Do you feel uncomfortable when people pick on themselves about their weight?

United States
April 7, 2011 9:26am CST
I'm sure we have all be in a situation like this. I had this friend she is plus size, but she still is pretty. Not saying full figured women are not, but to get back to the topic, she often picks on herself and it makes me quite uncomfortable. We were really close, so when she did make a comment about her weigh, i'll say "oh, hush" or "stop, that" something like that, but just feeling uncomfortable about it. I also have my boyfriend mother who talks about eating to much. Once she said, "Oh, we eat around her, can't you tell" and also make other comments about her weight. While I'm just puzzled on what to say, but at least come up with something comforting. Anyway, do you know someone like this. How do you deal with situations like this? Or do you do this? I've heard that some people pick on their selves to beat other people to the punch. I.E if you ever seen "Why did I get married" you'll know what I mean. Opinions Please!
1 person likes this
8 responses
@Masihi (4228)
• Canada
8 Apr 11
A lot of us people complain and don't do anything about it, so I don't know what really to say on this line. Perhaps we should be told to shut up and lose weight. But on the other hand there's issues like our spouses making us feel bad (yes, Hubby makes comments about me being fat) because we're overweight. I feel so inconfident, that just sleep all the time. I've never heard of people picking on themselves for any other motive other than that they're genuinely upset about their weight. At least that's how it is with me. I try not to say anything anymore, because I've had people tell me to give it a rest, or accept myself the way I am. But still, there's this self-loathing that I keep inside... Only thing you can do is just be honest, tell her she's pretty, or even tell her that if she's upset about her weight, you'll be there to support her in her weight loss journey. That's basically what she's "asking" for in her comments. I'd straight-out ask her what exactly does she want to do with her weight, encourage her to make a game plan, and be there as support. She'll either accept or reject.
@Masihi (4228)
• Canada
8 Apr 11
And no, I don't feel uncomfortable when people pick on themselves because I can totally relate in my heart. What I do feel uncomfortable about is the indecisiveness they show about changing their appearance.
• United States
10 Apr 11
You really did make some good point here. I've learned it is common to see plus size or overweight women or even men to pick on themselves about their weight. It is better to do something about it, than to do nothing at all. Some people choose to do nothing at all. When this happen, I feel like I can no longer help out. I tend to help those who at least help themselves. So if there is no motive to loose weight after constantly trying to put yourself down, I feel like that only thing I can do after constantly saying "well do something about it" is just deal with it.
@blue65packer (11835)
• United States
9 Apr 11
I know someone very close to me like that! It is me! I am morbid obese. I something say things like "It pays to have a big butt" when I bump into things! When I am resally in the dumps I will complain about my weight and get really down on myself! Luckily some of my friends will cheer me up! If not my bummed out period doesn't last forever! Being obese does suck at times and we stop dumb things about our wieght to cover what we really think of ourselves! Alot of us have self-esteem problems,I'm one of them! We think people can't and won't except us! No one understands us! Stuff like that! It is just a endless cycle!
• United States
10 Apr 11
Everybody is different, if people can't accept or understand you, that just tells you, you don't need to associated yourself with people like that. It doesn't help to beat yourself up about your weight either. Do something about it is better than doing nothing. Best wishes!
@sunny5u (2072)
• India
8 Apr 11
Hi keshia, i find this more among girls, unfortunately whom ever i meet i face them same problem with them :-(, but what to do i have got used to such.
• United States
10 Apr 11
I've got use to it, but I can still be a little uncomfortable, nothing else I can think to do, but be reassuring.
@SIMPLYD (78616)
• Philippines
8 Apr 11
I think when the person does that, she finds it as an outlet of what she may have been feeling about her size. Or sometimes, she wants reassurance from her friend that it's still okay to be so. I think as a friend, i will encourage her to beat it and advise her of some tested ways on how to. I care for my friends so i have to be honest with them and motivate them to reform .
• United States
10 Apr 11
I agree it is best to be honest, and up front in situations like this. Suggesting to do something is better than not suggesting anything at all. Thanks for sharing!
@cream97 (29169)
• United States
7 Apr 11
Hi. keshia2007r. I guess they may talk like this because they don't want to feel bad about their weight. Most of the females, especially that I know of, are happy with their size, as far as I know of. They act like it. I am not sure if I would feel uncomfortable, I just know that I would not like seeing them always putting themselves down or making jokes about their body size around me. Knowing me, when they begin to put themselves down, I will manage to pick them back up after they have badmouthed themselves to the core.
• United States
7 Apr 11
Exactly, I do not like to hear someone verbally attacking themselves. Thats, not fun for anybody. I too would some how manage to pick them back up. Its not healthy for them or anybody else. I'm just calling the picking on yourself a defense mechanism for being plus size.
• Netherlands
7 Apr 11
I'v had a few friends with which I experienced the same. They are overweight. That's really not a problem at all, but they aren't confident even slightly! The best thing to do is to actually NOT refrain from making comments about it. The more they are confronted with it, the more they'll realise it's actually true. If you are overweight, the first thing to do to stop being inconfident, is to let yourself out of the denial phase.
• United States
7 Apr 11
You make great points here. Although, I don't think they are in the denial phase. As I stated before, maybe they have been abused by constant picking on, so they decide to pick on themselves before they left somebody else beat them to it. Which I think is their way of a defense mechanism.
@Outcast (633)
• United States
7 Apr 11
As being plus sized myself I have to say a majority of the time people pick on themselves just to beat others to the punch. I use to do it a lot before I got together with my husband. It use to make him uncomfortable as well. He started asking me to go for a walk with him every time he thought I was going to say something about my weight. If you had the time to spend with your friend or your boyfriends mother just suggest to them to go walk or join a gym with you. Maybe you can get them motivated to work out.
• United States
7 Apr 11
This is understood! Beating somebody to the punch is a mechanism plus size men or women use as a defense. You do make good point, I would suggest this if I actually went walking or running. Thanks for sharing!
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
8 Apr 11
For me not because I will good in weight in this time.