What is a backstabber in your words?

United States
March 20, 2011 8:24am CST
I am wondering if I am on the tight path here. I found out that someone close to me went behind my back nd told a mutual friend that they heard something about me. The mutual friend said we all have a past and that sharon has told me about a lot of what she has gone through much of what she is not happy about. then the perosn says to her you would not belive what I heard about her. but I love that girl so much. So now I am thinking that what this perosn did was backstabed me to my good friend. The friend called me up and told me as soon as she could. But,I think I need to rethink my relationsip with the other party. if this was easy for them to do without knowing if it was true to begin with. what do I hav eto look forward to in the future provided I remain in this persons life. I wonder what t cold be since I have not done anything that would warrent this. But,I will not other asking either. I contacted the person on facebook and told them if this is wat love is I would not like to find out what thier hate is like. also that I have no room inmy life for this kind of friendship and that I feel ackstabbed and asked how the person would feel had I done this to them. I said what ever happened in my past is not yourbusiness and please don't respond because I don't want to hea anything more. was I wrong??
5 people like this
15 responses
@ElicBxn (60185)
• United States
20 Mar 11
I think you made a very good, solid, adult choice here. Instead of raging in this person's face, you just pulled back and let them know you were not happy. I hope you "unfriended" them and will otherwise break off contact since they have proved that they aren't a friend. Honestly, life is too short to have that kind of "drama" in it. And life is too short to have "frenamies" - is that the term? Toxic people need to learn that they soon won't have anyone around if they keep doing that!
• United States
20 Mar 11
Yes I removed my friendship from them already. I don't think there s much else I need to do. Hearing them out is not on the top of my list either.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60185)
• United States
20 Mar 11
there IS no excuse for that kind of behavior, you shouldn't listen to a word that lying piece of sh... person has to say
• United States
20 Mar 11
I think I will be changing my phone number as well. Thansk for the support.
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (21108)
• United States
20 Mar 11
If you had told this so'called friend something in confidence and she went behind your back and repeated it to another, she is not to be trusted at all..But if you didn't swear secrecy and she mentioned it to another, then she is just a gossiper and still not to be trusted with info you don't want the whole world to know. So in the future, I'd just be careful of what this person hears about you..
• United States
20 Mar 11
I have no clue what it was they heard about me. Nor do I care to find out. I just think the situation was terrible to begin with. If your my friend your not going to jump behind my back and go tell a freind I am near and dear with you heard stuff abut me. I would not do it to them.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Mar 11
Unfortunately some people are like that. For example the people, (when I say people, I mean the parents and teachers as well as the kids themselves,) are all gossipers and I rarely talk to them about myself. In fact I went with my son Friday night to a mother/son sport event his school was putting on. The gossip I heard around me was enough to make me puke..One day I should video tape them and post it up online so everyone can see how shallow they are..But I won't, because that would be going down to their level..
@chuyins123 (2118)
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
I understand that you feel really and greatly betrayed with what your friend did to you. And it would be a normal reaction to "doubt" (when you say rethink) about the relationship you have with your friend. Maybe, if I am in your shoes I would've done the same thing too. But here's the thing now, you've already communicated how you feel about the person, about how you feel about what they did, and what you want now is to be disconnected (don't respond because I don't want to hea anything more.) It's okay to refrain, be taken aback and keep distance from them. But my friend, don't forget to forgive. It may be difficult for you to do so as of the moment, but when time comes that you are no longer hyped up with the feeling of being betrayed, please do consider forgiving. Forgiveness is a two way gift. It is a gift to the recipient (the person you forgive) and to yourself. You offer forgiveness and when she accepts it, she received a great gift of being freed from guilt and you've given yourself a gift of peace and harmony. With harmony here, doesn't mean you have to be associated with them again, it's just that you no longer have ill feelings with anyone. And you can live a life free from angst and bitterness. So my friend, when you deem it's time. Give forgiveness... I believe you'll get through this just fine. You'd be in good shape. Keep hanging around here. Pray for God's grace to comfort you now, and that you may soon forgive. God bless you, your family, friends and your relationships. It's the only ship that doesn't sink "relationship". As Morrie said in 'Tuesdays with Morrie' - When you die, relationships don't. Now you know what to value. Have a great life! :) Raymond
• United States
20 Mar 11
I think in time I can forgive. but right now it is not the case. I want nothing to do with the person as I type tis to you. I can do bad by myself.
• Philippines
20 Mar 11
It's good to know as early as now you could already picture out yourself forgiving them. Though the timeline is not yet definite I know you have a good heart. So it wouldn't be long. You're not all that bad I believe. :)
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
20 Mar 11
I guess that being a backstabber can mean so many different things to everyone. to me, a backstabber is someone who is a friend to your faced and the minute your back is turned they treat you in the opposite way. A friend should be a friend at all times and not just when you are around to see them in action.
