Truth or a LIE?

mirror - reflection of yourself
July 10, 2011 7:32pm CST
When your partner can't stop lying on you. What does it mean? I thought that I'm wrong and must have to believe on what he is saying. But I discover that its a whole lie from the very beginning. I knew it that when he is with friends they will buy their drinks. According to him they just bought 2 bottles each one of them. But I don't think that its just enough. That they will not do that thing but they made it. I'm so mad each time that I knew he is playing Dota games. It is not a good practice for having a future family and he is in a mature age who must have to go to work and focus on it. Every weekend he is always doing it without any permission from me. And there's a friend of him that can't stop teasing him about another girl who is I knew they are only been close friends. What I must do about this things? It is that I'm just so sensitive and immature?
4 people like this
20 responses
@andy77e (5170)
• United States
11 Jul 11
Are you married?
1 person likes this
11 Jul 11
not yet. Even we don't have serious plans yet about it.
1 person likes this
@andy77e (5170)
• United States
11 Jul 11
I see. I'm confused, why do you think he needs your permission to do anything, if he isn't married to you? Can't he do pretty much anything at all, with or without your permission, since he's only a 'boyfriend'?
16 Jul 11
andy77e- That's our agreement. He also want me to ask his permission before doing things. But he break his rules. I think its unfair now a days even if he is a boy and I am just a girl. Now a days things are the same. We can do what men can do. So we must have a fair rule. Good day! God bless!
@sender621 (14956)
• United States
11 Jul 11
A good relationship can not be built on a foundation of lies. sooner or later the relationships will crumble. a relationship needs to have trust and you just can't have that when your partner is lying to you.
16 Jul 11
I just don't know why he is lying on me. To the entext that each time I'm allowing him to do what he like to do even if I feel sad about it. Sometimes things go wrong especially in this scenario. After that there's so many things that came up. Thinking why those things are happening now. I know (feel it) that we both and still love each other. Good day! God bless!
• United States
11 Jul 11
I guess it really all depends on how you feel. Personally, I don't know what age he might be, but it seems that he is a bit immature, again that's just my opinion. It seems to be that his level of maturity is a bit off and he needs to realize it. Personally, if you are looking for a stable commitment, someone that you want to settle down with, this doesn't sound like the type and/or he is not ready to settle down. If I were you and really liked this person and feel that you might consider having a future with him, I would sit down and have a serious conversation with him. Let him know how you feel, if he feels the same hopefully he'll change, if not at least you know not to waste your time. Again, that is what I would personally do. But I would consider having a serious conversation with at least so that you know where you stand in the relationship. I wish you the best of luck!!!
16 Jul 11
He is turning 22 in a few months now. I'm 13 months older than him but we are in the same level and grade in college. He must realize it! May be its a good thinbg to have a time to be alone and to decide. He ask me to have a time and space for now and I like it. Im sure that I will miss him but there will be a good reason. There was a time that I wrote a long letter but I never receive a letter as a reply. Im so sad that other relationship are growing and mine are going down. He is a good friend, a good advicer and we are more than that so he must act differently. Good day! God bless!
• United States
20 Jul 11
We don't realize it, but realistically speaking we as women mature faster than men. I love my hubby, but sometimes he acts like my 5 year old son that is just reality. You have to remember one thing, things happen for a reason. If he is meant for you he'll return, if not I am sure that even though you will miss him, you will find someone else out there that is better for and that will love you. I know it could get fraustrating seeing other relationship bloom while yours don't seem to go anywhere, but your still young.
24 Jul 11
Yeah, literally I'm 1 year older so may be that's matters. I'm turning 23 this coming September. and you have a good point. If he is really for me then God will grant it as a magic. Better to think about this matter. This is a serious matter. Good day! God bless!
@SViswan (12095)
• India
11 Jul 11
If you are sure that he is lying, then I don't think it's a good thing. If you just THINK he is lying and you aren't sure...then you can try to find out if he is lying. Trust is very important in a relationship. It's not good IF he is lying to you ...and it's not good if you doubt that he is either.
