would you stay in this relationship?

Philippines
March 22, 2011 2:20am CST
Here is the situation: The guy and the girl has been in a relationship for about 2 years however when they fight, the boy always slaps the girl and insults the girl in front of many people. The girl would have bruises on her body and always is the one who says sorry eventhough she is not at fault. They have been together for a long time and there are times when the boy is very sweet - cooking and massaging the girl. But turns evil when angry or when drunk. If you are the girl, would you still stay in the relationship?
9 people like this
37 responses
@EdnaReyes (2628)
• Philippines
22 Mar 11
No, nobody has the right to hurt me physically and emotionally. A boyfriend has no right at all why should I stay with the relationship. I don't deserved such treatment. If I am the girl I would put him in jail, make him pay me damages and have him ban from my place. I don't think this boy is a human!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
22 Mar 11
you are correct. This boy should learn a lesson not to put a hand on anybody! I hope anybody who is currently on this kind of relationship wakes up and finds somebody else who treats women special.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Mar 11
No I would not stay because I have been in that same situation and it is horiblle!!!The man I was with did exactly the things you mentioned above to me but worse when some other man would look at me I would get beat up all the time just for looking at another man or even just saying hi to a total stranger man or woman! That is no way to live believe me it must be miserable for her!! I would suggest if she is a friend of yours Save Her! Some people don't know their own strength especially when drinking and it can and does get worse with the bruises showing up on her? Please help her get out of that relationship before it gets worse! But I know she is the only one that can make that desision but maybe she will at least listen to you. I went through so much of that kind of nonsense hiding my bruises from family and friends and never telling them a thing. Please if you care at least try to talk to her and tell her for me Life is too short and he is not worth it!!!!!! TAKE care and have a good day!
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
hello ja! Yes i have already told my friend to leave the guy. I think right now she is still struggling to live life alone but soon she will find there are other guys much worthy of her and life is too short. Its sad to know you have been in this kind of relationship before and I am happy you have survived ang left the man. Kudos!
@cher913 (25893)
• Canada
22 Mar 11
why would anyone stay in a relationship like that? big deal if he is sweet, it still wouldnt make up for the times he is nasty. i would have left long ago.
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
Right! the cycle does not end. One moment he is sweet and caring and then the next he would hurt you then make up again by being sweet and loving. I think this is what they call the cycle of violence. I hope women out there who are in this kind of relationship leaves immediately, there would be no batterer if there is no one who would stay and let themselves be battered.
• Philippines
22 Mar 11
I will stay in the relationship if he'll promise that he won't slap and insult me again. Failure to do so will let me break up with him. I want a boyfriend who will show me love, respect, honesty, etc. I will not let myself spend my lifetime only to be hurt.
• Philippines
25 Mar 11
Hi angel.. yes he promises not to slap anymore but the moment he gets drunk he forgets everything he has promised. You are correct, life is short to spend it with hurt. I also like the qualities you have mentioned for a boyfriend, hope we can find someone that has those..
• China
22 Mar 11
In my opnion ,it is important for the girl to think something careful and rationaly.She has lived with the boy for about 2 years,during which all the advantages and weak points of the boy have been shown to her .It is of course not good manner for the boy to do anything wrong to his girlfriend.Even getting drunk is not the cause .So the girl should think it carefully ,that whether the boy is able to controll his moods ,(especially if gets drunk) ,or he can give up drinking . If he can change himself ,maybe there should be some oppotunity offered him.If not ,she may makes her own decision to leave him,and tells him a lesson to change his bad behavors.
• Philippines
1 Apr 11
hello qian! thank you for your opinin. My friend has given all the opportunities for this guy to change and make himself better but still the guy drinks and slaps her every now and then. Right now, I think with the help from all of us and my post/thread my friend is slowly considering leaving this man and looking for a better man.
@nikramos (701)
• Philippines
22 Mar 11
slaps, insults, bruises, evil when drunk... all of these sound scary. i wont involve myself in a relationship that has these in it.
• Philippines
22 Mar 11
you are right! it really sounds scary! i hope we can find a man who does not do this to us.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
17 Apr 11
No..there is no way that I would stay. No one should be subjected to physical abuse. it can be hard to get out of a relationship, but it can be done. If he could not give up the drinking that made him mean..I would be out so quick it would make his head spin.
@cream97 (29169)
• United States
1 Apr 11
Hi. katrinapaz. No, I would not stay in this relationship any longer. And neither should this poor woman! It does not matter how much this man may treat her nice when he is sober, but he is still an animal when he drinks! I would call the police on him and I would leave him for good. This is not a love relationship, this is a relationship that is full of hatefulness!
