Why do I keep feeling so guilty ?

@missbdoll (1168)
Australia
May 21, 2011 7:26am CST
It's been over 3 1/2 years since my partner died of cancer, he knew he was dying.He had adult children, who he left a lot to, thou he did not have much. They let him beleive they would be there for me, as I have no family. Just things like a bit of help with things that need a man round the house. But as soon as he died I was on my own, they made sure I could not even contact them. Now I keep feeling like I have let him down, like I'm not sucseesful enough, I know I'm doing all I can and cann't help what these people did.But I just keep "beating myself up " over everything. Also I feel so lonely often, and really can't imagine that I want to spend the rest of my life alone we never talked about this, as he thought his family would be there for me. I don't know how to stop feeling bad, and disloyal and have a decent life.
3 people like this
8 responses
@leonsan (49)
21 May 11
Whoa, back up a little ! You've got it all the wrong way round! The people who should be feeling guilty are his turncoat children, talk about take the money and run! How low can they go?, to make hollow promises to a dying man. I'm sure your late husband would never have wanted you to live a lonely, solitary life, so look to the future, your future. I'm sure your husband would be turning in his grave if he could see how things have turned out for you. All the best for the future, take care :)
@sunny5u (2072)
• India
22 May 11
Hello!!! why to feel guilty for yourself? Don't go down. I think you don't have your own children right? Why to except that your husband's family will stay with you, try to lead life on your own, get a job and work on it, it'll be a timepass for you, so you'll not think of it anymore.
@missbdoll (1168)
• Australia
22 May 11
No it's certainly not a lack of work, as I now work 7 days a week, just to get by. And it seems a lot of the time there is nothing but work. The guilt I feel, I think is because I feel like things should be a lot better, but when you are already doing nothing but work just to keep up (like a lot of people nowdays, often refered to in our country as "the working poor"). Sometimes I feel guilty when something breaks and I can't afford to have it fixed, and because tradesman and even hired handymen charge so much and I can't afford them Things like ages ago I bought a push lawn at an auction for $2, just ao I could mow the lawn, but than a few months ago I hurt my shoulder very bad, trying to move some very heavy boxes on my own, and now find it too hard to use a push mower. Even thinking about now is starting to make me feel a bit sad.
@moirai (2240)
• Philippines
22 May 11
Hmm... I don't quite understand why you are feeling guilty. From what you mentioned in your post, it's your husband's family who abandoned you, I don't see that you did anything wrong. You are feeling sorry for yourself, that's what it is more likely... If they don't want to support you, then maybe it's best to forget about them... turn elsewhere for support. Go out and make new friends. I don't see that as being disloyal if they don't want to have anything to do with you...
@wheng21 (12)
21 May 11
Do not feel guilty, my dear. Since you know for yourself that you do the best you can do. Just keep on praying and have faith in God, that you can survive all these things.
@narnia007 (1051)
• India
21 May 11
Don't feel guilty about yourself.There is nothing you could have done.It was good thing that you dint express this to your husband.In his state of cancer,he would have much more worried about your problem of being lonely when he is gone.Regarding your worries right now,you have o make your own mind and get new friends out there.There are loads of things that you still got to explore and you have to venture yourself into it.Get yourself up and explore the world and forget the past.This would take the empty lonely feeling away.
@owlwings (39611)
• Cambridge, England
21 May 11
I don't know why you should feel guilty. It was him that you loved (and you might have extended that to his children) but they have - or apparently feel that they have - any compunction to love or care for you. It is said that 'no man is an island' but when it comes to situations like this, everyone is on their own and if you cannot be an 'island', then you are doomed. Yes, your partner's children have let HIM down but are you not borrowing your partner's expectations in blaming them? Certainly YOU should not feel guilty! THEY may be to blame, but that is NOT your fault! Wipe their dust off your shoes and get on with life!
• United States
21 May 11
You have no reason to feel this way. They left you not the other way around. He should have made better plans for you after he was gone. Like maybe leaving you more and them less.
@visavis (5945)
• Philippines
21 May 11
Why you put something in your shoulder that not necessary to lift up by you... just enjoy the rest of your life in other arm if you have now. Forget the past, as you said done your best for him and others so its time for yourself, 3 1/2 years are eanough to you sacrifices... see you around