Family, God I am soooo angry and annoyed with my family, Am I overreacting?

June 25, 2011 8:02am CST
So My family aren't the most helpful well helpful at all. I have only ever managed to get my mum and step dad to babysit for my son since he was born, he is now coming up for 16months. My dad I dont have anything to do with because he started harrasing us causing me and my partner problems for no reson and turned abit funny! He has never seen his grandson. My sister claire is hypercritical of everything we do, she or her partner don't work and feel the world owes them everything, insisting on popping kids out they cant cope with! Well thats a little bit about them. I am 24, my partner is 27 and my son is 16months plus Im also 5months pregnant with baby no2. My partner works more or less 7days a week to provide for us, he is hard working and dedicated to him family. This morning, I thought saturday morning ill grab a nap whilst my little boy sleeps, why not? So I snuggle up to my duvet, phone rings typical and its my sister saying its her partners (my brother in law) b.day today, so explained we have a card for him i'll drop it round, she said that I couldnt as they were off out for a party for him, and also my mum n step dadare going but im not invited and can't go! I felt awful, I felt so apart from my family and go a bit funny and said I had to go and ended up crying into my pillow, stuff like this with my family happens all the time, they always do stuff like this to me. It just would have been nice to have eben invited. They no we get lonely at weekends, unfortunally my dearpartner has to work every weekend without fail which leaves us at a loose end and I get lobely, family company wouldn't go a miss. Tell me am I being silly about this or overreacting?
2 people like this
8 responses
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
26 Jun 11
I don't think you are over-reacting at all, Katrinakat. I am very close to my family and I would be hurt if this happened to me. I would have a talk with my sister or my mother and ask them why this happens. If they can't give you a decent answer then maybe you should try to distance yourself from them. I know that is hard but why should you be buying cards and things for them if they are not going to include you in the fun stuff? Did she call you just to let you know that you were missing out on this? Or was she looking for a gift??? I don't really understand her whole point in calling you just to hurt you.
26 Jun 11
Everytime we discuss it they can't ever give me a decent answer what so ever. My mum always says I treat you all the sme and do the same, but my mum is so scared to say anythign to claire incase its upsets her, what about me though? She will offen phone, start a conversation normally then start getting at me or my partner for no reason. Like I will say if we go shopping in evenign I want to bring my son it will tire him out so he sleeps better and partners been at work for 12 hours and needs some peace and she'll go into one and say he is lazy, useless. But yet he works 7days a week most weeks so whats her point and neither her or her partner work! Im going to shut off from them for a few days and see what happens
1 person likes this
@sid556 (31006)
• United States
26 Jun 11
Wait! They don't work and they are calling your man lazy??? That's messed up! Do you speak up and defend yourself? I would and I would tell them anything about my personal life. Sounds as if they take every little bit of info and use it to throw back at you as an insult. I actually would stop answering calls for a while and really distant myself.
• United States
26 Jun 11
i have been treated like this many of times from my family with my boys. :( its sad that own family would do something like this. i recently moved back to my home town after leaving my husband which every one in my family wanted me to do. my youngest is 5 months and no one will baby sit. i haven't found a job due to no sitter. however we do have a place to stay with my foster sister which im grateful for. however they would take days off and go do things with my brother or other family members and not even as if i wanted to go or they would say you can come next time if you find a sitter. well who the heck am i suposto ask if i have no money to pay the baby sitter? any way your not over reacting sorry it happened.
26 Jun 11
I dont thbink people trully understand when you have got supportive family, or can have a break at times its very hard. but we have got so use to it and we muddle through to be honest. I am proud to say me and my partner can run a household, he works all the hours he can and also raise a little boy and have our second on the way. For me this is an achievement. I really hope everything pan sout for you, it's hard being on your own but you soon find your feet, my partner has told me to try and make some new good friends if my family are going to be useless.
• United States
26 Jun 11
your right it is very hard. but i love it. but i do need a break :) after 6 months of not having one and being stuck in the house maybe getting out once every 2 weeks but with the boys and ony 30 min :) finding good friends is a good thing to try to do. i recently hooked m=back up with all my high school friends and some from jr. high
• United States
25 Jun 11
If this keeps happening in your family as you mentioned here, It may be well worth the time to sit down with them and let them know how you feel. They may not be aware of the fact that this is very upsetting to you. It sounds like it may be time to have a heart to heart talk with them. If after you have had the talk with them and this still goes on, you may need to just find some new activities that you can do on your own away from them. If it comes to the point where there are is just too much drama going on and you all can't get along, then by all means you just may have to separate yourself from them and do some of the things you enjoy on your own without them.
25 Jun 11
I just tried to have heart to heart with my mum on phone, I hate leaving things on bad terms but like me and my partner just said I could back to her tomorrow and ask her what we talked about or what she od I said and wouldn't know because it's not meant when it's said or almost like lies and this does make me very sad
• United States
25 Jun 11
It sounds like there is a lot going , just make sure you find some time for yourself doing the things you like to do , develop some family activities that you and your partner and child can do together. It can be done, just taking things one day at a time. Even though they are family, you cannot make them want to spend time with you or even be there for you, I know it may be hard to deal with this, but to keep from feeling sad and getting caught up into situations that are not healthy for you . Develop some activities that you enjoy and start doing them.
