adrian wants a child

United States
April 17, 2011 12:17pm CST
I have had enough for a lifetime. I could not carry the ones I lost due to my thyroid condition. I was blessed to have carried kk. But,I threw up blood for 5 months. am a single mother living on ssi. I am turning 42 and I think that should be enough to say no. Then on top of it I can't get pregnant so why try. The doctor said I produce two eggs a month and it would be very hard to have kids. I over all don't want to risk being a broke single mother to another child. I am leavng the state in one year. I want to go back to school and get a real job. He would be a great father I am sure by the way he treats kk. ut,can he just realize I don't want to raise a child this old either.
5 people like this
20 responses
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
17 Apr 11
Think about it this way, you would be over 60 by the time you got done raising another child. You've pretty much answered your own question here. You don't want another child....simple. Also you said that you CAN'T get pregnant. What more can you say? Adrian will just have to accept that. You can't have children so there is no point in even discussing it.
2 people like this
• United States
17 Apr 11
He thinks this ovulation kit will help him.
2 people like this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
18 Apr 11
Uh-oh. The doctors actually said it would be very difficult for you to get pregnant, right? Which means odds are you couldn't but I don't know...if you throw an ovulation kit into the mix....if you really don't want more children then you just need to be firm with Adrian on it. Truthfully, I think all your reasons for not wanting more are very valid. Maybe Adrian could get his "kid fix" by coaching a sport or becoming a Big Brother or something. I know it's not the same but it also would be wrong for you to give in out of pressure. We all always think every love is the one that's going to last forever and sadly, we are usually wrong...not always but it is something you have to consider. What if something happened to Adrian or the two of you down the road just didn't work out...are you prepared and willing to raise another child on your own? It's your choice of course but if I were you, I"d be extra diligent with that birth control.
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (60081)
• United States
19 Apr 11
ask him, does he really want to be raising a teenager when he is also looking at retirement? besides, if you can't do it, you can't do it, and shouldn't even try because it could endanger your life... and he shouldn't be asking it of you.
2 people like this
@Nadinest1 (2042)
• Canada
18 Apr 11
You seem to have all your ducks lined up in a row. keep on the straight and narrow. if you want to go to school and get a good job, then do just that. Don't let anyone tell you different. If Adrian truly loves you, he will understand that you do not want anymore kids...and if you physically can't have any more....then it is a moot point anyway. So why is he discussing it with you?
2 people like this
@tlb0822 (1414)
• United States
18 Apr 11
I would defiantly sit down and have a straight talk with him. It sounds that it would be very risky to your health and that of a potential little one for you to concieve. It may be a hard subject to bring up with him, but just clearly tell him your concerns, and why it is that you do not wish to have another child.
2 people like this
@celticeagle (115058)
• Boise, Idaho
18 Apr 11
THis is one of the primary reasons I think people really need to communicate in relationships. You need to stand fast to your not wanting any more chidren and he needs to be good with that. If not you could be headed for some bitterness down the road afew years. It could end up that way if he doesn't resign himself to no kids. And with his health problems living to see a child grown could be problematic.
@cream97 (29175)
• United States
17 Apr 11
Hi. giftsandbagcom. I think that you should have a heart to heart talk with Adrian and tell him what you have told us. Tell him that you don't want and can't have another child. He will have to respect your decision and not go against what you feel. I hope that he is willing to accept what you tell him. He may want a child but he has to consider the effect that this may have on your body and mental well being too.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Apr 11
My mental would be unbareable for him. I can't take meds fo bipolar disorder and depression while pregnant. r
• United States
17 Apr 11
Oh gosh I forgot about that, yeah best for you to further discuss and explain that one too, you would not be able to and right now you are doing well with them.
• United States
17 Apr 11
That is the biggest reason I am glad I can't do it. would be in the hospital more thanI can stand.
• United States
10 May 11
Is this the same man who beat you?? I hope you will not consider getting pregnant to this man. Especially when it would be a very risky pregnancy for you! What a danger to you if he got drunk and beat you again...you could lose the baby.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
10 May 11
Yes, Adrian is the man who beat her. A lot of these guys that have a tendency to be abusive are anxious to get married and have kids because it makes it more difficult for the woman to leave them.
• United States
10 May 11
Thanks sid556 I was not sure. What a sad situation to be in, unable to break away from an abuser, I feel sorry for you Gifts.
@lelin1123 (15645)
• Puerto Rico
17 Apr 11
I'm with you on that. I met my significant other after having two girls and I was thirty-one already. I told him there is no way I want anymore kids. If that is your wish then we need to breakup now. However, he didn't want to breakup and he is happy we didn't have any kids now 23 years later. I know I did the right thing and you know your body and your finances. You have to do what is best for you. It takes alot to have a baby and be committed for another eighteen years.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Apr 11
I don't have it in me to possibly lose anoter one so he needs to understand.
1 person likes this
@lelin1123 (15645)
• Puerto Rico
17 Apr 11
Yes, and if he truly loves you he will understand.
@la_chique (1499)
17 Apr 11
Well you do need to sit down and rationally tell him how you feel. Physically and emotionally it doesnt sound like biological children would be a good option. Have you though about fostering or adopting though? You could foster short-term so he could get it out of his system, or adopt if you both wanted to?
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Apr 11
I told him we could adopt and he said he does not want to.
