Why is my mother-in-law so anxious to come inside of my house?

@cream97 (29166)
United States
June 8, 2011 8:51am CST
I am trying to keep myself from becoming very annoyed, but my mother-in-law is really annoying. She makes every attempt that she can to come over to our house. She is so anxious to come inside of my house when her husband comes by to pick my husband up. She just was over my house last week and now yesterday, she was over my house again. I don't like seeing her that much, because I don't feel like talking to her. I went into my bedroom when she came over yesterday and I closed the bedroom door. My mother-in-law was standing up in my living room. From the side slit by the bedroom door, my mother-in-law was looking right at my bedroom door, like she knew that I was in there. Which I was. But, what really makes her think that I was in my bedroom, because I could have been in another room in the house. To be honest with you, I don't want my mother-in-law inside of my house because I don't trust her. I may have forgiven her for all of the cruel things that she has done to me in the past, but I just can't forget how awful that she has treated me. I have been emotionally damaged from her hatefulness towards me. She made my life miserable when I first met her youngest son. She did everything that she could to make me feel unwanted. She said the most worst things to me that any woman could ever say to another woman. Now she wants to play Mrs. Innocent. I am sorry, but it is going to take a long time for her to gain my trust, because she has done me wrong over and over again.
3 people like this
16 responses
@bounce58 (17524)
• Canada
13 Jun 11
It's funny how some people show their attitude-'change'. Even though she may say that she wants to change, it still isn't easy to forgive, considering all the trouble she's caused in the past. If you feel this way, I don't think she has any choice. If she is really sincere, then she'd have to wait until you're ready.
1 person likes this
@lajonez (478)
• Poland
11 Jun 11
I'm in exactly the same sittuation, my mother-in-law hates me too, now they're divorcing with my father-in-law and sometimes she is coming to the house to talk with him, but now this is house of me my husband and his dad, she didn't live here too much time, but still she is behaving like it's her house, she almost even entered to room of me and my husband. I was so mad, but I don't know what to do about this, because I don't want to make more problems between her and my father-in-law, she made to him too many troubles already... I don't want her here!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Jun 11
That's fine dear, learn to love and understand her as much as you love your husband.
1 person likes this
@mimpi1911 (25479)
• India
9 Jun 11
Hi dear, I know what you are going through. This could be terrible mental torture for someone so sensitive like you. I am sorry hear what you have through. And now, you have your house, your own life and priorities. You live by your terms which everyone should respect. Your MIL certainly sounds nosy. However, just give benefit of doubt to her for once. try to understand what she wants, talk to her, and I am sure you will know her intention. May be, she has changed over the years. May be she wants to make it up. I have known people who have changed with their greying hair. Just once try to sort, if possible.
1 person likes this
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
9 Jun 11
I think I know how you feel, given the situation you've described being in. I guess we can be a little paranoid about the behavior of people we don't really trust, especially when they are around or within our safe-zone. It's probably best to just not mind her and maybe just wait for whatever it is that she wants to happen, if there is something she really wants to do, that way you could at least be at ease. I feel bad for you, but I do hope everything goes well for you and your mother-in-law.
1 person likes this
9 Jun 11
Doesnt sound like a very nice woman at all. ANd well I think the reason she keeps coming over to yours is to find faults in you and then tell her son "Told You So" However, do not worry things will calm down eventually and well you can just try minimal conversation with her. Does your father-in-law like you?
1 person likes this
@stephcjh (32327)
• United States
9 Jun 11
I know exactly what you mean. I hate it when people want to come over to my house all of the time. I have stuff to do and I have been wronged so many times also. I work seven days a week and have tons to do outside of work also.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (121048)
• Boise, Idaho
9 Jun 11
That is terrible. It is really a shame that some parents are like this. For her to say cruel things and treat you so badly and with such hatefulness I would not want to be around her or trust her either. I would continue the way you are. I hope your husband is on your side and understands your situation.
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jun 11
Sorry cream that you are so annoyed by your MIL actions. It appears she does not have any respect for you and or your wishes for privacy. Perhaps she does not have much going on in her life and feels she needs to intrude this way although it might not seem this way to her. It could also be a controlling factor of hers and one she does not recognize, I would suggest you speak to her but am sure she will not listen and will feel offended. The only thing you can do, since you love your husband very much is try to go on as you are and hope she develops interest elsewhere, maybe.
