how do you deal with this problem..?

Philippines
May 11, 2011 7:52am CST
my younger sister is only 14..she's a die hard fan of a popular local band here in our country.. the problem is, she spends almost 24hrs. in her room..we have no idea what she's doing inside..it's as if she's creating her own world! i also noticed that every time we're together(me, mom, & her), it seems like she's angry to us(me & mom)..every time we confront her, she just keep silent..sometimes, i just ignore her, let her do what she wants.. have you ever encountered same problem..? how did you deal with it..?
3 people like this
17 responses
@SIMPLYD (81467)
• Philippines
12 May 11
Didn't you and your mom try to lovingly talk to her? There could be an underlying reason for her anger to the both of you, so it's better that you discover it this early so it could be settled. Why not try to go with her one time and watch her favorite local band perform maybe. Or maybe watch DVD of that local band performing? It could be a starter for your mom, you and her to be in good terms again.
• Philippines
12 May 11
hi simplyd.. every time we try to talk to her, she reacts as if she don't want to talk about her problems.. would it eventually lessen her addiction to the band if we do that..? she's too much addicted to the point that she knows the biography/ the whole clan of her idol! we want to stop that..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
12 May 11
for me, anything excessive is not good..and being a fan to that level, i think it's beyond the norms..and what's worse, i noticed that she's developing a bad character.. she's losing respect for others..
1 person likes this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
18 May 11
Oh don't worry, she'll get over it. It's best if she's just there in her room rather than going after the guy, right? Teens will get over these idols soon and feel that they were wasting her time. Perhaps you could talk to her about the idol, you know, get to know why she liked that idol. Perhaps that's a good opening topic for the both of us and she wouldn't feel that you and your mom are all against her all the time.
@Devilova (5396)
• Indonesia
11 May 11
As a parent, don't to strict to your child, just watch them and let them do whatever they want as long as they didn't do something that can harm theirself. As you know that on that age, they can do anything if they feel that they have been force by others. They want to be the number one, king of the king.
• Philippines
11 May 11
what if she develops a bad attitude..?
@Devilova (5396)
• Indonesia
12 May 11
Well, you are the successor of your parent. Learn from them, what they have done to you when you are in this situation. Except you are a good child or you just a duplicate of your parents.
• Philippines
12 May 11
that's what we've been doing.. but it doesn't seem to work..
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
12 May 11
I have a 16year-old brother and I think the main reason why he's not acting out that much is because he doesn't have a lot of 'facilities' in his room. He doesn't have television or computer in his room, but he does have a computer but not in his room. I think it's a matter of placement of stuff, if you keep on putting everything inside her room what would keep her from staying inside the whole day? I know there are issues during that age, we are just really angry at just about everyone and anything, but one good way to do so is not to tolerate these. I'm not saying that you should punish or such, just don't allow her to eat inside, no television, or she should be given responsibilities or so. Sometimes I think black-outs or power-outs are a good thing to happen in most households today.
• Philippines
12 May 11
hi laydee.. are you some kind of a psychic..? hehe.. yes, she has tv in her room..i want to take it out, but what if she becomes more rebellious..?
1 person likes this
@laydee (12814)
• Philippines
18 May 11
Well, you can't take it out now because she'll think that it's her property. Perhaps you could have the cable cut for a while and claim that you forgot to pay or if you're paying for her phone, claim to have forgotten that too. Hehehe..
@icelgo (23)
• Philippines
16 May 11
i've never experienced or encountered that..hmmm maybe your sister need some kind of attention comes from her family ..at that ages they felt they are alone no ones loves them,so the only things they do is to stay away her self on you or her family.So all you have to do is just give her more attention.
• Philippines
16 May 11
we'll try that..hope it works.. =D thanks for the advice..
• United States
11 May 11
To be honest, this is just a general teenager thing. I have yet to meet one that never did anything or never acted of the sort. It's become a cultural norm here in America. You just have to let nature, for want of a better term, take its course. She'll grow out of it eventually.
• Philippines
12 May 11
we hope so.. we're only worried that she might get rebellious..
@sid556 (31005)
• United States
11 May 11
Well it is pretty normal for a young girl to spend more time in her room as opposed with the family. I know that my girls did at that age. Still, 24 hours? That's way too much. She should be also spending time with friends and also, is she not in school?