@la_chique (1499)
17 Apr 11
That is really a bit selfish of him then, because he is putting you in a position where you can do absolutely nothing about it. I never wanted to adopt when my partner first suggested it to me as a solution for us, but he explained to me how it didnt matter if a child would be biologically ours or not, but its far more about how the child is raised and how much love and direction you can give the child. Because I have a genetic problem, it would be horrible of us to knowingly pass that on to a child, so instead of taking the risk and having one anyway, there's so many children born into the world with nobody to love or care for them. At the end of the day, I realised that carrying the baby is just 9 months, birth begins a lifelong journey.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36697)
• United States
20 Apr 11
I'm actually younger than you are, but I couldn't imagine starting over with a baby at this point in time either. I think that he should realize that for your own health and for the health of the child that you all might be able to conceive it would be best that you not have another child. With that said, I also know that there are a lot of people that want to be parents that have never had a child before. However, there are also a lot of babies in this world that have been born and don't have parents to love them. I think in this situation that adoption might be a good solution.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Apr 11
He does not want to adopt at all. I think he is crazy and I am not having any kids. I am too settled in my life as well.
@marie2052 (3697)
• United States
19 Apr 11
Girl you know your body better than anyone. you have to listen to yourself, Unfortunately a man my WANT a child, but I have raised 5, and even helped with some step children. it was never easy. I had my last son at 37 and he was an emergency C-Section. Looked at Hubby and said THIS IS NOT FUN ANYMORE!!! threatened him within an inch of his life if he did not get fixed!!!! I was in a Catholic hospital who would not let protestants have their tubes tied so I MADE my hubby get fixed. I just finished raising my son he is now 21 I will be 59. I can actually say I am thoroughly worn out. While I enjoy my grandchildren I enjoy peace and quiet more now and want to just do my crafts and don't even care which day of the week it is or what Holiday is coming next. I think I did so much with my children as kids I burned myself out. I was a roommother for all 5 from Kindergarten to 6th grade So I know I burned myself out on holidays LOL My daughter is home while her husband is in Iraq with her 16month old girl and she is 6 months pregnant. While I love my daughter and adore my grandbaby I notice my chronic pain more every day helping with the toddler. no unless I was rich and had a nanny I could not imagine having a baby at 42. Good luck in your decisions and hope you make the right one. A father may love a child but very few do the constant care, with illness, education etc. I even got roped into caring for my husbands son at age 15. It almost broke us up But we managed to get through. I would never do that again for anyone. the 15 yr old is now 22 and on 10 years probation living with his mother. AND has no job, got a girl pregnant, and she has two others with NO JOB. What are these grown kids thinking having children and not being able to care for them?
• United States
21 Apr 11
I made up my mind and i have said I don't want any kids. I am not mentally ready for this either way. I don't think I can manage diapers and morning feedings either. Good luck to you I love my crafts as well.
• Saint Lucia
17 Apr 11
Well its something you should discuss at the beginning of the relationship.I am not sure i want another child although i am just turning thirty. You should explain your reasons and make him understand.But i dont think he should pressure you knowing you situation.You know he cant realize that until you let him know. so talk to Adrian..
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Apr 11
he knows all of this and still wants one. I just don't want to reak up with him.
• United States
17 Apr 11
Your reasons are understandable, as I too could not fathom starting all over again. The way I see it too, is that you to are just starting out and to be speaking of a child now would be too soon. Granted the more you wait the complicated it gets. Let him know your true feelings now because the longer you wait the harder it will be for him to accept it. As always gifts wishing you well.
• United States
17 Apr 11
I told him everything I wrote here. Adrain is 44 and he should not want any more kids. He as two teen daughters.
@carolscash (9503)
• United States
17 Apr 11
Explain these things to him and tell him that you want to get an education and that you want to get a job and having a baby is just not in your plans and that you aren't able to consider it. If he insists that he wants one, then he needs to find someone else to be with. It seems like a simple answer to me.
• United States
17 Apr 11
I don't want to break up with him either.
@jaiho2009 (39079)
• Philippines
17 Apr 11
hello gab, Yes,it's not easy to raise a kid again with our age (we're almost same age). You need to talk with him and tell him your reason. I am sure he will understand. I hope this baby issue won't break you again my friend (you've been through a lot of pains) keep smiling dear
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Apr 11
I am doing the best I can right now. Not stressing it too much. I know what I want and he wil have to live withit. I just hope it does not luck up on his side and I get pregnant.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 Apr 11
It's your decision you know, he should respect it...I hope all goes well in the end...
@stephcjh (32385)
• United States
18 Apr 11
I know what you mean. I would not want to do it again either in this day and age. The economy is very bad and things are not going to get any easier or better any time soon. I would not want to struggle to raise another one either.
1 person likes this
@bunnybon7 (33083)
• Holiday, Florida
17 Apr 11
does he have kids of his own? you need to marry first then, so your kid can draw social security or his pension if anything happens to him. thats the important thing you need to make him understand. its just a mans ego type thing. its like adopting a puppy cause they want a pet but then not wanting to foot the bill or anything when the fun wears off. you need to remind him this is not something he can give back. its a responsibility.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (26862)
• United States
8 May 11
You and Adrian arent together now I dont think but him expecting you to have a child when you dont want to isnt right. I dont think that at 42 you are to old but with the depression and bi-polar and the history of miscarriages because of your thyroid it would be wise not to get pregnant. I've battled depression for 15 years its horrible and pregnancy made it worse. Post partum depression is awful to but I didnt have it to bad luckily. As much trouble as you have with your daughter at times I would be like god no I'm never having more kids lol. Even if all the other factors werent there and you just didnt want to have any more children due to the sadness of the miscarriages I would understand that as well.
@dreamy1 (3818)
• United States
17 Apr 11
Get him a puppy if he needs something to take care of.