The Power of the Relationship lies with whoever care less...

Philippines
July 5, 2011 7:04pm CST
After answering dream_ozn's discussion yesterday. I thought about the main title of this discussion. I have to agree on that part when whoever cares less in your relationship has the power. Because when you're less emotional with your partner, the tendency is your the one who feels threatened about everything. I know I am not my guy's top priority right now and most of the time, he hardly has time for me. Which is the cause of our fights most of the time and these fights have been frequent. But I respect that he wants to help his family and make a fulfillment in his plans. I am, too, in the same level as he. But why do I feel like he feels less about me than how I feel towards him? Would this mean he has power over me? I hope you could give me some pointers, my friend.
2 people like this
8 responses
@ybong007 (6659)
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
You just have to talk. Your fears or should I say worries? are caused by the lack of communication between the two of you. As couples, you both need to reassure how important each of you to the other person. What you're feeling is a just an impression and may not be what the other person truly feels, in fact it could be the other way around for all we know, and, you will never know unless you open up and talk about it. As long as both of you know what your priorities are and how you align your relationship with those priorities then I think everything is going to be fine. But then, relationships are complex, and trouble normally arise once one of the parties start to demand the he or she be the top priority since this would steer the relationship to another direction, if there's conflict then expect a rough road ahead but if you were able to build a team then that rough road would be so much easier, all you need to do is communicate to make sure that bumps are avoided.
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
Hi, ybong. As expected, you got me with your words. Somehow perfectly fits with what I feel right now. I guess you've been in to ups and downs in a relationship already. Thank you for your good words. I hope that we are able to fix things out since things have gotten worst.
@ybong007 (6659)
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
I'm sure you would, anything that won't kill you will make you stronger.
@jafburns (48)
• India
6 Jul 11
Hope even you might not have noticed that your boyfriend even have the same complaint. It is not a matter of priority. He might be quiet confident that you are going to be with him whatever happens and may be even having the confidence that you will understand him and adjust. Usually men are very poor in expressing their feelings and they just expect their partner to understand them. Once you both get into a legal relation he is going to give you more priority than now. Or to be clear he will find it easy to express his feelings for you in front of the whole world. So dear don't get upset hope for the best.
• Philippines
7 Jul 11
I must admit sometimes that I overthing our situation too much. And that I might not be aware of what's on his mind. Thank you jafburns. Your advice is also an eye opener to me.
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
I think the one who can start the quarrel is the one who has the power in the relationship. It's s/he who can cause the falling out, the cooling off, and the break-up. However, the one who starts the quarrel must make sure, if s/he is serious about the relationship, that the boundaries that will lead to break-up must not be crossed. And s/he must always initiate the reconciliation after the quarrel.
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
The truth is I am thinking of breaking up with him already. I guess I am on the verge right now of losing my patience and all.
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
I am pretty sure he cares and LOVES you. but he also loves his family, i bet he does it so that he WILL MISS YOU even more. better talked about DATE plans because i bet both of you have other plans besides in the relationship but career also.
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
We are not on speaking terms now, LK. LOL. But your idea is not so bad. I hope we could really talk soon. Stay sweet.
• United States
6 Jul 11
We often answer our own questions like this. All we have to do is look inside ourselves for the answer. If it was your daughter and you saw that she was being neglected for whatever reason I think you would recognize it more than when it actually happens to you. I was not a priority to my husband but I made excuses for him. He was my world but I wasn't his. After we divorced he had the nerve to say that he lived me but was not IN LOVE with me..whatever that means. To say the least I didn't want to try and work it out with a man that didn't live me enough to stop playing around with other women.
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
He was very cruel with your heart, PQ. I don't know if I could live another day knowing he'll be like that to me. But you have survived and here you are now giving me one of the best advices a good friend can give to a friend who's having a grieving heart. Thank you so much, PQ. I also pray that the wounds in your heart has also healed.
@dream_ozn (1758)
• Singapore
6 Jul 11
Hi totallyundecided, you really summarized all lovers' problem. The power of the relationship lies with whoever who care less. Similarly, I do face frequent fights with my boyfriend too because of this problem. He says he tries to spend time with me, but sometimes i just feel that he's not really bothered about it. I feel like I am the one who care more about this relationship. But, I know my BF loves me too. Does this mean that I should stop bothering so much about him so I will be able to feel more loved, more treasured? Perhaps when it's his turn, he'll know how had been feeling and make it up. For your case, I can totally understand your position just because it's so similar with mine. I think the problem with us is that we put our man in the center of our life. And because of that, we make plans around him, to suit in and in the end, this is what we get. I am trying to be more independent, trying to have my own circle of social circle so I don't have to depend so much on him. So what if he is not able to spend time with me, or if plans are suddenly changed cause he needs to help his family? It won't affect me cause I have other important things to do as well. I know it's so easy to just type it out here but when it comes to doing it, it's really difficult. Good luck to both of us.
• Philippines
6 Jul 11
Understanding comes from having the same desire and both of our desires is to be given enough quality time with our boyfriends. I know we could all get through this and settle our problems when it comes to our relationships. Let's update each other soon with our progress. SF suggested that we should start caring less so that our boyfriends could be aware that he is not the center of our lives anymore.
@Sanitary (3969)
• Singapore
7 Jul 11
I don't agree with that, whoever cares less has the power. That's so wrong. If he doesn't care in the first place, why would he have the power? HE's having the wrong kind of power, wanting us to catch his attention. I don't think that's power right? IN a relationship, we need not be their priority because certain things need to be done, fulfilled before they can really commit. Think and look into the long term plans, are u included in it? What's the point of giving u all the attention now, when u are not included in his future?
@jdyrj777 (6558)
• United States
6 Jul 11
I think alot of fighting will not make him want to be with you more. I suggest if you want more time with him make your time together pleasent.