what did you when your husband or wife do things out of your knowledge?

@shrike (123)
Philippines
June 4, 2011 10:12am CST
me and my husband decide on something, but when the time comes only to find out that he did things which contrary to what we have decided, he did it many times, he even do things without my knowledge, he only tell me after doing it.. i really feel disappointed and embarrassed. do i have the right to get angry because every time i talk to him we argued. he has the guts to get angry. it is really embarrassing. so what i do is just be silence. i really don't know how to handle situation like this because it ends up like i was the one who commit mistake.
2 people like this
4 responses
@aerous (13476)
• Philippines
5 Jun 11
Your not doing any mistake, friend. Don't about that way because it is very cleared that your husband doing such mistake. He did not fulfill what is promise or what is decided...so he should not angry about if you confronted him... You love him and remind only things that is being decided to maintain the sweetness and trust to each other for better and strong relationship...
@shrike (123)
• Philippines
8 Jun 11
hi! thanks, it is really hard when trust is gone in a relationship.
@aerous (13476)
• Philippines
8 Jun 11
you right, friend. It happen to me too. I lost my trust to my partner due to some circumstances that is against spouse relationship. I always tried to think that she is not doing such things for me to get back the trust which like before... But now I hardly get back the trust that I give to her. I don't know when but still trying to do my best to trust her again. I love her and need to do something for that matter...
@ckyera (17223)
• Philippines
15 Jun 11
Hi Shrike! I can relate to you and understand how you feel since I experience the same with my husband too. But that was before. He's making some decisions without my knowledge and just like what you said, he will just tell it to me when its already done, and worst is that sometimes I feel like he don't really have plans of telling me, its just that I was able to find out from other people, so no choice for him but to tell me. That thing always makes me feel bad and I feel like he don't trust me, or that I am no one in his life, it really makes me angry that it also make us end fighting. And in that fight, in the end it will make me think that I am the one who commit mistake! huh! I don't like that thing happening so when we are fighting, I tell him directly what I feel and make him understand that we are partners, I am his wife and that its just right for him to atleast tell me the things that he's about to do, especially if it something that has something to do with the household, and I told him that it hurts me to look stupid in front of other people when they ask me something about what he did then I have nothing to say since I don't even know about it... I told him that I want to be involved in decision making but it doesn't mean that I will be the one to decide or do I interrupt, I just want him to at least ask my opinion and make me feel that he considers my feelings and me as well and that I am part of his life and that we are already one. It don't happen right away but as I observed, he's improving and now I finally made him speak or do what I wanted to happen. He already ask and consider my feelings, opinions and thoughts in many things, and I am happy with that. I hope that things will be better between you and your husband and that he will be able to understand how you feel.
@jugsjugs (13047)
4 Jun 11
To be honest i would say that 9 out of 10 times me and my husband discuss a lot of things and we always tend to talk about things before we decide whats what.I know that there are a lot of people that tend not to discuss things with their partner and go off and blow loads of money and not say anything to their other half, but thankfully we are not like that.If my husband was to just go off and not say anything, or do something that we had not spoken or a greed on then i would be more than angry.
• Philippines
4 Jun 11
You need to tell your husband what you feel when he does things that is contrary to what you have both decided. Ask him why he did that and then decide whether that justifies his action.