Getting Married?

Australia
June 26, 2011 9:08pm CST
Hi I refuse to get married. My other half got down on bended knee once about 7 years ago in front of all our friends and I said no. In my defense i had told him a few days ago that I hate the attention that weddings bring and hate bringing attention to myself as weddings are still classed as being all about the bride and i hate that! Does anyone else agree? I told him the only way I will Marry him if he walks the aisle with me, as I dont need everyone just looking at me. I believe this should be our day, done together And also if he changes his name to my last name (he refuses) but i refuse to change my name. I dont believe this is a man's world anymore and there fore should not loose myself to his name. Its just a name I know buts its the principle of it all Am i on my own here? Some of my friends are getting married so it really makes me think thaat I am any thoughts welcome
1 person likes this
10 responses
@camomile07 (1422)
• Germany
27 Jun 11
Nowadays, it's not neccesary to marry a person, if you don't want to. I met my partner 11 years ago, we have two nice children and everything is going well. Wedding is only one day in your life where you spend plenty of money and at the end it's only for a paper saying that you are married with... I am sure that there are still many persons who give certain importance to the wedding day, but it's only an emotional point. I prefer to be practical. Many years ago, as women didn't work outside home to earn money, they needed to marry. It was like a life insurance. This point actually changed in many places. But, how many couples don't get divorced nowadays? I knew couples living together for years and everything was fine and going well. When they decided to get married, three month after they asked to get divorced again. So, is it really necessary to get married? In my opinion, there are many other ways to show someone that you really love him/her.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jun 11
It is the connection that counts. If you are not truly connected, no paper will help.
• Australia
27 Jun 11
my partner and i are happy the way we live our lives.... I suppose we did everything backwards to tradition, kids first then the house Yes i suppose that is what i am afraid... we are not broken so why try and 'fix' it when once the contract is signed things go down hill- thats my fear I am also much more practical we would rather spend the money on our kids or our house or even a holiday- money for a wedding is not something we will ever just have lying around Definately interesting points of view here though :-)
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• Germany
27 Jun 11
The wedding is really expensive nowadays and there are really many other things we may use the money. Also, many traditions are getting oldfashioned today.
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@SIMPLYD (79716)
• Philippines
27 Jun 11
Well, in my opinion, you are not yet so in love with your boyfriend. Because if you are , then you will already be willing to marry him and have your family name be changed into his. It's strange that you don't want to be the center of attention. Weddings are for the bride and groom, so the attention will all be theirs. It's your day, so everybody's attention will really be on you.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jun 11
So that I will not marry my guy means I don't love him enough? Because I will never have kids means I can Never love him enough? Wow. No wonder many are crushed when their partners will never marry them.
• Australia
27 Jun 11
thank you sarahruthbeth22 i am glad to know i am not alone. I am female and we have 2 kids together in a long term 8 yr plus relationship Just because i refuse the ring doesnt mean there is any love lost with us and why does he not get some sort of engagement ring? why only the female? I would never change my name that is not an honour in my book I told him he should change his name to mine if anything (because of this our kids are hyphenated, I have told them they can make up their own minds of what they want to do) Thats my point: it shouldn't just be my day at all hmmm maybe if we ever go to Vegas maybe we will have Elvis marry us i could do that
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (79716)
• Philippines
27 Jun 11
Well, those are just my opinion. Every person has a different view of marriage and i respect your opinions on it.
1 person likes this
@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
27 Jun 11
For me you against the law of Jehovah God the maker of married because before you are together you must be married first yes many today that they are not married first they live in and no married but in the eyes of Jehovah God it is fornication it is not to inherit God's kingdom if you do that in your life.
1 person likes this
• United States
27 Jun 11
But what if you are not Christian? Will it really matter what is done by a non Christian?
