I must be built totally differently.

United States
May 15, 2011 1:52am CST
I will never forgive if someone has truly hurt me and will never apologize. I heard Dr Phil say if you do not forgive , this hatred will eat you up inside. It will keep you from being you full self. Well, I am built totally differently. If I just forgive Without the person saying A genuine apology I will be less than I am. The way Phil said it , the bitterness will consume Everything. I say What bitterness. I write them off. They are dead to me and I don't think about them. The best revenge is that they cease to exist! I go on and get to be happy. Am I all alone in this? Can you truly forgive someone who has wronged you?
3 people like this
16 responses
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
16 May 11
i never hold grudges, i do not like the feeling of mad at someone, nor someone mad at me either. It is a heavy feeling that i really dislike, but what if someone wronged me and i was hurt? it happened and i still forgave him.. and i forgot all about it. sounds naive or stupid but i did and we are happier than before and when i made a mistake, he also forgave me and forgot about it. Life is short to hold grudges or be bitter.. but it is easier said than done, it took us time to heal and forget but we did. but i never really think of revenge or whatsoever. life must go on and life must be enjoyed...
2 people like this
• United States
16 May 11
But you Both worked on it. I will forgive if and only if the person is sorry for hurting me and Says so. If they don't , then I Know either they are so callous that they don't even know when they hurt me Or they meant to hurt me. That's when revenge is needed for me To enjoy life once more. If I Just " Let it go" , It remains with me internally. And then Life would be short and it will not be joyful. Having to forgive Would make me bitter and filled with self hatred.
1 person likes this
@jazel_juan (15767)
• Philippines
16 May 11
i guess it works differently with every person, i never really thought of revenge even if the person does not apologize nor say sorry because i do believe in karma..that sooner they will still pay for whatever wrong they did.
2 people like this
• United States
16 May 11
G-d is good . They Do get it in the end. I have found the best revenge is to do nothing and just write them off completely.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17550)
• Canada
16 May 11
Yes you are different Sarah! I've known that about you, since I've met you hear in myLot. And that does not necessarily mean it's a bad thing. It is also hard for me to forgive anyone. I hold a grudge, and it takes a while before I ease off. But not thinking about the people that wrong me, does help.
2 people like this
• United States
16 May 11
Thanks my Friend.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31018)
• United States
16 May 11
I see where you are coming from on this because I am the same way. I don't know as I'd go as far as to say it was "forgiving" the person but I do find a way to get over and beyond it, Even if it is a person such as my ex husband who was violent and hurtful...I don't want to be his best buddy but I did find a way to get beyond the hurt to where I could be civil with him and "feel nothing" towards him ...no anger, no hurt, no need for revenge, nothing. I guess in a way that could be considered forgiving because there is no anger or bitterness.
2 people like this
@srganesh (6349)
• India
20 May 11
No! I can't forgive somebody who has done wrong things to me badly. Ignore those psychiatrists who asks you to forget and forgive everything. Will they let you free if you don't pay their bills? LOL! Forgetting is the best gift, the mankind has but I won't like to forgive those culprits. Just erase them from our life and they won't haunt our feelings.
2 people like this
• Philippines
15 May 11
I am so much like you at the past. I don't give apologies to people who don't ask them. I don't give a damn of their existence, they simply just don't exist for me. Ideally, that would be a perfect revenge. But what if the person does not ask for apology because he never knew that he had done you wrong in the first place? What if he is not that sensitive enough of your feelings that he failed to see that you are hurting? Honestly, it is more beneficial not to carry any emotional burden towards a person.. even apathy will burden us in the long run. I have been there and it sucks, believe me! Eventually, you get tired of not bothering at all. It is just my take on this.PEACE.
• United States
15 May 11
If they don't even know they hurt me, I would Definitely walk away. If he can do this Without even knowing it, Then it will Keep happening. and If I stay It will get worse. I never tire of apathy. In fact It is fun for me. I get to go on with my life and they with theirs. And the fun part is if they Ever think they will ask me for something , I get to act as thought I don't know them and walk away. That will Never get old.
• Philippines
16 May 11
Okay, but picture this: It might be fun for you and it could be perplexing for them..you not minding them. And then that's the time that they will realize that something is up. Afterwards, they ask you what's the matter and then you will explain.And then they will ask forgiveness and then..because they'd ASKED, you will forgive. The issue here is giving forgiveness when it is asked right? Forgive me for sounding like a total jerk but my point here is.. All throughout the time between the apathy and the forgiveness, your "nemesis" had no idea at all, that he had caused you pain. During such period, you are in pain..and they? They go about their way like nothing is going on. Is not that unfair for you? I am saying this because this is exactly what happened to me at the past. And I am done with that. Just giving you my two cents of thought. Again, PEACE.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 11
You are not being a jerk. To me , it would hurt more if I Had to remain friendly with them when and Know they have no idea they hurt me. I rather just walk away. Ignore them. That way I get to happy and not dwell on how they hurt me. Because Every moment I see them and they Don't apologize, the more angry I would get. So it is better for me to just disappear. True they may wonder why I am never around them And yes It Will Have to be they who come to me. But I don;t think when they come to me if I will forgive them.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
15 May 11
Hi... I think I am kind of just like you... I too can't forgive some people who have been indecent and dishonest to me. I just can't forgive! Whatever the theories or psychological explanations they have got, I can't... Its impossible for me to forgive, for example, my first girl friend. A girl who ditched me because she got someone who was earning more than me... I just can't forgive her... In my last e mail to her, I wrote, 'God will never forgive you for what you've done and even if He does, I WON'T'... Don't know why, her memories are so torturing... it disturbs me for quite some time... It has given me 2 disturbed years in my life... I can't forgive that girl....
