Who should decide parents/kid

@sammy14 (835)
Philippines
May 11, 2011 10:38pm CST
Who should decide on what course should your kid pursue in college.. Is it the parents or you allow your kid to decide on what course he/she would take up. What are the advantages/disadvantages and how do you reconcile if you both do not agree on what should he/she take up...
2 people like this
15 responses
@dream_ozn (1757)
• Singapore
12 May 11
I think the child should decide what they want to pursue in college themselves. If they want to study something or have an interest in a course, the parent should encourage the child to go for it. Rather than satisfying their own interest, and forcing the child to study when the parents want they too. It might be for the child's good, (they think), but they need to understand that the child might blame them in the future and have regrets. I am in one such situation myself. My dad opens an optical shop and he wants to to study optometry. He says that as an optometrist, only then will I be able to help him take care of his business. If not an eye doctor and he will open a clinic for me. That was 4 years ago. But, it wasn't my interest to study about the eye nor did i aspire to be a doctor. I have chosen to study business administration and my dad now says that a business major is not enough to help him in his business and he don't intent to keep his shop for me. Well, then, i'm too not interested. However, I think that the parent need to think in the interest of the child. They should also explain why they feel it is better to take the course that they choose. But leave the choosing to the hands of their kid and make they understand that this is their choice and they should not regret it later in life.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
13 May 11
That's a good point you have there... it's good and will not be a problem if you are financially able but it is quite different when you are not.
@dream_ozn (1757)
• Singapore
13 May 11
You mean when the child is not financially able?
@spicnick (24)
12 May 11
I think parents should have equal rights as the kid in deciding his carrer....Parents should be like a guide to their kid..They should be able to guide him but not force the kid....The kid may or may not have full idea on the future they choose,they should be able to take the help of their parents guidance in order to make a healthy decision...
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
13 May 11
Yes children should not take it against their parents if they help him choose waht course he should take up.
• Philippines
12 May 11
it's the child's life so it's his/her choice on what to do. It's his future so if he shold take what his parents would like him to take but in the end does not like it then he would end up not getting to finish the course or shift at the end of his study
1 person likes this
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
13 May 11
I agree with you. If he is given the freedom to choose and he cannot finish the course then that is his problem.
@allknowing (78755)
• India
12 May 11
In either case a discussion on the pros and cons is vital. And only then could a decision be taken. A child could have better ideas sometimes but if it is the question of financing and the parents do not have the necessary funds that needs to be made clear. Atleast here in India a child can take loans and repay once employed.
1 person likes this
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
13 May 11
Yes communication between the child and the parents are very vital in coming up with such decision. Both should be open minded to accept suggestions and reach a compromise if they don't think the same. Children likewise, should not blane their parents if they cannot get what they want specially if they are financially incapable. I commend your government for the support it is giving to students in India.
• United States
12 May 11
I am sorry but if the parents do not like they do not have to pay for it but it is not their choice really. The student is there person who will live with the decision of what they took in college. It is their lives and by that age are old enough to decide for themselves what they would like to do. In our family we do not believe in parents paying for college. You are an adult and college is an adult act. You do what you have to do to make something of yourself.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
12 May 11
Thanks... Parents should not really force upon a person especially if he/she's your child on something which they do not like.. Just like forcing upon them to yake up a course which they do not like... One disadvantage of this is that they will not shine because they do not feel it.
• Philippines
12 May 11
I think the child should decide what course they want to take up in college although it would be good to have a discussion with the parents. I'm not a parent yet so I don't know how to handle a situation wherein the parents/child don't agree with each other. I'm on one receiving side though. When I was about to graduate high school, I wasn't really sure what course to take. I wanted to take Arts but there isn't really much money with it in our country. So, like almost everybody else, I took up nursing. My aunt is a nurse in the US for more than 20 years now and she has been supporting me. My mom and my aunt did not force me to take up nursing but they convinced me to do so. I didn't know what to take yet anyway. I just thought I'll just take up nursing and when I get to the US, I'll do what I want. I graduated in 2008 and there are still lots of things to do. The thing I hate about it is that I wasn't told how difficult it was. I would have liked it if I was warned earlier. I'm still preparing for an international exam and it's been 2 years that I'm out of a job. Until I get there and get to do what I want, I'd say I'm psychologically miserable. I would rather to something I like for basic pay than force myself to do something I'm not interested at for a bigger salary. I guess I feel that way because I'm an artist and I'm on the emotional/artistic side who has passion for what I do.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
12 May 11
Forcing and persuading are two different things. It was still you who decided to take up nursing and you should not blame your parents for it... and if you are not enjoying your work so be it! it was you who decided finally to take that course, they did not force you... It's only you to blame..
• Philippines
12 May 11
Yes, I decided for myself. Did you read the part that I wasn't told how difficult it was? It was my decision but I was mislead, very mislead. After graduation, my aunt told me, "It's hard isn't it? Sorry I didn't tell you." Seriously, when I was choosing a course, they were really convincing me and told me it would be easy for me.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
13 May 11
Just a piece of advice though when we make decisions we should weigh the pros and cons of it. It needs study and analysis. Every job or any course for that matter cannot always be on the upside and there will come a time when the downside will come... Nursing as a course before maybe at that time was in demand that's why they told you to take up nursing but maybe when you graduated the demand for it was going down.. Anyway you can do both, as a nurse and artist. you just have to manage your time.
