Loving My Ex

Philippines
June 19, 2011 12:12pm CST
I am a single mother and currently in an online relationship for more than 4 years. I thought I've moved on from my last relationship which is to the father of my child. But I was wrong because I am still thinking of him at nights especially if I am about to sleep. I can still vividly remember our memories together and for once I've wished we are still together. He has a family of his own now and I know there will be no US in the future. I know I am being unfair to my current boyfriend. So, could you guys enlighten me on what to do so I can finally move on?
4 people like this
12 responses
• United States
19 Jun 11
I can relate to you. I think you are going to have to really make a choice to move on. To do that you will need to give yourself permission to grieve and heal your heart. I hoped for years that my busband and I could get together again. I finally had to make a choice to live again without him holding my emotions hostage. I tend to process things better when I journal. It takes a lot of time to heal, but you can do it. Be thankful for everything you do have and try not to dwell on the things you don't have. I hope that I have said something to help you.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Jun 11
I hope i can put on to writing my feelings but sad to say my current bf read my blogss, hehehe.. but anyway, i will try not to think of him at night. I did it before and for i know i can do it again.
• United States
20 Jun 11
Well, I really hope you can put the old boyfriend behind you, because it is only going to cause stress in your present relationship, should your thoughts get in the way of your feelings for your present boyfriend. You can do it. :)
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
20 Jun 11
I think there's no reason why you should stop loving the father of you child and to cherish the memories you had together. However, I know that each memory also brings about some tears, knowing that all would remain a memory. I don't mean to sound harsh, but online boyfriends don't compare to real ones. You will never move on if all you have is an online thing that would not form into a real face-to-face one. You say you've been 'together' for more than 4 years but still it hasn't developed into being 'together' really, that's an indication of you (or him) holding on to the past. Give yourself a chance to make new memories. The ones that may not only be a thought but a reality. Try to have another relationship, even if it's a fake one for now. But don't hold on too much to the past because you're wasting wonderful years which you could have spent living instead of dreaming. Move on friend. Change things if you may, so you won't keep on thinking about the past. Have a new hairstyle, get into the groove once again. I don't think life is that bad, you may have lost a love but who's to say you can't find something worth your heart once again. Take care and have a great MyLot experience!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
20 Jun 11
i guess you're right, there is no reason why i should stop loving him since he is the father of my child. as for finding the real relationship, i'll just wait for my virtual relationship to be real.
• Philippines
20 Jun 11
You cannot teach your heart to stop loving and caring for someone. From my experience, I accepted the fact that he has moved on and I am no longer a part of his life. When I fully accepted it, day by day I was able to move on. It takes time and it takes a lot of effort to be happy without that person. Soon enough it will happen. Don't rush yourself, it can take years. In regards to your current boyfriend, you have to be honest to him. If you can honestly say that you care for him, then you have to be honest. It is also his right to know where he stand in your relationship. If he is willing to wait until you completely moved on, then good. If not, then you have to let him go. He has the right to be with someone who would completely love him, only him.
1 person likes this
@choybel (5059)
• Philippines
19 Jun 11
I think that it is natural to still remember the good memories of the past, especially one that really was special. Some thoughts and memories can remain for a long time and maybe this memory also brings back the feeling you had at the time, maybe it's no longer really there, just a trick of the mind. I think that it would be better to avoid reliving this memories and just try to focus on daily matters. Keep yourself busy on the present and the future and then let time heal. I know that this person has already become a part of you, so you have to be very strong to keep that part of you away.
1 person likes this
@Mzee2tu (30)
• Kenya
20 Jun 11
Your freedom will start when you forgive him and forgive yourself for having been in that relationship in the first place. Take time to write the possibilities of you reconciling and if none at all, when those dreams come think them through and make sure you emerge with an answer. Also, if your trust your new friend and he trusts open to him, he might help you regain freedom and overcome fears of a repeat of your previous relationship.
