My grandfather died earlier today, but I barely felt a thing. Is this normal?

United States
May 6, 2011 8:34pm CST
Earlier, at 10AM today on 5-6-2011, it was game over for my grandpa. He's already dead at the same time I woke up, or even before that. he not only had Alzheimer's, but he also had prostrate cancer. My mom woke me up about it, and I felt a jarring shock inside. Yet, I could only hold my hand up to my face. Other than the shock I felt when someone near me dies, I couldn't feel so sad. In fact, I could barely feel a thing at all. I felt a little disappointed, but nothing else after that. I just felt...empty inside. Is this normal when I can't feel anything? I mean, we were always told that men don't cry, that we had to keep it inside of ourselves and not get emotional and all that double-standard crap. But still, you you feel that this is normal to feel nothing when someone near you dies, as though you want to shed a tear, but because of your upbringing you couldn't at all?
2 people like this
10 responses
7 May 11
This is something i want to accomplish.... to have no sympathy for the world
@Cherish14 (2695)
• Philippines
7 May 11
i am so sorry to hear about this. i think it is normal.. i felt the same way too when my grandma passed away. i didn't cry, i couldn't cry. because i think maybe we were not that close. some of my cousins cried a lot because they were with her since they were small. some didn't cry because like me, they weren't also that close to my grandma. but i just couldn't understand is why she would show up in my dreams before, like many times. i hope she rests in peace and is happy to wherever she is right now, same as to you grandpa. may he rest in peace too.
• Philippines
7 May 11
I'm sorry to hear that your granddad had passed away. Feeling the way you felt which is feeling shocked and numb is quite normal. Sometimes, it becomes our defense mechanism for whatever emotions we may have inside that we are not aware of. Maybe you could be at that state for some time and after a few weeks or so, you might think of your grandfather and would really be sad because you will soon be missing him especially if you were close when he was still alive. Don't think about what you feel. Just let it be and be with your family to support each other.
• Philippines
7 May 11
Correction: REAL men do cry. The masculinity of a man does not depend on his tears. Going to your topic, I think it is somehow normal, since it is already given that your grandpa is already old and that he is sick. His passing away is acceptable. Maybe, you're somehow ready for it, that is why you did not shed a tear. Or you are not that close to him, is it? Anyway, I wish your family comfort and strength at this time of sadness. May the Lord's comfort be with you.
@mohdromly (165)
• Malaysia
7 May 11
I really sympathize with what happened.
@lyamsitiy (104)
• Philippines
7 May 11
I felt the same as you and i'm not a guy. My granfather also had Alzheimer's and when i heard the news i was shock but i couldn't bring my self to cry, not until i saw the coffin with my grandfather in it. I went to my room and just cried, i even wrote it on my diary. Then during the burial i also cried hard. In your case maybe the emotion may come when its you have to say the final goodbye during his burial.
@zhpshql (695)
• China
7 May 11
Hi, I"m sorry to hear that... But I think it's normal...the soundless peformance is the most sorrowful thing. I can understand you.. Don't let yourself being sad for long...People ,including our families,friends,some come,some go...People die,and sometimes we even don't know when..
@secretbear (19466)
• Philippines
7 May 11
Hi Duo! First of all, I'm sorry for your loss. Condolences. I think we have different ways of expressing our sense of loss. For me, I cry but I always do my best to stop it because I have always believed that crying won't achieve anything. After that, life goes on as if nothing happened. But the real times that we will feel the loss are the times that we will miss them and think of the times that we have spent with them. The real feelings of loss are those that "I should have done this with them, I should have said this to them, I should have cherish those times with them more..." I feel those ways sometimes when I remember my past loved ones and it's really sad but as they say, life goes on... So we live normal and we feel normal...
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
7 May 11
I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather. Everyone experiences grief in different ways. Yes you are in shock and sounds like you really haven't had time to process all your feelings. What's "normal" for you may not be the same reaction from someone else so don't feel like you aren't acting like you should because everyone is different. You will grieve in your own way in your own time. I personally don't believe men should act so tought that they can't show emotion. Men have feelings too and it's not being a coward to show those feelings. I have seen my own father shed tears on a few occasions and I don't think anything different about him for doing it. It's not good to keep everything in all the time.
@AmbiePam (48123)
• United States
7 May 11
I think that is normal. People like to tell you how you should feel, but really anything- or the lack of anything- is a perfectly normal reaction. No one grieves the same. It's possible in a month this will suddenly hit you in a different way and you might cry then. Or maybe you'll never cry at all. But that's okay. And I am very sorry about your grandfather. My mom, who is only 51, is deep in the throes of dementia. So I feel for your family and all that they have had to go through. My dad had prostate cancer last year, but thank God it was all successfully removed.