1 person likes this
@shrike (123)
• Philippines
8 Jun 11
hi! we have encountered the same thing from our mother - in - law, me, my husband and my baby stayed with them for almost one year. the thing was, during the time she benefits from me she was very nice but when i don't have anything to give her, there, everything comes out. it was too bad experience. it really hurt when what you do is to help her but when the time comes you have nothing to give she will do bad things to you. what the most embarrassing is when she told you you never help her knowing that you gave everything you can gave financially and everything. i know the feeling. it hurts so bad, especially when your husband believe first her mother than you as his wife. and all of my sisters-in-law also believed her not knowing what really happened. she acts as if she was the one harmed to gain their sympathy but anyway, i never feel i am welcome in their family so i just do the same with them. like you have said, she's sorry also because i could no longer count her as my own mother.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (39771)
• United States
8 Jun 11
She might be just being nosy or maybe she no longer feels badly towards you and wants to be friendly now. But just because she might want to be friendly with you now doesnt mean that you are ready for forgive her all the awful things she did to you so I can understand why you do not want her around. You have no choice though since her husband is your son you cant tell her she isnt welcome in your home! When she comes over you can just suddenly have to go to the store or anything lol
1 person likes this
@BLTLife (337)
• United States
9 Sep 11
i think the mature, responsible thing that should be done is forgive her. i know you feel like you can't do it, but really, the only person suffering here is you. the mother in law doesn't care, doesn't feel slighted, she goes home and sleeps like a baby. she's got no worries. and the most terrible, awful thing you could do to her, is act nice or act like the bigger person. no one wants to be mean to someone who is logical and has control of the situation. so, just forgive her. it'll take a shitload of time, but this sounds like it's draining you completely. let it go, you are only hurting yourself with this hatefulness towards her. she probably doesn't even care if you hate her; she just wants to do her own thing. so why not do the same? let go of all the hate, and you will feel so much better in the future. hating people only brings harm upon yourself, and it gets dangerous when you really want to sleight them. you could really mess up your relationship with your husband. even if he says whatever about her, she is still his mom and he's going to feel that way. believe me, i've done the things you've done, i've been where you've been, and its so much better for your own well being to let it go. i slowly destroyed my last relationship by just hating his family. he always used to say how much he hated his mom, i jumped on the bandwagon, and guess where he went after we broke up? mama's house. ;) and also, she lived across the street, said horrible things to me, and i was pretty much the same as you were and completely miserable. i only learned this lesson after losing him, so if you really want to keep this man, try to be more peaceful. it's not worth it hurting you this much, seriously. i feel bad because i've been there, and i messed it up royally. i don't want that to happen to you too, esp if it's someone you love with all your heart. you will feel x100 better, i swear, once you let go of all the negativity.
@cream97 (29166)
• United States
9 Sep 11
Hi, BLTLife. Welcome to myLot! I have let go of all of the negativity. I have felt this way four months ago, and not now. So much has changed since the last visit of my mil at my house. I don't hate my mil, I just dislike all of the mean and hateful things that she has done to me. My hubbie knows how I feel about his mother. It can be either positive or negative, but he has never let my own personal feelings get in the way with his feelings for me. Ideally speaking, he would never leave me because of my feelings for or against his own mother. Our love that we share is just too strong for that.
@BLTLife (337)
• United States
10 Sep 11
that's completely great :) thanks for the welcome, i've been here about a month? either way. i'm glad you can get past it, and vent here where hopefully she won't see it (i did this, she saw it, etc etc fighting) i understand the dislike of mean and hateful things, i am still working on that! but i really wish you the best, and hope you find the solace you are looking for. your husband sounds like a patient, understanding man and if your love is truly fo rizzle then you've found yourself a great match :) i hope things work out for you.
1 person likes this
@ifa225 (11098)
• Indonesia
28 Sep 11
well, i can understand your feelings cause i feel that way to with my father. everything he do is never good for me cause he had put hurts so deep in my heart. but by your discussion here, i realized that maybe he means good like what your mother in law did.
@Abello (68)
• Philippines
9 Jun 11
Mothers love their children very much. Your mother-in-law is just checking if you are the perpect woman for her son - she should know all perspectives of yours...you can't blame her. You would only appreciate her when you have obtained her rank as a mother-in-law..someday!
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
8 Jun 11
Your child never stops being your child. this is true even when they get married to another. A mother in law just wants to be sure that her child is still being cared for. you should not be offended or insulted by this gesture unless your mother in law gives you cause.
@kalav56 (11502)
• India
8 Jun 11
Cream97! I do not know how long you have been married. But, if it is a considerable number of years and now you have a separate establishment, tHere may be a possibility that your motherinlaw genuinely wants a relationship.SHe has many more children after all; so, why will she come and stay with you when she knows there is no love lost between you two? JUst forget the old things and try and maintain a distance , but not too hostile a distance. Your husband is her son after all and one day he may turn against you if you keep harbouring old grudges.