@sanijas83 (271)
• Latvia
27 Jun 11
I do not think you are silly. I feel resentful because of my family. Of course, it is so that we cannot choose our parents, sisters or brothers. I know, one should not carry insults in the heart, one should accept the relatives as they are, but I cannot reconcile myself some things because of what my sister has done to me and the parents. I prefer to see and contact her as rarely as possible. I still have to see her now and then when we meet at my parents' home. She chose a boyfriend who behaved really badly towards my parents. Unfortunately I cannot have normal relationship with my sister as long as she is not separated from that unpleasant person. I am sorry. Try not to worry.
27 Jun 11
Im thinking of doing that with my family at times, only contacting them rarely. Its weird because the next day they go back to normal like they haven't done anything and its almost like they have forgotten or something. Im doing my best and stuck it to the back of mind and busy throwing myself into baby preparation, thank you
@kaylachan (4776)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
26 Jun 11
In an ideal world, we can rely on family to be there for one another and be supportive. But, this isn't an ideal world and the reality is, your family isn't the first family to behave in such a way. It sounds like they are just as much at fault for your feelings as you are for feeling this way. Now, I'm not you and I don't know what your life was growing up, but if I had to guess there are some problems and hidden emotions behind their behavior. Now I don't want to take a personal attack against you, but you did mention being five months pregnant. Now the pregnancy could be partly to blame in your emotional reaction, but at the same time concerning the party, they may have been concerned about your health, but didn't mention it. Being pregnat can be very restrictive, because you shouldn't drink, smoke or get over excited. So, in retrospect they may thought they were sparing you because they didn't want to hurt you. I don't know, but I'm only guessing. Now I can't say I'm all about family, and I'm not trying to defend yours for their behavior. I am only trying to point out another possible point-of-view. Personally my own family isn't much better, and I'm not... nor have I ever been pregnant. I know about pregnancy from research and knowing people who have actually been pregnant. So I can understand this must be a stressful time for you in general. Raising a son and another one on the way with a husband who has to work all kinds of hours to make the bills must be very stressful. It would be on anyone. I remember when I first met my boyfriend, George. He used to work long hours five days a week, and when he was home he'd sit around drink instead of doing something. Now that was.... redicioulus for sure. But, I'm getting through it, and so is he.
26 Jun 11
They have been like this long before I was pregnant with this baby, they make false promises and lie when i wish they would just be honest and tell me there problem or thr truth. As for the pregnancy thing, there was a lady at party who is about 3weeks furtheralong then me or just behind in pregnancy can't quite remember which way with a son 6months older then mine so its def nothing to do with that. I am probally more sensitive at the moment because im pregnant and becaus eof hormones but another reason that they should think befroe they do these things. We all had a very happy childhood growing up, never wanted for anything, my mum and dad were married 25years, they divorced a couple of years a go which unfortunally caused a family divide amongst us all and a lot of fallign outs but since then has more or less or so I thought patched up. The only famiyl we don't have connection with what so ever is my dad, step mum, nan and grandad but this is there own fault. So what do you think now having explained a few more things
@carolscash (9501)
• United States
25 Jun 11
So did she call you just to tell you that it was his birthday and that you were not invited to his party? If she did, I certainly wouldn't give him the card and I would not speak to her again. Family can be hurtful at times.
26 Jun 11
She knows my little boy has a napa bout that time, so she phoned the house anyway knowing it would wake 1 of us up if not both of us. She said she had something in her loft for my son, and I said thank you as you do. I said what are you up to today and she said and were off out for day as stu's b.day I said anywhere nice, and she said a party at his mums and that my mum and step dadwere going aswell! I was waiting for an invite but they said were leaving in half an hour, I felt so unwanted, we use to always be such a close nip family and they no I spend most weekend on my own and am pregnant and getting tired as you would do. Did I sound unreasonable in getting so annoyed with them?
@ladym33 (11008)
• United States
25 Jun 11
First of all you are not over reacting at all. Personally I wouldn't even give your brother in law the card, if they are not going to treat you like family then why should you treat them like family? That was very rude to tell you tell you they were all going out and that you were not invited, that is really bad in my opinion. I would be seriously offended and ticked off. About your father not seeing his grandson perhaps the two of you will make amends some day and he can be a part of your children's lives.
• United States
25 Jun 11
If your family always does things like this to you I probably would be used to it by now and not be too mad. I might be of the mind to completely cut ties with them though. I'd have my Life with my partner and child and forget them. I can't imagine not being invited to a party that is with family. We don't drink or anything so I cant think of a reason that my child wouldn't be welcomed too. Sorry to say...I would wash my hands of them.
25 Jun 11
Thank you for your thoughts, its just hurtful more then ever at the moment as I am currently 5months pregnant and have a beautiful 16month old son and they just don't seem interested, I mean like I said to my partner a little help occasionally wouldn't go a miss. My sister asked me to abbysit 3times in one day for 3seperate occasions, neither her or her partner work and they have 4. How does she expect me to do all that with her children, my child and being pregnant!? I just feel used at time