She's being very careless

Canada
July 25, 2011 1:54pm CST
My sister broke up with her 15 year old boyfriend about 2 yrs ago. She spent the first year trying to adjust to the situation as she now had to live on her own and pay for her house and buy a new car, etc. After the first year, she joined a dating site. I told her to be careful and to always meet the men in a public place, have her cell with her and tell someone where she would be. She did the first few times but now she's being very careless and wont tell anyone where she's going or who she's meeting. Two weeks ago, she met a man she had only talked to once. Ok they met in a public place but she said she didnt even know his last name . She barely knew him, yet she got in his car so they could go to a restaurant in another town!!!! Then, this Saturday was her second "date" with this man. They were going to the movies but she wouldnt tell me WHERE. I wanted to ask her to call me when she got home but before I could say anything, she said "oh and I wont call you when I get home, and thats that". I think she's wrong in doing so and although Im worried about her, I cant force her to tell me what she does. What would you do in my situation? Do you think she's playing safe? Am I the one worrying for nothing?
1 person likes this
7 responses
@stanley777 (7173)
• Philippines
26 Jul 11
Since she's still a teenager I think she may need some guidance.As you have said she had just broke up with her boyfriend 2 years ago and have joined some dating site.I guess she's being serious right now to have a relationship again and a dating site is not the proper venue to look for one. I think some background of their members can be fictitious too so you really can not be sure. The best she could do is to meet guys who had been referred by her friends or by others known to her.Just talk to her and explain the possibilities of meeting someone who is still new to her.Thanks for sharing my friend.
• Canada
26 Jul 11
She is not a teenager, she is 48 yrs old!!!! Ive tried explaining the danger of using dating sites but Im afraid she doesnt listen to me. I wish she could find someone through people she already knows. Time will tell I guess. Thanks for sharing!!
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Sorry, my friend I thought she was. Since you said her former boyfriend was 15 yrs old, so the more you need to advise her because at her age I guess she can really fell in love easily. I hope she listen's to you, and I know as her sister your are just concern and you want her to do the right thing.
1 person likes this
• Canada
27 Jul 11
Ooops, my bad there, I meant to say that they had been together for 15 years and you're right, it does come out as if her boyfriend was 15 yrs old I do care about her and I'll try to get my brothers to talk some sense into her. Thanks and sorry again for the misunderstanding, it was MY mistake!!
@besthope44 (12146)
• India
26 Jul 11
Hi MagicalBubbles, I can understand the fear of you. And itseems your sister likes to be independent in her way. When she is free on weekends, take her out spend some time towards her and slowly explain her. And finally leave it to her decision. Experience is a good teacher and she will correct herself as she get going.
1 person likes this
• Canada
26 Jul 11
Hello Besthope, I guess its the only thing I can do for now. Let her know that I do worry and then let her do her own thing. You're right, we do learn from our own experience, not the experience of others!! Thanks for sharing!!
• United States
26 Jul 11
No you are not being hard on her and she should realize that you love her and want her to be safe. I would continue to grill her and say to her that you are very concerned with what she is doing. It is not safe to be going out with absolute strangers. I am sure she feels she is grown and knows what she is doing but really she has no idea who she is meeting. Remind her that you are only doing so out of love and concern, and say to her that if it were you in her shoes you would certainly appreciate someone caring enough to watch over you. She does not have to give you details of all of her outings but really at least the place where she will be at. Do remind her that this is a very sick world today and all you are doing is watching out for her safety.
• Canada
26 Jul 11
I have tried to tell her all that. When I told her that she would do the same for me, she said that she wouldnt, that Im old enough to know what Im doing . Sometimes, there is NO way to talk to her. Im not wanting to tell dad because I dont want him to worry also. I might try to get my brothers to talk to her, that might do it! Thanks for replying!
@moneywinner (1866)
• Brazil
25 Jul 11
Of course, you are not worrying for nothing. I mean, this days there are all kind people on the internet, so, we never know with who actually we are talking to. Ok, she maybe had no problems on her firsts online dating, but we never know when the guy that we think that is a prince will become a monster. The bad things is that I don't think that is much that you can do. Your sistes have age enough to take care of herself and assume her responsabilities, so, she's going to do what she wants no matter what the other people say. I think that the best you can do is always alert her about the dangers that she can go through, show her some cases of girls that were fooled by "online" princes. That's not going to be difficult to find, since, almost everyday have a new case. If she doesn't care about that, try to be the closest you can to her. You need to her trust on you, so, she will tell you everything that happens with this new guy, so, if she does not realize any possible danger, you will.
1 person likes this
• Canada
25 Jul 11
I know what you mean, nearly everyday we hear of women being killed or attacked by those would-be prince!! I call her often during the week and I will call her tonight to find out how the date went. She knows I worry a lot and sometimes I think she's doing it on purpose to keep me worried and stressed out. I do tell her every time I hear about something happening and she says that I need to stop watching the news !!! I think she needs to watch more news! Thanks for sharing and I'll stay in touch with her and try to find out what this new man is like......you're also right, she's old enough to do as she pleases!!
• United States
25 Jul 11
Your doing the right ting. If it were my sister I would be in that car. LOL it is so true I am a basket of nerves. I would simply tell her the world is not the safe place she would like it to be and someone needs to know where she is going to be. Once she gets to know this person she is free to date as she feels. Right now she does not know what she is doing to herself.
1 person likes this
• Canada
25 Jul 11
You're right, she has NO idea what the world is like out there I think. She should know as she's not a kid anymore. At 48 yrs old, she should know better but she prouds herself saying she's a good judge of character and she also keeps saying that I watch too much tv, too much news......she should start watching a bit more I keep telling her and she'll know that even here we do have predators on the internet. One was arrested a while back for killing a woman. She says he's in prison now so its alright!!! How stupid can that be! Thanks for sharing and Im sorry you're such a bundle of nerves....Im the same, not easy at times!
@cher913 (25895)
• Canada
25 Jul 11
she must be a teenager! i find my teenaged daughter and other girls that she hangs out with dont see the big picture. they only see now not what COULD happen.
1 person likes this
• Canada
25 Jul 11
She sure is acting like one but she's not anymore, she's 48 yrs old!!!!! I told her she was not acting her age but she then told me that she was a very good judge of character and can tell if a man is dangerous or not......I told her she should write a book because she was the only one who could be sure about WHO and WHAT a person is like, so she needs to teach everybody else!! She sure sounds very immature doesnt she!! Thanks for replying!
• South Korea
25 Jul 11
I think thats hard... shes being so hard headed but maybe if you will maybe tell her in a nice way..that dont forgot whats happening around you due to cyber crime... maybe shell think about it again..
1 person likes this
• Canada
25 Jul 11
Im always being careful how I talk to her as Im not wanting to alienate her. Ive been telling her about this guy here who killed a woman and how it would be best if she would tell me or my 2 brothers where she will be. Doesnt have to be me, but still she wont. Thanks for sharing!