So I took my friend with Alzheimer's out to celebrate my Birthday last night
By cynthiann
@cynthiann (18602)
Jamaica
May 10, 2011 5:34pm CST
I take her out on my Birthday to a lovely Italian restaurant in the hills with an amazing view of the coastline.
Last year posed a few problems but as she still recognises me I took her out again. It was not without challengers and I laugh only in order to cope. I love her dearly and her illness causes me great distress. I am of Irish blood. We laugh at misfortune.
The conversation was definitely not sensible especially when she ordered 7 different dishes whilst I was in the restroom.
I had asked a waiter to keep an eye on her as she is a runner so they did not take her order but waited for me to return.
I don't believe in erasing friendship when illness strikes,and as she was talking randomly, I remembered how many times she had been there for me and my family over the past twenty years. Fish was her thing. Whenever any of her friends had a problem she would appear with fish. Sometimes 20lb of fresh fish. To her, cooking fish was one of the ways to solve problems.
So I answered her and kept her calm and was not at all embarrassed when she went to every table wishing everyone a Happy Christmas. Everyone was so kind. And the waiters were not even annoyed when she gathered up all the sugar bowls from every table to take home.
When I took her home, she told her family that I had taken her to a lovely restaurant but all she had had was water. We all laughed together and she joined in too. I am thankful that she has a wonderful caring family to take care of her as a Son and DIL are living with her and although they employ carers she is there with them.
It is such an awful sickness that can cause havoc in a family who cannot affford help. Do you have a friend with or know anyone with Alzheimer's?
I had asked a waiter to keep an eye on her as she is a runner so they did not take her order but waited for me to return.
I don't believe in erasing friendship when illness strikes,and as she was talking randomly, I remembered how many times she had been there for me and my family over the past twenty years. Fish was her thing. Whenever any of her friends had a problem she would appear with fish. Sometimes 20lb of fresh fish. To her, cooking fish was one of the ways to solve problems.
So I answered her and kept her calm and was not at all embarrassed when she went to every table wishing everyone a Happy Christmas. Everyone was so kind. And the waiters were not even annoyed when she gathered up all the sugar bowls from every table to take home.
When I took her home, she told her family that I had taken her to a lovely restaurant but all she had had was water. We all laughed together and she joined in too. I am thankful that she has a wonderful caring family to take care of her as a Son and DIL are living with her and although they employ carers she is there with them.
It is such an awful sickness that can cause havoc in a family who cannot affford help. Do you have a friend with or know anyone with Alzheimer's?3 people like this
14 responses
@GardenGerty (157462)
• United States
10 May 11
I have worked in nursing homes, and I have had friends with Alzheimers. None right now. One couple retired from being missionaries, then lived here in town for many years. I admired the wife, she had sever arthritis but always had a smile, and wrote wonderful poetry. Her big, husky hearty husband developed Alzheimers. They went first to assisted living, then to health care in a nursing home. We visited them often. No one was embarrassed when he told the same corny jokes, or said the same thing over and over. We had really nice visits. They each have passed on now.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 May 11
When they are your friends then they are just your friends for life. I value friendship. I am sure that visiting them gave you satisfaction. You are a good person GardenGerty
1 person likes this
@dawnald (85130)
• Shingle Springs, California
10 May 11
I've never been close to anybody who had Alzheimers, so I've really just had glimpses, but it sounds really awful. I'm not sure who it's worse for, the family or the person who actually has it. It must be really frustrating, especially in the early stages, to know that your faculties are going, and that you can't do anything about it. And for the family, not being recognized and seeing a loved one deteriorate, must be really painful. Good for you for taking your friend out while she can still enjoy such things!
1 person likes this
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 May 11
Yes, when my GF knew that she had it she found it devastating. Of course now she does not know. I am just thankful that she has a large family who are affluent enough to provide her care whist she is living in her own home.
1 person likes this
@mylesnarvaez (5451)
• Philippines
11 May 11
you did wonderful. caring for a friend like that. yes, friendship should not end when a sickness start to meddle. your friend is fortunate to be surrounded by love and care.
my father's former employer has alzheimer's. she has that for several years now. she became more like a handful big kid than anything else, throwing a tantrum at worst but usually her kind self. yes, it can be a challenge as she normally has someone to watch over her at all times. although i believe she misses being out.
a belated happy birthday.
