Oh No I don't want to be pregnant x
@icantthinkofaname (135)
June 14, 2011 11:42am CST
I've got myself in to a bit of a situation... My partner and I have discussed the possibility of having a child together ... I have three to a previous relationship and he has two... He really wants to have another one. I have gone through a range of emotions from "No way! Never! I've done my bit for the population!" through to "Definately. Let's have one of our own.". And that's how I thought I felt... if it happens then great.
But for the last few days I've just "had a feeling" that I was pregnant. I took a test today and it's come up positive. The reality of having another child hit me very hard then and I don't want one now. My youngest is turning seven and I don't want to give up that sense of freedom you get as your children start getting older. I like the fact that the kids want to sleep in... and so can I for the first time in years!
I know it sounds selfish but I'm enjoying being "me" again and not just a mum. I can do things spontaneously without having to worry about nappies and bottles. From the thought of going out to leaving the house takes as long as it takes to put on a pair of shoes.
I can do things without having to plan ahead. I don't have sleepless nights any more.
I know that to those that are desperate for a child I must sound so ungrateful. I have never had a termination in my life. I have three children. I know my partner will leave me if I have a termination as he is completely against them and has said he could never be with someone who did that to his child.
So it appears I have a choice... A baby I don't want but the man of my dreams by my side. Or end the pregnancy and lose the relationship as well....
5 people like this
21 responses
@djsmillions (15)
• United States
14 Jun 11
IF you decide to terminate your pregnancy think long and hard about this decision because some day you will wonder if you made the right decision. Kids are amazing and worthwhile. If you enjoy the kids you have today then terminating the next life will be on your mind forever and you will regret it. Take it from experience. I've been there.
1 person likes this
@jdyrj777 (6530)
• United States
16 Jun 11
Have the baby!!! If you really did not want the baby you would have made sure of the birth control. Birth control starts BEFORE conception NOT AFTER. Anything after conception is MURDER. Plain and simple. Think of the baby. At least this guy is here to help you take care of his baby. Get his word that he will help alot with the care. You already know that he will end the relationship if you have his baby murdered. Dont worry about losing all those freedoms. That time will come again ina few years. I know its hard to believe but being grandma is better than being mom. First time i heard that i just thought,"Ya right old lady" But now im grandma and i know for a fact it is true.
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
18 Jun 11
Birth control fails and it's NO ONE'S fault.
Just saying.
@icantthinkofaname (135)
•
18 Jun 11
I diddn't even bother responding to this post... having his baby murdered!! I just hope noone goes to this person who is of a much more fragile state of mind than me. Comments like that could really push some poor woman over the edge!
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
15 Jun 11
This is a very difficult decision.
I've never been pregnant. Is it possible that you're just feeling overwhelmed at the surprising news and you might be able to make a clearer decision once you've had time to process this? It seems to me that this would be such a big thing to have happen that you might get scared.
I don't think it sounds selfish to enjoy being 'you' again. I desperately wanted a child. Now that we have a baby, the thing I miss is the time to be myself...which honestly, as much as my husband tries to help, he doesn't really understand.
@icantthinkofaname (135)
•
16 Jun 11
Yes I think you are right. I spoke to my partner and he has reassured me and now I am going to keep the baby x
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
14 Jun 11
Is there any way you can get it without him finding out? Because really, it's up to you and you should not have to feel ashamed for it. You HAVE 3 kids, 5 if you count his.
@icantthinkofaname (135)
•
15 Jun 11
I have thought about this option but I share everything with him. I don't think I could do it without telling him :( x
@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
15 Jun 11
Then I think you need to sit him down and have a serious conversation about this situation. Tell him how it's affecting your health and how it would ultimately affect your ability to care for your present children both before and after its born.
I'm really sorry you're having to go through this. There is very little in the world that upsets me more than a woman feeling guilted into keeping a pregnancy that she can't or doesn't want to have.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
15 Jun 11
Only you can make this decision. I found myself pregnant unexpectedly (was on the pill) when I was 38 and already a single mom with 3 girls. I was struggling financially and like you, I was just feeling that little taste of freedom that comes when all your kids are in school. The youngest was 7 at the time. I decided to go with it. No regrets. She added so much color to our lives. She's 17 now and it seems like just yesterday I was sitting there struggling with the same type of choices you have right now. Go with your heart....things always have a way of working out.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
16 Jun 11
I'm so glad to hear that. Wouldn't have judged you if you went the other way but I think you made the right choice. I bet that, like me, you'll look at your son/daughter someday and wonder how you could have even thought of doing things differently. Best of luck to you!
@icantthinkofaname (135)
•
16 Jun 11
Thank you for your kind words. I am so glad to read your story as after a long talk with my partner I decided to go through with the pregnancy x
1 person likes this
@abatencila (970)
• Philippines
14 Jun 11
Me, I wanted to have a baby badly but I can't conceive and I don't know why. My friend is in the same situation as yours, she was disappointed knowing she was pregnant again, doesn't want to be in the same situation where in you can't go to the bathroom afraid to leave your baby because it might fall, she's also tired of cleaning those feeding bottles and the thought that you will do it all again, really sucks to her. Her eldest is now six yrs old.
