How can you convince a child to stay home?

@sender621 (14956)
United States
April 4, 2011 5:18pm CST
Parents spend their lives devoted to the upbringing of their children. it starts from the moment the child is born and never stops. Children grow up and start to find interests of their own. They start to make their own path of independence whether parents are ready for it or not. Sometimes these separations are cruel and harsh and unkinds words are spoken. What do you do to repair the damage when a child wants to leave home?
2 people like this
22 responses
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
5 Apr 11
As I keep on saying, take all the time to hug and kiss them while they are still young for when they reach the stage of letting them loosen up from our embraces, that is the time of combating our fear for our children. Calm down and just be a watchful parent for it will not tame them if you keep on with your violent disciplinary action. Anger stir up strifes AND SO BE VERY CAREFUL WITH YOUR WORDS that stab deeply and never heals. Action speaks louder, put your words in writing so that you will still have the chance to edit, look for ways to reach them and not them to reach you. Put in mind that if it is GOD's will to where they should fall then let it be, just pray that they can still stand the trials given to them in a way that they can still learn from it and start a new life all over again from the mistakes they committed. They will live life apart from you and so be at peace to accept it now. Convince them by showing good examples that start within their own peaceful home. Let them feel relaxed as they spend even a little of their time at home for they will be back again to feel that comfort as they get used to their wacky world.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
5 Apr 11
Hugs and kisses still do mean a lot. when a child feels that protection and a parent can give it, the separation doesn't seem as bittersweet.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
7 Apr 11
It is really sad that after a long time of rearing they did not realized how hurting it is when not respected and without minding our feelings. We care but they do not understand.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
5 Apr 11
I would have never encouraged them to stay....I wanted them to go out and explore the world and find new things they had never saw or done before! I would never want the to just stay here for me!
2 people like this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
5 Apr 11
that is the joy of bing a parent. giving your child the freedom to make their choices. We do want the best for them but we often forget the choice is slipping away from us as we give it to our children.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Apr 11
Sometimes we all say things we don't mean. In some situations, it's best that you just allow him/her to leave and try to make it on their own for a while, and just let them know that your door is always open to them. For me, when I was ready to leave home, it was what was best for both my Mom and myself. I love my Mother with all my heart, I appreciate all she has done for me. We just cannot live together, we butt heads constantly, argue constantly, and for the sake of our relationship, it was best that I leave home and start my own life.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
4 Apr 11
It's hard to know when to let go. If we hold on too tight, we drive them away. if we don't hold on tight enough, they can become lost to us. giving them their wings may be a wise choice. We have to hold on to the hope that after the flight they will return to us once again.
• United States
4 Apr 11
But you need to let him or her go and experience it for themselves. We once thought we knew everything when we were young and no one could tell us any different. They will return home if it doesn't work out, just make sure they know the door is open if they need to return and there is no shame in coming home.
• United States
5 Apr 11
"No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it," Albert Einstein! My children are 14, 11, and 1. My oldest swears that he is moving out on his 18th birthday. Honestly, I believe he really will, because he has always been an independant child and we constantly butt heads, just like my Mom and I did years ago. Whatever choice he makes, I will stand by him and support him, and if it doesn't work out, my door will always be open to him (to a certain extent, I will not allow a 30 year old child to live in my home if he has no job and no income). My Mother and I have the most wonderful relationship now. She is my best friend, and had I not left home when I did, we would have lost that...possibly forever. It's hard to let go and accept that our babies aren't babies anymore. They'll always be OUR babies, but they grow up, and we HAVE to LET them grow up. Even if it feels like you're watching them jump off a cliff, you have to let them go and make their own mistakes.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
5 Apr 11
You could always apoligize. This is a hard time i know. Been there done that. I didnt fight with mine to go or stay. But i know that the time when your littest bird leaving the nest can be stressful. Remember when you were ready to leave home. Nothing could stop you. Ready or not sooner or later its has to happen. Sometimes the little bird returns to the nest if they are not ready. When my sister's youngest was 18 they got into arguement and she told her to get out. Now she wishes her to come back home. She recently told her daughter that she could come back home if she needs to. I hope she does and that they can get along together.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
5 Apr 11
Forcing aa child to stay when they don't want to can be difficult. Watching them walk away from you can be even harder. The choice of what to do and how to do it can be a burden we don't want to carry.
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
6 Apr 11
A burden we dont want to carry but must. Even if you dont believe they are ready. They may surprize you.
