Your gift wasnt good enough!!
@MagicalBubbles (5103)
Canada
August 1, 2011 6:31pm CST
Last year before xmas, my dad came over for dinner and as usual, I told him to bring along his two sisters. Dad is 85, his two sisters are 83 and 86 yrs old. I had set the table nicely as I always do, making sure its a nice setting for them. I had extra napkins set in a red and white wicker basket in the middle of the table. Both my aunts asked me where I got it because it was so pretty and they wanted some too. I said I got them at the dollar store. A few weeks later, they came back again for dinner and again they mentioned the wicker basket and said they didnt find any at the dollar store. So for xmas, I decided to buy them some and include a Tim Horton's gift card in the basket.
They were very happy and said they knew exactly what to do with the baskets.
This past Saturday, they came over for dinner again, all three of them and after dinner, as I was getting the dessert ready, one of my aunt came over and pointing at the wicker basket at the corner of the counter, she said: "Remember the basket you gave me, I won another one thats much prettier at the bingo, it has handles on it" I said, "good for you, now you have 2 baskets". "Oh no" she says, "I gave the one you gave me to a nurse who said it was very pretty and I kept the one with the handles as I find its much better" 
I tried to keep a straight face when she said that. I know we should always be honest but maybe this was a bit too honest 
It did hurt and my father turned around when she said that and I could see he thought it wasnt right. I just winked at dad.
After they were gone, I always ask dad to call me when he gets home to make sure he made it alright. So he called and the first thing he said was how stupid he thought his sister was. I told him not to worry about it.
Have you ever had someone tell you that your gift wasnt good enough??? What was it and how did you react?
I tried to keep a straight face when she said that. I know we should always be honest but maybe this was a bit too honest It did hurt and my father turned around when she said that and I could see he thought it wasnt right. I just winked at dad.
After they were gone, I always ask dad to call me when he gets home to make sure he made it alright. So he called and the first thing he said was how stupid he thought his sister was. I told him not to worry about it.
Have you ever had someone tell you that your gift wasnt good enough??? What was it and how did you react?1 person likes this
8 responses
@ravinskye (8237)
• United States
2 Aug 11
I've had that happen to me too. Well it wasn't said outright that it wasn't good enough but the feeling was there. When my husband and I got together he was working 3 jobs and still lived at home. His family tradition was for the kids and the parent to get the other parent big stuff for birthdays, christmas etc. Like jewelry, cameras, video camera's etc. Well at first that was okay, we'd chip in on it. But we were a young couple and trying to make it on our on, so the money we had to do it wasn't enough. Plus I started to notice that we'd be chipping in money for stuff they didn't use. Like a video camera his dad just had to have but I've never seen him use. Or jewelry for his mom that she never wears. She wears tons of other jewelry, but not the ones we've bought her. Then as our family grew, it got harder and hard to buy really good presents, but I always put the thought into it no matter what the money we spent. I started noticing her look when she opened it that she didn't appreciate it at all and then I noticed my gift quality started going down hill as punishment almost. My mom's birthday was today and I wasn't sure what to get her so I suggested taking her out to dinner. I said about the cheesecake factory or also wanted to make her dinner. She told me to quit trying to get out of getting her anything. It really hurt my feelings that having dinner with her daughter wasn't good enough for her.
2 people like this
@GardenGerty (157427)
• United States
2 Aug 11
What a shame. I know lots of parents that would love to have time with their adult kids. I wish more people had the spirit of receiving, as well as the spirit of giving. I like our family and how comfortable we are with what we do.
1 person likes this
@MagicalBubbles (5103)
• Canada
2 Aug 11
Im so sorry it was that bad for you in your family about the "giving". As GG said, it shouldnt be the amount of money that matters but the time spent with your loved ones. I was lucky with my parents about gift giving. They would always buy us expensive gifts, what they knew we wanted but couldnt afford to buy at the moment. After a while I stopped telling mom what I wished for 
not wanting her to spend money for my gifts. We've always tried to buy them something they needed and wouldnt get for themselves. Actually, in my family, we didnt mind spending money (when we had it of course) to buy them gifts, wanting to please them but it was never the amount of money, more the fact that they wanted it. Of course, after a while they had everything and we just didnt know what to buy them. 
We'd take them out for a meal or Id cook for them.
On father's day this year, we bought my dad a cordless vacuum and a toilet seat I know its awful but thats what he needed and wouldnt go out to buy for himself!!! He was very happy saying that now he'll tell us what he "needs" so that we know what to get him. My parents kept telling us not to buy them anything. Since I lost mom, Im just happy to spend time with dad as much as I can.
