Trust is a very important thing in any relationship, what happens when its gone
May 29, 2011 7:47pm CST
When all the trust has gone in a relation ship and all the bad mouthing starts what do you do.Well my poor friend had a problem trusting her husband at the start of their marriage, due to people providing all the details including his own mother saying that he had been having an affair, then there was one of his own friends that told his wife about the dating agency that her husband had joined, then him and this woman again that his mother said about yet again and now it is women that he has been chatting up on face book.To top it all he is trying to tell their children that itis her that do not like him having fun.He is now asking their children who they want to live with, i mean using and involving the children as well is pure sick.Why is it that some people involve the children.
3 people like this
30 May 11
Seems to me they both weren't ready to get married. I too have trust issues with my partner because of the incidents that happened in our life, however, we are both trying to adjust still and he knows that my trust issues would last a long time but he needs to be patient if he really loves me - and he is really being patient these days (well more than other days). Trust cannot really be expected to be instant, but both should be willing to put more work on it. I have no right really to give you my opinion about the guy because it's your friend's side of the story, who would know if she's just exaggerating or have excluded the positive things because she's angry with him, right? However, I think they both need to really talk about their relationship. It's sad though that the husband includes their children and forces them to choose. It's just sad. But that is their family life and they have the right to decide for it. All we could do as friends is to pray for them and give them moral support - do avoid negative inputs, nobody really wins in these instances. Have a great MyLot experience!
1 person likes this
9 Jun 11
hi joystick, For me, involve children in the family problem is big mistake. The reason is : Many marriages are threatened divorce and ultimately not be just thinking about the fate of their children's future. Conversely, why we should involve children in family problem ? Instead, as much as possible we do not involve children in family problem, whatever the case.
4 Jun 11
I think that it all depends on all the other things that have gone on in a marriage, not just the smaller or just the larger things that have gone on.I think that trust has to be earnt again, if a person has broken that trust for no matter what reasons the trust was broken.
4 Jun 11
Its very hard to trust on anyone and get trust of anyone.Trust is very important in any relationship. If its gone the world look like boring.
• United States
4 Jun 11
Hi. joystick. Her husband is a no good man! His is a great liar and she should divorce him too. Everything that his mother and friend have been telling her about him is true. No one is making anything up at all. Using the kids against her is very foul. He knows that he has done wrong and I hope and pray that their kids choose to live with their mom. He is obviously too unfit to take care of his own children, because he is too busy running behind a woman.
1 Jun 11
If there is no chance of rebuilding the trust then the relationship, especially a romantic one where emotions are involved, must end. As far as your friends husband using other people and involving children in the process is concerned, I'd rather not pass judgment without hearing what the other person has to say, and, even then I may not be qualified to judge his or her actions. No offense intended.
• United States
31 May 11
My feeling is that a relationship cannot exist when there is a lack of trust. I trust my husband with all of my heart and I know that the same is true of him. However, I have friends that don't have full trust in their relationship and it is because of that lack of trust that their problems arise. For example, my friend will constantly accuse her husband of cheating because she does not accept the fact that he is able to talk to women and not be involved with them. These lacks of trust escalate to fights between the two of them which not only hurt their relationship, but also hurt their children as well.
30 May 11
when trust has gone, expect the relationship to be weathered. but i don't think they want to involve their children into their problem. the reason why they want their children to choose where to live is that they are thinking of them. well, i know it's not that right. maybe both of them should talk about it and agree into a deal wherein the one who is much reliable should keep the children but the other should have the right to visit them as much as he/she wants. plus, being parents, it is their responsibility to give their children the love, time and things that they needed. right now, what they badly need is the affection coming from a happy family.
• Boise, Idaho
30 May 11
When things get to that point I would be gone. Why stick around? Glutton for punishment? And why respect someone who obviously isn't respecting back. Life is too short to stick around and take more hurt. If that is his brand of fun then why in the world did she marry him to begin with? Alot of people use the kids as pawns and it is so selfish and hurtful. Idiots!
30 May 11
I think, in so many ways, trust goes hand in hand with love.This would apply to all kinds of human relationships, whether romantic, family , friendship, or business.In all cases , I can't see how there would be a peaceful environment if trust is not there anymore. How can two people live harmoniously if there is doubt and suspicion? If trust is gone, I see no more reason why two people should continue living together and expose their children to such kind of environment.It would also give an effect on how those kids look at how life and relationship is.When they grow up, it is more likely that they will just imitate how their parents reacted to a given situation.
30 May 11
I agree with laydee. Both sides of the stories have to be heard and sometimes the voice of reason can be clouded too. Because the only way to know is to go through life with that person to know. Others bad mouthing or what2x is not important because they aren't exclusively going through the process. If they do together with whoever they badmouth , then that's a different story altogether to begin with. I think the wife needs to sit with the husband and talk it all out; pour out her feelings and see what her husband has to say. If he still blames her for everything , up till involving the children then it all boils down to him. Does he want to work things out or just scrap the pan's bottom further..