what's your opinion when adopting a child?
April 25, 2011 7:26am CST
Today,i saw one news that a rag-picker adopted 27 childen disable by just picking the rubbish to suport the big family!Motherhood is great and selfless!I'm a single,I love childen very much,i'm willing to adopt one kids,but i'm afraid i can't afford it for the financial reason,so i give up.After seeing the news,rekindle my hope.How about your opinion to adopt a child?
3 people like this
• United States
28 Apr 11
Adopting would be my only choice if I wanted to have a child around. I don't know if I would want to have a child around all the time, but if he or she was calm, I could probably handle it. I know I couldn't handle 27 children! I know that there are many couples who can't have their own children for one reason or another and I think it is great when they are able to get one. Thanks for bringing this up!
• United States
29 Apr 11
Although I have considered the possibility in the past, the fact that I am single, 51 and fighting a recurrence of cancer would probably make it unlikely that I will ever be able to do that now. I don't know if I can take good care of myself let alone another person.
• United States
29 Apr 11
I know I usually sound like I have a story for every discussion I find to answer on. I never adopted a child, I had 5. but while I was in Vietnam,I visited the orphanges. I was only 18. I would empty out my duffle bag after I found this orphanage and bring diapers, formula, the rice and oatmeal boxed baby cereal. it was sad to see the men that fathered children in vietnam then leave the girls pregnant. The smaller children knew my pockets would always contain m&ms for them. When my children were growing up, I wanted to adopt a child from vietnam but since the money is so great to bring one home, my two oldest girls and I did what was 10.00 a month and we got reports, we sent her Xmas gifts and birthday gifts, My girls were very invovled with this little girl. She is now in her 30's and she remembers our kindness. She now has a baby of her own and I sent her a big box for the baby. Even though we never met in person through our contact with her for only 10.00 a month, we bonded and my children grew up knowing responsibility and love for other cultures and nations. I could not be prouder of this young woman today if she was my own. On the other side of the fence, my husband was previously married. His wife's daughter got pregnant at 15. As her pregnancy progressed this was 1992 they figured out that the baby had its intestines growing on the outside of his stomach. this is a very hard and several days procedure after the baby is born to have them put back in. So when the girl delivered, she was a military dependent, because my now husband was in the military. But the day that the mother of this little boy was going to leave the hospital he would not be eligible for military health care as he was not a dependent or married dependent child. So his wife told him "they HAD" to adopt this boy. My husband knowing nothing about medical other than military life (23 years) said no I don't want to adopt this child do you know how old I will be? so the wife coaxed him into saying yes, within 24 hours JAG had helped them with the paperwork, and the baby belonged to them. They had promised the girl (real mother) that when she got of age she would get her son back. so the girl went on with her life, my husband and his wife took the baby on. My husband and his wife had a little boy already together who was 4 years old. They wound up divorcing (for really horrible reasons that I will leave out of this discussion) and bless my husbands heart he had to pay child support for both boys, His ex used this child as a meal ticket for everything. I have been with my husband for 12 years now and I have watched the poor man go to court every year except for 2 over child support, medical support, and he has never not paid child support, and he certainly has had the medical covered through the years with Military health coverage. When the girl left home and got married, my husband asked his then ex about her taking the child back since she was married. His ex would not have anything to do about it. Here is how it goes The boy thought his mother was his sister, my husband's other son he thought was his brother (who should have been his uncle) his mother (should have been grandmother) and my husband should not have been anything or while married the grandfather. This sounds cold doesn't it that I would say it that way? Well the coldness came when my husband always spoke and begged her that he could be present when she decided the right age was to tell the boy the truth. When she decided fit to tell this child at 12 years old that his mother was his sister, my husband had to find out when he actually went to visit the kids and his older son let it slip that this boy was told. His ex used every power over my husband's head for a meal ticket on this child. One year alone, we had to pay over 8,000.00 in attorney and court fees to prove that 100,000.00 of medical bills were not owed. This woman had litterally hand written down every Tricare EOB (BILL) for the full amount and not showing that any was paid. She had moved to another state, stated she was not recieving child support, and no medical. My husband was very lucky I had a medical background in the military and I went to work on his case to aid the attornies so we would not have to pay so much. he had to litterally get a Power of Attorney for me so I had rights to question and gain all his medical records, prescriptions, etc. We PROVED that no money was owed, but after all that time, at the end they turned on the child support issue and bam he went from 350.00 to 650.00 in a bat of the eye. When his oldest son turned 15 he got in trouble so probation from another state stated he was living in a highly complicated family life. His mother was living with another man and this boy did not get along with him. So husband flew out broght the boy back and they called it even on child support since they both had one. When the kid turned 18, My husband felt guilty and called his ex and said I want to pay something on his adopted son (how many men would do that?) So they agreed on a price and I told my husband to put it through the court with the origional