Should a woman always take money she is offered?

United States
June 21, 2011 3:30pm CST
Adrian gave me $50 yesterday for myself. I used it to buy cat litter,cat food and other house stuff. So,today he asked if I wanted money I said no and he got upset. He said I am the only woman he knows that will always say no. So He called my mother and she told me to take the money. So he then asked how much I wanted and I could not think to answer. So now I know to take the money when he asks.
10 people like this
29 responses
@dismalgrin (2594)
• United States
22 Jun 11
I have the opposite problem most of the time. And I think it can be worse of a situation in reverse because men want so bad to be the provider. My boyfriend does not make much money at all. In fact, with his job he makes less money that I get on a disability check! And he doesn't go online for earnings to back it up and he isn't in school anymore, so he doesn't have stipend money to help out with stuff anymore. I'm in school and I get my disability check with is about 100 dollars more than he makes a month and I make extra money online in my spare time. So, when I offer to so much as buy his Dr. Pepper (his favorite soda) or to pick up some Little Ceasers before coming over he goes into some kind of man shock issue or something. Lol He says it's because he wants to take care of me. But, I say that for right now that isn't very feasible. There are other ways to take care of me. Like hold me when I look in the mirror and cry over how far my body has gone. Like hold my hand and encourage me to keep fighting when the Social Security Office lost my check two months in a row! Those kinds of things are taking care of me too. And if I get a little extra and want to do something nice for him they he should see it as just that.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Jun 11
See Adrian and I both get ssi and I am broke because I have more bills than he does. he has a side job and makes great money too. so he helps me with all the extras I need. I am trying to lower them as I can.
• United States
22 Jun 11
@ Dismalgrin, Maybe you should have your social security check to come directly to your bank. I have direct deposit and I'm glad I do too. When I used to get a check, it sometimes got lost and it would take days for them to send me another one. Now I have it direct deposit and it has never been late. @ Giftsandbagscom, Adrian wants to help you... it makes him feel good, I bet. I'd let him do it as long as he wants, because it probably gives him great joy.
• United States
23 Jun 11
I have my check going to the bank as well. YYes,adrian wants to help me and I will let him.
@free_man (7337)
• United States
21 Jun 11
Hi Gifts. Sounds like Adrian loves you and wants to make sure you are taken care of. Be happy and thank God that HE gave you such a caring person to share your life. Anytime he offers say thank you and if he ask you how much tell him only what you think you need, then thank God for it. God sent you someone to help you it is a blessing.
• United States
22 Jun 11
That is what my mother says as well. I took the money and tomorrow I will buy a piggy bank to save when he gives me money. Thanks
4 people like this
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
21 Jun 11
This depends on the circumstances and thw reasons for offering the money and for taking it. A situation can be blessed by it and it can also be the beginning of something we may not want to enter into. be careful of the asking and the receiving. the strings that are attached may not be worth the sacrifiice or they could by your life saver.
• United States
22 Jun 11
There are no strings attached. He knows I am broke because I paid all my bills with my check.
3 people like this
@Jessi_T (380)
• United States
21 Jun 11
I wish I had some man who would give me some money and if I refused to take it call my mother who would make me take it, though I don't think my hubby would like the idea to well. I think it's sweet that Adrian is providing for you and you have extra money to spend.
2 people like this
• United States
22 Jun 11
LOL My mother said the very same thing..
4 people like this
@jeneias (608)
• United States
21 Jun 11
That's funny! There's a phrase that I live by... "never deny money the second time, it's rude." So if I say no, and they insist that I take the money, then I'll take it without feeling bad. But that's just me. No one (man or woman) should HAVE to take money if they don't want it. You don't HAVE to do anything if you don't want to. But why not take the money if it's offered to you?
2 people like this
• United States
22 Jun 11
I did take it after he explained himself to me.
4 people like this
@Amanda81587 (3046)
• United States
21 Jun 11
I would take the money and open a bank account with it.Save it up and then use the money to buy him little gifts here and there Thats how you can give his money back to him and him still feel like the man for giving it to you. If you are in need of money make sure you use it where it goes. It is nice for him to offer even though you do not want to take the money but if it helps you use it. Then maybe one day he will be in need and you can return the favor!