• Oman
5 Apr 11
I have below simple and convenient ways to perform in order to repair the damage when a child wanted to leave home: 1. Have a heart-to-heart talk; 2. Lay down the cards of both parties 3. Accept mistakes and apologize for them 4. Work and strive for the renewal and betterment of the relationship; and 5. Make a commitment or a promise for both parties and seal it with love, care, and understanding not to mention the showering of trust and respect for each other. But remember, as children grow up and grow older, their sense of attachment to the family is lessened. A mere fact every parent must comprehend because its a way of life and a symbol of independence and freedom for they have already been taught to fly on their own wings. But parents are always there to accept their children with open arms whenever something goes wrong. Parents then serve as an encourager, motivator, and someone who cheer up those sobbing eyes and face.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
5 Apr 11
The heart to heart talk between a parent and a child is very important to their relationship. It shows the caring of both sides.
• Oman
5 Apr 11
Yes, you're right my friend. After all, your child has no one to run to except his/her parents who he/she consider as his/her significant others. =)
• Mexico
4 Apr 11
Hi sender: I know this is a hard conversation but the best advice I can give to a parrent is to be honest. Tell to his/ her children that he/ she loves him/her and that he/ she is proud for having him/ her as a child. To be honest and tell him/her your concerns about leaving home and also to remember him/her that you will always love him/ her. ALVARO
1 person likes this
@mermaidivy (15417)
• United States
4 Apr 11
I often see the teenagers don't really care whether the parents say they love them or not, they just want to get out though. My son is only 6 months old and I started to worry about whether he will be good or not good already hehe I should learn before anything happens
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
5 Apr 11
I don't think that anyhing can prove how we feel more to a child than the the love and commitment we show to them.
@gabs8513 (48764)
• United Kingdom
15 Apr 11
Hi Sender I have not been through anything like that with my Son and Daughter we are very close, they do live 3 hours away from me but we see each other a lot It is sad and hard if anything like that happens and I would never like to find out what it is like as my Children and I have always been close and still are I guess I would try to sit down with them and try to talk it through
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
15 Apr 11
A close parent and child bond is not as easy as it seems. It takes a lot of nurturing, guidance and devotion to see it through. thank you for sharing your views and i hope your bond with your children is always a close one.
@tkonlinevn (5784)
• Vietnam
15 Apr 11
I'm a kid. I don't know what my parents have done to repair this. I really love them. But I can't do other things. I must leave them for my life. My parents must be sorrow.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
15 Apr 11
Parents will need their children just as much as children need their parents. that might be something to consider. thanks for the response.
@asliah (11149)
• Philippines
9 Apr 11
hi, for me, i will motivate the child just to stay at home,that was my sister's problem with her daughter,her daughter at the age of 11 really wanted to go out with her friends till in the middle of the night,so she motivated her daughter,she told to her daughter that when she go out just for 30 minutes and go home,then if she do that her award would be a cellphone.and it worked.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
9 Apr 11
Finding the proper motivation and communication is the key. everything else seems to fall into place when you have both of these things to guide you.
@gelayagui98 (1337)
• Australia
8 Apr 11
Parents are entrusted with the interesting and important responsibility of assisting their children in the shaping of their developing personalities. Some parents take this responsibility too lightly and permit their children to grow up without the guidance that would have enabled them to make the most of their personalities. Others approach the matter of child training with such sternness that their children misunderstand their good motives and rebel against their ironclad discipline. Perhaps the most successful parent is the one who has acquired the knack of inspiring the child with a sense of his responsibility to perpetuate and cherish the parent's confidence. Such a wise parent find tangible ways of expressing approval when the child handles his affairs commendably, and is able to counsel the child tactfully when he makes mistakes.This parent knows how to place himself on the child's side in the struggle, so that the child feels the bonds of a partnership. It is good for us parent that we treat our child as though he were a little older than re really is. This pleases the child and stimulates him to cooperation and to the development of the more mature habits of conduct. When a child is given full recognition of his progress toward maturity, he is more free to confide in his parent and thus give opportunity for counsel.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
8 Apr 11
We can only open a door for a child. We hope that they will enter it while holding on to what we have tried to teach them. After that, it really is up to them.
• Philippines
6 Apr 11
The moment a mother give birth to a child, it means the child had to go; it also means independence. Parents only obligation to their child is to provide all the necessary things that a child should have. They have their rights too and as parents our only most treasured values is to guide them morally not to keep them forever. Communication then is an important factor in guiding our children; since our world is so harsh then we should be kind to our children and give them more quality time.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
6 Apr 11
Independence can mean so many different things to a parent and child. the child may be looking for freedom to make their own choices. A parent may see it as losing something they held on to. Independence can be a positive feeling if we nurture it along the way.
