Do you worry you're child will grow up to hate you?

@SomeCowgirl (32270)
United States
July 26, 2011 6:44pm CST
I don't have kids yet, but I think I'd worry about this. I have family that I don't agree with or trust very much, but I still love them. However, My grandmother is nosey, she means well but goes about it totally wrong. I've told her not to even ask me anything too nosey because most likely I'll lie to her about it. She jokes about it, but I bet it stings her. I don't want to raise kids and have them hate me forever. I'd rather them not talk to me a lot, but still love me. I know some people have familial situations where they don't talk to one or both parents. Do you have family like that? Do you worry your kids will grow up to hate you?
2 people like this
17 responses
• United States
30 Jul 11
I don't have children yet, but, I'm definitely not worried about any future child(ren) hating me. Why would they? I will be a good mother--loving, caring, understanding, and supportive. I will provide them with a good education (by homeschooling them, which their father and I are more than adequately prepared to do), give them opportunities to pursue things that they love, provide some structure without being stiflingly strict, provide them with a spiritual background (without forcing them to believe exactly as I do; I'm really not fond of the "my way or the highway" approach that some parents take when it comes to religion), and be an advocate for them (especially important, since one or more may start out as a foster child, which means that (s)he would have to be within the public school system). Whatever child/children we have, I will try to make sure that it is clear that they were wanted... that we chose them to be part of our family, and that they are very much loved. Since we will likely foster-to-adopt or adopt directly, our family will be chosen, planned. If I happen to have a biological child, that child will be immersed in love and, hopefully, peace even in utero; yes, I am the sort to play classical music for my fetus. My familial role model is the Murry family in Madeleine L'Engle's books. That is how a family should be. Yes, it is fiction, but it is a worthy goal for which to strive.
@bounce58 (17526)
• Canada
30 Jul 11
Every time my kids get to me, and I say something unnecessary out of frustration, I always feel guilty afterwards because I have a fear that they might grow to hate me. It's a thin line between discipline and making sure they will still like me when they grow up. It is worrysome, but I can't really do anything about it. I just do the best I can.
@Lakota12 (42684)
• United States
28 Jul 11
Never even gave ti a thought!. DOnt think an of mine hate me just one wont keep in touch with me or his brother
• India
27 Jul 11
No I don't think so becz ultimately child is taking care by parents self.if we are going to nurishing well and good teaching in growing stage then it would be rather good wishes in terms of return goodwill earn to get partents in future. So, child always following by partents self. myself are trying to get good teaching and morale in nature seeing to my child and hopes all have been enriching the same path.
• Vietnam
27 Jul 11
I have a family with my mom, my father, and my brother. In other people's opinions, we are a happy family. But I think I have the most wonderful mom in the world and a horrible father. He is very rude to us. Sometimes I look at me in the mirror and I see him in me. That's unavoidable, I am his daughter anyway. I worry my kids will hate me like I hate my father. I told my mom about this and asked her how I could make my kids love me like she did. She said: "Just don't try to kill them when they haven't been borned yet like your father did :)" My mom didn't brought me up, and the first time we met, she cried a lot because I didn't want to hug her that time. But after 15 years, I love her more than anything in this world. She believe that our kids will treat us the same way we treat them, and I think she's right.
@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
I dont have kids yet too, but I am not afraid that they will grow hating me. Im sure they wont. It depends on what kind of upbringing they will have. I know I will love my kids and make them grow up God fearing children. I am sure with this, because I love my parents so much and I have by heart how they took care of me and taught me about life. Then by the time I have kids, its my time to pass on that lesson and have kids who love and knows how to respect their elders.
@SIMPLYD (79610)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Why do you have to worry about something that is not even yet in process. If for yourself you are sure that you have guided and raised a child well, then you shouldn't worry that she/he will grow up hating you. Just raise your child well and show your love for her openly but not spoil her, and you will surely be loved by your child as she grows up.
27 Jul 11
I am a mother of a 12 yrs old boy, and being a mama is hard, the biggest responsibility ever, as a mama I'm responsible for molding his attitude, its my duty to teach him everything he needs to know, and I never remember a time that he raise his voice at me or disrespect me,and I'm hoping he wont do that to me in the near future... perhaps its only a matter of good communication and understanding.
@toniganzon (49889)
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
This has never come across my mind at all. In my family the only relatives that i don't talk much and don't have any respect at all are SOMEof my father's siblings and his mother, who blessed her soul passed away about 5 years ago. They never treated us well and was ashamed that we are a relative of theirs. They never showed us love nor care. They hated my mother and in fact tried to destroy my parents' marriage. However, i'm never worried that my child or my nephews and nieces would ever hate me. I'm a very loving person to children. Children like me all the time and i give them equal love and affection. Sometimes i would scold my son but he would still give me a hug after that and would apologize. I couldn't imagine what things would make my son loathe me.
@stephcjh (32328)
• United States
27 Jul 11
I always worried about that and it did happen. I at least feel that way. My daughter moved out one month after she graduated and married someone she only knew for one month. He has abused her, threatened our lives, left her homeless several times and we took her in and she went right back every time. She does not speak to us anymore and she is due with our first grandchild in September. I think she does hate us because she never gives us any love or respect since the day she was born!
@ElicBxn (60883)
• United States
27 Jul 11
I loved both my parents, and so did my siblings. I have known children who didn't like their parents much, and often for good reasons. I never had to worry about my "children" not loving me, because my "children" do love me, but then again, they walk on 4 feet and have fur
@thetis74 (1525)
27 Jul 11
I am sorry to hear that. No, I don't have family like that, but I would definitely don't want my children to hate me because my children are my life and I will always try doing my best to keep them as happy as the should with my care and not do anything for them to possibly hate me.
@deebomb (15323)
• United States
27 Jul 11
I raised 4 kids and as much as I loved them there were time when I didn't like them and I know there were times they didn't like me especially the girls. When we didn't agree about chores or when they wanted to go some place they were not allowed to go. It's part of being the parent of a teenage girl. Both my girls got over the hate and we are close now. There were many times they told me they hated me but I didn't believe it was a permanent hate as they usually got over it the next day or two.
@myfb2009 (8304)
• Malaysia
27 Jul 11
I think i won't be worry up to that extent since my parents had been very attached with all of us. So, whenever we are troubled by anything, we will go seek advise from both our parents. They had been used to it, since both my parents are very understanding and always communicate with us. Although now they are living faraway from me, they still communicate with me through YM or even Facebook. I ever seen some of my friends who don't talk much with their parents and still able to stay together fine and healthy. Hope that one day your grandmother will realized that her nosey attitude not really being liked by you. So, she can changed for the better self.
@leasmom (102)
• Austria
27 Jul 11
I could give you the opposite example. Despite the usual teenage quarrels I am very close with my family. Regarding my own daughter, no I don't fear what you ask. Simply because it is a question of mutual behaviour. If you put in the effort into building and strengthening the relationship, don't prove to be impossible in dealing with other people and build the whole thing on mutual respect you won't have too much to fear.
• Philippines
27 Jul 11
Very much that's why I am trying my best to be a good mom and be a reasonable mom at all times. I know it is hard to do because kids now are very smart. You should learn to love them, friend them and be a disciplinarian at the same time.
@asyria51 (2870)
• United States
27 Jul 11
I grew up in a strong family with monthly if not weekly extended family dinners and parties. I never went through a stage when i did not speak with my close family. I hope that my child grows up still wanting to be in contact with me. There is a family friend of my mom's who has not seen 2 of her grandchildren because her child refuses to speak to her even years after a big argument. It is sad.