Am I Being Too Picky?

@miessy24 (235)
Philippines
July 19, 2011 10:16pm CST
When I got a crush on a guy, I tend to observe his ways and sometimes I just like the whole being and ignored the flaws. With all the funny bones I felt with the sweet moments of exchanging text messages, calls and teases from friends, I somehow wish it would be true. However, with careful behavior not to be noticed and being passive with all these things, I think guys mistakenly judge me for being snob, unavailable, or too reserve. And they were like too shy to start the move. And when these guys tend to court me when they finally learned that I am still single and easy to be with, I discovered to myself that I am starting to dislike the flaws I once observed from them. I thought it would be for the first guy who courted me, when I said to myself "maybe he's not yet the guy for me". But then on the second and more, I still do the same way. Do you think this is normal? Am I being too picky?
4 people like this
12 responses
@laydee (12815)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
I think it's not about being too picky. It's more about you taking risks. I think you're feeling that you're too young to worry about relationships as of the moment. You remind me of my co-worker who was the same with you when she was younger. She'd always find these flaws and act as if she doesn't really care and would seem to be a snob. Now that she's older and have seen those who have courted her settling down with other people and having families, she panicked and now is with someone who's not really for her (according to how we see it) because she's with a guy who's married and with a kid. I think she just settled eventually with the scraps of love she could find because she was afraid of being alone. I have asked her about such, and she always tells me that she regrets not giving those guys a try because she realized that they weren't bad at all. Remember that nobody is perfect and you have got to try having a relationship else you'd regret like how she did. Have a great MyLot experience today!
@miessy24 (235)
• Philippines
21 Jul 11
you know that's the situation i am scared of in the future. you know falling in love with the wrong person... People say I must take the risk or else I will either end up dying lonely or be with the wrong man. But I think it depends upon the person and faith in God. Why would I settle for anyone less? I have faith that God is preparing me for the right person at the right time. But, sometimes, I can't help but being impatient. thanks. May you also have a great MyLot experience. I am enjoying here truly.
1 person likes this
@miessy24 (235)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Thanks for the story laydee. (^_^) I really appreciate your persuasion for me to try the love that I have been looking for. you know, I am almost in love with my suitors. the other guy before, I asked him to spare some time to think well before I can decide, I liked him though, but then he just slipped away and he didn't wait for me. This latest suitor,but not anymore, I was about to answer him when he confessed that he had an affair with someone else. who of any girl in the right mind would be willing with that set-up then? I was really hurt because I thought he is the one for me and I am the only one for him. I guess, it's not yet time for me to be in a relationship yet. These guys lack patience and endurance to pursue me. so sad but true...
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
Well really, I'm not into courtships. I do feel courtships are just a waste of time since the guys tend to be not their natural self when courting a girl. I do feel that they should try to be friends first so that the girls and the guys can see the flaws that they may encounter on each other. Well, I think you are being too picky also. Well there is nothing wrong with being picky but if you overdo it you won't be able to choose someone. Everybody has a flaw so we must live with that. The only question is if you can live by with that kinf of flaw. Yes, attractions can really mislead you into thinking that somebody is already perfect for you. One should always try to get to know the other one fully first and you can do that by being friends first. I think your situation is normal. Don't worry, you'll find that one which will be a right choice for you. I just advise you to not think of the flaws of those guys who are courting you but always take into consideration if he majes you happy or not. Don't focus on the negatives that they have but on the positives that they can do to you.
@miessy24 (235)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
thanks AgentGulaman, but I am not in search for a guy right now, or maybe I am trying no to..hehe...I agree with you that I have to get to know the person first without any pressure in which the guy would try to impress me or something.But i disagree that courtship is a total waste of time. It still matters for a girl you know. (^_^)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
So, courtship does matter for girls. My style is to hang out as friends every now and then and try to get to know her well. It's like getting close to her without giving gifts and anything like that. I just let the natural way of getting closer to her and then the relationship naturally follows. Really, I don't know the line that says you are courting her already. For you girls, when does you know that the guy is already courting you? When he say it straightforward or what?
