Angry at family secrets

@sender621 (14956)
United States
April 8, 2011 7:19am CST
Families share so many things together. there are emotions, bonds, relationships and even secrets. Some secrets stay hidden in a family for years. yet some are never revealed. it can be of embarrassment or just loyalty to family members. if a family member told one of your secrets that you did not want to share with the rest of the world, would you be angry with them? could you forgive their slip of the tongue?
5 people like this
21 responses
@macayadann (1235)
• Philippines
12 Apr 11
what is in the family should be in the family only. Let the conflict sealed and fastened. What is the use of letting others know the secret, it won't help for sure. Fix and patch the portrait of the family with love.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
12 Apr 11
There are some secrets that may only be important to the family. others may not get the meaning and bitter feelings were brought out for nothing.
• Philippines
13 Apr 11
If you know how to befriend and care for others do it first within family members.
@kheydia (883)
• Philippines
11 Apr 11
Well its hard to answer that, i haven't encountered such situations like that, besides i haven't known any family secrets in our family, if it has i wouldn't be mind talk it out to anyone, i am not really a talkative, but if others talk about it, well maybe it depends upon the secret...
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
12 Apr 11
Thank you for your response. i t seems like you may be one of the fortunate ones to not know about such family secrets.
@kheydia (883)
• Philippines
12 Apr 11
yeah, maybe... =)
@babyanna (1217)
• China
9 Apr 11
Hi,there! Yeah,I do have an aunt who is not a close relative to me and has a big mouth.She just likes sharing your secrets with others and she is also very inquisitive.Last time I told her I was dating someone,she just went to tell everybody in my family.I really couldn't believe her.So now,I never share anything with her.I'm not really angry,'cause it's not a big deal anyway.But my mom was a little annoyed since she was just my mom's cousin and yet she interfered with our family issues.I mean,it really depends.If it's just a slip of tongue,I can definitely forgive their mistakes.But if it's their hobbies,I will just avoid sharing secrets with them.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
9 Apr 11
I am sure that we all probably have some family members who can not wait to stir things and tell what they know about someone else. they will act innocent and unknowing while they did their deed.
@babyanna (1217)
• China
9 Apr 11
Yeah,it's true.I can put up with it as long as it doesn't get on my nerves.I don't get furious easily.But when I do,I can do something that's really nasty.I try to control my tempers though because I don't wanna do something that hurt others or something that I would regret later.
@dainy1313 (2354)
• Leon, Mexico
8 Apr 11
Hello Sender621, what bothered to me is that my family had a secret to me. A terrible one, and I was the last to knew it... Dainy
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
8 Apr 11
Something like that can certainly make you feel discouraged. Being left out by family cab be difficult to cope with.
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@dainy1313 (2354)
• Leon, Mexico
11 Apr 11
Yes the family is like the nest of the society.
@asliah (11148)
• Philippines
12 Apr 11
hi, sometimes there are some secrets that should be kept for safety reason or confidentially, if my secrets spread i think i definitely get angry because its confidential secret and could make trouble when it will spread,sometimes i need to keep my own secret to my self for safety.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
12 Apr 11
Secrets are pieces of time to be kept in confidence. when that confidence is broken, time is shattered by it.
@inertia4 (27713)
• United States
11 Apr 11
I think that secrets can destroy a family down the road. My family, from what I remember growing up, was like the CIA, everything was kept from the children. Maybe back them some things were an embarrassment or they thought that they were bad for other family members to know. I do not believe that there should be secrets.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
11 Apr 11
I agree. secrets may not hurt us that much in the moment, but how they will affect us later in life can be something difficult to cope with.
• China
10 Apr 11
Hi,my friend!In fact every family has good or bad secrets,as usual the families want to share the wonderful secrets and keep the bad or ungraceful ones.Once one of the family slipped of the tongue to tell some sercet that mustn't be allowed to tell,the rest of the family will get angry about that.But I think the anger must be limited,they must be good-tempered to the secret teller,or maybe the family don't look like a family any longer.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
10 Apr 11
It does seem that we have a bigger reaction to the secrets we don't want share than the ones that can bring out joy. a secret is a secret and it should be up to the keeper whether it should be revealed or not.
@whyaskq (7532)
• Singapore
9 Apr 11
Frankly, I would not be angry. I would be disappointed. If it is meant to be a secret, then no one else should know. The person who I entrusted the secret should have keep his promise not to reveal the secret but again I would be my fault since I should not have disclosed it in the first place. The stand I take on this is that if it is meant to be a secret forever, no one should know except only myself. It is my fault that i trusted the wrong person. So when I fail to keep the secret to myself, why should I blame the person for revealing my secret?
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
9 Apr 11
Anger in these situations can often lead to disappointment. It may not start out to be that way but that can be the ending result.
@thatgirl13 (7307)
• South Korea
9 Apr 11
I would be really mad, really. I wouldn't want someone going around telling my secrets to the world, even if they're a family. Secrets are meant to be kept, not spread. But I'm glad I don't have any secrets as such.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
9 Apr 11
I think that telling family secrets behind your back can change a lot of relationships that we have. jealousy and spite can often trigger these events.
• United States
9 Apr 11
Well as far as I am concerned once you let some one know it is no longer a secret and you cannot get too riled if it gets out. It's a keep it to yourself if you don't want it to get out.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
9 Apr 11
Sometimes it can be all about who we share our secrets with. Telling someone can lead to our downfall.
@sjvenden27 (1850)
• United States
9 Apr 11
At first I would be angry that they shared my secret with someone else.. but in the end I know that any secret shared has a chance of getting out.. It just depends on the time..