@walking2010 (1010)
• United States
27 Jun 11
Ok this is my opinion or my advice, I think that it is more to what you are making yourself believe I think that you feel that you would lose you idenity as a woman if you give up your lastname, just incase something happens you will still be who you are as your idenity. God intended for the woman to take on her husband lastname, to become as one, Do you feel that you would be givin ghim to much power if you did so. If this man loves you unconditionally and treat you like you want and need to be treated than why not go for it, Don't look at society and how they got married and who they got married to, just look at what you have and who you have. That is your woeld I mean granted you do want to becareful, especially if you have been married before, or have had bad relationships. but being that you have some demands out right than if you all talked about it, and he don't agree I would recommend that is something that you deal with before walking down the isle, and honey stop being so stubborn, and strong headed. getting married don't have nothing to do with being a mans world, God said that a man who finds a wife find agood thing, so as you walk to your husband, you are walking to the man who you are about to share a life with, you are a representation of new life, one day to bare his children if you didn't already. when walking down the isle to him you are becoming one with this man, and rightfully you are to take your husband lastname. that is how you become the MRS not the MS. I think that you might have some fears that are to hide and you don't want to share, I know how you feel, but to love someone and be with them for the rest of your life, you have to be willing to let go and let this man have you as his wife, so remember that certain rules where set in place for a reason, and the problem is everyone wants to add their own rules and change things up that is why people marriages don't work or they fail because everyone wants to change the rules that where alreay set in place, you can't be in control all the time honey LOL LOL. But if you are truly ready and he is ready I would say go for it, and create a foundation for people that are getting married after you.
• United States
27 Jun 11
And you can become One without the paper from the state, without changing names.There are non married couples who stay together faithfully longer than some married couples. G-d has said yes because you two have met. Think about it , if He didn't want you two together, you wouldn't have met.I agree, if you are to marry , you must take his name but... you can use a hyphen between yours and his! As for losing yourself, it doesn't Have to happen. I have a friend who didn't take her husband's name and Never will have hid kids and they both are so happy.They are the best of friends. It can happen.I agree that if there is anything major you two can't agree on , you must straighten it out before any wedding. And sadly if it is the wedding/ marriage that is the major issue , then you have to decide , do you want him and get married or let him go.
• Philippines
27 Jun 11
Getting married is not just a playful act but is a spiritual pact for both people who agreed to be together at best and worst times. It's not actually how you will be seen by everyone on what gown you'd wear, or how your fiancee should propose to you. It's a life long commitment that needs two people to be devoted to to make it work. Evaluate your relationship first if marriage is worth entering and don't rush things. God bless on your relationship!
1 person likes this
• Philippines
27 Jun 11
I guess you are not yet ready to get married hence the hesitation. I guess if you are quite ready and have found the right person then you will not have any second thoughts. All I know is that you'd be ready to loose yourself when you find the right man at the right time.
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@andy77e (5165)
• United States
27 Jun 11
I agree with you. You shouldn't get married.
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@aisha209 (45)
• United States
27 Jun 11
There is nothing wrong with that. you guys can always go to the court house and just have two people there. You can still have a dress or what ever you want to put on. Also you both dont have to change you names. My sister got married and she never changed her last name.
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
28 Jun 11
hi dear, getting married so not that bad, if you don't like to have dinner then you can go travel for wedding (honeymoon)than just have press release to let your friends and relatives know that you are married already, this is very comon now, so just go ahead. best wishes to you
@neusdo (33)
• Puerto Rico
27 Jun 11
I think that if you're happy together, you should stay the way you are. But since you've been with your partner for a long time, ask him why he keeps asking you to marry him, and consider, rationally his response. If you do decide to ever get married, you guys can go to the courthouse with no one else but you two and the judge, and you should not have to use his last name if you marry him, he would be as much your husband as you would be his wife, and the name changing thing seems like he will buy you off a store, so if it doesn't make you comfortable, don't change it. It seems to me as if you have some preconceptions about marriage that may have been passed on to you as a child and that's why you feel that if you were married, there are some things you'd HAVE to do. Your marriage is yours, not anybody else's, you can make it what you want and not what everyone else thinks it should be. Good luck!