Is Having a Baby the Key?

Philippines
July 28, 2011 9:49pm CST
I feel like I am in the cross roads of my life right now. I have a boyfriend that is almost 4 years younger than I am. He is the mature one, the logical one and the one that dominates the relationship. I am fine with that set-up and I am also happy. I used to feel the need of getting married because of my age but since he is younger and has so many things yet to experience and achieve in life, I decided to give him at least a year or to to reach for his goals. But I want security. Is having a baby the key to get the security I am searching from him? I am 27, he is turning 23, He still has a lot of aspirations in life that I want him to achieve, but I want to be sure that I can keep him. I know it's selfish but right now, having a baby with him is the idea flashing in my mind for me to feel secure with him. Please give me your opinions and advice mylotters.
2 people like this
10 responses
@QeeGood (1213)
• Sweden
29 Jul 11
Having a baby with someone does not secure any love relationship. It can make a relationship going through a trail of tests. A baby is taking up your time and your attention of its needs. Having a baby is to forget your own needs a bit and put the baby's needs first. You get limited the first years having a baby, who needs its care, love, concern and many other things. Financially you have to pay for the baby's necessary things. Are you willing to give up of your free time, insatead of spend money on yourself, you spend money on your baby. There is no security to keep a spouse or a significant other in your life. You can only give your all of love, appreciation, concern, meet each others needs, wants and desires.
• Philippines
30 Jul 11
Seriously I really want to have a baby, but your right, I am not sure if I am financially and emotionally prepared for the responsibilities parenthood offers. We still want to travel, discover new things together and achieve things we can achieve while not yet married. I guess I just need a nice and long talk with my guy to seek the security I am looking for.
@QeeGood (1213)
• Sweden
30 Jul 11
I think also when a man is emotionally mature for having a child he lets his woman know. I'm ready for taking the full responsibility. It is a precious gift to be parents together. Well if you want to travel and discover the world. When a child is 5 years and up you can travel and enjoy new adventures together. It's my personal view.
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
29 Jul 11
I hope you listen to the people here, because having a baby only makes a good relationship better, but not good for a bad one or to try to keep someone from leaving you..That will only make a division, especially if he doesn't want children right now..The best thing you can do is wait, if he is the right one, then he won't leave you. If he does, then be thankful you won't have a child without a father..
• United States
30 Jul 11
That's good and I am sure it will all work out..:)
• Philippines
30 Jul 11
I guess I am just being paranoid. I would just talk to him and ask him about his plans for the future and what plans does he have that includes me.
1 person likes this
@TheCatLady (4691)
• Israel
29 Jul 11
Don't do it. You've only been together 2 months. Having a baby will put a huge strain on the relationship. It won't help you keep him. Even if he did marry you because you are pregnant, it won;t be the same as if he married you out of love. Any time you fight he will throw it in your face that he only married you because you were pregnant. It's better to work on getting to know each other. And if after a bit of time you want to get married, get married and after that have the baby when you are both ready. Babies are a royal pain in the neck. They cry, they scream, they puke all over you. If you have a boy he pees in your face when you change his diapers. Babies don't care what you want or your needs. They don't care if you have to get up for work and need a few hours of sleep. It's all about them 24/7. It doesn't end when they are weened. They still need you. I raise abandoned puppies and kittens. They are not 1/10 the work of a human baby and yet I'm zonked come fall. Way to many nights of missed sleep. Way to much poop and pee to clean up. Wait until you both are ready and agree to have a baby. I believe in marriage first, but married or not, it's not fair to trick him into having a kid before he's ready and agrees to it.
• Philippines
30 Jul 11
Thanks TheCatLady. You're right, I should not trick him. I love him, with all my heart. I respect him too. I feel bad for ever thinking of doing it to him.