Maybe you can tell your parents or PIL this, that whats important is spending time together?
not wanting her to spend money for my gifts. We've always tried to buy them something they needed and wouldnt get for themselves. Actually, in my family, we didnt mind spending money (when we had it of course) to buy them gifts, wanting to please them but it was never the amount of money, more the fact that they wanted it. Of course, after a while they had everything and we just didnt know what to buy them. We'd take them out for a meal or Id cook for them.
On father's day this year, we bought my dad a cordless vacuum and a toilet seat I know its awful but thats what he needed and wouldnt go out to buy for himself!!! He was very happy saying that now he'll tell us what he "needs" so that we know what to get him. My parents kept telling us not to buy them anything. Since I lost mom, Im just happy to spend time with dad as much as I can.
Maybe you can tell your parents or PIL this, that whats important is spending time together? @GardenGerty (157427)
• United States
2 Aug 11
I do not think that has ever happened to me. I would have been like you though. I do not think it was wrong for her to give it away, but it was rude to tell you and to put it that way. She could have said that the nurse admired it so much she felt she should give it to her. Of course the nurse liking it was also a compliment to your taste.
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (157427)
• United States
2 Aug 11
If she did not do it to deliberately offend you, I think that it is okay. You just get a little more truthful with age, I guess.
1 person likes this
@MagicalBubbles (5103)
• Canada
2 Aug 11
I think thats true that we do get more truthful with age. I dont think she did it to offend me. I feel better having started this discussion, I see it in a new perspective now.@MagicalBubbles (5103)
• Canada
2 Aug 11
Yes I think the nurse liking it means it wasnt that bad . I know that I would never tell someone that I got a better gift or gave their gifts to someone else. I wouldnt tell them because its not something I would do to begin with. But in a way, Im sort of happy she told me. Truth can hurt sometimes, but I know she didnt do it to hurt my feelings.
. I know that I would never tell someone that I got a better gift or gave their gifts to someone else. I wouldnt tell them because its not something I would do to begin with. But in a way, Im sort of happy she told me. Truth can hurt sometimes, but I know she didnt do it to hurt my feelings.1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
8 Aug 11
That was thoughtless and hurtful. Poor you. 
A few years ago my daughter who has gone all athletic and has lost lots of weight was telling me about some weights she'd like to have. I found the ones she wanted, different colours and four different sizes in a case and gave them to her for Christmas and she seemed pleased to have them. Nearly 3 years later, she still hasn't used them. I really couldn't afford them so I was terribly disappointed.
The same year, I could not think of what to get for my granddaughters. Their other grandmother is well off and always gets them undies, pyjamas and tops. The clothes are always the best quality and very pretty and my gifts look silly against hers. So that year, I decided to give them one of my on-line earning gift cards to share, for the amount of $50. I usually spend $15 or less. Every time I asked them what they bought with the card they hadn't used it and the last time I asked, the card had expired...that was my $50 down the drain.
I felt so devalued like my gifts were unwanted and not good enough...even the money.
A few years ago my daughter who has gone all athletic and has lost lots of weight was telling me about some weights she'd like to have. I found the ones she wanted, different colours and four different sizes in a case and gave them to her for Christmas and she seemed pleased to have them. Nearly 3 years later, she still hasn't used them. I really couldn't afford them so I was terribly disappointed.
The same year, I could not think of what to get for my granddaughters. Their other grandmother is well off and always gets them undies, pyjamas and tops. The clothes are always the best quality and very pretty and my gifts look silly against hers. So that year, I decided to give them one of my on-line earning gift cards to share, for the amount of $50. I usually spend $15 or less. Every time I asked them what they bought with the card they hadn't used it and the last time I asked, the card had expired...that was my $50 down the drain.
I felt so devalued like my gifts were unwanted and not good enough...even the money.1 person likes this
@MagicalBubbles (5103)
• Canada
8 Aug 11
Now its my turn to say "Poor you"!!!
Its not quite the same situation as mine. She did use the basket while she had it, she just got a better one and told me what she did with the basket I gave her. Earlier in the discussion, someone said that people that age tend to say whatever they think. I should have remembered that. I worked as a secretary in a Senior Home and I knew they did that.
As for your family, well maybe its time you go back to the non expensive gifts and try to not let it bother you. They are ungrateful to begin with....even for money!!!
and told me what she did with the basket I gave her. Earlier in the discussion, someone said that people that age tend to say whatever they think. I should have remembered that. I worked as a secretary in a Senior Home and I knew they did that.
