I felt I lost their trust

By eM
@eLsMarie (4148)
Philippines
August 1, 2011 6:35am CST
My parents found out that I have a boyfriend and it's not something that I confessed to them. Someone did. Me and my boyfriend were together for two years and my parents knew so late. They got angry and I felt deeply sorry for it. Now, my boyfriend's still working from a far away place, but he'll be coming back soon. My mom's kinda scared and due to her anxiousness, I kinda felt that she's against our relationship and she no longer trusts me. What can I do to retain or get back their trust?
2 people like this
7 responses
@mellaw (84)
• Philippines
2 Aug 11
Hi elsMarie sorry to hear that your parents didn't trust you anymore,I think it's your fault not to tell them in the first place.It's not good for us to hide our activities to our family coz they are the only person can understand us and help us in our difficulties,wither they like your boyfriend or not at least they are the first to know in that way they still trust you.I'm very open to my family and close friend about my love life that's why they always trust me and support me.I hope You can learned of your mistake . have a nice day!!!
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
2 Aug 11
It's good that you're very open to your family and they're used to it. In my case, they're not. Me and my parents weren't really that transparent when it comes to dealing serious matters. Anyways, thanks for making an effort mellaw.
@mellaw (84)
• Philippines
2 Aug 11
Hi again friend your very much welcome,try to be honest to your parent who knows they well forgive you and trust you back.
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
3 Aug 11
Thanks also for adding me to your friend list.
@jdex_143 (1094)
• Philippines
3 Aug 11
Ohhhh.. This is too bad for you. I think, if you won't do something that might trigger their anger on you, you will still have their trust. Maybe your mother felt that way because you kept a secret from her. She was just disappointed in you. They still trust you, though. You are their daughter. Just assure your parents that you will be responsible and you won't disappoint them again. :)
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
4 Aug 11
Okay jdex_143. Thank you very much. I'm pretty that it's not really that too late.
• India
2 Aug 11
see first of all you should sit and discuss whats i your mind about that boy with your mom share everything with her as she is your first and best friend than let her think and convience her give her a nice behave as if you are first her side than his and be cool talk softly this is how you will regain her trust.
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
3 Aug 11
Thanks for the advice swatibindal4.
@pbbbsra (1214)
• Philippines
1 Aug 11
You just have to tell her the truth and that you are sorry. Parents cant be angry to you. they are just disappointed that you kept it from them. You talk to them and tell them you are sorry. My bestfriend kept about her boyfriend until our college graduation... They didnt get angry with her. They say they felt it the first day she got a boyfriend, they knew there is someone. But my bestfriend didnt let their relationship affect her studies, she studied a lot and have good grades... that made her parents trust her.
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
2 Aug 11
I wish my parents were wise enough to think that it's impossible for me to not have a boyfriend so that they won't treat my secret pretty disappointing.
@mods196621 (3631)
• Philippines
1 Aug 11
You know trust is the most important in relationship inside the family or in romance. But you gain their trust again to tell them the truth and say the reason why you hide them about your boyfriend, for sure they will understand you. They are you parents and they love their children so don;t be afraid to tell the truth. And next time if you have a decision which you think you need their consent try to consult them first. Parents always want the goodness for their children. THey will understand you i am sure.
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
2 Aug 11
Yes, they do but even if they tell me that they understand, I'm pretty sure that when confusion strikes once again, they'll brought out my mistake/s again. I don't like it when people often think that they're always right just because they're in authority.
@SomeCowgirl (32266)
• United States
1 Aug 11
There must have been a reason why you felt you couldn't tell them you had a boyfriend. Maybe it's the reason here, that they would not approve. While I understand that you feel you've lost their trust, and you're worried about that. The question still remains as to why you didn't tell them before. I conclude it must have been a good reason. I'm sure you regret not telling them, but here in the US it's not uncommon for parents not to know of their children's relationships, especially those of relationships teens have. My family is particularly... annoying. I know that sounds bad of me to confess, but it's true. They were the last to know I was engaged to be married, even, and I didn't feel bad about it at all. Actually my grandmother believed me to be a harlot, and she still believes it a bit I do believe. In any case, I hope you can gain their trust back. Maybe something as simple as talking to them and confessing why you did not tell them before? Do they want to meet him? It may be a difficult thing to do, but you've been with him for two years so I feel he must be someone very special to you, if they see how much he means to you maybe they will see that while you did not tell them, he does make you feel happy and treat you right. Best of luck to you, I hope you can figure something out.
@eLsMarie (4148)
• Philippines
2 Aug 11
Thanks SomeCowgirl. Actually, they were really very strict. We're not like most families who can just easily opened up things, because they're not really that open minded when it comes to stuffs like me having a boyfriend. It's too difficult to opened up when you know for yourself that they won't approved because for them, they're always right. I was scared. And it is so unfortunate that I let my fear haunt me.
• Philippines
10 Aug 11
I had same situation as yours but I am in the opposite side. I have a younger sister that the family really trust her so much. Everytime she ask permission to go into somewhere else we are allowing her. Having a boyfriend is really an acceptable to the family but you need to introduced it to the family. But we found out that she already had a boyfriend for almost 1 year without us knowing it. It think what was broken is the 100% trust that we gave to her everything is broken. But my sister was very persistent to gain our trust again so she finishes her study and broke up the guy that causes it. It's her decision to broke up with the guy we don't influence her. I think what she did most is when she ask for forgiveness to my parents and promises not to do it again.And also accepting to herself that she done something wrong and she is willing to wait for that forgiveness. And we thougtthat everybody deserve a second chance