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 11
And I think you Should Have to forgive her. But look at it this way, you had to go through her to get to your True love. That's how I see my ex. With all my , I will never forgive talk, I didn't get angry with him, I was so hurt I didn't get to the anger. But I did heal and when I was ready, I found the love of my life. But I wouldn't been ready or even realized that he Was the One if I hadn't been heartbroken by my ex. So it was a bad thing that had a great ending.
@mr_pearl (5037)
• India
16 May 11
Hey Sarah, if we look at it this way then yes, it has been of advantage to me... If my ex hadn't ditched me, then I'd never have found my true Love... If we change the perspective, things look different... Thanks for making me looking at it that way... Have a nice day!!!
• United States
16 May 11
Have a great day!
@inertia4 (26913)
• United States
16 May 11
Dr. Phil is a moron, He might feel that way I sure don't. He thinks he is the only voice of reason in the world. Like I said a moron. I am like you, I do not forgive, I write people off in a second. I do not look back and move on. That's it. I also do not apologize if it is something that I know I am right with.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 11
Thanks! I'm not alone!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (157768)
• Garden Grove, California
16 May 11
sarahruthbeth You are different as I hated my father for taking advantage oe me as a little 8 year old c hild and molesting me simply because he was needy and my mom was in the hospital. I had no idea why or what he was doing except he hurt meand I cried and he stopped.but I knew inside he did something wrong and from then on I never ever let myself be alone in the house with him.my husband saw that hatred was making me ill so he suggested I forgive my dad and tell him that and ask him why he hurt me. I did go and I told him I forgave him for molesting me but wanted to knoiw why. he turnedred and refused to answer mrl.but a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. hating someone does not hurt them it only hurts you.Dr phil was really right for most of us.And too how can you write off the man who gave you life much as you may dispise him he is youor father so I respected him that much but disliked him;I forgave him for my sakd not his.To hold a grudge soes not hurt anyone but you.
@JenInTN (27565)
• United States
15 May 11
I don't carry any bitterness with me either, but I don't forget and I do leave them to their own. There are things that I allow in my life and there are things that I don't. The thing is that when I allow someone to stay in my life after they have purposely hurt or deceived me..I feel like I'm just asking for another helping. The old saying somes to mind..my grandfather used to say it too...Fool me once..shame on you...fool me twice..shame on me.
1 person likes this
• United States
16 May 11
Amen!
• United States
15 May 11
Honestly I'm the same way. I'm a major grudge-holder and I'm just not able to forgive people who have truly wronged me and mine.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 11
I'm not alone! This is good to hear!
@jillhill (37354)
• United States
15 May 11
I am the same way...out you go! I don't give second chances unless it's family..but if you hurt me....you are a goner. I don't know if I forgive or not...they just disappear.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 11
I am not alone!
15 May 11
we live only once..thats why, we should learn how to forgive ourself and other people.it may take some time but that's okay. time can heal..Goodluck!
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 11
Time and the proper revenge.
15 May 11
For me yes I can truly forgive even if that person is not sincere enough to ask forgiveness, for me it's not my problem anymore, I have done my part to forgive and I'm at peace. God does not look whose fault it is but He sees those who humble themselves. I always inculcate that in my mind so I can live a peaceful life.
1 person likes this
@sashakiddo (1104)
• United States
15 May 11
What Dr. Phil says is easier said than done. I would love to forgive and forget but it's just not possible for me. Maybe we are built differently as you say. Unfortunately people rarely know how to teach us to forgive. It's an emotional and mental process, and I haven't figured it out yet.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 11
Keep trying , if you Want to forgive. Me? I refuse to even try to figure it out.
• India
15 May 11
I've the same feeling for that person who really hurt me & will never make a genuine apology for the crime. I think i even get worst for it & even dont want to listen the apologies of the person. I know it may be wrong for me as well as for the person but i learned it from my past experience that if i forgive all sins it is no sure that he/she will never do it again in life ever. May be ur tendency to forgive may vary from person to person but it also depends upon the work did & the level of hate. U discussed that according to DR. Phil hatred will eat u up inside, it may but only when u use to think about ur hurt & hate. Forgiveness is like again joining the ends of thread after breaking which always have knot.
1 person likes this
• United States
15 May 11
And I prefer to burn the ends so they Can Never become a knot ever again.If the person isn't going to apologize then why would I ever want to be in their presence?No, It is best I never see them again.
• Canada
29 May 11
Forgiveness means I won't dwell On the situation, but it does not mean that I am going to let a hurtful person into my life.
1 person likes this