Why there are such person who can't be loyal to their wife? - just wondering why

@jdex_143 (1094)
Philippines
July 10, 2011 8:56pm CST
I'm not married yet but I got to ask myself this question. I have a friend who became a mistress. She seems enjoying the situation although she knew that the guy was married. She doesn't really care about what others might think of her. She said, she can feel that the guy loves his wife but I'm wondering how can he cheat when he loves his wife? I'm confused.
2 people like this
12 responses
• United States
29 Jul 11
It isn't confusing, a guy can love two women at the same time. True he loves one more than the other but he Can love both. A guy may cheat for many reasons ranging from not feeling desired anymore to just because he can. I agree with your friend. If she is happy then she Shouldn't care what others think.
1 person likes this
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
3 Aug 11
Hmmmmm.. I respect your idea but I believe in the saying that "you cannot serve two masters at the time". I think, if you really love someone, you must offer yourself to him/her alone.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Aug 11
And I think as kids you serve 2-3 masters so why not as adults. You serve your parents and your Deity, no? You love them All at the same time? why can't a person find himself/herself in love with two lovers at the same time. I agree that he/she should choose only one but It Can happen.
1 person likes this
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
4 Aug 11
Hehehehe.. You got your point. But isn't there a lot of types of love? The love between parents and children, your love for your pet, your friend.. I think, that differs from a persons love to his/her better half (wife/husband perhaps). And I think, that love for your better half must be pure and loyalty to him/her is necessary. Do you have a boyfriend now? Is it okay with you that when you get married, your husband will have an affair with another woman?
1 person likes this
@nikramos (701)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
why are there men who cant be loyal to their wives? i have asked the same... a real straying man told me, because he didnt feel loved by his wife, in all aspects everything is just lacking. thats what he says. you have a friend who became a mistress and is enjoying the situation... ok, first there is nothing enjoyable about being the other woman unless her reason for being so is for benefits. technically well yes they are called mistress but it hurts as hell to be called such especially since you know for a fact you sincerely fell for someone who you thought was single and now couldnt get away with it upon knowing they are committed because you are too emotionally attached. so a lot will say it is immoral and what have you...but you wouldnt know unless you put yourself in that other woman's shoe... so for some, they cheat because they want to experience the thrill of having different women with them. OR they are stuck with a miserable married life that they dont know how to deal with it and they cowardly turn to other women without settling what is necessary first before they commit to another.and they end up cheating. basically, they are just a bunch of coward men.
1 person likes this
@nikramos (701)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
how old are you guys to be engaging yourselves (or your friend) with married men? tell her if she doesnt stop you'll tell her parents about it...unless she's ready for the consequences (which i know she wouldnt be), then she shouldnt go for it. but on second thought, there are no other reasons, just stay away from this situation. she'll thank you for saving her peace of mind. UNLESS the guy settles everything with his family now and does things according to societal standards, by all means your friend can get back with him and be a couple legally. but until then, spare herself of too much hurt and stay away from this guy.
1 person likes this
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
Hmmmmm.. She's still young.. A year older than me. She's just 23. Actually, her parents already knew. They tried to stop her but still she keeps on seeing this guy. She would lie to her parents just to be with the guy. I don't know what's wrong with her. Me and our friends already scolded her several times but it just turned out that she won't listen to us. I feel sorry for her.
@nikramos (701)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
believe me, she has her reasons. you cannot stop a heart that sincerely loves. let her learn the hard way but dont leave her just because she made the wrong choice. when the time comes she realizes her mistake, dont put the 'i told you so' blame on her. support her but be firm with your ideals.
@secretbear (19472)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
Hi! Men are generally born polygamous. And so they say. I think this is true. Many men cannot be contented with just one. In one offensive saying here, men just have to "taste" another "dish". But some also say that even if men go searching for another, in the end they will still come back home to their wives. I have a friend whose husband is a policeman. That guy tried to court me when he and my friend were already married. I was so angry at him. I told about it to my other friends except to my friend because I was afraid our friendship might get affected. I never even gave that guy any signs or whatever. I was never even friendly with him. I never gave him the chance to talk to me after that. After a few months, I just heard from my friend that her husband has another woman and they were going to break up. I told her it was a good idea. I don't understand also why men are like that. Those kind of men should be ashamed of themselves.
1 person likes this
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
That keeps me wondering also. If men want to taste another dish, why will they go back still to their wives? Don't they know they're hurting the woman's feelings? Hmmmm... This is so sad to think of. :(
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19472)
• Philippines
12 Jul 11
Probably their rule is "don't get caught" or "what they don't know won't hurt them". It's really sad but it's really happening, right? Thanks for the best response.
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
12 Jul 11
Hmmm.. Is that so? Hehehe.. If caught? deny? Hmmmm... Ouch.. Women are always the ones who are pitiful. :(
1 person likes this
@ddaguno (3110)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
This is one reason why i am scared to get married. i dont know why fidelity is such a hard word for men...
1 person likes this
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
I agree. I'm thinking, would there be any man who is loyal nowadays?
@celticeagle (113022)
• Boise, Idaho
11 Jul 11
I think alot of people think they meet someone and then they just marry them. There is so much more to it than that. Say you meet a guy. You're attracted to him. Does he treat you with respect? Does he look you in the eye when he talks to you? Is he close with him family? Does he like animals? If the answer is no to any of these then you need to think about whether he is someone you want to get into a relationship with. SO many people jump into a relationship without asking the other person what his take is on it all. Do he agree with your ethics, beliefs, etc.? Is he in a hurry to jump into the sack with you? Does he respect you when you say no? Or is he instantly on the defensive? Fidelity is a hard for the wrong man. Not the one that is right for you. The man you can be with and express these fears to is the one you could be with for the rest of your life. The one that respects your boundaries, cares about your fears and wants to put them to rest. Go get him!