16 Jul 11
Im pretty sure that he is lying. I just read it in his own Facebook account. He cant lie on me. But there was a time that he is lying about this matter then still he don't want to tell the truth. So glad that it is all about games and having a drink not about girls. But there's a time that one of our college classmate teasing him with a girl. To the point that he has a girlfriend. And don't give me any respect. They really don't know that i read it because its a group message and I'm not belong with it. It just happen that I have a access to his account and keep o reading and updating me. But those things are the reasons why we always fight. What should I do? Good day! God bless!
@SViswan (12095)
• India
18 Jul 11
You should talk to him. Tell him that you have read it and ask him what it means. He can't lie about a girl being his girlfriend (as his friends teased him). If he says they were teasing, you can ask him why he didn't stop them when he is committed to you. That means he gives you no respect as his girlfriend.
24 Jul 11
We already talked about those things. And he said it just nothing. People are just doing for fun. I don't believe at all but I really have no idea what's happening and what is really exactly the truth on their past. I told him already that he shows very impolite on me. And he promised that its true nothing happens on the past between them. Good day! God bless!
@cerebellum (3871)
• United States
11 Jul 11
A good relationship is built on trust and honesty. Once you have caught him lying to you, you will probably never believe anything he tells you. It sounds like your relationship is in trouble. You probably are sensitive about some things but you might have reason to be.
11 Jul 11
Yeah! Im asking you guys if I'm just exxagerated about things. From the start that I discover that he is lying on me it feels like I lost a lot of trust on him. It seems like in everything he says is just a lie. And sometimes I feel it more often that he is lying on me. that's why I'm searching on it and most of the time my ESP is correct. Good day! God bless!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (161721)
• Garden Grove, California
11 Jul 11
dear I wou ld not marry him the way he is acting now at all. in fact have that talk but tell him you want complete honesty from him at all times and if he cannot do that his love is just lust and you can do much better for yourself.
16 Jul 11
Hatley: You have a point. "Who is he now is likely the same after marriage". Still thinking and deciding for him. And I think things are just happened for a reason. Just give me some time to think and decide. Im so sad right now. It seems that we always fight and things go wrong. Good day! God bless!
@zax340 (86)
• India
23 Jul 11
Its so sad and hurting. I feel you should talk and try to make things in your favor but there is a limit to it if things cant get on track. Just don't accept getting fooled tome and again. You need to make some decision.
24 Jul 11
Do you think its time for me to decide? We are already in a relationsip for more than 2 years as gf/bf. Seeing each other everyday. We are in the same company and been in the same school in college. We know each other as how our parents and family. Do you think its time for us to let go of this love? Good day! God bless!
@zax340 (86)
• India
25 Jul 11
That should be the last option. I think you should try other ways which you think can work. Some times it happens that we realize our love when we are away from loved ones. You can try to keep away from him. Sometimes nearness of our loved ones with others can remind our love. I do not no how much this method will suit you. There are different ways... You should not loose your heart and not be sad... Life goes on and takes its ways. For the time being find other hobbies which you can spend time with... If you think its enough you have seen and there is no hope of getting things on track you can always take your own decision.......
