The Marriage Vows

@dorannmwin (36695)
United States
May 16, 2011 11:13pm CST
My husband and I recited our marriage vows nearly seven years ago. I remember saying "In sickness and in health. For better or for worse. Till death do us part." I take all of these words very seriously and I know that he does as well. However, I've become a part of a forum that has loved ones and individuals that are suffering from the same type of cancer that he has. It amazes me to see how many relationships end up splitting because one of the people in the relationship get ill. Now, I'm not going to say that it is a walk in the park, because it is not. But, if you were in that kind of a situation with your spouse, would you let the fact that they were sick be the thing that would mean the end of your relationship? Do you take your vows seriously? What kind of event would have to occur before you would break the vows that you've taken?
2 people like this
10 responses
@savypat (20248)
• United States
17 May 11
Some of this could be financial, if I were ill and that illness would ruin the family's finances I would opt out for a divorce. Deferent people react to illness in different ways, an abusive relatonship could become just to much to bear. Or a person subject to deep depression can pull everyone around them down and if I were raising children, especially if they were very young, I would also consider divorce. It's not very wise to judge others even if you feel you are experiencing the same situation. Blessings
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
20 May 11
I don't know that I am really judging, it hurt me because of the fact that it was something that hurt the other person so much. With that said, finances can be great and they could be tough, but I think that financial struggles are something that you go through in your life.
@erikmama (12934)
• United States
17 May 11
Hi doran. I am glad that you take your vows serious like they are suppose to be taken. I am like you and when I love I love passionatly. Guess that is why I am still with my son's father-so I think. I am not sure what it is going to take for me to walk away. Although I am not married I would not leave his side especially when he is sick. That's self centered. And doesnt sound like love to me.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
20 May 11
I do love passionately. I loved Tom with all of my heart since I first met him. We were together for a couple of years before we made things formal, but still, even before we were married, I still took our relationship just as seriously then as I do now.
@much2say (36355)
• United States
17 May 11
I have you and your hubby in my thoughts . . . sending healthy vibes and hopes of a speedy recovery out your way! For me, I'd have to say my hubby is my very best friend - and I would always be by his side (as its always been) through thick and thin. Our ceremony did include the vows . . . but our "pact", I feel, is stronger than the words we exchanged on our wedding day. The vows were from the officiant . . . and to be honest, I can't remember the exact words . . . but we do have a "nice" print out of it in a "nice" folder. Although it may seem I didn't take the vows that seriously as I can't remember the words, I have the whole meaning behind it in my heart and soul - and that to me is more important as I take that seriously. There are rocky roads at times with any relationship - but I'd have to say the kind of event that would truly break the vows is one that would break the loyalty trust . . . though I am confident that would never happen. There were a couple times I had to take my hubby to the ER . . . . it was scary but I stayed by his side . . . and I think those hairy moments actually made us closer.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
20 May 11
Tom and I were fully committed to one another before we ever got married. We were together for two and a half years before the day of our wedding and from the time that we met, I knew that I would stand in front of a train for him if I had to. That is very important to me.
• United States
17 May 11
Dear Dora, I am so still praying for you and your family during this hard time. Although I am not married I am however in a very serious committed relationship where we live together for 6 years now. He is a bit older then me, and I honestly cannot think about life without him. I could not divorce someone during an illness because I would honor my commitment and love for the persona and simply because my hope would be that he do the same with me. I was married once before and although I gave my ex-husband many years of my life, for my safety and the safety of the children I had to finally let go. Because I wanted to hang on to our commitment, it did take me several years to realize I had to let go. However, I do live with someone now who heaven forbid was to be ill, I just could not think to let him go, and actually so as long as he does not cheat and or physically/mentally harm me I cannot think of any reason in my life why I would opt to leaving him.
1 person likes this
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
19 May 11
You are right that abuse would be one of the things that would make me end a marriage. I've been lucky that my husband has never been abusive toward me. Now that he is sick, there have been some times that I don't feel like I've been treated the way that I ought to be treated, but I also think that it is important to realize that he really is not himself right now.
@skysuccess (8882)
• Singapore
19 May 11
dorannmwin, Sometimes, I feel very bad when couples breakup and much more in challenging times when one of them is down trodden. Pardon me for saying this but marriage vow aside, I felt that a lot of couples failed to realize that being in love is free, but being in a relationship comes with a price - the price of being subjected to gruesome tests of eliminating our overly individualistic perception of life and learn to manage an additional headcount, transcending every aspect of our life. I am a firm believer of Love is not about looking at each other; but looking together at one collective direction. When a couple shares a parallel view of their individual definition of love, chances are, they will find conflicts with regards to choice, perception and view of life. And relationship because in a parallel line, the lines will never meet at point X. Like you, I am serious with the vow I have with my wife and even in sickness.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
20 May 11
I think that you might be onto something here. I sit and think about people that I've known that have wanted to accomplish THEIR goals in life before they settle down and though these people are determined on something, it is difficult in those situations to have collective goals.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
18 May 11
I love my girlfriend so much..
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
20 May 11
That is the exact way that I feel about my husband. I think that is also a part of the reason that it really bothers me that there are couples that end up in divorce because of the fact that one of the people in the relationship gets sick.
@katieh (151)
17 May 11
That's a really difficult one. All I can say is that so far we haven't faced anything which would make me even consider splitting up. But I can't judge someone who gets pushed to the point of not being able to cope any more by their partner's illness. Sick? No, I can't imagine that splitting us up. But the sort of sick which meant he didn't recognise me, or was violent, or abusive? Or if my children were suffering because of it? I would really struggle with that. I wish you and your husband all the best and I hope that your love only grows stronger.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
20 May 11
I don't think that if there was ever a time that my husband didn't recognize me that it would push me to the breaking point. However, like you've said, physically harming my children or me would be one of those few things that would be capable of breaking me.
@shaggin (30135)
• United States
17 May 11
Congrats on being together for so long. I took our marriage vows very seriously even though I was so nervous I didnt remember a word he said I've been to enough weddings to know what the marriage vows are lol. I was very upset about splitting up with my husband because it was breaking the marriage vows but I couldnt live that life anymore. He was never around by choice and he treated me terribly. If it was just that he got sick I would never have left him I would have stuck through it with him as long as he treated me good.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
20 May 11
I think that when someone is sick there are a lot of struggles that you will go through within the relationship. However, I think that if the love really existed in the first place, then there is no reason to let the relationship end over illness.
@TREISIKA (22)
• Vietnam
17 May 11
I've taken the vow almost one year. Actually she loves me more than I love her. But I will love her to the end of my life. Eventhough she get sick or anything else, I still take care of her. Because she loves me.
@dorannmwin (36695)
• United States
20 May 11
I don't know whether my husband loves me more or whether I love him more. The one thing that I do know is that I cannot believe that if anything should ever happen to him, my life would no longer be complete.
@Hatley (162170)
• Garden Grove, California
30 May 11
hi dorannmwin no not at all. I married for better or worse, in sickness and in health. Myhusband had cance of the colon and ened up with a colostomy so did I leave him of course not. He was my love, and he foght the cancer and won only to die years later of heart attacks.We meant our wedding voes and we both worked to keep them sacred. I loived him with all my heart and he did with me. it was a good marriage.The only thing that would make me break my marriage voes would have been adultery.