@abatencila (970)
• Philippines
16 Jun 11
Apparently, the pregnancy was not that good, she later found out that it was ectopic pregnancy and has to be removed immediately. She had the operation.I don't know if it is a coincidence but she's really thankful the pregnancy didn't push thru. Irony isn't it, she wanted more to be operated than to ask god and pray for a safe pregnancy.
@icantthinkofaname (135)
•
15 Jun 11
I am so sorry that you are having problems conceiving. It makes me feel guilty. What did your friend do? Did she have the baby?
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
29 Jun 11
You seem to be focusing on the negatives.
You are a family already...YAY! What's one more? Get the other kids to shoulder some of the chores and then there won't be so much of a burden on you. Being a mum with an absent husband can be very lonely and feelings of desolation surface easily. Talk to your fellow and figure out a way for you all to continue to be a happy family, it's only by open communication can you continue to build the trust and respect and the love between you.
From what you say, I think you can do it and be OK. I hope so. Please do not consider abortion...it's not something you'll forget and it will be something that is always between you all.
You are a family already...YAY! What's one more? Get the other kids to shoulder some of the chores and then there won't be so much of a burden on you. Being a mum with an absent husband can be very lonely and feelings of desolation surface easily. Talk to your fellow and figure out a way for you all to continue to be a happy family, it's only by open communication can you continue to build the trust and respect and the love between you.
From what you say, I think you can do it and be OK. I hope so. Please do not consider abortion...it's not something you'll forget and it will be something that is always between you all.
@maximax8 (31053)
• United Kingdom
27 Jun 11
I believe that a lady that is not wishing to be pregnant can get quite a shock at a positive pregnancy test. She can have emotional changes and be quite frightened about having a baby. You luckily have a very loving and understanding man. I know that many ladies that have an abortion get severe depression. It is worth living with being pregnant for now and thinking about the little baby. A baby grows up a lot in his or her first year. You could try to get him or her sleeping through the night as soon as is practical. Maybe your man could wash the bottles out for you every day. You might be able to get a child minder so you could have some 'me time' one morning a week. You should try to feel happier so your life takes a turn for the better. Good luck.
@dreamy1 (3811)
• United States
15 Jun 11
Your other kids are older so you have built in baby sitters. This takes some of the burden off you to take care of the child. Your partner wants this child too so make him shoulder the responsibility.
I'm not against abortion myself so I'm not going to try to convince you to keep it if you really don't want to. You know what you can and can't handle.
@salonga (27775)
• Philippines
17 Aug 11
Oh! So sad to hear a mother saying she does not want her baby. I believe it is always a great news to hear that a woman is having a baby. A baby is a gift from God and in whatever circumstances we should be thankful if God chose to gift us with a child. After all not very woman can bear child. Some are barren and desperate to have one.
Anyway, I appreciate and admire your partner. He is wise. He knows what is right. I am disappointed though that you are just keeping the baby just because you don't wanna lose your man. I admire some women who can afford to lose just about anything if only for their child.
I believe it is always a great news to hear that a woman is having a baby. A baby is a gift from God and in whatever circumstances we should be thankful if God chose to gift us with a child. After all not very woman can bear child. Some are barren and desperate to have one.
Anyway, I appreciate and admire your partner. He is wise. He knows what is right. I am disappointed though that you are just keeping the baby just because you don't wanna lose your man. I admire some women who can afford to lose just about anything if only for their child.
@stary1 (6612)
• United States
14 Jun 11
What a tough decision. Seems to me you aren't at all sure that you don't want the child you are carrying. The only thing standing in your way seems to be your ‘sense of freedom‘. I really don't think anyone has a true sense of freedom once they have even one child. That child is part of your life until the end.
I understand about diapers, bottles, baby wipes etc. are no fun.
LOL I remember with my first when I was changing her I thought..good grief..I feel I will be doing this the rest of my life..now she is grown.
Times flies.
I don't know how much you know about abortion and I am not here to judge, but I have read many accounts of deep depressions and regrets resulting from them. Wouldn’t changing diapers a few (ok, many) months would be easier than that?.
Also, as I said, time flies. In a few years you will be 'free' again (according to your definition) and you will have the man of your dreams plus one more little soul to enrich your life.
All the best to you and God Bless.
Seems to me you aren't at all sure that you don't want the child you are carrying. The only thing standing in your way seems to be your ‘sense of freedom‘. I really don't think anyone has a true sense of freedom once they have even one child. That child is part of your life until the end.
I understand about diapers, bottles, baby wipes etc. are no fun. LOL I remember with my first when I was changing her I thought..good grief..I feel I will be doing this the rest of my life..now she is grown. Times flies.
I don't know how much you know about abortion and I am not here to judge, but I have read many accounts of deep depressions and regrets resulting from them. Wouldn’t changing diapers a few (ok, many) months would be easier than that?.