@chuyins123 (2118)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
Hello Daiweian06, If you him so tight, he might just be so eager to get out and be free. On drinking. If you've known him before you we're into the relationship and he's already been drinking, so it should not be a problem. I mean, you can't just prohibit him from drinking just because you are already in a relationship. You can always of course remind him that he shouldn't be spending much on his drinking spree. You can't change him, never change a person. Just guide him, remind him, and make him realize what he's doing is wrong. On playing DOTA. Again, did you know that he's been playing before you were in a relationship? I've known a lot of guys who are so hooked up with DOTA even after college. Things will change and so will your boyfriend. Yes, it's some how "immature" thing but it's not easy to let go and leave that game behind. It's actually an addiction. Just help him let go of that. And nagging and constant arguing about that thing is not a solution. It would just aggravate his case. You can suggest, "hey, you know, I don't want to go nagging on you every time I learned you're playing DOTA again. So I would just like to say, I really think, it's not a very good habit. At the end of the day, you really can't get anything from it." An open communication would be good for the relationship. On jealousy. If you are sure of his love for you then just don't bother. You know, I didn't get jealous with my EX that often before, because I know and am secured of her love with me. She opens up with me about some guys courting or trying their way to her, but she just simply don't give them a chance. Because she's so into me. And I am so secured with that. I can feel it. I guess, you know what I mean. You will know if the person is really in love with you. Being secured with your boyfriend's love would help you get over that jealousy. But most all, and again, talk to him. I am not saying it's easy to do. It's a risk actually, but I guess it would help. On having a family. You can actually talk to him about what he's doing in his life. And his plans in life. Knowing what's he planning to do, would help you figure him out a little bit. I mean, if you know where he intend to head to, you'd at least have a hint why he's doing what he's doing. Of course it's not a good idea, that he's playing DOTA and drinking almost often when he's planning to marry you soon. So talk about it too. Again open communication would help, and be honest in every way to him. And tell him, you'd want him to be honest. It's a risk being honest, but it's liberating. VERITAS LEVIRABIT VOS I have the feeling that you haven't talked to him yet? Communication would help you think things out. And take a step at a time from there. God bless. Regards, chuyins
11 Jul 11
We altready talked about those things and we just end up fighting. I always allow him to do his things but what alarms me when he don't want me to do mine. So there's a time that we are both lying with each other then I just gave up because it is not healthy for our relationship. But at this point he still do the same. And he don't want to allow me even in our reunion. It feels like unfair. Good day! God bless!
2 people like this
16 Jul 11
Let me think about this matter. We are still adjusting with each other. It takes more than 2 years and we still can't make things up. There was a time that I feel tired and about to give up. But I don't give up. There's much more things to focus on and he still a reason why sometimes I feel good about life and makes me happy. Love is so crazy! Good day! God bless!
@besthope44 (12145)
• India
21 Jul 11
Hi daiweian, Trust is needed in all relationships. I wouldn't say you are immature, but i would suggest to talk to him, understand why he behaves so indifferently and how much love or importance he has on you. You need to talk him understand whats going wrong with him and decide the life.
24 Jul 11
Yeah, I think we still have to talk about this matter. We only talk once in a while and nothing change, if so just only for a few days. I never know that I will love him up to this far. After so many things that I really hate about him. I need more time to think about this. Good day! God bless!
13 Jul 11
it is because he is prone to temtation that he cant resist
18 Jul 11
Maybe. I really don't know. I don't think if his friend are bad influence. Because people can choose whoever they want to be with. Good day! God bless!
• Philippines
12 Jul 11
Why has he lied to you? have you also asked that question to yourself? Maybe he is afraid to tell because you will start nagging him (sorry for the term, I cannot think of the term similar to nag). Or maybe he felt being locked in a cage. For example, why does he lie to you whenever he played DOTA? Maybe he felt that you are controlling his hobby. Sometimes, a husband needs some times of to be with himself. It is not bad to play or go out once in a while. When a man tries to have good times once in a while, he is not being irresponsible. In a relationship, if one is lying to his or her partner, then both of them have some serious problem. If you have healthy relationship (have a give and take relationship) he would not need to lie to you. Maybe you should give him some time off. Maybe you are becoming very strict to him. You should examine both yourselves and think why does this things happens to you. I just want to share to you my relationship to my wife. My wife knew that I am playing computer games eventhough we now have a daughter. And as for me, I know that it will not hinder my way of building my family. I still do my job as a father.
18 Jul 11
Actually, In everything I allows him to do whatever he wants. Then each time he don't allow me to do my things and interests. Even if he knows me doing those things then lately we are fighting for it. We are not yet married. We don't have serious plan for it. Not strict on him. I am very undertsnading. And sometimes I showede him that I feel good bad deep inside I don't want him to go with other people. But I don't want him to just focus on me. He still need time with friends. But in my case he don't want the same. Love your wife. He understand and feels good about you. Good day! God bless!