As for your family, well maybe its time you go back to the non expensive gifts and try to not let it bother you. They are ungrateful to begin with....even for money!!!
@SomeCowgirl (32191)
• United States
2 Aug 11
That wasn't a very nice thing to say. I think my face would have fell and I'd have to turn my head and blink back tears. Your aunt should have just thanked you for the gift an that was that, not mentioning a prettier basket or saying she had gave it to a nurse.
To me it seemed she wanted you to know that she found prettier ones out there, but it's her loss really. You were nice enough to gift them with the baskets. I guess though that people toughen up like that with age, and she may not have known what she was truly saying would be hurtful.
I can't think of anyone who has told me my gift wasn't good enough.
1 person likes this
@MagicalBubbles (5103)
• Canada
2 Aug 11
Good for you if it never happened to you. But maybe it will once you have older people around you 
. I think it has to do with age as someone said and I should have known it wasnt meant to be hurtful but I think that people at that age feel they have to say it all so they dont die knowing they didnt say it. I dont feel bad about it anymore. Funny, but having this discussion about it had me see that she was only trying to explain it to me so that I dont ask about it maybe when I go to her place. Not that I would but maybe thats what she thought. She's actually a very nice woman but ......she's 86 yrs old 
. I think it has to do with age as someone said and I should have known it wasnt meant to be hurtful but I think that people at that age feel they have to say it all so they dont die knowing they didnt say it. I dont feel bad about it anymore. Funny, but having this discussion about it had me see that she was only trying to explain it to me so that I dont ask about it maybe when I go to her place. Not that I would but maybe thats what she thought. She's actually a very nice woman but ......she's 86 yrs old 
@lumenmom (1986)
• United States
4 Aug 11
I know it must be very hurtful to you feeling that your gift was rejected or not good enough. However, I don't think your aunt meant to hurt your feelings. At the time she saw your basket and liked it, I am sure she was appreciative However, it is normal human nature to want the next best thing. She actually had kept the one you gave her for several months. She was satisfied until she saw something that had a bit more than hers did, then she wanted that one. At the same time she was able to share the basket you gave her with someone who at least already admired it and is more likely to keep it. She did not throw it away or give it to charity or even worse, wrap it and try to regift it back to you. I do think she could have been a lot more tactful in the way she told it to you or she did not have to say anything at all.
1 person likes this
@MagicalBubbles (5103)
• Canada
8 Aug 11
You're right, she didnt mean to hurt me. Yes in away it was nice that she gave it to someone who admired it and will be using it. I need to understand that people at a certain age, do tell it like it is. I know this is what she was trying to do, tell me the truth. So I need to set my mind to think like she does and be grateful that she told me instead of feel hurt at the time. Starting this discussion helps me see it under a new light, so Im glad I started it. Its nice to be able to vent on here sometimes and by exchanging with others, you get a new light on things, wouldnt you agree?
@changjiangzhibin89 (16520)
• China
2 Aug 11
Your dad and his two sisters are all longevity.Your aunt said to your face that your gift wasn't all that good and made a present of what she had been given to other,she was not amenable to reason somewhat.I think if she is frank and outspoken all the time,or else she is too old to take small things into account.
1 person likes this
@MagicalBubbles (5103)
• Canada
2 Aug 11
I think she is being honest and might have been afraid that Id be looking for the basket when going to her place maybe. It did hurt me when she said it but now thinking about it, its not so bad. I think Id rather know the truth!!
1 person likes this
@diala84 (138)
• United States
2 Aug 11
Well it isn't your fault. You listened to what they said and gave presents based on this information. You couldn't have known she would get a better basket. It is just a bad coincidence. If she never won that basket she would still have the basket you gave her. We upgrade things all the time it is just upsetting when it is a present and the upgrade happens soon after giving it to the person.
I've never been in exactly this situation but I always find it hard to buy things for my dad. I am not able to read him very well and everytime he opens a gift he is sarcastic about the whole things and makes bad jokes about it. I never know if he really doesn't like it or if it is just his personality and I have to deal with it even though it hurts my feelings three times a year at fathers day, birthday and christmas. I really try to get him things he will like but in recent years I try not to put to much time or energy into it because of his usual reaction. I have gotten pretty used to it and I try to just push through it and think about other things.
Not everyone shows gratitude and that is something you have to learn how to live with in life. It is harder when you go out of your way for the person to buy something you think they will really like.
1 person likes this
