Tough love

United States
April 11, 2011 9:49am CST
This may very well be one of the hardest decisions in life. When you are in a situation that the only option left is to show some tough love. We all have to do it with our kids at sometime or another. We have to be a parent, can't always be their best friend. But what about when it is your parent, or your older relative you are taking care of. Tough love is much harder to give to a grown person. I just recently started taking care of my schizophrenic mother. She had a break down, quit taking her meds. Aside form hearing voice and being a little paranoid she seems like a completely normal person. She again a few days ago stopped taking her meds. I fill her things up weekly and expect her to be responsible for it. I don't want to take away all sense of her independence. But now the time has come to give tough love. Because she does need these meds. How can I take her pills, make her show me she is taking them but make her still feel trusted? It's impossible. Right now she is not trusted. What would you do in this situation? Or a similar one? Have you ever had to make a decision like this?
2 people like this
8 responses
@kquiming (2999)
• Philippines
11 Apr 11
i'm sorry to hear about you and your mother's situation...i haven't experienced that, and this is easier said than done - you have to patient, and somehow, someway you'll figure things out...then you'll know what to do best. anyway i just hope you feel that you're not alone on this one...i'm sure you have friends and family members there who care, and are willing to help you in any way they can... or you can try joining a support group where you can meet people who are in a similar situations like yours.
1 person likes this
• United States
11 Apr 11
Yes I do. but just like you it's hard for them to understand or give advice. It's starting to play a toll on my own sanity. I have two kids I am trying to raise and a be a wife and this other harder role. Sometimes I just don't understand how things all worked out the way they did. what lesson I am supposed to get from all this. Patience is wearing thin, but I am learning to make it stay longer. So maybe that is the lesson. Believing every bad thing happens so that we can learn helps a lot with getting over those things.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (88748)
• Marion, Kansas
12 Apr 11
You are in the sandwich generation. If you need more explanation of what I have typed or are interested, feel free to PM me. Does she say why she does not want to take her meds? The lady I spoke about in my post further on the page believed that a particular medication was making her fat, and so was hiding it, not taking it.
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
12 Apr 11
Sometimes as parents we need to express tough love. It is not something simple to achieve. the road to tough love is not always a smooth one. there can often be many bumps along the way. Sometimes tough love is what we need to make ourselves and the ones we love stronger.
@bingskee (5238)
• Philippines
12 Apr 11
my father had alzheimer's disease. that time we do not know about the illness and everybody was responding impatiently. he was very stubborn and did things on his own and did not want to be bothered. he went out of the house to walk and he didnt want anyone to go along with him. it was such a nightmare to experience that with him because he was such a strong and dependable man. i regretted the fact that i do not have the knowledge about the illness that time. admittedly, there were instances where i got irked and impatient. it was after some time that we learned to deal with it with patience and love and understanding.
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
12 Apr 11
ell, I've been tried to tell my mother to discipline my brother and not to give in to him whenever he needs money. Tough, she said yes I would do but then when the tie comes, she would just give in to my brother. But your case is different, it is a medication she needs to have whether she wants it or not. I guess you need to show that tough love otherwise she will become worsen.
• Bahrain
12 Apr 11
Not yet. I should be more patient to my mom becuse I am the only one who can help her. This sometimes cause you too much stress and problems but be strong and widened your thinking because if we should think her situation it is difficult for her having that kind of illness. From now on, she is now your responsiblity, let her feel that you're just doing this for her to get treated.
@GardenGerty (88748)
• Marion, Kansas
12 Apr 11
I have worked with the adult disabled and mentally challenged. Legally in the United States you cannot make a person take their meds. Some of them are on the same or similar meds as your mother. Some people who need medication for schizophrenia feel like it robs them of their genuine personality. What I have seen work effectively is to have some kind of a positive incentive for taking the meds. A reward system. If it turns into a battle of wills it is really hard for anyone to feel like they are winners and more likely every one will end up feeling like they have been disrespected and coerced. I am not sure what really works. One of my clients was about my age, and I heard horror stories about how she had been in the past when she had not taken her meds for awhile and people had not followed up on it. In the three years I worked with her she was very compliant about taking all of her meds. In fact when the pharmacy miscounted on one, she reported it to me, and told me "I would be a mess if I did not get my little green pill". As I am typing this and sort of rambling I have two suggestions that your mom might appreciate, and you as well. One would be to get a copy of a Medication Administration Record (MAR} and let her cross off her meds each day as she takes them. It then becomes hers again. The other thing is that I remembered I took care of my great niece and she had a lot of medicine, plus vitamins. Poor little thing hated me being in control of her and making her take her meds all of the time and sometimes wanted to rebel. Our solution then was I picked one or two (multi vitamin, and vitamin C) and told her that she could refuse those medicines any time she wanted. It satisfied her need to feel in control. I wish you luck with this situation and bless you for caring for your mom.
@bird123 (10326)
• United States
12 Apr 11
Is there a way of putting the meds in her food or drink??? How about that favorite dessert??
@Hatley (154691)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Apr 11
hi natnickeep here in Gold Crest; when a resident who is seemingly a bit bonkers refuses to take his or her medication that will make them act normal Kristin just stands there until the patient does take them, You may have to do this too even if it makes her feel dependent as its for her own good her safety perhaps