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
9 Apr 11
Thank you for your comments. No matter how hard we may try to hide them some secrets just having a way of finding their way to the world.
@gelayagui98 (1337)
• Australia
9 Apr 11
Secret should be kept if you know it will caused damage to our love ones' lives.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
9 Apr 11
Thank you for the comment. keeping a secret or two can be harder than we think.
• Mexico
8 Apr 11
Hi sender: Of course I'll be angry and I'll feel betrayed by this person. If this was not his/ her intention I will forgive but if he/ she does it because he/ she wanted to hurt me that's another story. It's difficult to forget when you put confidence on a person and he/ she doesn't deserve it. ALVARO
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
8 Apr 11
The motivation that family members have for revealing a secret can be almost as important as the secret itself.If it is just a slip of the lips, it can be forgiven quicker than trying to be hurtful on purpose.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
8 Apr 11
Hi. sender621. Yes, I would be angry with them. I don't appreciate family, keeping secrets, it really makes me mad. There are many families that have secrets that they will never tell each other. This is so sad. Some families take things to their graves. They never will, or can be honest with each other. And this is totally unfair. I would forgive them, I will always love them no matter what. My father had another daughter that is my, stepsister. I did not find all of this out until I was in high school. A girl told me that I had a sister. I kept on telling her that I don't. The only sister that I had was my youngest sister. She was trying to tell me that I had another sister, which I did not know about. And when my grandmother passed away, my family wanted me to meet my half sister, I was angry, so angry with my father for not telling me. So this was about 11 years ago when this happened. Now me and this same sister has reconnected on Facebook, and we are the best of friends! She is so sweet, she pokes me from time to time and she comments on many of my discussions too! My dad talked a lot of junk about her but when I finally met her for my own eyes, she ended up being so kind and so wonderful. I love her so much. In fact, I love her just as if she is my 100% blood sister. It is amazing. I was not going to let the fact that my father did not tell me and my sister about our other half sister ruin a relationship that we could have together. I turned any hatred around and I made this into something wonderful. I am glad that I did. For the families that hide many secrets, is very wrong for them in doing this. They should be upfront to each other and should not tell lies. Lying and keeping secrets is never the answer to having close family ties!
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
8 Apr 11
Thank you for expressing your views. Sadly I do know of some families who will use their family secrets to get back at each other for past transgressions. Only once these things are said they can't be taken back.
@bunnybon7 (37447)
• Holiday, Florida
8 Apr 11
unfortunately i have a cousin thats blabbed secrets of the family many times. some has forgiven him and some have not ive thought many times not to forgive him but cant help myself im a very forgiving soul. now, if we could all just remember not to let him know such things.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
8 Apr 11
Forgiveness in a faamily can be difficut at times. It can drive a wedge between family members or bring them closer together.
@jillhill (37383)
• United States
8 Apr 11
I had a cousin do this...told us a deep dark family secret and I would have preferred not to know....what she didn't know is that we also know a deep dark secret about her....wonder if she thought about that before spilling the beans!
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
8 Apr 11
One door can often open another one when you start revealing family secrets. they may not be doors that deserve to be open.
@patgalca (14605)
• Orangeville, Ontario
8 Apr 11
I hate family secrets. I was privy to an incident that happened to my sister. As I was telling my brother about it my mother hushed me. That ticked me off. Why didn't he have a right to know? (I was a teenager and he is 4.5 years older than me). I found out 20 years after the fact a secret my parents kept from me about my other sister. I have no idea if any other family member knew but my sister told me herself when I was 30 years old (the incident happened when I was 9 - I guess they thought I was too young to understand). I was livid that that secret was kept from me. My father's response to that was, "What good would it do to have told you?" In one way he is right; in another I may have been able to learn from my sister's mistake. I was going to say I don't keep secrets but I never told my parents about a miscarriage I had. I was single (but in my 30's) and thought what they didn't know wouldn't hurt them (hypocrite am I!). I think it's more that I didn't want to disappoint them. My siblings know about it because I found the need to share my experience with others. My nephew's wife had a miscarriage after the "safe" time so I found it necessary to tell her that the same thing happened to me (there are other details I don't need to get into - it's just being able to comfort someone so they know they are not alone in their experience). We can learn from others' mistakes, not just our own. I think it is important to share them.
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
8 Apr 11
Sometimes family secrets can be hurtful and bring out resentment and bitterness that had been buried with the secret. Sharing some of these burdens eases a lot of comfort where there was strife before.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
8 Apr 11
Hi sender Hiding a secret in the family works both ways. Sometimes (or many a times) it works for good as it gives harmony and peace around in the family. The problems arise when the secret gets revealed and it is a bitter one for any member in the family. It can be devastating in case it is poisoned.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
8 Apr 11
I guess it all depends on what secrets we are willing to keep and which ones we don't mind giving away. Thank you for your comments.
@surekharathi (14134)
• India
8 Apr 11
No friend not angry on such person who wants to share their secrets with me and say don't tell to anybody because I know they are trust on me and they feel free after telling me their problem or secrets. I will so happy because I am a person on my family members can believe and I never tell to anybody any secrets.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
8 Apr 11
Trusting is a huge part of the secrets that we keep. Breaking that trust is breaking a bond with someone we care about.
@barehugs (8986)
• Canada
8 Apr 11
I'm hard done-by to think of any family secrets in our family. Would it be a secret if your grandson married a family cousin? This has happened and I am quite ok with it. His wife's (my granddaughter-in-law) mother is a cousin of my Mom, so we both have mothers with the same last name. I think this is kind of neat!
1 person likes this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
8 Apr 11
What sime of us might consider to be a secet would not be one to someone else. It all depends on how you look at it.