@LittleMel (14059)
• Canada
11 Jul 11
personally I wouldn't bother who buys friends drinks, how many, how much he is an adult, anything happens due to drinking too much, well let him learn from it most men I know play games, I played WoW which is similar to Dota if he plays in the weekend, he can still work in weekdays, can't he? you're not married to him yet, so it doesn't matter he works or not if you work, just don't lend your money easily, that way he will learn to earn his own money his friend teasing him, maybe just teasing you to see how you react maybe the other girl likes him, but not necessarily he likes her too don't let that upset you, he will be overjoyed if it's true he is two-timing you, you will know sooner or later keep it light until you are sure where the relationship is heading
18 Jul 11
Actually most of the time he treat the drinks. Or he shares much money for it than the others. Yes, he goes to work for 5 days and after work he plays DOTA. Then on the weekedns he still plays those computer games with doffrent group of people. I don't know. If those girls are like him and if he feels the same. Those are his friends and I don't really know them. Good day! God bless!
@ron0540 (30)
• United States
11 Jul 11
For a relationship to exist, there must be TRUST. With what you have said about your "BOYfriend" I don't understand why you continue to believe you are in a relationship. If you are with someone who makes you so unhappy, Move on. If he does not care about the relationship, you are wasting your time. Everyday you stay in this situation is a day in your life that is wasted, and you don't get those days back to do over. Take this as a lesson learned, grow from the experience, and go find someone that will makes you HAPPY, not crazy. Time To Move On.
18 Jul 11
I am thinking about things between us. We are so imperfect. Things goes on and on. I want more serious and happy life. This experience are the bad lucks that came to my life. I like keeping myself happy. When someone is lying on you many times. Its a continuous reaction on not believing on him for that reason. I lose my selfconfidence too. Why is that they have to lie on me? We can talk about those things on the past but he don't want to. I'm just waiting for the right time to solve this problem. Good day! God bless!
@rappeter13 (5298)
• Romania
11 Jul 11
I always said that I prefer truth, because it is easier to accept things when I know about them from the person who did that thing, rather than being lied in my face. I feel so mad when somebody lies to me, because I consider that the other one thinks that I am stupid or an idiot, which I am certainly not. You have said that your partner plays Dota games, without your permission. I don't know what Dota games are, but I consider that a person doesn't need to ask permission to do what he wants to do. He has to inform you, but not asking permission. I am sorry to tell you this, but every individual has the right of doing what he wants. Talking about it, informing you is good, but a person has to ask permission only from the superiors, not from the partners. At least this is how I see life. As for teasing about other girls, this is our nature, you cannot do anything against it. Teasing is a thing, cheating is another.
18 Jul 11
Yes, If someone is lying on you it feels like he/ she don't want to trust you at all. Why is that they have to lie than to say the truth. You must know it! They don't need to lir\e just for you to understand things. I mean I just want to know. If he want to do just let me know. Just like what I am doing. But most of the time he don't want me to do my deeds. Good day! God bless!
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
that is really annoying. i know how you feel, coz i've been into somewhat similar situation as yours. and guess what i did.... i just gave him a dose of his own medicine! i intentionally lied to him and do things that i know he'll be pissed off. and it worked, he felt sorry and couldn't blame me for hurting him. once a person starts to lie to you, whether a white lie or whatever, it is still a lie. there's a tendency that he'll do it over and over again, unless he's mature enough to realize that lying is really annoying.
18 Jul 11
Yeah! I tried it many times but nothing change. But there's a bit improvement now a days. I don't know if it is just a white lies or he did not intentionally did it. I've know him for 3-4 years. Because we are from the same school and been in same block. So I adore him and love him for what I only know. But things are changes since I've know him for so long. I don't know why he change a lot. People call him as their best friends. Everyone loves him. People respect and treat him well. I hope that he still have much time to thgink about things. That one day he will realize those things that rae happening to us. Good day! God bless!