• Philippines
20 Jun 11
i can say that i already forgive my former bf and as well forgive myself. having a son for my previous relationship if a good reason for forgive, i just need more time to forget
• Kenya
20 Jun 11
Thank you for that update. Time to heal may vary from an year to 5 or 10 years, but you have to be assured of the current bf, you have to be sure of love from him before you discuss with him your condition. If some feelings of doubt crop up don't disclose to him.
@SimpleBB (1332)
• Philippines
20 Jun 11
Know what? I kept on ignoring this post, for I know I could not give any comments on this. But I don't know why I would want to still share my views. Well..yes, no matter how we tried to forget someone even we tried to convince ourselves that there will be no future for something that we expect. Probably, it could be done mentally but not really emotionally. Having someone else while your ex still occupying a big part of your mind and heart is making it even harder for you to get rid of the memories you had with him. It seems like you're just using someone else trying to forget and escape from your past. And for me it must be a big no no. Try to find what's really in your heart and what you really want to do, and try harder to be in the right path for you to be able to freed yourself from doing that might be of regret in the future. Good luck and happy mylotting.
• Vietnam
20 Jun 11
I think it is just temporary feeling because all of just had time together. Now, he has his own happiness and love, so you should forget him and treat your boyfriend well. You know, the person we marry may be not the person we love most. I sometimes remember my ex but when I look at my current girl friend I remind myself that I should treasure the relationship.
• Portugal
19 Jun 11
im sorry for you im in a sad situation too. i love my ex too and things are falling apart.. about what you should do.. well you should talk with your current bf and tell him that you just found out that your feelings for your ex didnt disappear completely and that you need some time to let him go.. you need to give to your heart time to forget about him. this guy, your bf, if he loves you, he will wait that your heart heals and then you are ready to be with him. about your ex, just accept in your heart that he isnt for you. like you say, he loves someone else right? so dont get hurt anymore i know it will hurt you, but if you keep loving someone that moved on with his life already, you will be the one getting hurt. just move on and im sure your new bf will make you so happy^^ but be fair with him.. forget your ex first so then you can focus completely in your new guy^^
• Philippines
20 Jun 11
For few years i believed i moved on, i started to think about him when i received an anonymous comment and message in my yahoo messenger. Yeah I want to believe that i already accepted the fact that he is not mine anymore maybe i am just curious if he was the one who sent message. my current bf, knows about this guy but i didn't tell him i've been thinking of my ex-bf for the past couple of months.
@nurseclare (2210)
• Philippines
14 Jul 11
That's really hard for you because he is the mother of your child. the best thing you could do is that try to be busy and focus your attention with your new love affair. But it's still hard for you have an online relationship, are you guys planning to met?Maybe if you have the time to with your new one you'll forget about him. Time will come everything will be fine. God bless
@pb0289 (66)
• India
22 Jun 11
there is no mistake of urs here...i feel that its quiet natural but only if it occurs fo some days or weeks...u shld hold on for some time and find that what you really want ahead...as u mentioned u have achild too...look at him/her...talk to ur current bf abt this...if he really loves you and ur child i feel he is the best person who can suggest you...nd if u have any doubt regarding ur bf's luv for u and ur child then it is u who has to decide...then what i suggest is find happiness and spend time with ur child bcoz he requires ru attention a lot as he has no father to spend time with u have got double responsibility...and u can also msg ur ex once regarding how is he or saying that yes i miss u sometimes and look at his response too...maybe he can come back to you again...anything can happen just believe in god :):)
@rambansal (576)
• India
21 Jun 11
Engage yourself more deeply with the new boyfriend to forget the past, and quickly get married to him. Time is the best healer.
• United States
20 Jun 11
you need to move on and disassociate your self in romantic way of thinking with your ex. it is not fair to your ex. if you know it will never be, don't fantasize about it. do this for yourself.
@jaiho2009 (39034)
• Philippines
20 Jun 11
You need to moved on as you know that he already has a family. I know it's not easy,but you need to and find a new love that will love you as you are. Consider your kid who also needs to have a new life ,as you are. Be strong and face reality...accept the truth that there is no more "you and him".