@miessy24 (235)
• Philippines
21 Jul 11
Yes, it does matter for us girls that a guy would also show his expression of affection to us like flowers,gifts,etc. Although, you are doing the right thing in which you befriend first the girl and get to know her at the same time. Friendship is a good foundation for a blossoming relationship. But, but, but, it would still be proper and decent to court her formally. You may utter the word on her that you want to court her or level up your friendship. For me, if the guy asked me for a date, and gives me gifts, even without the word, it is still courtship. However, a girl cannot say the real intention of the guy. So, might as well express it than keep on guessing. Good luck on your girl hunting...hahaha..kidding AgentGulaman. :p
@ravend (661)
• Malta
20 Jul 11
I have the same problem. I think with me it is more a case of being afraid of relationships. :)
@miessy24 (235)
• Philippines
21 Jul 11
Yes, I agree. We heard about bad relationships from friends and we somehow scared for experiencing these things in the future.
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
That normally happened to me when I was still single. I'd look at those suitors and observe who will be the potential "Mr. Right" for me. I can't help but look at their flaws because I didn't want to get hurt when we're officially together already. But now that I have already found my "Mr. Right", I try not to look at his flaws. Although my being "picky-ness" comes in sometimes. :p
@miessy24 (235)
• Philippines
21 Jul 11
It's great to know that you relate with me. May I ask how did you get over with your "picky-ness" for finding your Mr. right?
@jaiho2009 (39079)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
You are not picky,you are not in love. When we are in love,we never think or look at his flaws. Love make us blind (as they say) we never care about the world and everyone around,but we all have eyes and attention to that someone we love. So,i am sure you are not in love yet that's the reason why you changed your feelings the moment they courted you.
@miessy24 (235)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
You think so Jaiho? Is this base on your own experience?
@angie20 (191)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
It's better to be picky than to suffer from a bad relationship caused by a fast judgement. You're not picky, if you do not feel to be with a guy, don't force yourself for you'll be the one who will suffer. Just be sure that you're not over selecting, to be sure you'll not end up alone. There are some flaws that are still tolerable and acceptable. It is in your hands that you'll know whether the guy is the one you have been waiting for. I think it is better to befriend a guy first to know him better than undergo courtships. It is because, courtship is a stage wherein guys can amaze you with his only good things hiding the bad ones. Continue searching for you may find your Mr.Right^_^
@miessy24 (235)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
thanks angie, i observe that most girls agree on my side and guys are not.hehehe. I will consider what you said that it is up to me if I can tolerate the flaws and if the guy is the one i have been waiting for...
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
Hi, there! I think if you continue to be like that, you'll going to have a long time to get a boyfriend. Hehehe.. If you're planning to be in a relationship, you must be ready to accept the negative attributes of the person. Not only the positive ones. No one is perfect. There must be a good and bad side of a person. That makes us human. Even you, yourself right? You also have an unlovable attitude. So, I think, you should learn to weigh things up and try to accept who and what makes a person is. :) Good luck with your partner searching! I hope you'll find one.
@miessy24 (235)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
Thanks jdex. I know, i know that we are not perfect and I too. I am not searching...it's just that I am wondering for myself because I think I cannot like anybody or maybe they are not enough.
@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
What you feel is just normal. I don't think you are being too picky. You get attracted with guys but you haven't fallen in love yet. I am glad to named it crush... I know when you fall in love, and find that man to fall in love, it will be worth all the wait. Just enjoy being single, don't look for love, love will find its way to you.
• India
20 Jul 11
I don't think so. Perhaps your expectation may be a little higher than average. So be it. Ultimately you can be happy with only that person whom you like. Evaluation is better than rushing.
@wiguen (551)
• United States
20 Jul 11
notice that miessy you not too picky you just attracted to man that does not realize you into them, its just a game some people are like that they just want to enjoy the teasing. but at the end one of those tease game going to come true and that's where it can really hurts you regarding that the other person could not go alone with that. but its life and there is only one to live so enjoy what you like.
@thetis74 (1525)
20 Jul 11
I don't think you are being picky. It is just the way that you are and at least you know what you really want for yourself. Just make sure that you are being fair with the other person that your setting your limits is agreeable and not too much. But we all do know what is good or bad. And if you think that the flaws will do you hurt in the future, the it is just right to turn away.
• Philippines
20 Jul 11
Love is magical. I hope someday you will really feel how it is loving and wanting someone and just feel the fireworks around while butterflies dance inside your stomach.You may not even have to really know this person so much and you're just puzzled why you feel that way.Worst is when you're are not discouraged at all knowing more this person and discovering his many flaws. That's how magical love is.When there is no reason or logic, only feelings. (^_^)