

@cream97 (29169)
United States
March 19, 2011 9:39pm CST
I am cream97 on myLot, but the truth is I have had the worst life that I could ever imagine. My mom died when I was seven. I had to live with my grandmother, her mother. I lived in a home with my aunt, that was really mean to me and to all of us. Now we are all grown and out of this house, except for my cousin. I have went through school as I was younger and I was mistreated so badly. I have been picked on, untrue rumors were spread about me, I have been called ugly. The girls used to pick at my hair texture. The guys and girls would pick at me on how I would walk. They all said that I had a high butt. My grandmother used to always use moth balls in her home and they said that I was stink at school. On the school bus, a guy once asked me directly if I ever wash off. I looked at him like he was out of his mind. I then asked him if he washes off too. I hate where I live at. There is nothing but hateful people in this town. I would not mind moving so that I can get away from the stress. If I could write a book about my life, my friends, you would have tears pouring down your eyes because of it. My life is so sad. One time I even wished that I was dead because of how people have treated me. I feel like the world is always against me because of how my enemies and others have treated me. Life is so depressing when you have nothing but haters that never want to show us that Christian love that God speaks about. It is just sad. How can someone say that they love God and then they can't stand their own brethren?
3 people like this
24 responses
• China
20 Mar 11
I want to tell you this is the fate that you cannot changed.but you can change you mind or change your idea of looking at the thins ,then you will find the world aroud you is diffrent from previous.all the best!
2 people like this
20 Mar 11
If there's one thing I could say to encourage you, it would be that Jesus is your #1 fan. Remember the verse "God gives grace to the humble, but opposes the proud"? or "The last shall be first and the first shall be last"? I know these might not be encouraging at first, but think about the power behind those two verses. In our weakness, God is made strong! That's exciting! That means the weaker I am, the more beat down, the more humbled I am, the stronger God is...you're headed toward a breakthrough! Doctors don't work with healthy people, they work with sick people, right? Get excited that the best doctor in the universe is ready to work in you! Stay motivated, continue to seek God. He never promised us a life of ease (or happiness), but he did promise fulfillment when we put him first. My belief is that he's setting you apart because you ARE apart - you're different, you're special, you're unique and beautiful and God's going to use you for something amazing! Don't take my word for it, though. Get off the internet, open a bible, and listen to what God has to say. He's so much bigger than we imagine and I bet he has something to tell you. Stay steadfast in the Lord!
@cream97 (29169)
• United States
20 Mar 11
Hi. brandonb. Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, I needed to hear this. I feel so unloved, wounded and broken, but I know that God sees it all and he knows it all. He does not look at me like my enemies and haters does. I am very thankful for that.
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
20 Mar 11
I feel like people would cruy if I were to write a book about mu liffe, too. I am sorry to hear that you wnet through what you went though. I can say that i had a decent chilkdhoof. My dad did the best htat he could and I feel that the things I went through at the time are the results of myacrions. Since I have been an adult , I guess the same is true,but I often wonde why I cannot get a break.Sometimes I get so tires of trying so hard to get nowhere. I have learned to live my life for me. I know that if I depend on others, I am only going to face disappointment. All that I need is my kids and I am good. It would be ncuie to have people around me but I am very choosy to who I allow into my life because I have been hurt so many times. You have kids, cream, and tha is all that matters. The only opion that truly matters is that of yourself or those that are the closest to you. Best of luck!
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Mar 11
I always wondered when I was a child why such bad things happened to me. But then I learned they happened to make me who I am today. And for real only those who matter to you should matter. Those who are there and think nothing less of you no matter what you have been through or are going through. And kids are great and they have something so magical..unconditional love.
2 people like this
@masang (295)
• Philippines
28 Mar 11
My friend, it's not yet the end of everything. Remember, your friends in myLot will always be there for you. Just a piece of advise: say these words many times infront of the mirror: "I am beautiful, I am loved, I'm forgiven by the mercy of God." Do this everyday. And believe me, your outlook in life will change. God bless...
• Canada
28 Mar 11
according to your blog, you're married with 3 kids, so I am assuming you get a great deal of love from them. You are also part of a community here on mylog which from all the responses here shows you have a great many people who think very highly of you. These people who treated you so badly are in the past and are insignificant specks in the grand scheme of your life. Dwelling on that which makes you so unhappy will never serve to make even one second of your life any better. Focus on the good: your Honey, your babies and all the friends you have here on MyLot. Take up some positive endeavours i.e., hobbies, schooling etc. to focus your mind on bettering your life. Don't give another thought to people who don't matter. They who talk sh*t have sh*tty lives themselves and can only feel better by bringing others down. xoxo Cyne
@kingparker (9698)
• United States
26 Mar 11
My life wasn't that perfect as you thought it to be. I have faced many difficulty my life also, and I am so tired of dealing with those stuff myself too. If I can, I would like to start all over again, and give myself a fresh start. Gosh, it is not so easy to have a decent life yourself. I am tired, and I am helpless sometimes.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
26 Mar 11
I don't havea great life too. And I would have days were I would think that life is unfair to me. But sometimes I could not even afford to do self pity, because almost all of the time I've had to pick myself up, and move on. And do whatever is necessary to have a semblance of a life. I don't know how to get you off your rut, but maybe if you can will your way, then things would be different. A new friend, or a new surrounding, or a new perspective might help. Hang in there!