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
If you want security then invest in yourself and not on someone else. Be the best that you can be and every thing will come to you like magnets. Besides, a baby is not a guarantee that he'll stick with but it would only be hindrance for both of you if things won't be as smooth as today. 27 is too young, don't rush things for the wrong reasons. if you are meant to be together that will happen. If he finds out about your plan he may even use it against you.
• Philippines
30 Jul 11
He knows and is well aware of the possibilities of us having a baby, and he said that if ever a baby comes, he would be man enough and responsible enough to carry the responsibility with me. But that does not mean that he want's a baby now, or does it?
@ybong007 (6643)
• Philippines
30 Jul 11
Only he can give you the answer. I suggest you discuss with him the possibility of having a baby, if he has no objection then you can go ahead at least when the time comes there'll be no finger pointing.
• South Korea
29 Jul 11
I see your point but having a baby is hard..it comes with responsibilities.. and relationship were always like that we can never be sure what will happen next.. but to only hope for the best.. Dont worry to much..and dont rush him.. if he is for you.. then he is for you...
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
I guess I am just too tired of failed relationships that I am trying my best to keep this one for good. I know the responsibilities of having a baby , being a parent and having a family. I am ready for that and I know that he is more ready than I am. I just got tired of the saying that if he is meant for me, he is meant for me. I started to believe that action is still the key. And having a baby is the action I have in my mind right now? Am I being immature with this thinking?
• South Korea
29 Jul 11
I think you guys are moving too fast.. and I dont know what to call that..lol if it is being immature or whatever..lol maybe your just in love... I am already married and honestly when he gets on my nerves I actually swear the day I married him..lol weve been together now for 5years but we still dont wanna have our baby maybe more 5years or never at all.. were enjoying our time together.. and were happy even though its just us.. and I think I knew him already but as time goes by I was still surprise because I didnt know he was like this and like that.. till now Im still discovering traits of him that sometimes I like and not...
@xuyxuy (432)
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
I guess you need to talk that out with our boyfriend. I know having a baby is an awesome blessing a couple could receive but there are a lot of things to be consider. Problems might come up if one is not prepare. Just keep the faith and pray that no temptation will bother him in any form.
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
I really hope he doesn't get tempted to see other girls. Him deciding to live together with me is a clear sign that he is into me. But sometimes, women need to feel security, like marriage.
@xuyxuy (432)
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
Oh I mean "YOUR" boyfriend.....typographical error ...sorry for that
• United States
29 Jul 11
You want for him to achieve things in life, but you're planning to keep your hooks in him by getting pregnant? It's great that you're planning to give him a "year or two" to achieve his goals. Hopefully, during that time, he will realize that you're the sort that would use an innocent infant as a way to keep him on a short leash. If you're feeling that desperate to keep a guy, walk away before you bring some poor child into this world. No child should have to be the glue that holds a lousy relationship together.
• Canada
30 Jul 11
having a baby for women is very important changes one's entire life and outlook and personality as well sometimes. But it is not for all women just most. If you have a career that you are dedicated to and takes up most of your time you should not consider having children because children are themselves career or at least they should be even though there are such things as day care, still It is a full-time job and day care should only be a last resort. At least that is my opinion.
@maharlikah (1045)
• Philippines
30 Jul 11
Getting married is not an easy thing to do. A strong decision making has a great part of it. We also have to think what will the future brings with our decision. Getting married for me doesn't mean, it fills the emptiness we felt. There are things that will happen unexpectedly that we need to get to handle it fairly or else...it will turn into nothing not unless both will fight for whatever trials encountered. There are a lot of broken relationships due to misunderstanding or shall we say, they were not able to cope up the trials married life has offered. Yes, marriage is like bed of roses but roses naturally comes with thorns. Have a nice day! :-)
@MrMeow (11)
• Philippines
29 Jul 11
I have no baby yet but I believe having a baby would make your bond even more stronger. Your baby shall be your most treasure in this world where both of you will be his sword and shield &_&. Let your hearts decide, for the sake of LOVE, not with fear of losing someone.