@mylesnarvaez (5451)
• Philippines
11 May 11
let's just hope we don't
perhaps a constant interaction and a regular work-out of the mind can prevent us from having it.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 May 11
Thank you so much for your Birthday wishes. I am glad that your father's former employee has someone to look after her. I am praying that I do not get this sickness. It is awful
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 May 11
Yes, I want to start playing chess again and I do sometimes do brain teasers online
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
11 May 11
Aren't you so sweet and patient. I do not know anyone with alzheimers.. but I eventually might.
I also don't have any birthday traditions. This year my birthday will be spent like any other day of the year, school, cleaning, then work! I can't wait for Sunday when I get a day off from all 3, LOL.
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
11 May 11
Well so far today school has not stressed me out and I have a good chunk of this week's work done. Nothing left to do now until I write up my summaries on Friday.
Monday I dealt with billing issues. My tuition is completely covered by grants and loans.. but I keep getting bills over and over so I had to figure out why.
Yesterday I dealt with assignment issues. In one of our classes we have a special website we go to for typing practices. I've been registered on this website since my first class a few months ago. Well this teacher is not showing me as registered so I didn't get a grade for last week's work.. I got a zero. So I spent a few hours yesterday trying to figure all that out!
It's straightened out now and I got full credit for last week's lessons.. so all is well that ends well.
Also hubby is dealing with some health issues this week which has us all a little stressed. Seems to simply be anxiety attacks.. but even after spending a whole day relaxing a destressing and cutting out his caffeine intake he's still having the attacks. He saw a doctor who told him to just relax and cut down on the caffeine.. but since he's done that and there's no change I'm still worried it could be more. I'm going to have him make an appointment with another doctor soon.
All in all.. it's a stressful week and I am working everyday until Sunday. I even got called to come in 2 hours early today on a day I need to spend cleaning because my son's speech therapist comes over this afternoon.. and I just put my work clothes in the wash and they might not be done in time...
Deep breaths.. I will get through this.
Actually I'm doing okay.. I just like to complain, LOL. I am looking forward to my paycheck on Friday, I ended up putting in 30 hours at work last week.. the most I've ever gotten!
@katsmeow1213 (28717)
• United States
11 May 11
Oh.. did I mention I made Dean's List last semester? 4.0 GPA! It's only for the 1st semester though.. still 4 more to go until graduation.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 May 11
Roll on Sunday so that you can get a break! How is the school work going? I honestly do not know how you cope with it all. Definitely a superwoman
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
12 May 11
I don't have any family that has Alzheimer's, but I've seen a few of my friends suffer seeing their father or mother cope with the disease.
It is such a great thing that you did for your friend. It's nice to know that your friendship lives on even without recognition.
Happy Christmas!
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
11 May 11
Oh that was really very kind of you. Despite her not being able to recognize you anymore, you still continue to be a friend to her.
I haven't met a person with Alzheimer's. But my mother-in-law shared to us , how her auntie with Alzheimer's is. She said that when she arrived , she was asked for her name. After a few minutes, she would again be asked , and this go on for the whole duration of the visit.
It's really a pity to have that illness. It robs you of the joy of having to interact with your love ones fully knowing them.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 May 11
I think that the wose part for them is that when they are lucid they know that their memory is going. That must be so hard for them. I really must do research and find out the causes of this awful disease.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
20 May 11
About two years ago my GF told me that her memory is going and there was nothing she could do except take the pills which her doctor had prescribed to slow down the process. yes, they sometimes now and this s sad
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
12 May 11
Aha, so they have lucid intervals also. When they have that, do they pity themselves, realizing they don't remember anyone during those times?
@Thoroughrob (11742)
• United States
11 May 11
It was very nice of you to take her. It can be very trying. I have a friend, that her husband has it, and he is in the first stages. He gets lost easy, and is a hoarder. He is obsessed with taking a pen and wrapping it with a tissue and putting a rubber band around it. He has a whole dresser full of things like that. He says it is for emergencies. My friend has a really hard time, as she is always with him and doesn't get a break. He won't let her out of his sight.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 May 11
Your friend needs to get out and get a break from him sometimes. Is there any family member who could asist. she needs to get away in order to cope. even if it means justa stroll around the Mall witha friend. The carer's need carer's. I am so sorry for her situation. He may cling to her but she needs a break.