1 person likes this
@dawnald (84131)
• Shingle Springs, California
22 Mar 11
A person like that doesn't love God. They just say they do for social status.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
But then what is fair? nothing is fair in this life, there are rich people and there are poor ones, there are lucky ones and there are so unlucky ones, it just so happen you believe yours was so bad and so sad..but then i also believe that everyone of us has the power to turn our lives around. do something to show those haters that you are not who they think you are, show those haters that you are a great and loving person who is capable of living life to the fullest and achieving dreams. Life is still beautiful and no matter how big you think your problems are, there are still people way worst that our own problems.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
Hello Cream97, It's either you were lying being ugly or you didn't realize how pretty you actually are!( even with the kids already?) you should have been one of our own local host here, i don't want to say she's ugly (but she is) and yet she made it to her own showbiz career I think there's hope for you. Just like me, you're also feeling that depression because of teh sad things that happen to our lives. were blessed to have known mylot really.
1 person likes this
@moondancer (7434)
• United States
20 Mar 11
Hello, I hate that things have been so bad for you. I had a really hard life too. Being here I found that many people had a really hard life. I couldn't allow myself to get close to anyone because of my life the way it was. I won't go into it I will just say it was not anywhere like it should have been or could have been. I just promised myself that it would be better when I grew up. Although my life was still a struggles as I was grown because it just was. I had no one to help me and I did not know what to do to make it better for myself. I did get better at that though and I worked hard. I tried so hard. I did not get into trouble as many people I knew did. I am with a man I love and have children I love. I have a family and life I love and I can be proud of what I have done. I have not done anything to be ashamed of. I can say that I did things to make my life better to the best of my abilities. That's all we can do. The ones that treated me badly when I was younger that is on them. God knows who they are. I don't even bother with all of that. It is in my past and that is where it is left. I have better things to do than to visit all of that. May I suggest that you move on from your past and focus on now and your future. Learn from your past and don't let mistakes and problems of the past hinder your future or make your future a bad thing.
1 person likes this
@junrapmian (2170)
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
Don't fret my dear! Those that things that happened during your younger years were just part of childhood. You know how naughty and bully kids are, just let be. About your aunt that you said maltreated you before, so glad that you have left her house. Anyway, do think that all that happened have made you a strong person and I know you will not lose hope and still continue to hope for the best. Let those people who have wronged you, God will take care of them. Release all those hate and negative feelings inside you and start smiling. As long as you're not stepping on anybody, live your life to the fullest. Cheers!
@celticeagle (117154)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Mar 11
People can be very cruel. We are all different and young people don't seem to enjoy differences. Then when we get old and slow down alittle and really look at life to see that differences are really the fun part of life. Stress is not good to live with. I have severe depression and panic attacks. I used to work at a very complicated job and had to quit because my home life kept in such stress I could not do my job. So here I am living with my daughter and helping her raise her son. They both have mood disorders so I am committed to help them. I think when we reach out and help others we find a glorious compacity for caring and exceptance. There are good people out there sometimes you just have look more entently. I hope you find some happiness.
@ellie333 (21029)
20 Mar 11
Oh Cream, It does sound like you have been through it but it is never to late to turn it around. Don't let others affect how you feel. The most important person of all to love is yourself and once you do that others will too. Smile and say hello when you next go to the shop and see how the person behind the counter responds. I am sure not everyone in the town in full of hate but if you feel that way you are not open to the people that are loving and caring. Huggles. Ellie :D
1 person likes this
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
For me yes so sad be not angry to Jehovah God it is the reason many are not prayed to Jehovah in times of there depressed the one who manipulate that you mind now is Satan.
1 person likes this
@donski (132)
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
Nothing is really fair in this world but never always look on the bad side of it. why not try looking on the brighter side of life. I know it's gonna be hard for you but let's face it that's life. what matters now is how we handle the situation, instead of bearing that bitterness in your heart why not think that these people are your strength, for without them you may not be what you are right now. You have your own time in this world be patient. God is always there to guide you and through your ups and down, He's there to give you a hand, just keep on trusting and have a strong faith. Just do your best, and be an inspiration to others. time will come you will be able to surpass all of these obstacles and you will be successful. Just be yourself.
• United States
20 Mar 11
I think your doing the best you can right now. You need time to heal from all the abuse you suffered in your youth. I know all about life feeling like is not worth it at times. You will be fine in time. Try to rid your thoughts of what you can't change. everything else will fall into place.
1 person likes this
@eurekafemme (5881)
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
Hi, Cream. I can remember you never posted a topic about yourself as sad as the ones you did the past few days. What is wrong, girl? It seems that you are depressed... But, don't sulk in sadness and depression, dear. forget about the past and face the present. You said that you are happily married . I would take that as your family (husband and kids) love you so much. Don't try remembering the sad past. You are no longer that person those bad people picked on. You are different now. Even if I haven't seen you, I can tell you have bloom into a wonderful person both in and out despite of what you have been through. Hush now, dear. There will always be bad people around no matter where we are, what is important is, we should not let them pull us down. You are special, Cream and know that you are loved.
1 person likes this
@khalida (1130)
• India
20 Mar 11
well i can hear all the negative stuff pouring down through this discussion. good. get it out of your system and now forget about it. take this minute to think about all the positive things that have happened in your life?? ok, now whether you could or could not think of them, take up some aims in life. what do you enjoy doing? what is your ambition? start working on them and make your life happy. your happiness solely lies on you and don't let the bullies spoil it. show them you don't care. they are pulling your leg down cause they want to go up and be in the position you are? remember nobody can hurt you, without your consent have a great and happy life ahead
1 person likes this
@williamjisir (22905)
• China
20 Mar 11
Hello cream. I am so sorry to know about your unfortunate life in the past. That is why we say that life without mother is one of the big misfortunes as the child cannot totally enjoy the life of his own without the protection and love from his mother. But anyway since life is not the way as we always wish, I think that we need to do something to change it. I wish you to enjoy yourself as much as possible, my dear friend.
1 person likes this