@ravisivan (14053)
• India
21 Jun 11
I will second this. Accept whenever a person offers help. Use it. When necessity arises return, if possible. You retain the amount in bank account or in coin box and use/return. have a nice day
5 people like this
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
21 Jun 11
I agree with amanda~ Use it and save some of it. Use it when you needed and it would be a great help in emergency too~ So next time in case he want them back you can give it back to him~
2 people like this
• United States
22 Jun 11
Great idea here. I wanted to save for black friday maybe now i can do that as well.
4 people like this
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
22 Jun 11
Wow. I'm sure I've said this before, so I apologize if I am becoming a broken record, but I seriously suggest some in depth marriage counseling. There are so many bad signs in this one post, it's scary. First, it is curious that you didn't want any money. You don't want a new dress? Don't want to buy something nifty for yourself? Sometimes that is an indicator that a women is unhappy in her current situation. If that is the case, then we need to find out why. If not, then it just means that you are content person, and that is a good thing. Second, the reason Adrian got upset is because he equates showing you love, with giving you money. This is a typical male problem. Males are action oriented. Females are relationally oriented. Women tend to communicate their love and affection through relationship. Men tend to communicate their love and affection through action. Adrian feels as though giving you money is his way of showing affection. By you not taking it, you in his mind, were rejecting his love. Now of course that isn't true, which is why you need counseling to straighten that out. Of course he goes on to get mad. This is also typical, and wrong. Getting angry is a man's way of not feeling hurt. We don't like to feel hurt, so we get mad about it. That also needs fixed. If you are going to get mad every time someone does something you don't like, you'll spend most of your life mad. Final, and likely worst of all, he called your mother. What is this? A 5-year-old tattling to the teacher? This will not grow your relationship, and coercing someone into doing something absolutely destroys trust and love. And as a side note, your mother should have told him to shut up, and deal with your relational problems yourselves. There should be healthy boundaries, and that includes not calling someones parents when a spouse doesn't do what you want. Everything here is a road to destruction. Serious counseling, and maybe even some faith, is needed and soon.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 11
The reason I did not want the money is because the engine blew in the car. I know he needed $1500. to get it fixed. I did not know he already had the car money so I did not want to take it and make it less he would have. I really do want this yellow dress I saw the other day. Now I can go buy it too. As for counseling I have said it to him before and he agrees. Yes he does like to give me money and he says it is because I am broke all month after paying my bills. I am deeply in love with adrian so that could not be the issue. We are doing great. thanks.
@andy77e (5165)
• United States
22 Jun 11
Ah the unspoken changes the details. That is good, but he still should NEVER contact your parents for ANYTHING relational. Leaving your parents, and becoming one with your spouse, doesn't mean unless you get mad, and then run off to get someone's mother involved. That might work once, but you won't be putting up with that very much before it effects your relationship. And quite frankly, I want you to have the yellow dress too :) Best to you! :)
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jun 11
Your right about him calling my mother he is always saying ask your mother i bet she will agree I am right. I get pissed when he does this.
• United States
22 Jun 11
I count it as a blessing. If someone offers you money and you don't take it, you insult them. They thought enough of you to WANT to give it to you. It used to bother me, but now I just thank them and thank God. I think I would feel fortunate to have someone who cared enough about me to give me money or gifts or whatever. As long as their intention is honorable, I count it a blessing.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 11
I will from now on too. Thanks for making me feel good about this. He is only looking out for my best interest. he knows i am broke all month after paying my bills.
• United States
22 Jun 11
Thank you Giftsandbagscom for the best response. I appreciate it. He cares for you gifts... so you should feel proud of that.. thanks again. Would you like to be friends?
@celticeagle (121005)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Jun 11
I think a woman who has a good man that gives her money should be very thankful. And she should be sure that what she is doing for him is payment and that they are happy with one another. If the scales are pulled down too far in one direction then there could be some problems come up.
• United States
22 Jun 11
could you explain the scales part please. Thanks
4 people like this
@celticeagle (121005)
• Boise, Idaho
23 Jun 11
Scales are such that if you put a bunch of stuff on side it goes way down. So, what I am saying is that if he is giving money and the woman isn't doing much to show her thanks then he might get upset or begin to feel put upon or taken for granted after a time. On the other hand if she is doing alot of things for him and he isn't thankful, doesn't give her any money,etc. then she could get to feeling the same way. The scales need to be balanced. See what I mean? It's only fair. Then both parties are happy.
