Being paranoid

Philippines
July 28, 2011 9:46pm CST
I'm newly married, and my husband finally got full of me being paranoid. I know he's doing nothing wrong, but I can't seem to stop reminding him to don't lie every time. Specially when he's out. My mind works like crazy, I just don't want to be lied at, or be made a fool, be cheated in any way. He said, maybe I'm the one doing all that, but it's not true. I don't want to be hurt. I saw and knew some relationship that didn't work out because of another lied. I know me being paranoid can also be a threat to my marriage, but I really can't help it. Any advice? Sometimes I think I'd rather be without anyone but I love him and our daughter.
13 responses
@francesca5 (1344)
29 Jul 11
it sounds to me like you might be carrying something over from past experiences. msy be you had a friend, or someone, who lied to you when you were young, so you are very sensitive to this. you want to get rid of this is you can, as it can be damaging, but its a problem you can solve.
• United States
29 Jul 11
I understand what you are going through. I've had women hit on my husband while we were grocery shopping and we were on separate isles. Luckily for me he always calls for me and kisses me so the girls know he's not interested. But what I want to know is, where is your husband going that makes you paranoid? If he's just had a baby there shouldn't be the whole going to bars and stuff. He should be there with you and his baby. And why couldn't he take you with him instead of you staying home. You need as much of a break,if not more, when a baby comes. It's a whole lot of responsibility and commitment that takes time getting used to. That being said, if you know he's not doing wrong, let him be. He's no longer a free man. He's got a wife and a child to care for. He doesn't need someone accusing him of doing wrong, it will only push him away. Talk to him and tell him why you feel the way you do. Ask if you can call to check on him, but to see if he's okay or to pick something up on his way home. You really don't want to be a nagging wife, it may ruin your relationship. Hope you the best.
29 Jul 11
hi! iv'e learnt this phrase from the bible "THE THING I FEARED THE MOST HAS COME UPON ME"(job 3:25) i'm not discouraging you, please do not take this reply in a negative way mam, but let me assure you, your fear will take a physical form one day. so its better to stop doubting and start believing. believe your husband and have faith in God, for nothing escapes His knowledge. PRAISE GOD
• Jacksonville, Florida
29 Jul 11
It is really hard to not question a new marriage. I did the same thing when I was first married but it got old quick to my husband and I had to train myself to stop doing it. I didn't want to get a divorce so I had to get over it. Now I trust him until he gives me a reason not to. It works better that way.
@bouncybug (615)
• South Africa
29 Jul 11
I understand how you feel - I have also recently for some reason become very paranoid with my boyfriend and am always asking him where he is going and who he is with. I don't like it when he is with anyone except me! I think I've learnt that such paranoia can be something that has the potential to ruin a relationship so we should be very careful! The truth is that any relationship is based on trust - you need to learn to trust your husband, especially if he has never done anything to make you doubt his actions or intentions!
29 Jul 11
when you always doubt that your husband is lying he may feel bad, it's better if you will put more trust on him than bragging him about lying even if you didn't prove it yet. It's normal that you are afraid to be fooled, anyone don't want that but it's also not good if you're always suspicious. why don't you just tell him that you will get really pissed if you found out that he is lying and it may threatened your relationship if he do, that way you already gave him a warning and he already know what will happened if he lied.
@stanley777 (7177)
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
Since you have picked your husband as your partner for life, I think you have accepted of who he is and I guess it's the same with him.Since you are still newly married I think you should put your trust on your husband.This is the most important factor to have a happy relationship.You must learned to accept too that since your are not together most of the time you must have faith on his love for you. Being insecure sometimes can cause more trouble to your relationship.My advise is ,you should learn to trust your husband.As you have said you knew he had done nothing wrong.Don't dwell on the negative side my friend.
@SIMPLYD (80319)
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
It is but natural to be jealous of our husbands once in a while, but not all the time. And that''s what happening to you, you are just jealous, so you think of him as telling you lies. Don't nag him always, or he might do what you are accusing him. But sometimes, when we caught our husband telling a lie, we cannot help but think that the others that follows are all lies. When this happens, it's best that we talk to our husbands . That way, he will know how we feel and maybe do something to erase it.
• Malaysia
29 Jul 11
First of all you need to understand what marriage is. Its a bond in which you both take oath to be loyal to each other and to have blind faith in each other. So if you can't believe on what he says then you are at fault. You must trust your spouse. What are you actually afraid of? losing him or losing your relation? both are different things. If you are afraid of losing him that means you love him and if you are afraid of losing this relationship and your marital status that means you fear of losing social recognizance. He is your husband, so instead of just pying on him, you should start believing him. You need to understand that he is the one with whom you have to be with forever and he is the one who is going to back you whatever may come.
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
Hi. If you keep being a paranoid if will just hurt your relationship. You should learn to trust and respect your husband.
@bounce58 (17526)
• Canada
29 Jul 11
Hello rockatrina. I think what you are feeling is not common paranoia. I saw on your profile that you just had a baby. If this is correct, then maybe what you are feeling is just the after effects of pregnancy. Give it some time, and I'm sure everything will get back to normal. It should as I'm sure your relationship with your hubby won't go far if you keep being paranoid. Goodluck!
@JOIEMARVIC (2342)
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
Trust and communication is two of the most important things in a relationship. Without them, any relationship whether in business, friendships or intimate relationships will not work out. Reflect. Why do you feel that your husband will cheat or lie to you, does he have any histories of doing so? Talk to him, tell him how much you care for him and your relationship, and you being paranoid is just part of the adjustment period of being married. Talk. A good communication between the two of you will make things work.
@jennyze (7048)
• Indonesia
29 Jul 11
It's hard when you begin to feel this thing about your husband. It would be hard on your husband and yourself. I know we sometimes cannot escape this feeling of being afraid to be lied on or cheated, but as long as there were no incidents that suggested your husband might cheat on you, do try to loose this feeling. Do listen to music, read book, go shopping, playing with your daughter or anything that would take your mind of the bad feeling. You should give your husband a smile every time he goes to work and a motivation to work hard than to voice your concern. Well, I may not know the reality but please try to loose the feeling as it would only ruin your relationship with your husband.