• United States
20 Mar 11
I could not have said it better. thanks
@Ravenladyj (22992)
• United States
20 Mar 11
But,I think I need to rethink my relationsip with the other party. if this was easy for them to do without knowing if it was true to begin with. what do I hav eto look forward to in the future provided I remain in this persons life Thats what would bother me the most. I'm very much a person who expects (and my friends know this) that if someone needs something clarified or they are curious about something JUST ASK ME!! That includes if a rumour were to start floating around..AND since this is your supposed friend then why didnt they come to you and say "um btw I heard [insert rumour] and I just wanted to let you know"..Instead your "friend" SPREAD THE RUMOUR FURTHER! thats just shady to me! I dont think you were wrong at all for backing away and speaking your mind HOWEVER I PERSONALLY would give the other party a chance to explain themselves to me..I think thats partly just my curiousity though LOL
• United States
20 Mar 11
I don't want to be lied to in my face and I don't think there is a good enoug excuse to have gone to my friend instead of me. I am glad I as not wrong for telling them how I felt.
@cream97 (29175)
• United States
24 Mar 11
You did the right thing by telling your friend how you really feel. I she heard something about you she should not have even said anything about it to your mutual friend. Am I getting this right? I hope that your mutual friend was not the one that back stabbed you. If I was you, I would delete this person, your other friend, as a friend and I will also unfriend them as well. You don't need any friends that are just going to follow up anything that they have heard about you. That is just not right at all. I talked to one of my second cousins on Facebook yesterday and I was telling her something that I have wanted her to know. And I told her that if she hear anything bad about me, I told her not to believe it at all. She wrote me back and told me that I should know that she is never the one to follow up gossip about someone would say about me... And she went on to tell me other things as well... I was telling her this because I deleted our second cousin on Facebook because she was trying to be sarcastic. She would leave comments on my sister's photos or on anyone else photos that I have responded to, too. She will then always say something with a point because she knows that I will read it. Well I deleted her as my friend and she was blocked by me at also. What I don't and will never appreciate about a friend of mines is this: If you hear something about me that is true or not true. It is not nice to go behind my back and tell another mutual or close friend about what they have heard. If anything, if this person heard something they should keep it to themselves and they should tell the person that told them, I don't want to hear anything about my friend. Friends that betray another friend in this way, is not a friend. A friend will have your back no matter whatever the case is!
@Flight84 (3050)
• United States
24 Mar 11
Nobody likes to be talked about behind their back. It's probably a good thing you contacted the person because at least you let them know that you know about it and that it deinitely wasn't appreciated. I don't understand what people get out of gossip and telling other people's business. I hope you feel better about it knowing you confronted the person.
• Philippines
21 Mar 11
A backstabber is a friend in front of you but an enemy when you turn back. He will say good things, compliments when you're around but when you're gone he will utter words against you.
@allknowing (56833)
• India
21 Mar 11
Passing on some juicy gossip becomes all important even at the cost of losing a friend and that is what I think has happened here. Many a time 'friends' lose sight of their priorities and the short lived joy they derive in such activities overpowers everything else. But your other friend reporting her to you is again the meanest thing one could encounter. My advice to you would be to go slow on this and weigh the the pros and cons of this relationship before even deciding which of your friends you need to wish goodbye!
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
21 Mar 11
Actually Gifts, I think you reacted to quickly. I know you were hurt and upset but you took the word of this other person and believed it and reacted without giving your friend a chance to speak her side. I would have confronted her as you did but I would have told her what I heard and asked for her side of it. If I still wasn't sure, I'd bring it up with both friends present. Quickest way to the truth is to have all of the people involved present.
• United States
21 Mar 11
That sounds like a backstabber to me. I would want to know what it is that she felt so free to discuss. I would not consider this person a friend.
• United States
21 Mar 11
Hello, In my opinion, you weren't wrong at all. Speaking entirely for myself, the only thing I would have done differently is to block the party involved without saying anything to them, because there are people who thrive on upsetting and hurting others.
@celticeagle (114537)
• Boise, Idaho
20 Mar 11
I think you did just what you should have done. I would nip anything like that in the bud. How dare a person who called themselves your friend do such a thing! I would be very angry and upset. I don't take friendships lightly and if I let someone in I trust them with my back. That would really hurt me alot. Hope you are better.
@bunnybon7 (34053)
• Holiday, Florida
20 Mar 11
you done good. i think anyone that brings up my past and gossips about me, needs to be put on my NOT a friend list. so, yes id get rid of and steer clear of them. thats just cheap and the kind of "friend" you dont need. i have family i dont even talk to for the same reason!!
• United States
20 Mar 11
gifts dear you do not need any additional stress in you life. I believe you did the right decision. If this person was a true friend she could have asked/questioned you privately and not gone about with lies. I would not worry about it, it is over and try to move past it. It seems that continuing will only further burden and stress you. Allow some time and if you still feel this way then you absolutely did the right thing or if times passes and the person has proven to be caring then and you feel they are trustworthy again then that will be your choice. A true friend does not go behind our backs sweetie they actually tell us to our face. True friends do not come with conditions and because of true friendships we would want them to be honest and because if they cared about us maybe there is something about us that we need to hear and not the world.