@cher913 (25893)
• Canada
5 Apr 11
this is what a child is raised for, to ultimately leave home but of course you want it on the best terms. always tell them that they are welcome to come back any time.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
6 Apr 11
It can be hard for a parent to see a child leave the nest. It's difficult but it is a part of the growing process on both sides.
@onlydia (2808)
• United States
5 Apr 11
Well, My son just moved out three weeks ago and I cried but that is a part of growing up and getting out on there own. I helped him with things that he mite need as in dresser and oh that was it. We talked about it for over a year about him moving out. He is 21 and he needed to wait and see if he was ready and when he was he was all happy so yes I could never make him feel bad about leaving even though I know he did a little as he didn't want me to be sad. I had to tell him this is when us Mother's cry. 1. When you start school. 2 when you graduate 3. when you move out. So I laughed and said fly my son fly. But if you ever need to come home to me you know where Mom lives. So with me there was no damage as I have alway's been able to talk to my son and him to me about anything. So if there is damage the only thing I can say is tell each other your sorry and that no matter what you love them. Have a goodday.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
6 Apr 11
Some parting comes in sorrow. some separations come in laughter. The goodbyes do not have to be permanent ones and that is something to hold on to as your child goes out the door.
1 person likes this
• India
5 Apr 11
You cannot convince anybody for anything. The only person you can convince is the person you see in the mirror i.e.,yourself. I will say that be happy with yourself first and the world will always be there to please you. When you start living in the present, the universe aligns to your thoughts and gives you the things which pleases you the most. So if you do this on a regular basis there will be no need for you to convince anybody for that matter.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
6 Apr 11
It's true that we need to believe in something ourselves first. i still think we can show someone else the way. We may not always get our way, but when we believe in something strong enough, there is always a reason to try.
@shaace (105)
• Singapore
5 Apr 11
Hi Sender631, As a grown up children, I guess it is very common that we would like to leave home and pursue something greater. Take example myself, I leave home when I graduated from high-school to further my study and gain some international experiences overseas. It is a very good exposure to me that I learned a lot of things. one of them is to be "independent". I do always call back home to my parents and talk to them. And nowadays with high speed internet connection, it even made possible to communicate through video & audio conference. Always make sure there is nothing for my parents to worry about.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
5 Apr 11
We teach our children how to be more grown up and independent in this world. when the time comes for that independence to be set free, we keep holding on. sometimes it is the parent who won't let the child leave instead the child wanting to be the one to go.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (78119)
• Philippines
5 Apr 11
At what age bracket of the child are we speaking of, here? I guess, if the child is already of age and could support himself, then why not/ But if not yet, then you could very well request for your child not to do it. Perhaps you could talk heart to heart with him and ask what could be done to correct whatever that have caused him to think of leaving. Compromise could be an option to everybody. There's no better way than to have a heart to heart talk with the child.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
5 Apr 11
There can be the issue of compromise at any age. i am mostly thinking of a child who has reached the teenaged years and is thinking it is time to be on their own. thanks for the response.
@xien2xien (1383)
• Philippines
5 Apr 11
when i was growing and still living under my parents roof, they were cool and we always do the activity that we all like so i usually stay at home... and sometimes when me and my friends will hang out together my mom will always say that we can use the house to have the bonding, so its much better to invite my friends over at our house than to spent my time in other's house, when your child is an outgoing person, better have a deal with them for like schedule of leaving your house, talk to them nicely and be a friend to them, so they won't get and hate you
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
5 Apr 11
Sometimes it can be difficult to form the lines between being a parent and being a friend. we want to be both but often we are foolish in our quest. this can drive a child away or bring them closer to us.
@jonify (90)
• United States
5 Apr 11
The best way to convince a child to stay at home, is by giving him/her a good reason to. You can just wake up one morning and say, 'sandra, you gonna stay at home today', with no reason to. No, i doesn't work that way, its weird.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
5 Apr 11
We just have to hope that ou reasons our strong enough to support our convictions. if they aren't a child of any age will see right through it.
@inertia4 (27385)
• United States
5 Apr 11
Well as long as they were raised properly and understand the way things work in this crazy world then you should support them. After all we all went through this and we were once young and wanted to do our own thing. Be there for them, help them if you can and always make them know that your home is still their home. Love them.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
5 Apr 11
Showing support to our children throughout their lives is a big part of keeping the lines of ommunication open between parent and child.
• United States
4 Apr 11
My children are not that old. But I think if you have them sit down with you and perhaps draw up a pro and con list together perhaps the child will see why you feel the way you do. And all you can do is let them sink and be ready to help them when they do. GL!
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
4 Apr 11
Sometimes the choice can be easier if the child thinks they are making it without your assistance. I think the pro and con list is a good idea to help the child decide. it also helps you as a parent to give the guidance you can.