Is there room for fighting in love?
@lilbabycatapillar (497)
United States
July 14, 2011 12:33am CST
I don't have a lot of experience in romantic relationships. In fact, I am currently in my first ever, (and last! Till I die!) relationship that matters at all.
I have to confess. I could never figure out what couples fight about. Most of them do it. But what is there to fight about?
I've never fought with this guy. I've known him for around 7 months.
Sometimes he'll be texting me, and I'll get a little busy or not notice my phone, so I'll take a while to reply back. So he might get a little paranoid that he said something that offended me, and think I'm ignoring him, and try to apologize.
But I think that's silly, ignoring a guy just because he said something that went too far. How about just telling him, so he can apologize?
Dr Phil once said that most divorces happen because of money.
I can imagine living in a small apartment with him, my couch is a blanket on the floor, our bed is a piece of newspaper on the floor, my kitchen is a mini fridge with an apple and a slice of cheese inside, and my stove is a hot plate, just in that little world, I'd feel like the richest woman alive.
Am I stupid just because I'm 17? Am I doing something wrong because I would be ashamed of myself if I were to yell at him for leaving the toilet seat up? Is it wrong that I'd be ashamed to move across the country for someone I love so much, just to fight with them?
After this, if anything ever happens to us, I don't think I could ever settle for a relationship where I would fight with someone. And that would be pretty awful, too, since most people do argue, and it's normal, and healthy, I know, but I don't want it.
2 people like this
14 responses
@redmaryjane (891)
• United States
14 Jul 11
17 is too young to be in a relationship. I always say that before you get into a relationship, you have to know yourself first. This is because relationships require one person to be giving a lot of themselves to another person. How can you possibly do this if know who you are less than than you think what you want?
Having said that, the next thing I'll say is that fighting is different from arguing. Fighting has a certain level of destruction, and there will be offenses made against or towards each other.
Arguing on the other hand is an actual conversation. For example, my boyfriend and I used to argue a lot about our favorites on American Idol. I happened to like a contestant that he really hated. We defended our favorites but we didn't offend each other in defending our preference.
It's obvious that you fought with your boyfriend over something. He hurt you and you were definitely hurt. If you argued with him, you'd be demanding why he said what he said to you. If you fought, you'd be insulting him the same way he insulted you.
No relationship is perfect. There will always be snags and potholes along the way.
@lilbabycatapillar (497)
• United States
14 Jul 11
"17 is too young to be in a relationship" .............. I can't even dignify that with a response.
"It's obvious that you fought with your boyfriend over something." No, we've never fought, ever.
We've disagreed on if a band is good, and argued playfully, but to this day I've never been mad at him before. He's never insulted me!
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
14 Jul 11
I don't buy into that whole "too young to be in a relationship" thing that so many people say. I went through all 4 years of high school without a boyfriend and my senior year I met my dream guy and we've been together for a little over a year now. We were both 17 when we met and a few months into the relationship we both knew it would be our last. He's my first and last boyfriend and we were 17 when we met.
I had waited long enough to find a guy and when I met him I just knew there was something good about him and he was completely different from all the other guys I've known. Yes, it may seem a little young to be saying that this is the guy I'll be with forever but I honestly believe it will happen. I have a smart enough head on my shoulders to know what I like and what is best for me and my boyfriend is it.
Just because you see a few failed relationships between young kids doesn't mean all of them end that way. Afterall, a lot of times the young relationships often can be the ones that truly last. My grandparents met when they were really young and I know a bunch of people that have met their life partner at a young age.
Regardless of age, I don't think you can be too young or too old to find the one you love and have a relationship with them.
@alottodo (3056)
• Australia
14 Jul 11
I would not like to be an all knowing person...of course we cant never be!...but at 17![ and knowing this person for just 7 month?]I don't doubt you are in love! but just try to live on a blanket on the floor...a news paper for a bed,and just an apple in your fridge[if you are lucky to have one] just ask your self...is this really what you want? you are not stupid because you are 17...but I tell you...you will be screaming at him after a few month because he left the toilet seat up!
@lilbabycatapillar (497)
• United States
14 Jul 11
Ohh, I really hope he doesn't leave that toilet seat up, and I hope he remembers to clean the toilet and use the air freshener, but he tells me he promises to try really hard! Keeping the bathroom clean is a sign of respect, I think. I'm hoping the worst thing I would have to do is not scream, but maybe not put out for a few nights until he learns his lesson!
@bird123 (10632)
• United States
15 Jul 11
Life is about learning and growing as people. Who better to help you learn and grow than your true love who will stick by you regardless. With learning and growing comes growing pains and drama. I have always said this. If you never ever fight with your love, you probably don't have true love. One thing to remember, true love is a Spiritual thing. It is going to be glorious even through the roughest of times.
@besthope44 (12123)
• India
21 Jul 11
Hi, Thats nice to hear you have never fought. But fight naturally a part of love which makes love more interesting. For 1 year, i never foughted with my lover. But after that we fight, argue for small things. Fighting is good, provided if it not taken seriously into heart. I would say our fights helped us to have better love and more understanding!
@meenalkadian (348)
• India
15 Jul 11
It's not true that there is a room for fighting in love. First thing one fights with only those who knows to him because if you don't know somebody how could you fight with him. In love you start depends on each other take the things granted from each other and when some how these expectations don't fulfill then the fight begins. Small fight are always based on small small issues which ends immediately. So, Don't bother about these things and enjoy life with your love.
