How unaware we are of the effect our childhood has

@savypat (20246)
United States
July 28, 2011 9:51am CST
What brought this to my mind was watching a video on how the things that went on in our family effected my attitude toward many things in my life. Money was the subject in this video and I was asked to return to the first event in my childhood that involved money and to remember the feelings connected with it. I did that and it was a real eye opener. I have always had a great deal of fear of being without money and I never realized where this came from. Now I know. But what really made me stop and think was what I had unknowingly done to my children and what we all do to our children without knowing. I wish I could have a do over on that but all I can do is make others aware of how much emotional reactions of parents affects their children. Blessings
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7 responses
@zandi458 (27952)
• Malaysia
28 Jul 11
I've noticed the same happenings with my children. Being a novice in parenting I was not aware that kids brains are like sponges absorbing everything from their parents behavior in the house. I used to argue a lot with my husband then in the presence of my children when they were still kids. That affected them a lot in their social behavior now in their adulthood. Their facial expressions doesn't portray a happy outlook and are more on the reserved side. Unlike children who grew up in a happy and jovial atmosphere, they are more friendly and happy go lucky. Realizing it now I am so sad to have wrongly molded my children's characters that had made them look more like social outcasts. I pray that they will change with time in the company of more liberal minded crowds that they meet in the bigger world out there.
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@savypat (20246)
• United States
29 Jul 11
If you can be open with them and discuss where these attitudes come from maybe you can awaken their awareness and help them through this, there is no reason why they have to repeat their parents mistakes. Let them make their own, we as parents all make mistakes.
@GardenGerty (102516)
• United States
28 Jul 11
Two areas where I am aware of this are with money and with food. I am not as compulsive about having money as my younger sister was, but I have been very afraid in the past, even when I did not have to be. My kids are not, so I think some of the ways I coped and managed, and what I said helped them. My daughter is very frugal, but is not one that feels deprived, she feels that it helps her do what she wants to do. I know that I made a point, with my kids, not to say "We cannot afford it", but rather I always said, "We are choosing to pay our bills first, before we do that. Here is how we can save for it." I do not think they really feel impoverished. On the other hand, I do not think I have healed the food issue yet. We did with out a bit on food when I was growing up, or we had very slim rations. Because of that, I tend to keep extra stuff on hand, for lean times.(not a bad thing) but I also tend to want to eat lots of cheap filler foods, like bread and gravy, and I just love food too much. I also was bored with what we had at home, so I tend to explore food a lot.
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
yup it's true that who we are is the effect of our childhood and upbringing.. there are lots of psychological theories about our personality in connection with stages of our childhood.
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@katie0 (5212)
• Japan
29 Jul 11
I think the effects are too many, like it really make our way of seeing, believing and living our lives. Sometimes for the rest of our lives we life as our parents told us to.
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@ebuscat (5949)
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
For me yes because good teacher is the parents so in home is the first to discipline your family so that they brought out good.
• Canada
28 Jul 11
I also believe that our childhood has repercussions to our adult life.......to an extent though because I also believe that our past lives do have an effect on us and make us what we are today. So you can have 4 kids and they might be similar when they grow up, but they might also have very different personalities. So dont feel bad, you did the best you knew how and no matter what, I think your kids would have grown to have their own personalities.
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@dragon54u (31636)
• United States
28 Jul 11
I have those fears about money too, having been raised poor. I think I probably went overboard with my sons when they were growing up but thank goodness they had the influence of their dad. He'd never known want or hunger or been unable to pay bills so he was much more relaxed about money. I think between the two of us they did alright although they both need to be a bit more frugal. Without my husband I probably would've raised two sons that had the same hang-ups as me. Things in our childhood do influence us a lot. Most of us don't realize how those things color our actions as adults.
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@Pose123 (21667)
• Canada
28 Jul 11
Hi savypat, Many, maybe even most of us, make that wish at least once in our lives. There are some things that we would all do differently if given the chance. I'm sure that most of us felt that it was right at the time and didn't realize the effect it was having on our children. Blessings.
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