• Philippines
22 Jun 11
Oh.. My answer is no. Especially when its a guy giving you the money. What for? You can always refuse... But if he had no other intention but to help and just being friends, then there's no reason to accept a friends offer...
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 11
He is my man and he always give me money and when I know he has thigns to pay I will say no to him.
• United States
21 Jun 11
I know the feeling you are describing as I too feel the same way, though I have learned not to reject it. See they feel like we are not appreciating the gesture, which we are not it is that we are not use to anyone helping us. Therefore, with time though I still feel bad if he hands the money out of his will, I am one to take it. He is aware that I am not dependent on him, and he knows I need it from time to time therefore, it is sweet of them to offer, so try not to be shy.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 11
You have said it correctly. I am so independent and have never had a man to take care of me. even when i was married.
3 people like this
@sedel1027 (17854)
• United States
21 Jun 11
Is Adrian old fashioned? My Dad is and always always always offers to pay for things, sneaks money in your pockets if you won't take it, ect. I think it more has to do with how people are raised
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 11
Old fashioned is not the word. Yes...
3 people like this
@dodo19 (34280)
• Beaconsfield, Quebec
21 Jun 11
I think that it really depends on the situation and such. Personally, I don't necessarily think that you should have to take the money, if you don't want it or don't need it, but in some situations, it can become difficult and cause some sort of conflict, if you refuse. But I still don't that you should feel obligated to. We're different though.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 11
I agree with you not all the time I am going to need money. It just so happens today I wanted to buy a new dress I saw in a window.
3 people like this
@Matpunk85 (1066)
• Italy
21 Jun 11
mmm...it's very strange. Usually it's the contrary, one wants money and the other doesn't want to give them. Anyway I don't think you have to take that money. I should do what do you feel. If you think it's not correct to take the money you shouldn't take them. In my opinion you must speak with Adrian to explain him you are not obliged to take everything he wants.
• United States
22 Jun 11
I did talk to him and I understand his reasons. Thanks
3 people like this
• United States
21 Jun 11
That's actually pretty funny! Well if he's the one that offers and doesn't mind it, then why not? Especially if you're in dire need of cash! (People on myLot usually are!) And if he's so persistent with it, then take it. He probably really wants you to take it. By not taking it, you're probably going to be hurting his feelings. So might as well! But just don't let him expect favors from you! If these monies are a gift, then they should be treated as them! You shouldn't have to do something to repay the favor.
1 person likes this
• United States
22 Jun 11
I never have to do anything just spend it on myself. But,I never do it always goes to things we need in the house.
3 people like this
@jacklintan (1302)
• Malaysia
22 Jun 11
Adrian wanted to feel like the man of the house. He wanted to commit his life for you and want to take care of you, which I think is good. :) If you don't need the money, you can always safe it at the bank. :)
1 person likes this
@beingwell (3625)
• Thailand
22 Jun 11
You should! Take the money and enjoy it!
1 person likes this
@carolscash (9500)
• United States
22 Jun 11
Well, it is nice of him to offer but he should be happy if you say no. Next time just tell him that you appreciate the fact that he wants to give you money but that you do not really need it and that you would like for the two of you to spend the extra money on something that you both would like. Maybe the two of you and kk could go to lunch or something. My husband hates to give me money and he won't unless he has too. He doesn't like to give me money for gas or bills even and I do not waste it. I only buy items that we truly need.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (86317)
• Philippines
22 Jun 11
Well, i think Adrian really have some extra money, so he would like to share some with you. Get it and thank him for it. Buy yourself something that can perk you up, not those items that's not for you. I think your partner realizes that you also need some things for yourself.
1 person likes this
@sjvg1976 (18387)
• Delhi, India
22 Jun 11
Hi giftsandbagscom, I never say no to the person when he offers money to me. But adding to it someone who loves me if offers money to me is like a great feeling in myself that yes the person is caring me.May be Adrian was feeling that you are in need of money??? May be he wanted to give you some gifts but thought of giving you money instead???. But don't stress i feel nothing bad in it till he offers you money.But its for sure he loves you & cares for you.
1 person likes this