Need Help What Would You Do?

United States
June 24, 2011 8:09am CST
Okay so last night I was thirsty and I got up to make some kool-aid. My boyfriends phone was on the counter charging. I had noticed that the screen was lite and he has a text message. I looked at it and the text message said goodnight. I was like huh so I looked in the previous message and it was a picture of a girl in her underwear and bra posing. I was heated...I asked him who she was and he looked at it and said that he didn't know and erased the picture. He was oftely calm. I asked him why he erased the picture and his response was that he did not want that in his phone. He then started asking me why I am going through his phone while he is sleeping. I told him first of all i did not notice you were sleeping especially when 5 minutes ago you were trying to cuddle with me. He said yeah whatever. I kept asking him who she was...there was no text messages send out from him (but they could have been deleted) and no more text messages from her. I tried calling it and he tried grabbing the phone from my hands. I said whatever and wrote the number down. (the number actually looked familiar like it has called his cell before but i knew who it was and there was no problem but by now i forgot who it was and so did he according to him) I tried to call it and it went to a message saying this number is not available at the moment. I took his phone and hid it. I packed my stuff and through it in my car. At this time he said that if I was leaving then he wish he would have cheated on me so he knew it was a legit reason for me to leave. I told him what would he do if he saw a man in his boxers in my phone from a number that I did not know. This morning I texted the girl and she texted back. I asked her who the picture was of. She was like huh who is this. I was like ummm no who is this and who was that a pic of? She said it was a forward that she received and she was trying to forward it to a kyle. My boyfriend is a Steven. She said she just got this phone from her friend 2 days ago and thought this number was kyles. I still could not call her but we were texting on his phone. I told her if she was lying do not worry cause she can have him he is not worth my time. But she swears up and down she does not know him and she texted the wrong person. What do you think and what would you do? He is at work and I need to wait for my ipad in the mail so I can not leave just yet but my stuff is in my car and my mom is in town.
1 person likes this
5 responses
• United States
24 Jun 11
Wow, it sounds like you are having one hell of a week, it continues to get from bad to worst for you. I have never been in this type of situation before. Have you been with your boyfriend for a long period of time? Do you trust him? If you have your doubts about him, then maybe you should be concern, but if he's been sincere and open then may you should trust him. I have gotten text messages like that on one or two ocassions, in which the person texting made an error with the number, it does happen. Again, in my opinion it really all depends on the type of relationship and the trust both of you have. Before doing anything rational, just sit down and have a face to face conversation with him, most of the time you can tell if they are lying or not, you can feel it in your heart.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Jun 11
I am not sure I was just completely numb at this point. Next week will be our 2 year anniversary. This month has been the worst month for me....problem after problem! I just want this month to be over. This is the first time he has gotten a message like this. He goes to work comes home runs to his grandpas real quick then last night he went to his cousins for about 40 minutes then came home. When my dad had my two boys and we only had our daughter he took us everywhere with him. Now that my boys are back we do not go everywhere together because he gets home from work at 7pm and the kids bedtime is 8pm so I stay home. There was this one time when he asked me if he could so something (like if i would be mad or not) and I told him no i would leave him for it) well he turned around 1 minute later and did it behind my back and I caught him. I was trying to leave him but he would not let go of my car door. This was about 1 year ago...he said he was sorry and that he would never do it again. So I am wary on what i believe from him. He is a bad liar though. I do not know something inside tells me he did not do it but then why did he delete it and why was he trying to take the phone away from me. He just seemed to mad that I read his phone. I would not have been able to react that way if it was my phone. He would have actually left me if I was in his shoes. I feel like I overreacted but our relationship needs a lot of work and it is hard to do that when I am the only one who wants to talk about things. He listens but it is like I am talking to a wall then later he says I am acting like his mom. I just feel I can not win.
1 person likes this
• United States
24 Jun 11
You would think that after being in a relationship for over 2 years, he would've gotten over that stupidity of why are looking through my phone. My husband and I look through each others phone all the time, simply because we have nothing to hide, we are honest and open with each other. Unfortunately not all men are good liars, the truth is most of the suck at it, they might get away at first, but eventually we always find out, because they are an open book. It seems like he has trust issues and he might be hiding this, maybe the picture really didn't mean anything to him or the girl in it, but he shouldn't have hidden it from you and he shouldn't had got upset just because you looked at his phone. That is just pure childish. If the tables would've been turned around he would've been doing the same thing. If the picture was an error and it was meant for him, why get so upset, just simply say, "look honey I forgot to tell you about this, they send me this in error, it wasn't meant for me". That is what an innocent person probably would've done, not get upset, he is probably hiding something. That is just my personal opinion. I still think you guys need to seriously have a talk, because you have been together for a good while and it seems you have children in between. So seriously consider talking to him. He need to know how you feel, don't just walk away and if he's man enough he will face you and talk to you as well.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Jun 11
Well I talked to. The girl when he was at work so he didn't know anything about it. He actually said nothing when he came home from work. We went and cashed his check and he gave me rent money. But yes it would have been a horrible mess if the shoe was on the other foot.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17550)
• Canada
29 Jun 11
I read some of the previous responses... And I think everything is all better now. I would certainly give him the benefit of the doubt. It could just be an honest mistake, but still I don't understand why would a Kyle's number be the same as a Steven's. Unless of course Steven goes by Kyle sometimes. I hope not!
2 people like this
• United States
29 Jun 11
Yeah ido not think he would be that smart I think it was a mistake
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@bounce58 (17550)
• Canada
29 Jun 11
Whew!
2 people like this
• United States
29 Jun 11
Yes That is exactly what I said. I mean if it was not a mistake why would he tell his cousin the story and say he honestly has no clue who the person is.He does not lie to his cousin they share everything!
1 person likes this
• Japan
25 Jun 11
Obviously you don't trust him. Otherwise why would you look at his phone secretly. You seem to be consumed by your suspicions and you don't seem willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. Why stay with him? If you don't let your emotions get the best of you, you should wait until he's awake and then ask him if you can look at his phone. His reaction will give you all the info you need. You appear to be just as sneaky as you think he is.
2 people like this
• United States
27 Jun 11
Well actually I was not looking at his phone secretly. I went to get some kool-aid and a text message came in. We are open about our cell phones. He looks at mine all the time. I never look at his unless he gets a text message and I check it and tell him about it. He is always where I am I just did not know he was sleeping that fast since a second before we were wrestling!
1 person likes this
@owlwings (38086)
• Cambridge, England
24 Jun 11
It sounds as if you are looking for a way to leave the guy, to be honest. Think about it. My opinion from what you say is that you over reacted big time and that usually means that someone is looking for a way out.
2 people like this
• United States
24 Jun 11
Well he has not been the greatest and he is very jealous he would have left me if he would have found the same stuff on my phone. I like to treat people the way they treat or would have treated me. He also has a horrible cheating history. Yes I do admit I over reacted but I am so tired of being cheated and lied to. When I asked him who number it was he just ignored me and that is worst then saying that he does not know. The picture was of a personal picture not an internet picture.
1 person likes this
• Canada
16 Aug 11
If you're still talking to him, tell him that what he did was a form of cheating. I would be out the door so fast, but first I would have used his phone to forward the message to myself, without confronting him. Then I'd leave, and after he asked me why I left, I'd forward copies of everything to him, and say THAT'S WHY I left!! Don't let him delete evidence. If, in the future, and with another boyfriend, something similar happens, forward the stuff to yourself, before confronting him. Don't tell him though. He'll delete it to hide it, and you'll have all the evidence you need!