how do you feel about adopted people finding their birth parents

United States
May 6, 2011 10:29pm CST
do you think it is smart for people who are adopted to find their birth parents how would you feel as a adopted parent if your son or daughter went looking and found their adopted parent
2 people like this
13 responses
@katieh (151)
7 May 11
I think it would be odd for an adopted child or adult not to wonder about their genetic heritage. I can imagine cases where I'd be very nervous - for instance, if I knew that there was an awful story behind why they were given up for adoption in the first place. In that case, I'd do my best to make sure they weren't hurt - emotionally, or, possibly, physically. But it's still their right to know.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 11
True, it can be quite confusing if you're raised by people of different ethnicity or backgrounds, you might feel unwanted, or even strange.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 May 11
It depends if the family was selfish and lazy to leave their child for adoption or if they truly couldn't give him a better life. I would say to contact your birth parents and see if you should even attempt to meet them... sometimes it's better not to though.
1 person likes this
• Southend-On-Sea, England
7 May 11
I think it's a good idea, but it must be handled extremely carefully whenever an adopted person looks for their birth parents, as it could cause all sorts of problems...for instance, the birth parent or parents maybe living a completely different lifestyle to how they did when they gave their child up for adoption and might have a whole new family who are completely unaware of what took place many years previously. Mike Leigh's film "Secrets And Lies" (you can watch it all on YouTube in several sections) is a brilliant portrayal of what can go both right and wrong when an adopted person seeks out her birth mother. It's beautifully acted too.
1 person likes this
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
7 May 11
I think it depends on the person. I know that it would be very hard on all that were involved unless it had been an open subject for a long time. People have a natural need to know where they come from and sometimes that means finding things that are pleasant..but it also might mean finding not so pleasant things. I think I would want to know.
1 person likes this
@gelayagui98 (1337)
• Australia
7 May 11
Well, it is their right to seek or find their real parents, blame must be out from the issue thanks them instead. Especially if their status in life is far different from their real parents. Mostly, their status in life is the main reason that's why they let their child adopted by someone else. There were two adopted child in our family and both found their real parents when they are already stable in their own life they were both married now and both their parents have harmonious relationship with their real parents.
• Philippines
7 May 11
I think it would be okay because that's what they chose. As an adopted child, I would feel curious as to originally gave birth to me. If I were the adopted parent, I would support my child, preparing him/her for that encounter. No matter what happens, I will always be there for my child. :)
1 person likes this
@annc78 (34)
• Philippines
9 May 11
I guess, being an open minded person, it's okay if an adopted child went looking for their birth parents. If that will make them feel at ease, because some adopted children, when they grew up and knew that they are adopted, they look for their birth parents. But for me, as i put myself in the shoe of an adopted child and i went looking for my birth parents, it doesn't mean that i want to be with them. Of course, my poster parents are still my real family for me, because i grew up with them and they're the people who watched me through all the way, from my chlidhood and to the present times. Of course, even an adopted child find their birth parents, the love they have for their poster parents will not change, it's just that maybe they want to look for their birth parents for confirmation, questions and just to see how they looked like. And if i'm the poster parent, i will be glad to help my adopted child find their birth parents. Why not? There's nothing to be scared of, i'm still the legal one and i'm the one who brought him/her up. So i will know how much my adopted child loves me.
• United States
9 May 11
you are awesome i love your view happy mothers day your the best
@suspenseful (40326)
• Canada
8 May 11
I am rather ambivalent about it. Since I am a mother who gave up her only birth child for adoption, and since I adopted my two sons, I would not feel right if my records were sealed and I am not allowed to search, and of course that would mean that my daughter would have a hard time to find me. Yet my sons would be encouraged by society for their birth mother (althogh they have expressed no desire to do so.) I do have the records and their real birth names -but unless there is a medical reason like them needing a bone transplant, I would not like to let them do what is impossible for my own birth daughter to do. It would have to be an extremely good reason, such as needing a bone marrow transplant, a genetic condition that would shorten their lives unless they had to eat a specific diet, not just because of dissatisfaction, or if she had raised us, we would be very happy.
• United States
9 May 11
very good point
• United States
24 Aug 11
My husband was adopted at birth and has no intentions of ever looking for his borth parents. He knows that he was concelievd out of wedlock and that he hsi birth parents were having an affair. He also feels that it would be disrespectful to look for his borth parents who wanted nothing to do with him when he had two loving parents who raised him. The parents that raised him are his parents.
@SIMPLYD (75326)
• Philippines
18 May 11
It is the right of adopted children to know who their real parents are. They have to fill up that void in their life and connect with their birth parents. But doing so, will not mean abandoning the adoptive parents. They maybe in contact with their birth parents, but they are used to living with their adoptive parents already, besides having loved them as their real parents.
@larish (2196)
• Philippines
18 May 11
If I am adopted and I know that it will hurt my adopted parents if they found out that I am looking or just even trying to look for my biological parents that I won't look for them. But if the time comes that my adopted parents already left me (deceased) then I think it is my right to know who are my real parents (biological parents). It will make me feel good to know them and feel their acceptance of me.
@celticeagle (115084)
• Boise, Idaho
7 May 11
I think that it is up to the individual. If even one was open to it then why not? There are alot of open adoptions and it is a healthy thing when you know all your relatives and who you came from. I once thought I was adopted. I don't why but I did and I found out I wasn't. Weird, huh?
@arkaf61 (10891)
• Canada
7 May 11
hmmmm, I am not sure. It all depends on the situation, I guess. However I believe that as a rule, if someone is adopted, it is best to let them know they were adopted and allow them the chance to meet birth parents if they want to. Some might not want to, some might be curious, but learning about their birth families will not take away anything from the love and bond they share with the adoptive family. I was adopted. My case is very different since I knew all along about it, and also since I was in close touch with my birth family as well. IN such way that when I was a kid I used to question why this kid or the other only had one father and one mother and in a way feel that they were loosing on something:) For me it was natural to have two of each. However, my "loyalty" was to the ones that adopted me and raised me with so much love. The other set of parents? Well they were nice people that visited me and that I visited. I enjoyed being with them, as long as at the end of the day, I could go back home.