• United States
11 Jul 11
My dear if you are unhappy please do get out now. I know you love and are attached to him but he will not change unless he is ready. You can ask him to do the right thing and think of the future but he won't until he is ready. I have given many relationship readings and advice over the years and if your already unhappy and he won't even listen to you and is lying to you he will continue to do so and alot of times to just tell you what you want to hear so that he can go and do what he really wants and it doesn't help when he has friends that do the same thing. Maybe he does have good qualities but do you really want to take your young life and wait on him to get it together? Waste time? Or would you rather find someone that is on your level and want something out of life besides drinking and games think about that love.
16 Jul 11
There comes a time that Im thinking about that matter. Still deciding and giving him a chance to change. May be if onme day everything goes wrong and I need time and space. The sad thing is that sometimes I feel so tired of it. He don't want me to do my interest but he is doing what he likes too. I want a fair relationship. 4 months ago we break up and he ask me to start over again. But things a the same. He just change few of it but there's a lot more to focus on. Very alarming that we are not growing up. Good day! God bless!
11 Jul 11
I think there should not be any choice between the "truth' and a "lie" as we all should go the truth. But in your case, i think you're right to be both immature and sensitive in this case. As if you believe in something there must be something that pushes you towards this.
16 Jul 11
I just want to fix things up. We are getting older and we must have to act mature. I see him like who he is now in the future. If we are still arguing it for more months and don't change much, I think its a good reason to decide. There's a lot of choices and actions that comes on my mind. I just need time to let things up. I don't want to regret some of it. But at the back of my mind its a mixed emotions. Good day! God bless!
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
I feel sad with your situation. I'm sorry. I think, you must confront him with the things that you want him to do and the things that you don't want him to do. You must give him a sense of idea that he has other responsibilities to make as a matured person. Good luck with your relationship and I hope you could change the way he acts.
16 Jul 11
I did. He is like a man who has his own opinion and close minded so he don't want to mind others people opinion and keep on what he want. I'm so tired of it but we must do something for this matter because its a continuous problem. I want to have a peace of mind and want to have a good, mature relationship in the long run. Each time that we are fighting about something I ask him to talk about it and it never happens that we talk that much. It feelis like we are not growing up. Things are keep on coming and coming and he don't want to let things go. Good day! God bless!
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
The key to a good relationship is honesty and communication. It would be best if you tell your boyfriend that you are not happy because you feel that he is lying to you. Listen to his explanations. There are times that we may just be paranoid. We cannot control our partner's life and honestly I do not think that they would have to ask permission just to play a video game. But then if these things are affecting your relationship, you should talk to him. ;)
11 Jul 11
What is the worst thing is that they have to play a video game after work. Instead of sleeping right away after a night shift they still fun to play a video game. More often he is playing a video game even in weekends and tend to not texting me all day long until he has a spare time just to send me a message. Im just so sick about this. Spending some time with friends is a very good thing but not all the time. We still have much more things to do than to play those computer games. Good day! God bless!
• Indonesia
11 Jul 11
However... feel cheated was very annoying. Moreover, for example, by the people we consider that our soulmates. But maybe i think there is something wrong with the relationshif between tou and your soulmate. Or maybe even something wrong with you (sorry). So, it should be before allready further, try to get communicate well and openly with him. Then try to invite your soulmate to introspection about your realitonshof with him. Then ask him for mutual self-introspection.
11 Jul 11
Sometimes when I feel sick on it I do the same. But how long we will do this and why is that we need to lie with each other just to do our things? What I want is to do our things but we know it. Not really we have to ask permission but at least we knew that we will be doing this and that. I feel so bad about our trust with each other. Good day! God bless!
@kheydia (883)
• Philippines
11 Aug 11
About the dota game i think it is just okey but just for him to relax and just for sometime not really he will focus hes all attention in computer and forget about his responsibilities and all specially his responsibility to you.. I think you should talk to him about your concerns, because i believe that a good relationship has agood communication.