Also, as I said, time flies. In a few years you will be 'free' again (according to your definition) and you will have the man of your dreams plus one more little soul to enrich your life.
All the best to you and God Bless.
@icantthinkofaname (135)
•
15 Jun 11
My worry is that if I bring a child i don't really want in to the world i will end up rejecting it. I already suffer with depression and am scared of what the consequenses would be if I make the decision to keep it "in case I change my mind". I have already had two rather severe breakdowns and countless mini attacks x
@EndlessNameless (48)
• United States
15 Jun 11
It sounds like you didn't think the whole thing through beforehand, which will cause a lot of problems with your partner that you can't get around. You will have to talk to him about how you are feeling. Maybe once you get a feel for his side of everything you will feel more confident in raising another child. Perhaps he'll even allow you to still have the freedoms you desire.
@kareemadivina (1230)
• Philippines
15 Jun 11
If you really don't want to have another child,it could have been prevented.You could have taken contraceptives or just have a permanent ligation.The fact that you're already pregnant,left you no choice but to continue that pregnancy.Termination of pregnancy is abortion which is a great sin no matter if you want the pregnancy or not.Besides,if you really love that man;then why don't you can't just give a child if that makes him happy.Bringing a child with the man you really love can be the greatest happiness you can.If you want to enjoy life, without that much obligation, you should not have entered in a relationship with a man because relationship always means responsibilities.
@icantthinkofaname (135)
•
15 Jun 11
I must strongly disagree. My circumstances aside I think your attitude is very harsh. I'm thick skinned and can deal with it but other women might not.
For starters birth control is not 100% effective. And sterilisation is very hard to get under a certain age.
Termination or abortion is an option to all women. It is our human right to decide. It is not a sin.
And no woman should have a baby just to please a man and entering in to a relationship does not automatically mean you have to have children.
I appreciate that this is your personal oinion but everyone has different opinions and each should be respected.
@AnupamArt (101)
• India
14 Jun 11
Though an inexperienced male, can I say something?
I had a week of nightmare last year when we suspected that she is pregnant. I was totally unprepared for it. She said she was not going to have an abortion. For me it was tuff, but I resolved that ok, if it's like that let it be. I calculated my risks. I was going to lose my family,- parents, relatives everybody. But I supported her and we were ready to face it. However, a week later, we found that it was a false call. You know what happened then, we were disappointed!
The thing I want to say is, please talk to your partner about it frankly and clearly. I think, although he wants it, he will understand if you present your case well. Males also understand - i believe.
@icantthinkofaname (135)
•
15 Jun 11
I understand what you are saying. Your girlfriend was lucky to have your support. But these things are such an emotional decision. I know how he feels about it. To him from the moment of conception it is our baby... to me it is still a bundle of cells. This is one decision I know he wouldn't support me on x
@srganesh (6340)
• India
15 Jun 11
What about the feelings of your other kids and your husband's children? Will they be in a mood to welcome another baby into their life? I think, you should have a discussion with the elder ones if they are mature enough! May be, they shall be ready to give you a helping hand in growing the new arrival! Good luck!
@dong88 (795)
• China
15 Jun 11
Hello!This really is a difficult decision to make.I am a father,I have such an experience,and my wife second pregnancy,according to the national policy not to our children,we now think this is regret it.Good,have a child is a many chores,but also have many because of the child brought joy.
Bless you!
@titchy1231 (732)
•
15 Jun 11
i dont know what i would do in your situation, but im sure your emotions will change nearly as often as you go to the toilet and im sure you will change your mind as the baby grows inside you as you dont want to hurt your partner by having a termination
@moirai (2836)
• Philippines
15 Jun 11
Uhm... obviously you have no qualms about abortion if it comes to that. I do, however, so... please understand that that is where I'm coming from.
That is already a life inside you. While it is your body that sustains you both, that is an individual life. Won't you give it a chance? Does it mean nothing just because it's just beginning? You said you went from no way to definitely, let's have one! You have already had your chance to say no. But you said yes. Maybe it's best if you just follow through... Another thing is that, this is your first child with this partner, and you said that he wants it, and that he is completely against terminations. Consider him too in your decision. I saw someone else already mention it, there are 3 of you now to consider for this decision. It is understandable, you wanting to be 'you' again. But won't you consider extending being a mom some more? Would it help if you try to remember what made you say definitely, and try to hold on to that thought..
@iklananda (1202)
•
15 Jun 11
To continue human race on the earth some one must make a baby. that is the only way to continue human race on this planet. And because of it we must have a baby.
@trina89 (16)
• United States
15 Jun 11
that decision is hard to make, when your not sure what u want, i have a 3 month old baby and yes a lot of things change and i know what u mean about ur hsband working, mine works 6 days 10 hrs each day, he gets home about 2:30am. and yes it is hard at night, but i would not change anything about how my life is now, i know when i found out i was pregnant i was excited and then scared, there is mixed feelings but you wont know what you want to do until u do it and then sometimes then u still dont know if u made the right decision until a cpl months down the road, so if your not sure about terminated the pregnancy then i would say that you dont really want to do it.