• Philippines
12 May 11
yes, she stays in her room for almost 24hrs. she only goes out to eat or if she'll use the toilet. it's her summer vacation so no school for her..
• Canada
11 May 11
ell she's 14. When your 14 you feel like everyone hates you so you react to everything with anger. They like to be alone sometimes and separate themselves from others. As she gets older she will grow out of it.
• Philippines
11 May 11
is that really normal for todays generation..?
• United States
11 May 11
she sounds like she may e a home body or depressed. If she is mad it could be that she wants to stay to herself in her room. My daughter likes her room a lot too. But,she does come to the kitchen and the living room. She will even call me to come lay down with her in her room.
• Philippines
11 May 11
isn't it annoying if she stays almost 24hrs inside her room..? you can't even ask her to do something..
11 May 11
Send her to Africa the land of zoo animals,human trials monkeys and fruits.
• Philippines
11 May 11
i don't think we can afford that..
• China
11 May 11
oh,my friend,i think maybe your younger sister is overdone no matter on the fantasy idol or being rude to your family,whether or not there are no family activities for a long time,i remember when i was young i can easily obsess about some things like games,hanging out with bad guys,imitating some bad things like smoking,fighting,smashing the glasses of other's house and i don't think that's bad instead there are comparisons between children.i guess this is rebellious period but they actually need someone to help them i see maybe you can start with trying to be a true friend share the same hobbies and gruadually talk to her and let her accept you rather than scolding her or forbiding her doing what she like,if in that way she will escape you even more...
• Philippines
11 May 11
i'll try that..thanks for the advice..but the problem is, every time we ask her about her idol, she won't answer..
• Philippines
11 May 11
Sit down one on one with your sister in an isolated area, and discuss the problem in a well balanced manner, giving her opportunity to explain. Make sure you listen carefully and weigh the pros and cons before reaching a decision. Any appearance of injustice will provoke the most powerful reaction. Teens see only black and white no grays. Their sense of justice is what we'd like to see in our much older judges and juries.
• Philippines
11 May 11
but how can we do that if she wouldn't want to talk about it..?
• Slovak Republic
11 May 11
I think, she need to grow up, everyone had 14..what about you? What do you do in your 14, i think she need just some time and it will get better.
• Philippines
11 May 11
well when i was 14, i was a fan of marshal bruce mathers(aka EMINEM)..but not as addicted like her..i don't know eminem's biography! hope her addiction ends soon..
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
11 May 11
Hi anjiel, I was same like your sister at my 15s. This is such a age where they can provoke to anything raised against them. Set her free. I felt bored after sometime and i felt i was matured enough to decide good and bad as i grew up. So best way is to set her free and same time talk about her likings towards the band, so she will start communicating with you and your mom. Communication can bring in more maturedness.
• Philippines
11 May 11
well that's what i've been doing..setting her free, letting her do what she wants.. that's a problem..every time we ask her what did she like 'bout the band, she just keeps silent..as if she don't want to talk about it..
@allknowing (68695)
• India
11 May 11
She must have watched some movies where girls of her age behave that way. Or even her peers must be telling her of their behaviour at home. This phase is temporary and will soon pass off.
• Philippines
11 May 11
i hope it pass off sooner.. =D
• Philippines
11 May 11
It is quite normal for some teenagers as you see on movies to be obsess about their fantasy idols. If you can recall you may have pass through a similar experience although a bit different from what your sister is doing. This phase of life will pass and after she conquers her personal hang ups you can see that she has matured on some level. Be patient and be accepting and loving since that is what she will need from you and the rest of the family. We have different ways of coping up with how we evolve from child to woman.
• Philippines
11 May 11
that's what i've been wondering about..she's so obsessed that she even knows the whole clan of her idol..i think it's beyond the limitations.. i hope she matures sooner.. =D thanks for the response..
• Philippines
11 May 11
Maybe she just got her first Menstrual period. You should find that one out.
• Philippines
11 May 11
i don't think so..i think she had her first period when she was 11..
• Philippines
11 May 11
hi anjiel, Did she react violently? Did you try to talk to her and ask what is her problem maybe something is bothering her Do you think she needs a doctor? Maybe your mom can talk to her you know mother-daughter Hope you will come up with better solution happy mylotting
• Philippines
11 May 11
did she react violently..? not really.. talked to her and ask what's bothering her..? she won't even answer.. maybe she needs psychologist..