@dlpierce (495)
• United States
14 Jul 11
It's your first love. Love can be so blind sometimes, it causes all kinds of emotions in us that are not always logical. It's good to avoid conflicts with those that mean so much to us, but one also needs to express themselves from time to time just to let the other know what is really important to them. I married young, started a family at 18 and the only real regrets that I have is that I never saw reality enough to know that I needed a good education in order to get a good paying job to help my husband with the living expenses. He has always worked in a sawmill. I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom. That was a fantasy for us. The real world knocked at our door and I was forced to take a low paying factory job to make ends meet. Money does make the world go round and living paycheck to paycheck can cause all kinds of distress. We've been married 37 years and get along fine now that we are no longer living paycheck to paycheck. I hope you have a great life with no serious conflicts with your mate. But please don't settle for the poor house if you can avoid it.
@lilbabycatapillar (497)
• United States
14 Jul 11
Oh, I'm sure it was a lot different back then in terms of women getting jobs and a career, because now I just don't think it would be acceptable for me to not work, at least until having children, which won't be for a good, long time. But congratulations on having made through a long, happy marriage, and thank you!
@earthsong (589)
• United States
14 Jul 11
I am not being an overbearing adult, but you will learn so much more about yourself and relationships the older you get. With that being said, it is normal to argue in a relationship. And if yours is a long distance relationship it can be hard because there is a level of relationship you haven't been able to reach. I'm not just talking about the intimate part, but I do mean physical, hugging, kissing, body language and being able to touch. Those things usually reassure a person of your feelings. Dr. Phil also said its not healthy to have a bland relationship where the couples always agree (or maybe that was a yahoo article?). As long as it isn't physically or mentally abusive a little fight now and then can be a good thing.
@LittleMel (8742)
• Canada
14 Jul 11
when I was younger I did place a higher value on money
higher, because really money is just to pay bills, now and the future
but I don't think of it that way anymore
fights can happen for many reasons
personally to me it's a meeting of mind
done correctly, a fight can actually deepen understanding and the bond
not done correctly, it will break it
sounds like you get a sensitive caring guy there
hope the best for you both
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
14 Jul 11
Hi lily, I won't make a comment about your age, I remember well being made to feel too young for anything..But, you do have so many years left, and the last thing you want to do is rush into anything.
Now you say you and your b/f never fight and that he texts you? I can't remember exactly, but is he local? Do you ever go out on dates? How much time do you spend together? (not electronically, but in person?)
And though you can imagine being that poor and still be happy, problem is, that is not reality. I can imagine how romantic and nice it would be to be stranded on a desert island. But if I think hard enough, reality would set in and it wouldn't be a bed of roses and I would get irritated after a while of no rescue...
And what about your b/f? Maybe he would get upset if he didn't have a real couch or bed. What as you get older, sleeping on the floor hurts either his or your back? Back pain can cause the mildest of people to turn ugly, I know..
I don't want to make your dreams seem unrealistic, I can relate, I use some of my own imagination in my story writing.. But in my story's, I know that if anything similar happened to me, I'd go crazy...
I know your goal is to get away from home. But remember what I had said, even though your b/f and his family would take you in, personally I think it would be better if you can be independent first. That way just in case something went wrong, you won't be stuck in the middle of no where...
@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
14 Jul 11
Fighting is ridiculous but happens if two people are passionate about something but disagree on the solution. You can discuss problems and no fight but you have to be honest enough to bring it up before it becomes upsetting to both parties. There is usually ego and pride involved in fights.
I remember feeling like you do and it was wonderful. I hope this is your life's love and it turns out happily.
@GemmaR (8517)
•
14 Jul 11
I think that there is certainly room for fighting in a relationship. In fact, most relationships that last for a long time had fights in them. The important thing is that you resolve all of your fights. If you carry on fighting over the same things again and again, without sorting out your differences, then that's where you're going to fall down as a couple. Never go to bed on an argument. Stay up until you have resolved the issue, as this means that you won't have the night to make things worse in your own heads.
@EdnaReyes (2622)
• Philippines
14 Jul 11
You are only seventeen and still has a lot to learn. Fighting do happens in relationship no matter how hard one try to avoid it. Remember, relationship is shared by two different person, two different personality and who have different point of views. There will be always rooms for fighting but the good thing about it is that after the fight, after all the shouting and bursting of emotion, peace will come between you. And then sweet things happens over and over again. This is what love is all about...sharing real things between two persons and not living in color-filled fantasy world! You don;t create a world of your own, you share life with the one you love and that what LOVE is all about!
@RBBantiles (347)
• Philippines
15 Jul 11
Quarrels, yes, there's room. A loving relationship, no matter how you love the other person and vice-versa, is an ongoing mutual "project." You and the other have to endeavor to discover the other person, to endeavor to love him/her, everyday. It is not at all times that you can presume his/her response to certain choices and situations, and this can be the cause of mis-understandings and quarrels. But this also makes the relationship interesting.
But fighting? I don't know. I think it's unhealthy in a loving relationship. It's like assuming the position of taking "a tooth for a tooth, an eye for an eye." It will make me uneasy about the supposed object of love.
@bouncybug (614)
• South Africa
14 Jul 11
Its great that you have a relationship with a guy in which you guys don't fight at all. But I think that if you stay with this person for a long time you will find that some kind of fighting is inevitable - you can't be with ANYONE for a long length of time (I'm talking years here!) and agree with each other about absolutely everything. You are bound to have some arguments at some stage! I actually think that it is only once things start getting a little hard that you can tell if you are really in love with someone - its easy to love anyone at all when things are going well but if you still love each other despite having some disagreements and arguments then you know that this is for real, because that is a far harder thing to do.