@moondancer (7433)
• United States
12 May 11
That was really sweet of you to take your friend out and I know that even though she did not remember it at that moment at one time or another she will.
Unfortunately I do know and have family that have this dreaded disease. My grandma on my dads side had it. My moms mom had it really bad to the point she knew no one at the end. My husbands mom had it, his brother has it, and others of my family are starting to get it too.
It's one of those things like cancer the two main things I wish they would find a cure for quickly.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
12 May 11
So do I as it is awful to now someone and love them and then to see them deteriorate. I need to research it a bit ans see if there are any natural tings that can help. Blessings
@AmbiePam (85245)
• United States
11 May 11
I'm living with that hell right now. Only my mom is just 51. She is capable of doing anything you and I are - but she doesn't. She looks fine. Only she can't bathe herself because she doesn't remember how. She can't cut her own food because she doesn't know how. My dad bathes, dresses, and does everything else for her. She's gotten so much worse that sometimes she can't form a sentence. I watch my dad go through each day with a smile on his face even though I know sadness is in his heart. I'm thankful my dad is who he is. And I strive to remember what my mother used to be like. Because she was awesome. As a daughter, mother, Christian, sister, friend...she was everything to everyone who needed her.
I'm so glad your friend has you. You are an example of what we need. And when I say 'we' I mean everyone who knows someone with this disease. I can't imagine how grateful that family was that you showed how much you care. You obviously were blessed by her years ago, and she is certainly blessed to have you now. Cynthiann, God certainly blessed this earth when you came into it. And I mean that with all my heart.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 May 11
I now you mean those kind words but I do not deserve them. Yo mother is so young and this is tragic. so hard for the family and especially your father to cope with. does she know you all and call you by name? My friend can bathe etc by herself and only sometimes becomes agitated. the difference there is that the family have enough money to employ wonderful well trained compassionate carers so that they are not stressed with looking after her. My heart bleeds for you all. Especially your father. I pray that you are all given the strengthto cope.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 May 11
Just so hard for the family to deal with if they cannot afford good carers and the person has to go into a home
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
11 May 11
I have known several people who have suffered the disease...fortunately not my own immediate family. And that is who it's toughest on....the family who gets left behind in their memories while they travel to a different place....usually where they were very happy.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 May 11
It can be very challenging for the people looking after them if they cannot afford help. The carer also needs caring so I just so agree with you. Such a sad disease
@ANTIQUELADY (36440)
• United States
11 May 11
gOOD MORNING cYNTHI, U ARE VERY KIND TO TAKE YOUR FRIEND OUT UNDER THOSE CIRCUMSTANCES. sO MANY PEOPLE WOULD NOT DO THAT KNOWING THAT SHE IS SICK & NOT KNOWING WHAT TO EXPECT. I have had quite abit of experience w/it w/family & friends & it's one of the saddest things to see happening to family & friends. I commend u for being such a good friend to her. U are a sweetie.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 May 11
Thank you Jo,she was such a good reliable friend who would just sit with me when I was weeping. A good person and we should not desert our friends because they have an illness. it could be us next.
@joeyalberta (106)
•
11 May 11
I havent tried going out with alzheimer;s or know someone.. but good to know that some people are really helping each other.. good hearted people are still here on earth!like you!:)..Godbless
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 May 11
Now that was so kind of you. Thank you so much but I am not doing anythng special. Many blessings
@jphontiveros (58)
• Philippines
10 May 11
Yes i know one but he has not been diagnosed yet. He is my grandfather. He usually forget the things we recently do. He talks about things repeatedly, I think it is because he forgot that we already talked about it. Even though he always forgets things some things never change. I can still feel his love and care for me despite his illness. I am now a registered nurse and what I can say based on my experience is that, It is not easy to take care of people with this illness. You will need patience and therapeutic communication with them. You also need to establish a routine which they would do daily, so that they would not forget, and mind you each time they forget this also means there's a chance they get embarrassed and we don't want that to happen.
@cynthiann (18602)
• Jamaica
11 May 11
What a lovely caring person you are to your GF? I do hope that he doesn't deteriorate for a long time. He will always love you
