submit

March 23, 2011 6:57pm CST
Now this is going to sound barbaric to some. I believe that a wife should SUBMIT to her husband's every desire. I have a friend, who in my opinion still has a mind set of an unmarried person. It's her way or no way. Example: Her husband saids stay home and raise their babies. As soon as he turns his back, she begins seeking childcare and employment. What advise should I give my friend?
2 people like this
18 responses
@LovelyxOdd (1192)
• United States
24 Mar 11
I am a married woman and I am offended that you say woman should SUBMIT to their man. I DON'T THINK SO!! In a marriage, especially in AMERICA in MODERN DAY the man and woman are equal as a person and equally share decisions, bills, problems, etc. As far as your friend is concerned, if she wants to seek a job and help support the family I don't think that is such a big deal. Some people feel it's best to stay home and raise their kids, but some people like to work and if it better provides for the family then I don't see the issue. No one should submit to anyone, married or not. People need to compromise and work things out for the better or they shouldn't be married.
@jazzsue58 (2672)
24 Mar 11
We are from the western world. Evidently they do things different in the Philippines and "Country unspecified." I find it totally amazing anyone in the world today can still think like this.
• United States
24 Mar 11
I dont really agree. :/ A man and wife should submit to eachother. Not just the wife. It seems that your friend`s wife wants to work. Let her be. She`s being responsible by finding child care for her kid. At least she isnt dumping him on her husband. Both parties need to be on the same page. Or nothing will ever work. Goodluck.
@bird123 (10486)
• United States
24 Mar 11
Stay out of it. Let them work it out. They will both learn more that way. Relationships should be 50-50. Until they are, there will always be trouble.
1 person likes this
@lynnemg (4539)
• United States
24 Mar 11
I think that married couples need to work together and compromise with each other. I do not believe that women should completely submit to their husbands every wish and desire, I think that there has to be a balance within the relationship. I think that in the situation you describe, she should not do anything behind his back, but sit down and talk to him so that the two of them can decide what is best for them.
1 person likes this
@wiccania (3360)
• United States
24 Mar 11
I wouldn't call it barbaric, per se, just dated. And for some people, that idea works. But not most people. A marriage is a partnership. Two people working together toward the same goals. How they do that is up to them. Now, if he wanted a little wifey to stay at home and keep the house and raise the kids, he should have made that perfectly clear before they were married. For some families, it does make sense to be a single income family. No child care, only one going out to lunch expense, and in many cases, only one car to insure, fuel and maintain. But you'd be surprised how many of those single income families it's the wife working, and the husband at home. Not because he's submitted to anything, but because it was the better economic choice.
1 person likes this
@maean_19 (4662)
• Philippines
24 Mar 11
You are right. A wife must submit to her husband. However, the husband has to respect his wife for whatever she wants that can be a benefit to the family. Submitting does not always mean to be quiet with what the husband will say.
@jazzsue58 (2672)
24 Mar 11
BTW the ethnic minorities jibe is based on fact - I have a (female)Muslim friend who is currently in hiding after the same thing happened to her - and she fought back.
• Philippines
24 Mar 11
I think you're right. She should just listen to her husband. Child care can be an additional cost. The mother should originally be the one taking care of the baby and should just stay at home.
@jazzsue58 (2672)
24 Mar 11
I agree. Female castration solves a lot of problems too. Just cos you have to have babies doesn't mean you should enjoy it - that's only for the man of course.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
24 Mar 11
yes that is quite barbaric. In this time, there is no more place for chauvinism. raising kids is primarily a maternal duty but should not be the only thing a mother does. she is a person and most people need other things to do just so they won't get too bored or depressed. they should talk and find some middle ground.
@dawnald (84147)
• Shingle Springs, California
24 Mar 11
Advise her to talk to her husband and find some common ground, or that marriage isn't going to last long.
• Philippines
24 Mar 11
In a relationship specially in married life, both of them should understand that they should learn to know each others feeling not just only one sided, I mean not all the time SUBMIT your self to her husband, if her husband want her to stay at home and raise their babies, speak out tell her opinion. Maybe sooner or later he would understand why she express her feeling like that.
@Galena (9123)
24 Mar 11
I completely disagree with you. marriage is a PARTNERSHIP. not a master/slave relationship. you are not having an unmarried mindset by not forgetting you have opinions, preferences and choices when you get married. when you marry, you are tying your life to the life of another. whether you are a man or a woman. every choice you make as a couple, from that point on, is a team thing. it's not one person choosing and one person going along with whatever the other says, purely on the basis of who got which genitals. that's not a marriage. that's slavery. a good marriage is an equal partnership.
@Dominique25 (9476)
• United States
24 Mar 11
Being married requires a lot of love and respect from both the husband and wife if a relationship is really going to work out. I think it is important for a wife to be submissive to her husband. I also feel though that a husband has to take into account his wife's feelings when it comes to things she wants to do especially if it's not going to harm the family in anyway. If she wants to work then they really need to talk about it more. What's the harm in her working not everyone wants to just stay home and take care of the kids. She may feel the need to do something for herself, for her happiness,etc. They need to talk about all the pros and cons of the situation and how things can work out. What if it would help the family more if she did work? What if it would not really be cost effective for her to work with paying childcare? Things are things that they need to discuss. If he cares for her and wants her to be happy then he has to be considerate and not domineering. Perhaps maybe she can do some kind of work from home? It's great that he's willing to work and have her stay home but would be consider staying home all the time with the kids and having her work? He has to try to put himself in her shoes.
@lyzabelle (1668)
• Philippines
24 Mar 11
In my point of view as a woman I would rather stay home and raise the babies as long that my husband can provide everything that I am needing and that includes our children as well. If my husband can financially provide me well then I don't have to work. But if his salary is not enough for me and the children it will time for me to seek employment to help him in financial matters. I can submit to my husband every desire as long that it will benefit both of us. If it will only do good for him then I might opposed it. Actually there must be give and take in every relationship so that it will last longer and flourish. Understanding each others wishes is a must in every couple.
@thanks1961 (7049)
• India
24 Mar 11
Hi dear, As per my belief the success lies in mutual understanding and no where else. Find out each and every cases of failure of marriages, we can understand that there is no mutual understanding or respect each other. First of all, we need to come out of our ego and attitude and this is the first step of every one's silent success of life. Many people know everything, but don't know how to live peacefully as good husband and wife. In this case also, the issue nothing else. He want the supremacy and there starts the imbalances. Normally we won't get any training or course for how to live and all. But from the experience and nature, we need to absorb it. Here what I would like to tell is the come down to the level of other people and try to live as a better human being and not like animals. Mind set and thinking are good, but if he think that all his dependents are subordinates and he is the superior power at home, he will learn lessons when his children grown up. Thank-s
• Saint Lucia
24 Mar 11
The husband should not just tell her dont work but discuss the matter with her.Find out whether she wants to be a stay-at-home mom or a working mom.Its a decision they have to make as a couple and not him telling her to do it.
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
24 Mar 11
This is one of the things that I don't like to get married to a certain religion or nationality: the man got full ownership of his wife to the extend that wife cannot utter a single opinion of herself. As a woman, I will submit if it is a rational act to do and only after a good discussion between husband and wife. Not like the boss telling his maid servant to bring him a glass of water.
• Philippines
24 Mar 11
I think she must do the right thing. Her husband must be understanding .
24 Mar 11
i think they should sit down and talk things over. Maybe there is a reason why she is doing that. Maybe she doesn't like the way they live because of poverty, that's why she seeks employment. It doesn't mean that she doesn't want to submit to e\her husband. But for me, i can submit to him, maybe not. it depends. :)