"If you loved me you would...."

United States
June 20, 2011 3:55pm CST
Are you like me? If I heard my partner say this I would take it as a sign we are doomed? It means he either didn't hear me when I said no I don't do this or that, or he didn't believe me when I said no I don't do this or that. Plus Shouldn't he Know I love him? what do you say when your partner says this phrase?
2 people like this
10 responses
• United States
20 Jun 11
I know my boyfriend and I joke around and say that phrase to each other. Neither of us really means it, we just mess around about it. However, using it for real is a different story. It's trying to make the other person feel guilty about not doing something and that if they "truly loved the person" they would do it. I don't think it's a sign the relationship is doomed, it just might need some work if that phrase is used all the time in a serious way.
2 people like this
• United States
20 Jun 11
I see it as doomed because my answer to this question would be, if You loved me you wouldn't ask me to do that.An impasse!
• United States
20 Jun 11
That's true if he's saying it seriously and not joking. And it's right, you shouldn't have to prove your love to someone. My boyfriend and I only do it in a playful way and not really asking each other to prove our love
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 11
It is good you two can kid around like that.
@jillhill (37384)
• United States
20 Jun 11
I think if they say something like that they must be insecure....and if you have to prove your love then kiss my you know what.
2 people like this
@inertia4 (27665)
• United States
24 Jun 11
In a marriage or a serious relationship there is a fine line. I think that phrase seems immature. It sounds like young teenagers going out with one another. But like I said, there is a fine line in a relationship. There is a fifty fifty that has to be balanced evenly. Do not get married. I did and got screwed. Never again.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jun 11
I won't get married!
@dawnald (84148)
• Shingle Springs, California
23 Jun 11
when I hear that phrase, I think of teenagers and the guy is trying to get the girl into bed....
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jun 11
Lol! No this time it was a woman trying to get her man to do something .
@SIMPLYD (79665)
• Philippines
21 Jun 11
This one liner, seems to me an ultimatum to better be good or else, our relationship will go into the dumps. For me, it's a sign of immaturity and insecurity. It's a good thing though that my hubby isn't like this. but he would sometimes point out some of my mistakes, yet he only suggests of how it could be corrected but doesn't impose that it be done.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jun 11
He gives you a heads up! Just like a good friend would. Fantastic. And if he needs you to do something, he just asks, right? Now that's how a relationship Should be.
@thesids (22358)
• Bhubaneswar, India
21 Jun 11
Hi behen For me that means I have to redo myself, my actions towards her. Your bhai is still a child and many a times, he needs to be reminded to stay on track and keep the love between him and his wife alive. The last time she told me this, I thought over and found that I was somewhat expecting too much. So cut down on my expectations and yes, to compensate, I took her to a cafe where she had her favorite Coffee and we had a pizza. I also noted down what prompted her say this and since then, try not to get close to anything like that... It is what I think we all should do so that we can keep the relationship alive, and stay away from unpleasantness around. But, yes, I agree with you that the partner should know that we love him/her but him/her telling this makes me feel that I failed to communicate the right way
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jun 11
Hi Bhai. I think it is wonderful that you stopped and took to heart Why she said it and not do what most of us would do, just take the words as a sign we were being forced to do something we don't want to do and that the relationship is doomed.You two like pizza? this is my favorite meal!
20 Jun 11
I've heard this phrase before... and every time I do, it makes me laugh (which is probably not the expected response). It's ludicrous. If my partner actually said it seriously (which she never would), I'd respond by saying "And if you loved me, you wouldn't ask me to do that." It's all playing for power and, IMHO, relationships should not be about power and control.
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jun 11
that's what I would have said to the phrase too!
@blue65packer (11835)
• United States
20 Jun 11
I have only been in love twice and it was at the same time! It is a long story! Anyway I don't rememeber ever saying that or my love saying that! That line is truly a sign you and your partner are doomed! If you truly loved the person you would not be saying that! Plain and simple!
1 person likes this
• United States
21 Jun 11
Agreed. I have been truly in love only once. I would never even think about saying this phrase.
• Canada
20 Jun 11
The only time walker and I feel it's somewhat acceptable to say this is in the form of "if you loved me, you'd take better care of yourself!" while I didn't use these exact words, I did remind him today, that when he let's his health slide, it's equally hard on me because I love him. How would he feel if I let my health slide? He got the point. The rest of the time those words are just dirty manipulation.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 11
That's so wonderful. I just remind my guy to take breaks at work . He appreciates it. if he were to slack on his health I would phrase it this way, " Do me a favor..."
• United States
21 Jun 11
That is pure out manipulation. Yes he knows you love him. This is a way to manipulate you by your feelings. It's just plain wrong to do this to a partner or spouse.
1 person likes this