inlove with a married man

Philippines
May 24, 2011 11:25pm CST
I am starting to fall in love with a married ma. I know this is wrong, and I would really want to put an end on this. He says that he is also in love with me. I know that I have no future with him and I would remain a concubine forever If I choose him. But I just don't know how to get out of this relationship without hurting his feelings or destroying our friendship. How could I do so?
3 people like this
13 responses
• Philippines
25 May 11
hi! you already know that logically, morally and culturally... it isn't a good idea to pursue such relationship with a married person. i believe that kind of love is selfish and would always leave someone hurt no matter what you have decided to do. i can't also imagine someone being truly happy when deep inside one has to cheat on someone intentionally in order to gain that happiness. i have no right nor am i going to judge you. it is just but an opinion from someone who has been in the same boat about a year ago. the only difference being, i didn't know he was married that time. there was an attraction and we enjoyed each other's company so much and he has said the words. it was not a good feeling to know that he was already married. but i still appreciate his delayed honesty before my feelings really got in so deep. regardless of how much he said he loved me, i could not be a party to destroying a marriage. because i know it can tear apart a person, especially the unknowing wife. because someone close to me has been thru that. and to say that it is painful for her... isn't close enough. i knew how devastating it was for the wife. i don't have the heart to do it to anyone. if he truly loves you... he should know how to let you go. the same goes for you too. if time will come that you would both be free to love each other then that would be it. take care.
• Philippines
26 May 11
I really guess I would better stop this relationship right away. I cannot imagine myself being in the same situation her wife is at right now. I feel like I am a very bad person. I should put an end to this. Thanks for the advice.
• Philippines
26 May 11
i don't think you are bad at all. it's just the situation which sucks. if you didn't have any feelings of compassion at all, my guess is you won't even think of your actions... like to hell with everybody, you'll just do whatever makes you happy, regardless of who might get hurt in the process. but i don't think you are like that at all. i, however, believe that at the end of the day, it still is your choice. regardless of what you may decide to do, just be responsible for it. take care.
• Philippines
26 May 11
It really sucks. Life can really brings us a lot of surprises. I have never imagined myself falling in love with someone like him. All I wanted was to find someone who loves me and someone I would love to love in return. But lo and behold, this is what I got. But your right, I just have to do the right thing even if it hurts.
@jaiho2009 (39001)
• Philippines
25 May 11
Talk with him and then decide to put a space between,that way your friendship will not be spoiled. Avoid seeing each other,it would be hard and hurt at an early stage,but you will get used to it..you need a strong determination and self respect to do these things. Many times i am been tempted by married men,asking for a date or just a friendly hang out-but no..i never accepted any invite. There was a time that one separated guy even offered me marriage after his annulment case done. But i declined the offer and asks him to fix the matter first and then comes back once he is totally free. You are right...you will remain as concubine once you entertain such a relationship. Better stop now before it is too late. If you are determined enough not to dig into deeper immorality,then think of the better ways to avoid committing sin/s. You can love him without physical attachment- thu it's hard to control (not sure about yourself) Try to divert your mind to other things so won't think about him. You don't like to be a "homewrecker" right? Have a great day
• Philippines
26 May 11
He has two adorable kids and he has no problems with his wife, but still we fell for each other. I do not want to ruin their family. But I just don't want to run and hide from him. I want to talk to him like an adult and settle this matter like an adult should. But how could I do that if he keeps of playing the "guilt trip" game with me? Thanks for the advice.
• United States
26 May 11
Honestly I think that your friendship is already ruined because you have crossed that line between friend or lover. I also think that his feeligs shouldnt be a concern, you should be more concerned with how his wife is going to feel once she finds out that her husband is having an affair. You should end this and if he were in love with you he would not be still with his wife. And you should know that you are worth more than just being someone mistress. You deserve all of someone or none of them. Just as you have fallen in love with this married man you will fall for someone who is not married.
@youless (94251)
• Guangzhou, China
26 May 11
To be frank, I suggest you leave from this man. As you said, this relationship doesn't have a future. Besides, I don't appreciate to the unfaithful man. If he cheats his wife, he already ruins his family. He may have enough reasons complain about his marriage. But actually nobody is perfect. No matter what, he chose her to be his wife and they shall try to solve any problems in the marriage. It is wrong that he is tired of her and then he goes out to look for a new girl. In fact you just shouldn't start a beginning with a married man. There are many nice men in the world, why you have to choose a married man? Don't be afraid of hurting him, as he already hurts his wife and children. Your pain will be gone by time. One day when you find your right man, you will understand that your decision is correct. I love China
• China
26 May 11
If there is a man already get married and he said he love you but can not give you a future,then he is a irresponsible person.Don't be the third person or concubine,it will hurt you and his family,think it over!
@Hatley (164471)
• Garden Grove, California
26 May 11
Joiemarvic Keep a way from him and forget hurting his feelings. Have you no thought for his wife at all. You cannot keep this going and keep his friendship too. He is married. If he divorces his wife sure then you can morally have love for him. I would not want to be friends with a man who is cheating on his wife.You know this is wrong you must feel it to ask for help here.
• Philippines
26 May 11
Honestly, you cannot break up with him without hurting his feelings. Sooner or later you need to do it or else sacrifice your self worth. I bet you're young, single and educated, you'll be able to find somebody worth of your time and emotions. Come to think of it, if he can cheat his wife, there's a big probability that he'll do that to you as well. A cheater is always a cheater. He loves you now, but for how long? He loved his wife before, no doubt because they end up getting married, but where's that feeling now? I think hurting him would be the least you can do to gain your self worth again. Think of yourself before you think of him. Had he thought about your welfare, he won't make you his concubine. A guy who cares for a girl, for me, regardless if he feels something for her, would make her special by telling the world I love this woman. But in your case, he hid you and I bet in front of hiw wife, relatives and close friends, he kept you a secret. So girl, go find someone who'll make you his only one, who may provide undivided attention and most of all, will make you the queen of his home.
• Indonesia
25 May 11
To said "I'm sorry" is the best answers... Before his wife knocked your head with a frying pan..
@zhpshql (695)
• China
25 May 11
Hi, I'd like to say stop now...since there has no result,,,or a bad end,,stopping right now is the best way... if he loves you too,,then he will divorce and then marry you,if not,,run away. A man can't invole two women at the same time,that's the rule...
@iwrite (5041)
• Singapore
25 May 11
Well unless you want to become the other party, do not think of the friendship but what is the hardship. Cut it off before you start, I think that is the only advice. Don't have to think about his feelings, he did not think of his wife and family's feelings did he?
@allknowing (70605)
• India
25 May 11
Nothing is permanent in this world. It is just a matter of handling a situation and I find it a bit odd when you say that you are afraid to hurt this man's feeling if you called it a day. You should certainly decrease occasions being together and gradually taper them to zero. This is not good for all concerned.
@yoyo1198 (3643)
• United States
25 May 11
Run.....do not walk....to the nearest door and GET OUT AND AWAY!!! You would be doing nothing to further your life or his.
@Jesuriel (269)
• United States
25 May 11
You should just stay away from him as possible that way he can forget about you.