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
Wow! I learned something from you. I hope I could find a man who cares about my fears. I know my boyfriend loves me but still I'm afraid if he'll cheat on me when we'll get married. :(
@toniganzon (38631)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
Love and being in love are two different things. Married couples do love each other, it will not go away, but being in love can. MOst married couple tend to make the mistake of not staying in love and thus they tend to be less passionate. If one starts to see that others are willing to give him that passion, that's where they cheat. It's no excuse of course for cheating, but in order to stay in love, both the husband and wife must work on this.
1 person likes this
@rog0322 (2834)
• Cagayan De Oro, Philippines
11 Jul 11
Right toni, Commitment is something that has to be worked out and not just let circumstances build upon it. It is the complacency of both partners after marriage that drifts them apart. Gone are the times of flowers, notes, cards, dinner times, special dates and the things that makes a relationship so wonderful. It takes a lot of effort to do it actually. One reason is the added time of caring for the children and the burdens of added work responsibility to earn more in order to support the growing family.
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
Hmmmm.. I'm now afraid to get married. lol. I think, it takes two to tango. What if the wife does her part just to make passionate actions but then, the husband seemed not contented. He cheated. Does that mean that the husband already lost his love with his wife?
@toniganzon (38631)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
NO! He just lost his lust after her but not love. Do not confuse yourself with love and being in love as well as being passionate.
@catcai (1057)
• Philippines
23 Jul 11
hi jdex, this is something that I would definitely like to know myself. I have a friend who’s been married for 8 yrs. They were actually doing ok when the husband was still working in our country – but when he had to work abroad… after less than a year… BOOM he’s already gone cheating. I don’t know if it’s because absence makes the heart grow fonder…or simply because the wife is too far away from him. I don’t understand it as well; I’m a single mom and I’m glad I am. I know someday I’ll probably want to be with someone but I'm really hoping not to. I heard once from my friends’ sister that men are bigamous by nature, I don’t know if that’s true at all. But I sincerely wish that men would THINK Hard Before asking someone to marry them, for some people marriage is a very big deal I just hope that those bigamous men would respect that.
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
3 Aug 11
You're a single mom? You're such a brave woman to face parenthood all by yourself. Yeah.. That's what keeps on running through my mind. If the husband will be far away from his wife, is it really normal if they will have an affair with another woman? That is so painful on the wife's part. If I get married and this will happen to me, I can't think of anything what to feel and what to do. :( I just really hope, it won't happen to me. Good luck brave mom!:)
• Philippines
14 Jul 11
Mistresses or having a mistress is a sensitive issue to tackle. But you have a good observation there when you said you're friend is enjoying her situation. why? on a general point of view, i don't agree with having someone on the side or someone at bay. i am also not yet married, so i don't think i can fully understand the issue. but engaging in another affair while married sounds very off to me. marriage is sacred. there must be a reason why your friend seems to be enjoying this. there must be something in their relationship that makes her content or happy, no matter how off the situation is. we can never really judge. -kat
1 person likes this
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
3 Aug 11
Anyone could really say that she enjoys being the mistress because if she don't, she won't see that man again.. She has her own reasons, I know, but as her friend, I wanted her to leave that man behind and be serious with her future. :)
@angie20 (191)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
Males are born to be polygamy. There is no wonder why the norms whole-heartily accept situations of husband having mistresses. If you will asks a guy, he'll just tell that it's their nature and they can't help it. But, when a guy falls in love he becomes faithful to the point that he will do everything just to please his love. The reason behind hubbies cheat their wife is that they don't truly and sincerely love their partner. It's simple: If you deeply and genuinely love someone; you don't want to hurt his/her feelings.
1 person likes this
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
12 Jul 11
Hello, Angie! :) I definitely agree with you. If you genuinely love someone, you won't do a thing that can hurt his/her feelings. But I think, it's not for reality. We always experience pain and it's inevitable that we may hurt the person we love even if we did not intent to hurt them. :(
@rawar31 (112)
• Saint Vincent And The Grenadines
2 Aug 11
He can cheat because his weakness is flesh and he doesnt understand the real meanin of love, and because he thinks he'll not get caught.
@savypat (20248)
• United States
11 Jul 11
There as many excuses as there are men who need them. I have no forgivness for this, Marriage is a contract between two people, it's legal and both people rely on the other to keep their word. If one finds the contract no longer works for him then he needs to void it. Divorce. To lie and go behind a person's back does nothing but break the trust between both people. A woman sho would contribute to the breaking of this trust and has very little self worth, she is selling herself at the expense of another woman's sorrow.
1 person likes this
• India
11 Jul 11
Well its probably lie what your friend is telling and also the guy is cheating to his wife, if he ever loved his wife he would certainly not fall into situations like these, also i don't know about your friends behavior, but its not possible to keep two legs on two stones you have to one either one, Your friend and the married guy may having a lot of fun but this won't last long somewhere and something a one duration point of time, they will realize their mistake. It is better to take precautions they to be cured. After all we have been hearing this famous phrase precaution is better than cure, So just try to make realize your friend about it, iam sure through polite behavior and some understanding words she will understand.
1 person likes this
@nurseclare (2210)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
I'm confused too and I just hate girls who got involved with married man, so disgusting.i hope i'll never bumped into situation. I hope soooo
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
11 Jul 11
You're right.. It's disgusting and it's immoral. I'm really confused why she got hooked up with that married guy. Mind you. Their forbidden relationship is over a year now.