@dainy1313 (2354)
• Leon, Mexico
1 Apr 11
Definetely NO! I wouldn´t. Blessings!... Dainy
@gaiza12 (4889)
• Philippines
30 Mar 11
NO! I would never last a relationship with that kind of guy. If the guy really loves the girl no matter how angry he is, he should never do that to the girl. He should show some respect. That is definitely not love for me. And the girl should wake up and leave the guy. She deserves someone else. She deserves to be happy with someone else.
@aerous (13474)
• Philippines
28 Mar 11
Well, If I am the girl. I don't want it let happen to me. I will sue her to authority to stop his abusive conduct and give him a lesson for what he did... I don't want to ended up the relationship but just to make sure he find the way to respect women...
@blue65packer (11835)
• United States
28 Mar 11
No one should be in an abusive relationship! No one! This relationship should of ended right after she found out he was abusive! He isn't going to change! The guy is a f*cking jerk! She needs to get the hell out of the relationship! She needs to find a place to help her! There are places are there that can help her! There is help! She can get out of this! She deserves so much better! If she stays in this relationship it will get worse! She could be killed! She needs to get out NOW!!!!
@MsTickle (24962)
• Australia
28 Mar 11
This is an abusive relationship. Either leave him or have a friend arrange for him to be beaten so he knows how it feels. Don't just stay in the relationship. Do SOMETHING!. If you don't do something your confidence, self esteem and ego will be broken and shattered and it will leave terrible scars. It will also remain as baggage for the next relationship you try to have and that one will fail too. This man is not going to help you. YOU have to be the one to take charge and act responsibly.
@bjcyrix (6910)
• Philippines
24 Mar 11
Honey, if it were me, I'd be gone after the first slap. I might say sorry for whatever it was that ticked him off, and I would probably still love him anyway. But I will pack up my things and get out of that relationship once he has ever laid his hands on me. It wont really matter if he's an absolute angel when everything's fine or he's as sweet as chocolate during those tender loving moments. I wouldnt even probably mind if he shouts at me or humiliates me in public during his raging moments. (I think those can still be remedied). But I really cannot tolerate physical abuse. I think that once a person has lost the control over his own body from hurting other people, then he really cannot control it anymore. He would eventually, sooner or later, physically hurt others, no matter what the reason may be. That's just me anyway.
24 Mar 11
well speaking from experience she should get out of the relationship. it doesnt matter if he can be really sweet as he would never change and would carry on hitting her. i was with someone who hit me twice while pregnant and he also verbally and mentally assulted me and he didnt drink so he could never used that as an excuse.
@mythociate (15228)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
23 Mar 11
His cooking and massaging are THAT good? And she still hasn't married the boy and given him babies yet? That's what's wrong with the world today!
• United States
23 Mar 11
Sounds like he needs to quit the drinking or she should end the relationship. Even if it's been some time if he gets into a rage one night it could be worse than being slapped it could become life threatening!
@kitty42 (3912)
• United States
23 Mar 11
Hello, A person can say what they way to a certain extent, but hitting is another story, she needs to wake up for real, this is not o.k and she needs to know this, things could possible get worse, lets hope that does not happen,really sad the things some woman would put up with just to be with a man, really sad.
@dismalgrin (2470)
• United States
23 Mar 11
I would like to say that I would not stay in a relationship like that because I know it's not the right thing to do. But, I must say that I have... on more than one occasion. Like you said when you have been with someone for awhile and they CAN be nice sometimes it becomes a reasoning game to stay or to go. I was in one relationship where my ex was so horrible that he would even break into my house while I was sleeping and rape me with my children in the same bed as me. I tried to call the police about it and they wouldn't do anything about it because I didn't have any marks on me, or because I didn't call right away when it happened. I called my landlord and asked to have him put on the no trespassing list, but she wouldn't do it because she thought I was lying. I had to move to get away from him and then he called me and told me that he was on his way. I was so frustrated because somehow he was able to disable my door alarm and get past 3 locks without me being able to know. And he raped me again in my sleep with my brother in the other room! I had to move again AND change my phone number to get away from him. I have moved 4 times since that last move. I also got a different car so that he can't recognize it. I live in fear to this day that he will find me and begin again. I'm proud of myself for getting out of that relationship, but it took me 5 years to realize that I needed to in the first place.
@sam3m1 (190)
• United States
23 Mar 11
the girl is in the patterned behavior of the abused woman. she should read a couple of books, seek advice, anything on the subject, but he will not change. his behavior will become more aggressive and violent. the girl's will become more and more dependent onhis authority, will be convinced that she deserves the abuse. she should get out of the situation as soon as possible and refuse any attempts by him to reconcile. the alternative is being physically and mentally abused on an ongoing basis.