I need new friends

July 2, 2011 6:31pm CST
I have over 200 friends according to my facebook. But when I need support, I know there are none I can count on to come running. And I am beginning to think most of them are not worth my time. This weekend, like many weekends before, I asked several times what everyone's plans were. Many of them had plans but didn't invite me. Others simply didn't respond. Only one friend bothered to contact me and invite me over, but by then I was really upset and not in the mood to socialise so I turned him down. The last night out I had was over 6 months ago. None of my "friends" ever want to do anything with me. Its soul-destroying. I wonder if they know how much it hurts? At 8pm I had had enough of trying to make arrangements. I curled up on the sofa, on the verge of tears, and who noticed? Only my cat. So I guess my cat is my best friend. My partner realised after a few minutes that I was upset and he switched off his computer game and watched my favourite tv shows with me, so I had a good evening in the end. But friends? Forget it, I'll just stick with my man and my cat!
3 people like this
13 responses
• United States
3 Jul 11
Hello, Marianne, I'm so sorry you felt hurt over this Marianne. You are right, your man and your cat are your best friends. Especially your cat... your cat will love you no matter what happens. You feed it and love it and it loves you back. You don't have to do much else to have the love of a pet. I don't mean any harm here, but...I'm wondering how close you are to these people on facebook. I mean, really, in order to be friends there has to be an investment on both sides. You can't just put a notice out on Facebook and ask what everyone is doing and expect they are to know you want them to invite you to be with them.. and when one does finally figure it out you blow him off. That doesn't sound like a real friendship on either side of facebook to me... maybe I'm missing something here. You might have thought to have just messaged one of your friends and asked to be invited, and if that person said no or didn't answer, message another one or two of them. I wouldn't be ashamed to ask if I really wanted to go somewhere. If they were my friends, they would know that I wanted to be with them if I cared to ask. Maybe they would say NO, but more than likely they would have said come on.. the more the merrier! I'm glad your time with your partner and pet were good anyway... hope you are having a splendid Sunday.
1 person likes this
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
3 Jul 11
Hi PQ! I am not that close with my facebook friends even if everyone of them are my schoolmates or colleagues. I did like what you said. Instead of giving a notice in a facebook wall I would rather message them one by one. Then I will get a definite answer from them.(^^)
4 Jul 11
Most of them are people who I see when I go out, because we go to the same places, but I'm not really close to anyone. I try to build relationships but most people already have a circle of friends and they're not exactly jumping up and down to accept new people. I take my 2 youngest to a parent and toddler group, I tried to make friends there before, but I found when joining in conversations, people ignored me and talked over me, which doesn't do much for my confidence. So I gave up.
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
3 Jul 11
Hi marianne! It looks like you really need new friends. I have friends with almost such numbers but even if not all of them will reply me but there are some who still with me. It is just with me whether I would like to going with them or not. Thanks god even if they are not my good friends as I never consider anyone as my best friends but at least whatever things happen around them they will let me know and do invite me. Get to know others and perhaps you will find your new friends.(^^)
1 person likes this
@nicki320 (34)
• China
3 Jul 11
Well you have your partner..and a cat! I dont have either now:( I used to have the same situation as yours. I was thinking I lost many friends because I didn't really know how to keep them. Now I know if you want to be happy without lonely just invite your friends instead of waiting to be invited. Sometimes gift and calls to let them know that you care about them.Little by little ,you will build a connection with your friends. And I think having a gf/bf probably will affect your friends circle cuz you always spend most of time with the partner! And we have to understand that friends have their life, better not expect them to be like your partner. I know sometimes it's sad, but it's life. And finding new friends indeed is a good choice, go out and meet some newbies!
@CTHanum (8254)
• Malaysia
3 Jul 11
HI nicki! I do agree with you friends. Instead of asking them through Facebook it is better to give them a call or message personally. I did both ways before and I found that using message is more useful than sending message to their wall as they might ignore to reply the message in most of the time.(^^)
• China
4 Jul 11
Ignore them back then haha
• India
3 Jul 11
Hi the very first thing of you seeing your ability to make friends only through your facebook status showa that either you are not that social person or that you are shy to approach new friends or make the first move in making friends. either wa will be a loss for you . so instead of that try other stuffs to make friends .. for example instead of complaining that your facebook frnds dint inite you for a night out or a hang out why dont you plan a night out and invite everyone around ??? the response i am sure will be far better and pleasing enough to make you happy dear .. anyways you have a dutiful husband by your side so you need not fear about taking the xtreme risks in making new frnds .... n ya pets can be ur best frnds tooo :):):) nyways add me as ur frnd tooo :)!!!!!
4 Jul 11
That's what I was trying to do - I asked on facebook what everyone was doing and they all ignored me, and I sent text messages to several people but most of them didn't bother to reply at all
• India
5 Jul 11
hey hi you are doing exactly what i am asking you not to do .. i requested you to break your shell of comfort and talk and approach people personally instead of using Facebook or any such networking site as the medium .. i am sure you will find your true friends dear .. gud luck :):):)
@dorannmwin (36698)
• United States
6 Jul 11
A lot of the people that I have on my friend's list on facebook are people that I knew from high school that have moved to places far and wide. However, there are some people that are friends on there that are local friends as well. What I've noticed is that most of those people haven't really talked to me all that much since Tom was diagnosed with cancer. This has been one of the most difficult things that I've been through in my life and I really need someone to talk to from time to time and there is really no one that is there for me.
6 Jul 11
I can understand that, a lot of people don't know how to deal with others who are going through a crisis. I know I'm awful for it, I avoid people when their family members are sick, or die, because I just don't know how to help them. Especially as I'm not comfortable with physical contact from most people. If you need to talk though, send me a message and I'll give you my email. The world can be a cold place when you feel alone.
