Is it Important to Espouse Your Spouse's Ideals?
By I_LUV_U
@I_LUV_U (2519)
India
May 5, 2011 4:22pm CST
During India's freedom struggle in early twentieth century, Mahatma Gandhi made it clear to his disciples that if they were going to accept his leadership and follow in his footsteps, they ought to follow the ideals he laid down for them, in order to cultivate a culture and temperament of non-violence which was the core principle behind his resistance to British colonialism. Accordingly, his disciples maintained a strict vegetarian diet, desisted from vices like alcohol and cigarettes, and observed continence in their daily life, as did their leader.
Coming back to 21st century, neither do we now have a cause exacting such austere personal conduct, nor do we have individuals so self-effacingly committed to see their mission through. (barring religious extremists & suicide bombers of course) There could still be some who might follow idealistic lifestyles that may be contrary to common practice. If such a person be your spouse, as you come to discover later, how would you react?
Suppose you found out that meat was taboo to your partner - would you give it up right away or eat right in their presence? Or devor it separately somewhere? Meat is a rich source of protein, agreed, but if your spouse is an unabashed animal-lover prepared even to die a martyr for PETA, is it fine to munch bones behind their back?
Try another scenario: Your spouse is an outstanding scientist with a remarkably sharp mind, who's produced incessant breakthroughs in the field of evolution; how would they reconcile themselves to the fact that you are deeply religious and must invoke Allah/Christ at the drop of a hat? Charles Darwin caused a furore across the thinking and believing world when he first proposed his Theory of Evolution, but what devastated him was finding out his wife's unquestioning adherence to Christianity.
I know some people have an easy solution to settle disputes: each must have his own. This is like bringing a new television set to avoid fighting for Remote Control. Wouldn't life lose all its charm should that be the rule? Like house mates living under a roof, yet leading divergent lives; while the purpose of a relationship is to prove that it is more than the sum of its parts.
Your thoughts?
2 people like this
7 responses
@dawnald (85135)
• Shingle Springs, California
5 May 11
Let me turn that around. There are certain things I would not accept in a spouse. I'm probably not going to be with a smoker, and I'm certainly not going to start smoking for somebody. I'm very unlikely to be with somebody who is religious, and I definitely can't see myself converting for somebody. Something like vegetarianism, well I can see the benefits, so I might give it a try. Bottom line is that I'm only going to take on those things that I agree with.
@just4him (306080)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
13 Mar 18
I would let my husband know I will not give up either meat or my religion, in this case Christianity, for his ways. By the way, I never did give up my Christianity while married, and he wasn't a Christian.
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
6 May 11
As far as I'm concerned, this is the very definition of compatibility which I believe is the foundation of a long-term relationship. I think if you've gotten to the point of marriage and you're only just finding this out, then you've done something horribly wrong. These are the vital things that you HAVE to know about someone before you can make a decision on whether or not to be with them at all, much less long-term or even marriage.
However, even if you are compatible and you do have the same values, beliefs and goals or you have at least reached a happy compromise among them, you are still TWO individuals. Getting married does not erase your identity. There is always going to be some amount of divergence where you and your partner simply have different interests. There's absolutely nothing wrong with having some time to yourself, to do your own thing. It's actually not healthy to be attached to one another 24/7. Everyone needs their alone time, or at least time away from their partner. That's just human nature.
@allknowing (130066)
• India
6 May 11
Mahatma Gandhi made it clear about his followers doing certain so called rituals as it was felt they were necessary to pursue their goals. There was some meaning in what he said but here what goals does a spouse have that would not be fulfilled if his partner gave up on certain habits or whatever? Satisfying idiosyncrasies is not according to me swearing love for each other. Whatever sacrifices are expected of each other, those sacrifices should have some purpose. I know of a couple who only wore white because the husband wanted it that way!
Marriage can be compared to a pair of railway tracks. They travel together, they share the burden together and equally but each has it own path. Ofcourse in a lighter vein there is a story about Joan and John. Joan and John were a happy couple. Everyone envied them and said they were made for each other. When questioned John said Joan does what she wants to do and I do what Joan wants to do. There are several methods that can bring harmony in a couple and all depends on the individuals. What is meat for one couple could poison for another.
@naija4real (1291)
•
6 May 11
I would identify with the ideals of my spouse, if I share similar ideals. But in this world there are time one has to be tolerant. You give a little and you take a little. You do not need to stamp your authority all the time. It may lead to so much confusion. We as human should learn to bear situation.
Take Nelson Mandela of south africa, this man was imprisoned by the white government of south africa. But when he was released from prison and he eventually became president of south africa. He did not revenge all the misdeed he suffered from the white govt of south africa. Nelson Mandela had the culture of tolerance.
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
6 May 11
After pondering over this, I probably, would like metamorphose myself for the better if I am in love. (For me, it's impossible to fall in love after deciding on his likes and dislikes since I am driven my heart on most occasions). Like, I would go veg, I would exercise more, I would reduce on my cleanliness freakiness, I would ask my partner to give up smoking. However, religion is an important issue and I would not interfere in his affiliations as long as I am not told to change mine. Another important issue is that of choosing to spend us-time. If he likes action flicks, I would start to enjoy that. And if I hate it, I would try to orient myself in ways that would create a quality time. Like, lot of yummy food with an action movie and not the other way round. And, he would have to sit through me watching something he doesn't like. I would, of course, make him love the time with all that matters to him.
Hope you got my point there..