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15898)
• Australia
12 May 11
I don’t think it is up to the parents to make such a decision for the child. The child should be permitted to follow his or her own passions not the parents. I know it is difficult not to interfere for a parent especially if they are paying for the kid’s education but the decision is a personal one. Nothing wrong with helping in the decision making process if it is asked for but in my opinion it is a time to let go and let the child decide for his or her self.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
13 May 11
Thanks Paula.. you're one of my friends who always give good comments to my topics, once you give comments the discussion becomes lively and intellectual.. now, I just told in my previous comments that it is up to the child but considering other things I am now of the opinion that it should be on a case to case basis.. If the family is financially able then we can let the child have his way but if the family is not then both should agree on common ground. What if the child wants to become a pilot but the family cannot support it, how's that? Another thing to be considered is his ability, if he wants to take up engineering but is not good in math.. how's that?
1 person likes this
@paula27661 (15898)
• Australia
13 May 11
I appreciate what you are saying sammy.Situations like lack of finances or low grades would be better discussed as a family. I hope that when my daughter's time comes for her to make this decision she will still feel as though she can communicate with us and we can help her decide.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
20 May 11
Yes you are right Paula... Children listen when we maintain a good relationship with them..
1 person likes this
@maximax8 (29138)
• United Kingdom
16 May 11
A 16 year old should choose the subjects that he or she are interested in and can do well in. The parents should be there to guide their child but they shouldn't influence too much. My oldest son is now 16 years old and he put his college application in earlier this year. The college have accepted him provided that his exam results are good enough. I visited the college with him to meet the course tutors and find out about the courses offered. We found the Maths tutor said that A level Maths is very difficult. Only 2 out of 22 students that got grade B at GCSE Maths got a pass at A Level. This put me off greatly and I told my son to get into university he needed three A grades at A Level at college. So he had to choose subjects he would do very well at. He decided to do A Levels in History, Religious Education and Art. He also decided to do AS Levels in Government and Politics and Phychology. In A Level they do AS for the first year and A2 for the second year to make a full A Level. He can change his mind if he likes in that second year.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
20 May 11
You are lucky maxima that you have a boy who listens to his parents. There are some kids who are stubborn and insist on what they want even though they are not capable of passing it, sometimes its peer pressure.
@tiina05 (2318)
• Philippines
13 May 11
hello, If I have a kid I will let her choose whatever she wants because I know she will pursue it but of course i will do some advice to her if we are not agree to it and let her know it but if she will still continue what she wants then I'll be respecting her decision and I will support her.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
13 May 11
Yes it is the responsibility of parents to guide their children on whatever endeavor they would undertake and support them
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
12 May 11
The child should choose which career path that they want to take in college. It is not up to the parents to choose which career their child wants. We know parents want the best for their children, but the child must enjoy what they choose to do. I know that I would not want someone to tell me what I needed to do. I want my children to be happy adults and not be pressured into a job that they are not happy with.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
13 May 11
Well you already made your choice... but I would suggest that parents should take an active role in this aspect but not to the point of forcing something which the child is against.
• Australia
12 May 11
I think it should be a child's decision to decide what to study. I know that parents will have to pay for it and their voices need to be heard too. But it's the child's future and their own interest. If kids are enrolled in a course which they totally loathe, they'll never progress. My parents have been very supportive. They have firm belief in me, so they let me decide what course to join. My dad wanted me to go for medical but i chose to study accounting. I told it to him once and he agreed with me within no time. I guess i am lucky to have encouraging parents like them.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
13 May 11
Yes parents will let you decide if they think that it is for your own good but if they think that it is not then they will object...
@yogeshdhusa (2237)
• India
12 May 11
Hi Sammy, I think parents should tell the results of taking particular course. Understand what your kid has in his/her mind because they think that this course will help build him/her future but you and your kid should do analysis before taking any thing.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
13 May 11
Yes parents should assist their children in choosing the course they will take. Likewise, the same decission should not be lodged solely to the child as he may just come up with any course with the influence of peers ore that what is popular at that time without regard to the child's capability and financial capability of the parents as well.
@ludyvel04 (311)
• Philippines
12 May 11
As a parent, I would like my son to decide for his own as he reach his maturity. Its letting them to be more responsible about things in their life. After all, its them who will benefit from their plans and decesions. As a parent, we can guide them but not decide for them.Proverbs 22:6 "Train the child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it".
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
13 May 11
Yes I agree with you there.. We can only suggest but how about if what the child wants is something which the parents could not afford or the child cannot cope up with academically speaking.. Don't you think that it's a waste of money and time if He insist on having it his way...
@advokatku (4036)
• Indonesia
12 May 11
I think, childrens should be given the freedom to choose the education they want because they have the right to determine their way of own life. In this case, parents should only guide them, not determine. Let childrens determine his own choice because with that's, the child will have the responsibility on his own choice. Next time, if those fail, they will not blame their parents.
@sammy14 (835)
• Philippines
12 May 11
yes they should be given the latitude to choose what they want... we can only recommend but if they do not like it then we should not force it upon them and lastly we should support whatever they choose to take. Thanks.
@ariana01 (182)
• United States
4 Jun 11
It's the kids life and they will be the one who will have to live with the decision for the rest of their lives. not the parents. They should give their opinion and back off. Parents need to give support.