Am I bitter after all these years?

Philippines
May 8, 2011 8:38am CST
When I opened my Facebook account this evening, i was prompted by a greeting "Happy Mother's Day" from someone whose surname is the same as ours. I learned that the greetings came from my husband's son to other woman. You know, it was more than a decade that my husband and I were separated. My youngest was only a year-old when he left us. For more than a decade we have no communication and i raised my three children all by myself. After very very long years, we learned that he already had a family and that he has two sons with his current wife. And on this day, one of his son greeted me in Facebook. I don't know what to say for a moment and i don't exactly know how to verbalize how I feel. I did not comment or reply to the boy's greeting, but i just let it posted in my wall. I do not want to open any communication to them, not now, not yet, never maybe. I feel that it will only bring more complications. Am I bitter after all these years?
2 people like this
12 responses
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
9 May 11
I think it's your right to be bitter and nobody can take that away from you. However, the gesture of the boy out there (who doesn't know you) is somewhat just a gesture of acknowledging that you too deserve a 'happy mother's day' greeting. I think a simply 'thank you' or 'like' would be enough. Afterall, it was between you and your husband, not between you and this kid.
• Philippines
9 May 11
I appreciate your comment and it is well taken. Thank you.
• Philippines
9 May 11
I appreciate your comment and it is well taken. Thank you.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
23 May 11
Hi. lhenpaule. I am very sorry about your past relationship with your ex husband. I am sorry that he has betrayed you too. It must have been pretty hard to have to take care of your three children all by yourself. But with the help of God, you made it! I know that you are still hurting, but please don't be upset with his son. It would have been alright for you to say Happy Mother's Day back to him. I know that it may have came as a surprise when he said this to you. But maybe, he wants you to to remain friends with him and not enemies. I hope that someday you will find it in your heart to give him a chance to be a part of your life.
• Philippines
24 May 11
Thank you for your advice and concern. As I've said I am not closing doors, I just need more time I guess. I will seek God's intervention on this, I know that there situations in my life now that I can no longer change, and in this case may I find myself accepting entirely this, with God's help I know it will come. Thank you again.
• United States
9 May 11
it's okay to still feel the pain of betrayal afer all of these years. In time God will heal that pain if you allow him too. If you're not ready to communicate with you ex's son than you don't have to.
• Philippines
24 May 11
Thank you for understanding my decision. Time heals, I know. I am not closing doors I just need more time I guess. I will continue pray that the good Lord help me to accept things I can no longer change.
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
9 May 11
For me if you think you would then it is.
• Philippines
9 May 11
I guess so, but probably it has nothing to do with the past, but what had happened currently. Thank you.
@ddaguno (3110)
• Philippines
9 May 11
i think what you felt was just normal. I mean, just seeing an ex already brings unpleasant memories it is understandable to feel some hurt. It is not the kid's fault and he may not understand the complications about relationships yet but you can set your settings to not see his posts on your wall.
• Philippines
9 May 11
Actually it is ok with me that the boy post messages in my FB, but I am not ready yet to reply and be opened to them, maybe it will take time. I'll pray for that. Thank you for your comment.
@tink91879 (746)
• United States
9 May 11
Yes your bitter for a reason. The only thing is your bitter towards your ex and thats where the bitter shld stay. To punish his child who is reaching out to you for whatever reason, well hes inocent in this matter. Maybe he wants contact with his sibling? If you dont want contact with him i understand. Letting him post it to your wall is nice, maybe just a response of thank you would be nice. Its upsetting when your not recognized and dont fully understand why. I dont think you shld punish his kids for their fathers actions, but you also dont want to hurt anyone and thats understandable. Good luck in all this.
• Philippines
9 May 11
Thank you. Actually, through Facebook, my children and their father's son to his new wife already have a communication and I allowed it, but only at this far.
@dreamy1 (3815)
• United States
8 May 11
This is your childrens half brother. If only for them I would open the lines of communication to let them get to know their brothers. Don't be bitter towards them. It's not their fault what your ex husband did.
• Philippines
9 May 11
I know and honestly i do not want to close the doors to them. I will pray that i will loose all resentment I have within so that i could do it easily, but as I've said i do not want to force the issue at this time. I'll pray for that. Thank you.
• Philippines
8 May 11
Maybe you're that bitter. To forgive is to Forget. Whatever happened in the past will stay in the past.Your step son wants to be close to you. He wants to build a connection with you. Just let it be.
• Philippines
9 May 11
I wish i could do that easily. I am not closing doors. I'll pray for that. Thank you.
@oninomar (506)
• Philippines
8 May 11
hi lhenpaule, So that to what happened to you and you husband (ex- husband).. You are so great that you raise your children by your own self.. Why is that so? Your ex- husband does not supports you, even the needs of his children with you? How bad, he is a bad guy, leaving you and his children is the worst thing he did.. Also having other family then.! That people are so....!!!.. Well anyway for me you must be thankful that his son from his other family greeted you.. it means that they are open to be with you, i mean to have a communication and maybe to forget the past? Maybe it is time for you to move on and live your life more and forgive what happened before. If you will? Sometimes we must forgive and forget the mistakes of others so that we can be more happy and nothing to worry and bother us. It is nice to feel that you are not worry of anything will happen. We must sometimes accept the truth that we are only human, and part of it is to commit mistakes. Hope that you can communicate with them. Communication means peace of mind. Also, maybe your children want to see and feel the presence of their father. Most likely is it true Don't inhibit your children to be with their father. Have a nice day. Always be happy!:)
• Philippines
9 May 11
Thanks you for your comment. It's a good thing that i have a good job then when we separated and my mom and dad help me as well. I got nothing, even a single penny from my ex-husband. I honestly raised my 3 kids without any financial support from their father. It was the most difficult times of my life. I know that i must forgive and forget, after all it's been a very long time and we already have our own lives to live. But i rather not force the issue. I will pray that things get well between us in God's time.
@webearn99 (1744)
• India
8 May 11
There will be some hard feelings, i have no doubt about that. But then, none of the wrongs can be the boy's doing. He was not in existance when you seperated. For all we know he just might have sent a message out of the enthusiasm of a less than ten year old! Just thank him and watch where it goes. You are expirienced enough to know instinctively when things turn bad. Untill then you may as well be cordial.
• Philippines
9 May 11
You're probably right, a mere reply such as "thank you" wont do any harm anyway. But the thing is, it might create an avenue between their family and us, and at this point i still don't want that.
@tammy27 (1247)
• Philippines
8 May 11
if im in your situation, perhaps i'l reply a "thank you" and that's it. just to show that i respect the greeting, and ok, the effort he made (maybe he had hard time typing, haha) and replying wont be a big deal. it's been years and years already, and besides, it's his son and not him. but since i dont know what you experienced with your ex husband and how was your life after he left you, then i cant comment on your question "are you bitter after all these years" i do respect your side of course. :)
• Philippines
9 May 11
Thank you, i needed that.
@cher913 (25890)
• Canada
8 May 11
well its not the kids fault but i is ok to feel like you do and what you need to do is talk to your ex husband.
• Philippines
9 May 11
Thank you for your comment. I agree with you that the kid has nothing to do with the situation right now, but i would still want to remain silent as well.