number on his court case. He said no its ok. (Now remember I said that) A year later, we were served with papers from the state she lived in to the state we lived in so this took like 9 months to get all of it through. So our state assessed what my husband should pay. by the time we went to court to settle, all the money he had out of the goodness of his heart paid her, the court would not justify since it did not go THROUGH the court, so we were in arrears of child support for over 7,000.00. So we were to pay 650.00 for ONE child now instead of 2 and 30.00 a month on the arrears. My husband and I are very thrifty and managed to pay the arrearage off in a year and half along with the 650.00 every month. We no more than got that paid off, and in 2009, we were served papers again from the Dept of Revenue in our state AGAIN. When they had assessed the child support they had not asked about his military retirement pay, so when they went digging they found that and took us BACK to court again. AND it took several months between the two states again, so AGAIN we wound up in arrearage 1,746.00 I will never forget that day we walked into the courthouse. My husband has diabetes, and he sat down and asked me to go see if our attorney was in the court room. When I found our attorney he was talking to the Dept of Revenue, and I went back out to be with my husband. He said I just know they are going to raise my child support again. he was so weak he actually said he did not know if he could make it in the court room. I told him if he could not go in I would have his attorney assess and speak to him through the court out here. He went in, and when we both sat down, his attorney said Dept of Rev has already decided on everything and if I were you just go along so it will not be any more on you two. They came to order the Dept of Rev start talking and then our attorney told me to go to our bank and pull the money of the arrears out of our savings because they knew what we had in our checking and savings. So I had to leave my husband who felt very ill in court by himself, to go and pull out the above mentioned amount. our child support went up to 947.00 a month. Through all of this since his ex told the boy that my husband was not his real father, he would never come visit us again. My husband tried to get him to come every summer or Christmas., but we both know the ex had her way. So something wonderful my husband did for a little baby boy that was born with his intestines on the outside of his stomach, turned into such a nightmare and he has constantly repeatedly said, he wished he had known me even as a friend because I would have been smart enough to have told him he did not have to adopt the baby. Medicaid would have done everything for the real mother. We are PRAYING that we will be making our final child support payment on May 1st of 947.00 for the last time to her. The original state their divorce was in has been working with my husband to close it out when the child graduates. his chlid support is due on April 16th, we sent the 947.00 When he talked to the state about prorating May because his son graduates on June 3rd, they told him it takes 30 days to go throught he court to close it. So they told him to send another 947.00 on May 1st. So trust me we are praying and praying because this woman gets YET again almost 2,000 in two weeks. Seeing the abuse this man has been through, I sincerely feel sorry for him having adopted this child. Its been a long journey, I have aided him every step of the way, and beleive it or not my husband plans on attending this boys graduation despite the price of gas, despite the huge amount we have to pay out to child support in 2 weeks. Who could say this man has not done right by this boy? I am sincerely proud of him, yet very sad that he never got to have that right to a father-son relationship with all the money he had to give to the mother for everything. So I have to say I sincerely don't know about adopting. Its been a nightmare ever since I married my husband for him. I know there are many children out there that need to be loved and cared for, but no child deserves to be a meal ticket either. And this ex has manipulated her ex husband and the courts all these years. I wonder what she is going to do in June when she does not get that almost 1,000.00. She has never not had money from my husband before. I have already told him, I would change our phone number or just cancel the landline out since I have a cell phone. I think for adopting this child he has went well over the top with support and medical and will need some peace from the woman that used a child so diligently against him, and would never let his own mother have him back as they had planned. oh and the kic
30 Apr 11
It's so chaotic and complex!i'm sad that your husband had encountered such misfortune.I don't know how to comfor you,but i had to say there's good person and there's bad person too in this world,maybe the former even more,so we are like to believe the world is fine still
• United States
28 Apr 11
I consider it a remarkable thing to do for a child in need of a happy and healthy home. I say give it a chance and maybe it'll work out for you. Social workers will get the information that they need from you and then do a home study. If you're approved then you'll become a foster parent for a needy child. Good luck!
• United Kingdom
25 Apr 11
I am a primary school teacher and I have taught some adopted children. One little boy was part of a sibling group: two boys and a girl. The two boys had been affected by their previous experiences in life. There was a little girl and she was a lively one. Her mom had adopted her due to not being able to get pregnant. I have my own children but would have adopted a sibling group if I had not been able to get pregnant. Good luck with your plans to adopt a child.
18 Nov 12
To adopt a child is not an easy thing. You need to get verified by the government before you can adopt a child legally. Besides, you need to be financially abundent before you can support the adopted in many fields. To adopt a child is not that easy to just provide a home for accommodation. A lot more is concerned. So you need to be very considerate before adopting one. The government is supposed to do more for the kids abandoned in the first place.