@laydee (12813)
• Philippines
3 Jul 11
You said it yourself the last time you were out was over 6months. Have you ever turned people down the past few months? Perhaps they felt the same for you in those months, that you didn't want them around which was perhaps why they stopped inviting. Anyhow, you cannot really trust people to know that you need them unless you reach out. I actually felt the same over a few years ago when I became too busy with myself and my job that I wasn't interested anymore to go out with friends. I turned them out each time they would invite me, until they just stopped. Took me months to find out what happened to them and when the relationship was re-established because of some wedding, they told me that they were so sure that I'd say "no" each time that they just stopped inviting all-in-all. It wasn't until very recently that I was 'in the circle' again. But it didn't mean that they were no longer my friends. Remember that whatever we do to others would be what others would do to us. Perhaps that is the case, well I'm not really sure but I'm just defending those who may have not thought badly about you in the first place. Further, in this lifetimes, you'd be lucky to find friends who'd stick with you. Which is why you should cherish them, like that guy who invited you over, you could have cherished him by going instead of turning him down because you were no longer in the mood. I mean, was it his fault that nobody else invited you? You just turned him down - what if he needed you as well? Wasn't that the thing you hated to other people? But why did you do that to him? Anyway, we always learn from our mistakes and there are circumstances that is out of our control, perhaps this is one of them. You're even luckier because you have a partner who's with you, unlike most who are alone in their homes not even having a cat to talk to. Count your blessings and appreciate them more. Always believe in Happy endings. If it's not happy, then it's not yet the ending. Have a great MyLot experience today!
4 Jul 11
No, I haven't turned anyone down, I just haven't been invited anywhere. Unless you count my friend inviting me to see his band play, but that was 40 miles away and I don't drive so I couldn't get there. People seem to assume that just because I have kids now, I won't want to go out and have fun. I did explain to the guy that my partner wouldn't be happy about it as they haven't met, he understands.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Jul 11
That amount of people are call fair weather friends. None of them are your true friends. My facebook has over 500 friends. If I were hungry tomorrow they would not feed me. I think your cat and your man is all you need to be happy. If you can find one other person worth the try then so be it. I have adrian and my daughter so i don't need anyone else.
3 Jul 11
I just don't get it. All these people will come running to me when they want advice etc. But when I need a friend just to spend a little time with me, they're all too busy
@ANIME123 (2473)
• United States
3 Jul 11
Yeah I know what you mean it's like my friends even though I have known them for along time they always make plans behind my back, but oh well I have my video games, mylot, and anime. Just one friend tells me that they are making plans and that they are going to go somewhere I think she does it to rub it in my face. I hate it when she does that I am starting to think that I have no real friends. Now a days it is really hard o make some true friends. Or it is even harder to make a best friend, but I don't really care anymore I am happy to be doing my own things and maybe one day I will find some truly good sincere friends. Feeling lonely can sometimes be tough, but I guess that's how it is sometimes and we just have to pretty much deal with it. I have a facebook too and my friends on there well I don't really talk to most of them just a few, but we never hang. Good luck to you.One day we might have lots of good friends.
@ruby222 (4848)
3 Jul 11
Facebbok is fine but you have to remember it is still a part of a virtual world! i have a facebook account and I tend to use it to leave messages for family members. Social networking sites have a habit of biting you in the bum, I have heard of so many people falling foul of these sites. Friends who go online to look at facebook may only log in for a few seconds and not even read your massages, I left a massage for a colleague once and it took her weeks to reply! so much for the power of social networking sites!
• India
3 Jul 11
Humm very sad thing, Hie Marianne well talking about friendship though you around 200 friends in your facebook. One thing i ask you are they worthwhile for being your friends? Friendship is a beautiful word if we look closely it shows us the true value of friends. Friend is more than a lover, just experience it in life. Now coming to your discussion. I would like to give my example over here, i have few friends say around 100 but i know them very well we are in daily touch everyday, if you see my account they are lot of messages, popups and so on. Even some of new stranger friends are there, What i did is i used to spend lot of quality time with everyone chatting and knowing them, being friends with all which was lot of fun activity to me, I sure that if you spend some time in knowing your friends more and getting them sharing secrets one day your house will be fully filled. Just try it out spending some time with friends on Facebook you will feel better, after all your investment of friendship will surely give you high returns.
3 Jul 11
That's why the few real-world friends I have are all people I've known for a long, long time. Virtual friendship is all very fine and good but it's not the same thing. Everyone's so tied up in their own little worlds that they barely notice anyone else exists, let alone seeing beyond the usual contact of a quick 2-minute chat. You'd have to actually tell them straight out that you WANT to go out, otherwise they won't see it.
@GemmaR (8526)
3 Jul 11
I think as we become older it is natural to have fewer friends. People move on from groups, move to different parts of the country, take their lives in totally different paths; and we find it hard to cope with that. Do you have any hobbies? You should join an adult group for example an exercise class or an art class. This means that you would be able to see people who had the same interests as you, so you would be a lot more likely to become friends with them. All is not lost, and there is nothing wrong with finding yourself in between friendship groups, as lives do change and move forward.
• India
3 Jul 11
People are really mean and selfish. You can count the exceptions, they're so less. That's the ugly truth. Now, coming to your problem, you have to make people want you. Why will they want to socialise with you? Find the answer to this and you'll find 150 hands around to support you. Another bitter thing about this world, people don't take the thing seriously that is free. If you're very readilY available, people won't be keen to have you. Jus keep yourself busy sometimes when your friends call you and pop up sometimes even when uncalled...my advice...