May 24, 2011 8:25am CST
Out of nowhere my student blurted out that she used to think of divorcing her husband and she actually seek her parents' advice on this. She's 46 and husband is 48. She was very unhappy with her married life because her husband never had fun with her and spent most of his time drinking with friends or playing golf. When she was in her 30s she saw her husband's love letter to his paramour and she was so mad because her husband never wrote her anything and in fact never told her "I love you." nevertheless, she endured for the sake of their two daughters. Then more than a week ago, she discovered she had cancer and her mind changed regarding divorce. Her husband also had a sudden change of attitude and spends time with her more. Her cancer is not a deathly one and in fact can be cured by a surgery. Her concept of married life changed a lot and she even told her husband that he can have another lover before they reached the age of 50 and husband told her the same. She told me that I'm too young to understand why she would allow her husband to have a lover before they reach 50 and I agree with her. I just cannot accept the fact that my husband would sleep with another woman other than me.
• United Kingdom
24 May 11
At any age i wouldnt have another seperate from me.. but joining in maybe... ;) as to her problem.. I do feel for her and wouldnt have stayed for that at any age.. and i do understand it and would rather be alone happier knowing i havent been cheated on any longer in my life.. rather than knowing in my head and heart what is goign on..
25 May 11
Joining in is a good idea. As of the moment i live by the principle that the moment i catch my husband sleeping with another woman it's definitely the end of our marriage. I am saying this as i am confident he would never do such a thing. I just don't believe that a marriage can still work without trust. I can't suffer from the burden of having doubts at the back of my mind every time he goes out of the house. So i would feel better if we end things separately. If he doesn't want that to happen, then he shouldn't stray. Same rule goes with me.
25 May 11
Hello Toni, Maybe because you haven't experience the kind of suffering she endured and that kind of event too. am pretty sure you could have gone mad and left your husband if you found her with another man. but i can understand why she did it, it's just pure selfless love, something that she decided to have gotten used to it a long time ago.but of course, i don't think i can handle that situation i haven't reach that kind of level of tolerance and deeper understanding of stuff.
24 May 11
The fact that the wife has got cancer made the husband stay with her longer time. It happens. It is because the husband starts feeling that he owes it to her take care. Obviously the attitude of wife would have also changed after knowing that she has cancer. She would have become subdued. Your observation "I just cannot accept the fact ......than me" is the stand that holds good in majority occasions. Again it depends on value system formed by people and the practices followed in society. have a good day
24 May 11
First of all mistakes from here decission cause of everything in her situation, but she can talk to her husband about her mistakes of allowing it. Or since her decision so take sa sacrifices... I hope can be settle it.. see you around